Plumbers Do It Jokes
134 plumbers do it jokes and hilarious plumbers do it puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plumbers do it that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Plumbers Do It Short Jokes
Short plumbers do it jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plumbers do it humour may include short plumber jokes also.
- How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
A plumber would say- 'you-niun-ized' ,whereas a chemist would say- 'un-ayon-ized'. - My annual cake day joke repost - how can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized
- My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle
- First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door
My plumber has a funny sense of humour - An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away. - As a plumber's assistant, I'm always being ordered around... "Stop that dripping, plug that leak, for God's sake... turn off the water works!" It's not my fault, I'm just an emotional guy.
- There once was a plumber named Leigh Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
She said, "stop your plumbing," "I hear someone coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing
"...it's me." - My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.
- How do you tell the difference between a seamstress and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce the word "sewer".
- I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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Plumbers Do It One Liners
Which plumbers do it one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plumbers do it? I can suggest the ones about plumbers crack and plumber pipe.
- I asked a plumber what time it was He told me it was between 8 AM and 4 PM.
- How do you make a plumber sad? You tell him that the princess is in another castle.
- What do you call a room full of cynical plumbers? A skeptic tank.
- The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today. No wonder my water bills are so high.
- How do you tell a chemist from a plumber?
- woke up to a tap on my door this morning got to get a new plumber
- What's a plumber's least favorite type of shoe? Clogs.
- Why are Plumbers always so tired? Because their job is draining.
- The pipes that my plumber installed are leaking... Clearly, he didn't give a flux.
- What is plumber's least favourite vegetable? Leeks.
- i always wanted to be a plumber but then i realized that was just a pipe dream
- Why don't the plumbers ever get wealthy? Because all they have are pipe dreams.
- I had 8 Bitcoins But a plumber stole them from me
- Why did the plumber get arrested? Plumbers crack.
- What does a coke freak and a plumber have in common? They both love to catch a drain.
Plumbers Do It Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about plumbers do it you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean plum jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plumbers do it pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Triplets
There are triplets in a mothers w**..., talking about what they want to do when they grow up.
The first triplet says "When I grow up, I will be an electrician, because it's too dark in here."
The second triplet says "When I grow up, I will be a plumber, because it's too wet in here."
The third triplet says, "When I grow up I want to be a boxer, so that I can beat up that bald guy who comes in here and spits on us all the time!"
Always on duty
A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."
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Why are dyslexic zombies such good plumbers?
Because they're always looking for drains.
A dog goes into a hardware store...
...and says: I'd like a job please . The hardware store owner says: We don't hire talking dogs, why don't you go join the circus? The dog replies: What would the circus want with a plumber .
-Steven Alan Green
Saw some great soviet jokes on here. Here's one from President Reagan...
Buying a car in the Soviet Union is not quite so easy as buying a car in the United States. There's a terrible automobile shortage so you have to pay the money up front and then wait, sometimes many years, until a car is made available to you.
On one occasion, at the height of the shortage, a man went down to his local dealership to buy a car. After he had accepted the man's money and the paperwork had been signed, the dealer informed the man that his car would be ready in 10 years and that he could come back then and pick it up.
Taking note of the date, the man turned to leave but paused on his way out the door and asked, "morning or afternoon?"
"It's 10 years from now, what difference does it make?" replied the dealer.
"Well, I'm busy in the morning." said the man.
Confused, the dealer asked, "what could you possibly have planned for the morning ten years from today?"
"The plumber's coming to fix my sink," replied the man.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman says to her husband:
- Honey, the sink is broken, do you mind fixing it please?
- I 'm not a plumber!
- Honey, there's no more light in the bathroom , do you mind fixing it please?
- I 'm not an electrician!
The next day, the woman says :
- Honey, the neighbour came by and fixed everything!
- How much did it cost?
- He said I could either make him a cake or have s**....
- What did you do?
- Well, I 'm not a chef ...
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Plumbers are a lot like h**......
They'll unclog your pipes, but it's gonna cost ya.
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The Kama Sutra has announced a new s**... position called The Plumber:
You stay in all day and nobody comes!
Did you hear about the mechanic who dreamed of being a plumber?
It was all a pipe dream.
There must be a special discount store for plumbers...
There pants are always 50% off
Why don't plumbers like to work on instant hot water heaters?
It's a tankless job!
Niagara Falls
A guide was showing Niagara-Falls to a man from Texas and said; I'll bet you don't have anything like this in Texas.
The Texan said; nope, but in Texas we have plumbers who can fix it.
"McDonald's sales soar thanks to all day breakfast"
In unrelated news toilet paper stocks have risen and plumber businesses have been unable to keep up with demands for work.
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A plumber rings the doorbell
"Come in", says the homeowner, Stacy.
"Hi, I am the plumber, sorry for being a bit late"
"That's fine, my sister must have called for you"
"Alright. So where's that disgusting clogged up mess?"
"Her name actually is Rita, and she's not home at the moment".
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Why do skateboarders make lousy plumbers?
Because they only use half pipes.
My German plumber accidentally hooked up my gas line to my shower...
Looks like old habits die hard.
Why did the plumber kill himself?
He was sewericidal.
My plumber insists on personally using every toilet he just installed.
His mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before.
Sorry Gene. We still love you.
An old soviet joke.
In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.
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if a plumber's career can go down the drain...
And a fireman's job can go up in smoke, can a h**... get laid off?
What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack?
An asphalt
A boy tells his father that humans are cruel
"Hmm okay, but why?" asked the father.
"Well some people out there are hanging horses" said the son.
The father let out a confused chuckle, "What do you mean people are hanging horses?!"
