The Best 75 Plumber Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Plumber jokes. There are some plumber repairman jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these plumber unclog puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Plumber Jokes and Puns

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized."

A plumber would say- 'you-niun-ized' ,whereas a chemist would say- 'un-ayon-ized'.

How do you make a plumber sad?

You tell him that the princess is in another castle.

The pipes that my plumber installed are leaking...

Clearly, he didn't give a flux.

Plumber joke, The pipes that my plumber installed are leaking...

Triplets

There are triplets in a mothers womb, talking about what they want to do when they grow up.

The first triplet says "When I grow up, I will be an electrician, because it's too dark in here."

The second triplet says "When I grow up, I will be a plumber, because it's too wet in here."

The third triplet says, "When I grow up I want to be a boxer, so that I can beat up that bald guy who comes in here and spits on us all the time!"

Always on duty

A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.

"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.

The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,

"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."


A dog goes into a hardware store...

...and says: I'd like a job please . The hardware store owner says: We don't hire talking dogs, why don't you go join the circus? The dog replies: What would the circus want with a plumber .

-Steven Alan Green

Soviet buy car

Go to Lada dealer. He choosing red one. They filling out papers. When finishing, dealer saying: You taking delivery in 23 years.

Soviet: Is in morning or afternoon?

Dealer: What difference is making?

Soviet: Plumber come in morning.

Plumber joke, Soviet buy car

The Kama Sutra has announced a new sex position called The Plumber:

You stay in all day and nobody comes!

Did you hear about the mechanic who dreamed of being a plumber?

It was all a pipe dream.

A prestigious neurosurgeon calls a plumber to tend to his leaky faucet.

The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, That will be $200.
The surgeon was astonished. He says, I will be candid with you. I am a neurosurgeon and even I don't charge $100 a minute.
The plumber says, Yeah, I know. Before I switched to plumbing, I was a neurosurgeon too."

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door

My plumber has a funny sense of humour

You can explore plumber neurosurgeon reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean plumber leak dad jokes. There are also plumber puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How do you tell a chemist from a plumber?

This morning I woke up to a tap on my front door.

My plumber has a weird sense of humour.

I've always wanted to be a plumber...

but my friends all say it's just a pipe dream.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.

Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Why are Plumbers always so tired?

Because their job is draining.

Plumber joke, Why are Plumbers always so tired?

woke up to a tap on my door this morning

got to get a new plumber

I hired an old German plumber when remodeling my apartment

He was a great guy, very reliable and thorough. But it seems old habits die hard. He connected gas main to my shower.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.


Don't be racist; be like Mario

He's an Italian plumber, made by Asians, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, runs like a black man and grabs coins like a jew.

A plumber rings the doorbell

"Come in", says the homeowner, Stacy.

"Hi, I am the plumber, sorry for being a bit late"

"That's fine, my sister must have called for you"

"Alright. So where's that disgusting clogged up mess?"

"Her name actually is Rita, and she's not home at the moment".

My German plumber accidentally hooked up my gas line to my shower...

Looks like old habits die hard.

My plumber insists on personally using every toilet he just installed.

His mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before.

Sorry Gene. We still love you.

An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

A boy tells his father that humans are cruel

"Hmm okay, but why?" asked the father.

"Well some people out there are hanging horses" said the son.

The father let out a confused chuckle, "What do you mean people are hanging horses?!"

The son tells him "well I overheard mum telling her friend that the plumber who came over to fix the drain pipes was hung like a horse."

When I lived on the street, I always wanted to become a plumber, get a home, and run a business...

But that was just a pipe dream.

Don't be racist, be like Mario...

He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

There once was a plumber named Leigh

Who was plumbing his girl by the sea

She said, "stop your plumbing," "I hear someone coming!"

Said the plumber, still plumbing

"...it's me."

Reports of terrible flooding in Pakistan

Authorities fear it was the work of a suicide plumber

In Soviet Russia a Man Goes to Buy a Car...

He goes up to the owner and asks for a car, to which the owner responds:

'You know there is a 10 year waiting list?'

The man then answers, 'OK,' and after some time he then agreed to buy a car.

So he pays for the car in advance, and just before he leaves he asks the owner,

'Can I pick the car up in the morning or afternoon?'

'It's 10 years away, what does it matter?'

'The plumber is coming in the morning'.

How to not be racist

Be like Mario! He's made by the japanese, he is an italian plumber, looks like a mexican, runs and jumps like a black man and grabs coins as fast as a Jew!

My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower....

I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.

A straight flush beats a full house

A full house means urine trouble

Back in the Sovjet days a guy wants to buy a car

The guy goes up to the counter at the Ministry of buying cars.

Guy: I would like to buy a car.

Clerk: Sure thing but it will take 10 years for processing your request. Come back then and your car will be ready for you.

Guy: Ok, morning or afternoon?

Clerk: Huh? what difference does it make, itΒ΄s 10 years from now?

Guy: Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.

Credit goes to Ronald Reagan

I stepped into my shower today only to find hot dogs coming out of the shower head

My plumber calls it a "meatier shower".

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today.

No wonder my water bills are so high.

Two English men and an Irish man are in a bar.

The first English man says "I think my wife is cheating on me with an electrician, I found a pair of pliers under our bed."

The second English man says "My wife is cheating on me with a plumber, I found a pipe under our bed."

