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Plumbers Do It Jokes

134 plumbers do it jokes and hilarious plumbers do it puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plumbers do it that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Plumbers Do It Short Jokes

Short plumbers do it jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plumbers do it humour may include short plumber jokes also.

  1. How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
    A plumber would say- 'you-niun-ized' ,whereas a chemist would say- 'un-ayon-ized'.
  2. My annual cake day joke repost - how can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized
  3. My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle
  4. First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door
    My plumber has a funny sense of humour
  5. How do you tell a chemist and a plumber apart?
    You ask them to pronounce unionized.
  6. An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
    Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.
  7. As a plumber's assistant, I'm always being ordered around... "Stop that dripping, plug that leak, for God's sake... turn off the water works!" It's not my fault, I'm just an emotional guy.
  8. There once was a plumber named Leigh Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
    She said, "stop your plumbing," "I hear someone coming!"
    Said the plumber, still plumbing
    "...it's me."
  9. My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.
  10. How do you tell the difference between a seamstress and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce the word "sewer".

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Plumbers Do It One Liners

Which plumbers do it one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plumbers do it? I can suggest the ones about plumbers crack and plumber pipe.

  1. How do you tell a chemist from a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "Unionised"
  2. I asked a plumber what time it was He told me it was between 8 AM and 4 PM.
  3. This morning I woke up to a tap on my front door. My plumber has a weird sense of humour.
  4. How do you make a plumber sad? You tell him that the princess is in another castle.
  5. What do you call a room full of cynical plumbers? A skeptic tank.
  6. The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today. No wonder my water bills are so high.
  7. How do you tell a chemist from a plumber?
  8. This morning there was a tap on my door My plumber has a weird sense of humor
  9. This morning there was a tap on the front door Funny sense of humour, that plumber.
  10. Why are dyslexic zombies such good plumbers? Because they're always looking for drains.
  11. woke up to a tap on my door this morning got to get a new plumber
  12. What's a plumber's least favorite type of shoe? Clogs.
  13. How does the Italian plumber talk to spirits? A Luigi board!
  14. Why are Plumbers always so tired? Because their job is draining.
  15. The pipes that my plumber installed are leaking... Clearly, he didn't give a flux.

Plumbers Do It Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about plumbers do it you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean plumber crack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plumbers do it pranks.

Triplets

There are triplets in a mothers w**..., talking about what they want to do when they grow up.
The first triplet says "When I grow up, I will be an electrician, because it's too dark in here."
The second triplet says "When I grow up, I will be a plumber, because it's too wet in here."
The third triplet says, "When I grow up I want to be a boxer, so that I can beat up that bald guy who comes in here and spits on us all the time!"

Always on duty

A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."

A dog goes into a hardware store...

...and says: I'd like a job please . The hardware store owner says: We don't hire talking dogs, why don't you go join the circus? The dog replies: What would the circus want with a plumber .
-Steven Alan Green

Saw some great soviet jokes on here. Here's one from President Reagan...

Buying a car in the Soviet Union is not quite so easy as buying a car in the United States. There's a terrible automobile shortage so you have to pay the money up front and then wait, sometimes many years, until a car is made available to you.
On one occasion, at the height of the shortage, a man went down to his local dealership to buy a car. After he had accepted the man's money and the paperwork had been signed, the dealer informed the man that his car would be ready in 10 years and that he could come back then and pick it up.
Taking note of the date, the man turned to leave but paused on his way out the door and asked, "morning or afternoon?"
"It's 10 years from now, what difference does it make?" replied the dealer.
"Well, I'm busy in the morning." said the man.
Confused, the dealer asked, "what could you possibly have planned for the morning ten years from today?"
"The plumber's coming to fix my sink," replied the man.

Soviet buy car

Go to Lada dealer. He choosing red one. They filling out papers. When finishing, dealer saying: You taking delivery in 23 years.
Soviet: Is in morning or afternoon?
Dealer: What difference is making?
Soviet: Plumber come in morning.

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain,.....

Can a h**... get laid off?

The Kama Sutra has announced a new s**... position called The Plumber:

You stay in all day and nobody comes!

Did you hear about the mechanic who dreamed of being a plumber?

It was all a pipe dream.

