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Plumber Pipe Jokes

45 plumber pipe jokes and hilarious plumber pipe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plumber pipe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Plumber Pipe Short Jokes

Short plumber pipe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plumber pipe humour may include short plumber jokes also.

  1. When I lived on the street, I always wanted to become a plumber, get a home, and run a business... But that was just a pipe dream.
  2. A plumber had to attend to the house of a gender fluid person. Apparently "handling her pipes" wasn't the best course of action.

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Plumber Pipe One Liners

Which plumber pipe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plumber pipe? I can suggest the ones about plumber crack and pipe.

  1. The pipes that my plumber installed are leaking... Clearly, he didn't give a flux.
  2. Why do skateboarders make lousy plumbers? Because they only use half pipes.
  3. i always wanted to be a plumber but then i realized that was just a pipe dream
  4. Why don't the plumbers ever get wealthy? Because all they have are pipe dreams.
  5. I've always wanted to be a plumber... but my friends all say it's just a pipe dream.
  6. What did the boss say to the plumber after he broke the pipe? water you doing?
  7. Did you hear about the mechanic who dreamed of being a plumber? It was all a pipe dream.
  8. I always wanted to be a plumber when I grew up but in the end it was just a pipe dream.
  9. What did one plumber say to the other plumber? Pipe down.
  10. Ever hear about the busy plumber's wife? Turns out she had to clean her own pipes.
  11. I always knew I wanted to be a plumber but alas, twas but a pipe dream
  12. When plumbers sleep do they have pipe dreams?
  13. The plumber told me a hole boring story about pipes.
  14. Plumbers are a lot like h**...... They'll unclog your pipes, but it's gonna cost ya.

Plumber Pipe Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about plumber pipe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean plunger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plumber pipe pranks.

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

Three men are chatting when the first says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber.

"I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe."
"I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician," says the second. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A box of fuses."
"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the third man.
The others stare, shocked and bewildered.
"How can you tell?" they ask.
"Because," replies the third man, "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A jockey."

An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

Three babies in the w**....

They are discussing what they would like to be when they grow up.
The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."
The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."

The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer."
The others look confused and ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?"
He replies, "So I can beat the h**... out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."

A boy tells his father that humans are cruel

"Hmm okay, but why?" asked the father.
"Well some people out there are hanging horses" said the son.
The father let out a confused chuckle, "What do you mean people are hanging horses?!"
The son tells him "well I overheard mum telling her friend that the plumber who came over to fix the drain pipes was hung like a horse."

A plumber

is fixing some water pipes in the kitchen when suddenly the housewife comes in.
-Beware of my husband, he is gonna be home in an hour!
The plumber make eye contact with the lady in the kitchen door and asks.
-Why, I have done nothing inappropriate?
She quickly replies.
-That's why I'm telling you we still have an hour!

Two English men and an Irish man are in a bar.

The first English man says "I think my wife is cheating on me with an electrician, I found a pair of pliers under our bed."
The second English man says "My wife is cheating on me with a plumber, I found a pipe under our bed."
The Irish man looks at both English men and says "Well my wife is cheating on me with a horse. Last night I found a jokey under our bed."

My mother advised me not to marry an electrician

"Don't marry an electrician, he will take late night calls and plug himself into other women", my mother warned me.
"Don't marry a plumber either", she continued, "he will work on weekends and do other women's pipes".
"Don't marry a pizza boy neither. He will work on Friday nights and make other women pizzas"
And that's why I married an unemployed man!

A plumber is working on draining a septic tank when he falls in the p**... and is drowned when the pipe s**... him under. At his f**..., the minister stands up and says:

We are gathered here today to remember our friend, the plumber, >!who was killed in the line of doody.!<

The Doctor & The Plumber

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

I was talking to my plumber...

I told him, "Mario, I'm growing a big bushy mustache like yours, so I got this hair trap to prevent the stray mustache hairs from clogging my drain. It's working great, and I'm thinking of keeping the mustache, so I figure maybe I should get some plumbing epoxy and affix the hair trap to the pipes. What do you think?"
My plumber responded, "Listen, if it ain't a-broke..."

Fixer-Upper

A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
He says, "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says.
"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

What do i look like?

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

The doctor and the plumber

A wealthy doctor finds that his bathroom sink has sprung a leak. So he looks in the Yellow Pages and calls in a plumber to repair the pipe.
The plumber arrives and, after about 15 minutes, fixes the problem completely. He hands the doctor a bill for $250 and begins to walk back to his truck. The doctor, upon seeing the fee, exclaims, "What? This amount is ridiculous! It's even more than I charge!"
The plumber turns around with a grin on his face and says, "I know, I used to be a doctor too."

A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard.
The wife finds a leak in the roof.
She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed.
So is the plumbing. So is the car.
He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.
Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"