The son tells him "well I overheard mum telling her friend that the plumber who came over to fix the drain pipes was hung like a horse."
When I lived on the street, I always wanted to become a plumber, get a home, and run a business...
But that was just a pipe dream.
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Reports of terrible flooding in Pakistan
Authorities fear it was the work of a s**... plumber
You know what's a plumber's favourite dance?
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E3 2017
Xbox: We have a new console with tons of good specs, VR support, and a badass name.
Sony: We have Kojima, God of War, c**... Bandicoot, and Spider-Man
Nintendo: We have plumbers and bunnies.
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A straight flush beats a full house
A full house means u**... trouble
What was Poe's Gothic story about a collapsing plumber's residence?
The Fall of the House of Flusher.
Back in the Sovjet days a guy wants to buy a car
The guy goes up to the counter at the Ministry of buying cars.
Guy: I would like to buy a car.
Clerk: Sure thing but it will take 10 years for processing your request. Come back then and your car will be ready for you.
Guy: Ok, morning or afternoon?
Clerk: Huh? what difference does it make, it´s 10 years from now?
Guy: Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.
Credit goes to Ronald Reagan
What do girls and plumbers have in common when they sleep?
They both have pipedreams.
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Although my son was only a plumber, we had a 21-gun salute at his f**....
Because he was killed in the line of doody.
I stepped into my shower today only to find hot dogs coming out of the shower head
My plumber calls it a "meatier shower".
A company has developed a piece of technology that is putting plumbers out of business
A pair of boots that get sewage all over my carpet by themselves!
I hired a plumber to install on-demand water heaters in my house
It was a tankless job
A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".
And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"
Have you guys heard about the old italian plumber who can talk to ghosts?
He uses a Luigi board.
Two English men and an Irish man are in a bar.
The first English man says "I think my wife is cheating on me with an electrician, I found a pair of pliers under our bed."
The second English man says "My wife is cheating on me with a plumber, I found a pipe under our bed."
The Irish man looks at both English men and says "Well my wife is cheating on me with a horse. Last night I found a jokey under our bed."
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What did they call the man who gave a h**... to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?
A j**... All Trades
Hey neighbour, the plumber is outside with your new kitchen basin, waiting for you to open the door.
Let that sink in.
Lady of my dreams
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams
She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!
She cried until she could cry no more because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole month's paycheck to make up for her doubts and mistrust.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelery and gave him the money as well.
Husband took the money and bought a gift for his mistress who listed under "Plumber John".
My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...
He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."
Graduated top of his class...
The plumber was so generous with his time I asked how long he could stay to fix that other problem I had with the sink and he said …
I'm at your disposal
I've been dating this girl whose psycho ex-boyfriend is a plumber.
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up
Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition
Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That's right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....
Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?
Whats a plumbers favourite holiday
Sink-o de mayo
Ronald Reagan got into hot water for telling this joke at the S.A.L.T. talks
Russian citizen goes to the Volga car dealership to buy his first car . Dealer says ''that'll be 20,000 Rubles , and we'll deliver it to you TEN YEARS FROM TODAY''. Man asks ''Morning or afternoon?'' Dealer says ''What's the difference , it's ten years from today''. Man says ''Well , the plumber is scheduled for that morning.''
None of my clients liked me when I was a plumber...
But since becoming a coffin maker, they've been dying to see me
What does a mosquito plumber say?
Itsa me, Malario!
What did the boss say to the plumber after he broke the pipe?
water you doing?
An elderly radio engineer showed up at the house instead of a plumber.
"You said you needed some valves replaced."
I recently watched a plumber performing a gastric bypass surgery using his own tools.
I could hardly make it through the whole thing, it was gut wrenching.
What is the most abused substance in the water industry?
Plumber's crack.
Why did Mario get fired from being a plumber?
He never put his caulk away.
A Venezuelan man goes to buy a car.
The car salesman says, you can pick it up in four years time.
The man asks, in the morning or the afternoon?
Salesman: does it matter?
Man: well the plumber is coming in the afternoon...
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What is a r**... plumber's favorite dipping sauce?
...wranch
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Why is it so hard to be a plumber or mechanic in Soviet Russia?
Because you aren't allowed to change anything about the system.
A plumber
is fixing some water pipes in the kitchen when suddenly the housewife comes in.
-Beware of my husband, he is gonna be home in an hour!
The plumber make eye contact with the lady in the kitchen door and asks.
-Why, I have done nothing inappropriate?
She quickly replies.
-That's why I'm telling you we still have an hour!
What did the asian plumber say to Ramsey Bolton?
*you have a reek*
How did the plumber die?
He committed sewercide
A plumber told me an interesting thing, the best call he ever went to was when some kid had dropped a pear down the toilet.
He said it was the easiest call he'd ever been to, all he had to do was flush the toilet, and it cleared the block.
Because a flush beats a pear every time.
He proposed marriage, because she promised she will make him try different positions
Now he is a husband, a driver, a cook, a gardener and a plumber.
I was talking to my plumber...
I told him, "Mario, I'm growing a big bushy mustache like yours, so I got this hair trap to prevent the stray mustache hairs from clogging my drain. It's working great, and I'm thinking of keeping the mustache, so I figure maybe I should get some plumbing epoxy and affix the hair trap to the pipes. What do you think?"
My plumber responded, "Listen, if it ain't a-broke..."
My neighbor asked me (IT Support) how to fix his leaky faucet. Not being a plumber I offered the only advise I have:
"Have you tried turning it on and back off again?"
My job always gets me wet. I occasionally do it standing up, but often do it while laying on my back. Men call me for help when they don't want to do the job themselves. What am I?
A plumber.
Why didn't the plumber's girlfriend want to get married?
She couldn't take the plunge.