A prestigious neurosurgeon calls a plumber to tend to his leaky faucet.

The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, That will be $200.
The surgeon was astonished. He says, I will be candid with you. I am a neurosurgeon and even I don't charge $100 a minute.
The plumber says, Yeah, I know. Before I switched to plumbing, I was a neurosurgeon too."

I've always wanted to be a plumber...

but my friends all say it's just a pipe dream.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.

Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Niagara Falls

A guide was showing Niagara-Falls to a man from Texas and said; I'll bet you don't have anything like this in Texas.
The Texan said; nope, but in Texas we have plumbers who can fix it.

I hired an old German plumber when remodeling my apartment

He was a great guy, very reliable and thorough. But it seems old habits die hard. He connected gas main to my shower.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

Don't be racist; be like Mario

He's an Italian plumber, made by Asians, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, runs like a black man and grabs coins like a jew.

A plumber rings the doorbell

"Come in", says the homeowner, Stacy.
"Hi, I am the plumber, sorry for being a bit late"
"That's fine, my sister must have called for you"
"Alright. So where's that disgusting clogged up mess?"
"Her name actually is Rita, and she's not home at the moment".

Why do skateboarders make lousy plumbers?

Because they only use half pipes.

My German plumber accidentally hooked up my gas line to my shower...

Looks like old habits die hard.

My plumber insists on personally using every toilet he just installed.

His mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before.
Sorry Gene. We still love you.

An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

if a plumber's career can go down the drain...

And a fireman's job can go up in smoke, can a h**... get laid off?

What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack?

An asphalt

A boy tells his father that humans are cruel

"Hmm okay, but why?" asked the father.
"Well some people out there are hanging horses" said the son.
The father let out a confused chuckle, "What do you mean people are hanging horses?!"
The son tells him "well I overheard mum telling her friend that the plumber who came over to fix the drain pipes was hung like a horse."

When I lived on the street, I always wanted to become a plumber, get a home, and run a business...

But that was just a pipe dream.

Don't be racist, be like Mario...

He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

Reports of terrible flooding in Pakistan

Authorities fear it was the work of a s**... plumber

In Soviet Russia a Man Goes to Buy a Car...

He goes up to the owner and asks for a car, to which the owner responds:
'You know there is a 10 year waiting list?'
The man then answers, 'OK,' and after some time he then agreed to buy a car.
So he pays for the car in advance, and just before he leaves he asks the owner,
'Can I pick the car up in the morning or afternoon?'
'It's 10 years away, what does it matter?'
'The plumber is coming in the morning'.

How to not be racist

Be like Mario! He's made by the japanese, he is an italian plumber, looks like a mexican, runs and jumps like a black man and grabs coins as fast as a Jew!

A straight flush beats a full house

A full house means u**... trouble

Back in the Sovjet days a guy wants to buy a car

The guy goes up to the counter at the Ministry of buying cars.
Guy: I would like to buy a car.
Clerk: Sure thing but it will take 10 years for processing your request. Come back then and your car will be ready for you.
Guy: Ok, morning or afternoon?
Clerk: Huh? what difference does it make, it´s 10 years from now?
Guy: Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.
Credit goes to Ronald Reagan

I stepped into my shower today only to find hot dogs coming out of the shower head

My plumber calls it a "meatier shower".

I hired a plumber to install on-demand water heaters in my house

It was a tankless job

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

Two English men and an Irish man are in a bar.

The first English man says "I think my wife is cheating on me with an electrician, I found a pair of pliers under our bed."
The second English man says "My wife is cheating on me with a plumber, I found a pipe under our bed."
The Irish man looks at both English men and says "Well my wife is cheating on me with a horse. Last night I found a jokey under our bed."

What did they call the man who gave a h**... to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?

A j**... All Trades

Hey neighbour, the plumber is outside with your new kitchen basin, waiting for you to open the door.

Let that sink in.

Lady of my dreams

The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams
She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!
She cried until she could cry no more because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole month's paycheck to make up for her doubts and mistrust.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelery and gave him the money as well.
Husband took the money and bought a gift for his mistress who listed under "Plumber John".

My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...

He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."
Graduated top of his class...

I've been dating this girl whose psycho ex-boyfriend is a plumber.

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.

Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up

Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That's right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

Ronald Reagan got into hot water for telling this joke at the S.A.L.T. talks

Russian citizen goes to the Volga car dealership to buy his first car . Dealer says ''that'll be 20,000 Rubles , and we'll deliver it to you TEN YEARS FROM TODAY''. Man asks ''Morning or afternoon?'' Dealer says ''What's the difference , it's ten years from today''. Man says ''Well , the plumber is scheduled for that morning.''

A horse walks into a bar

and says "bartender, one beer please!"
The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "Did.. did you just talk?!"
"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse
"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "Why? Do they need a plumber?"

None of my clients liked me when I was a plumber...

But since becoming a coffin maker, they've been dying to see me

What did the boss say to the plumber after he broke the pipe?

water you doing?

What vegetable do plumbers hate?

Leeks.

Why did Mario get fired from being a plumber?

He never put his caulk away.

A Venezuelan man goes to buy a car.

The car salesman says, you can pick it up in four years time.
The man asks, in the morning or the afternoon?
Salesman: does it matter?
Man: well the plumber is coming in the afternoon...

Why is it so hard to be a plumber or mechanic in Soviet Russia?

Because you aren't allowed to change anything about the system.

A plumber

is fixing some water pipes in the kitchen when suddenly the housewife comes in.
-Beware of my husband, he is gonna be home in an hour!
The plumber make eye contact with the lady in the kitchen door and asks.
-Why, I have done nothing inappropriate?
She quickly replies.
-That's why I'm telling you we still have an hour!

A plumber told me an interesting thing, the best call he ever went to was when some kid had dropped a pear down the toilet.

He said it was the easiest call he'd ever been to, all he had to do was flush the toilet, and it cleared the block.
Because a flush beats a pear every time.

He proposed marriage, because she promised she will make him try different positions

Now he is a husband, a driver, a cook, a gardener and a plumber.

Do not be racist

Be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

Why did the plumber get arrested?

Plumbers crack.

What does a coke freak and a plumber have in common?

They both love to catch a drain.

Three men are chatting when the first says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber.

"I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe."
"I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician," says the second. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A box of fuses."
"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the third man.
The others stare, shocked and bewildered.
"How can you tell?" they ask.
"Because," replies the third man, "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A jockey."

A plumber wakes up and goes to the bathroom

After doing his business he stands up, turns around, and says "See ya at work!"

In the Soviet Union there was a 10 year wait list

On cars. You had to collect the money and register 10 years in advance. A guy goes to register, makes the payment and the sales person asks him to get back after 10 years for the car. The guy asks "morning or afternoon?"
The sales person asks how does it matter -you're already waiting 10 years. The guy replies "because the plumber is visiting in the morning".
Old Soviet insider joke. Pardon any English mistakes.

A man walks in to a bar

And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.
How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender
No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire
Okay - so he must be extremely charming?
Larry is actually a man of very few words
Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??
I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, l**... his eyebrows..

During a zombie apocalypse

Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Gamer Zombies: GAMMMMESSS!!
Depressed Zombies: PAINNNNSSS!!
Batman Zombie: BANNNNEEE!!

There were two men in a prison in the USSR.

One asked the other: Why are you here?
The other answers: Political reasons.
He asks another question: What political reasons?
The other prisoner answers: I am a plumber, and I got called in to the party committee to fix their sink. And they asked what was the problem and I said: "The whole system is rotten, everything must be replaced!"

A doctor's toilet gets clogged up

He calls a plumber. Plumber shows up, unclogs the toilet and gives the doctor bill for $200.
Doctor: $200? For 15 minutes worth of work? That's $800 an hour! I'm a top neurosurgeon in this city, 15 years of medical school, 3 years of residence, and even I don't make $800 an hour!
Plumber: Yeah. When I was a top surgeon in this city I also didn't make $800 an hour. Which is why I became a plumber.

Joke told in the Soviet Union

(For context only 1/7 Soviets owned a car, and once you paid up front there was a 10 year wait to get one)
A man walks into the car store wanting to buy a car. He pays the man at the counter and the man at the counter says Alright, just come back in 10 years to pick one up. The man replies Morning or afternoon? The dealer says Well, 10 years from now what difference does it make? The man replies Well, the plumbers coming over in the morning.