The Irish man looks at both English men and says "Well my wife is cheating on me with a horse. Last night I found a jokey under our bed."

My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess

So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle

This morning there was a tap on my door

My plumber has a weird sense of humor

What did they call the man who gave a handjob to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?

A Jack Off All Trades

Hey neighbour, the plumber is outside with your new kitchen basin, waiting for you to open the door.

Let that sink in.

My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...

He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."

Graduated top of his class...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

An orange a day keeps the plumber away...

Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.

I've been dating this girl whose psycho ex-boyfriend is a plumber.

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.

Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up

Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That's right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

This morning there was a tap on the front door

Funny sense of humour, that plumber.

Ronald Reagan got into hot water for telling this joke at the S.A.L.T. talks

Russian citizen goes to the Volga car dealership to buy his first car . Dealer says ''that'll be 20,000 Rubles , and we'll deliver it to you TEN YEARS FROM TODAY''. Man asks ''Morning or afternoon?'' Dealer says ''What's the difference , it's ten years from today''. Man says ''Well , the plumber is scheduled for that morning.''ο»Ώ

A horse walks into a bar

and says "bartender, one beer please!"

The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "Did.. did you just talk?!"

"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse

"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"

The horse replied "Why? Do they need a plumber?"

None of my clients liked me when I was a plumber...

But since becoming a coffin maker, they've been dying to see me

What did the boss say to the plumber after he broke the pipe?

water you doing?

Why did Mario get fired from being a plumber?

He never put his caulk away.

How do you tell the difference between a seamstress and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce the word "sewer".

A Venezuelan man goes to buy a car.

The car salesman says, you can pick it up in four years time.

The man asks, in the morning or the afternoon?

Salesman: does it matter?

Man: well the plumber is coming in the afternoon...

Why is it so hard to be a plumber or mechanic in Soviet Russia?

Because you aren't allowed to change anything about the system.

A plumber

is fixing some water pipes in the kitchen when suddenly the housewife comes in.
-Beware of my husband, he is gonna be home in an hour!
The plumber make eye contact with the lady in the kitchen door and asks.
-Why, I have done nothing inappropriate?
She quickly replies.
-That's why I'm telling you we still have an hour!

A plumber told me an interesting thing, the best call he ever went to was when some kid had dropped a pear down the toilet.

He said it was the easiest call he'd ever been to, all he had to do was flush the toilet, and it cleared the block.

Because a flush beats a pear every time.

He proposed marriage, because she promised she will make him try different positions

Now he is a husband, a driver, a cook, a gardener and a plumber.

Do not be racist

Be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

Why did the plumber get arrested?

Plumbers crack.

What does a coke freak and a plumber have in common?

They both love to catch a drain.

Three men are chatting when the first says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber.

"I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe."

"I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician," says the second. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A box of fuses."

"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the third man.

The others stare, shocked and bewildered.

"How can you tell?" they ask.

"Because," replies the third man, "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A jockey."

A plumber wakes up and goes to the bathroom

After doing his business he stands up, turns around, and says "See ya at work!"

In the Soviet Union there was a 10 year wait list

On cars. You had to collect the money and register 10 years in advance. A guy goes to register, makes the payment and the sales person asks him to get back after 10 years for the car. The guy asks "morning or afternoon?"

The sales person asks how does it matter -you're already waiting 10 years. The guy replies "because the plumber is visiting in the morning".

Old Soviet insider joke. Pardon any English mistakes.

A man walks in to a bar

And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.

How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender

No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire

Okay - so he must be extremely charming?

Larry is actually a man of very few words

Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??

I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, licking his eyebrows..

During a zombie apocalypse

Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Gamer Zombies: GAMMMMESSS!!
Depressed Zombies: PAINNNNSSS!!
Batman Zombie: BANNNNEEE!!

There were two men in a prison in the USSR.

One asked the other: Why are you here?
The other answers: Political reasons.

He asks another question: What political reasons?

The other prisoner answers: I am a plumber, and I got called in to the party committee to fix their sink. And they asked what was the problem and I said: "The whole system is rotten, everything must be replaced!"

A doctor's toilet gets clogged up

He calls a plumber. Plumber shows up, unclogs the toilet and gives the doctor bill for $200.

Doctor: $200? For 15 minutes worth of work? That's $800 an hour! I'm a top neurosurgeon in this city, 15 years of medical school, 3 years of residence, and even I don't make $800 an hour!

Plumber: Yeah. When I was a top surgeon in this city I also didn't make $800 an hour. Which is why I became a plumber.

Dave and his two friends are talking at a bar.

Dave and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."


His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."


Dave says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

How do you tell the difference between a chemis and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized"

As the plumber left my house I saw something fall out of his back packet. I walked over and saw that it was a bag of drugs.

But I didn't bend down to get it, because I didn't want plumber's crack.

A wife calls her husband.

"The plumber is gonna come in 7, to fix the clogged sink."

"Oh no. You think he's still angry at me from the last time?"

"What happened last time?"

"He said he's here to replace the toilet. So I pissed on him"

How do you tell a chemist and a plumber apart?



You ask them to pronounce unionized.

A drug addict calls the police to report something interesting

The police officer, interested, asks. "What is it?"

The addict responds. "Okay, I-"

The officer interrupts, quickly making sure they're not on drugs "You're sober right now, right?"

"Yes, this happened when I was sober too."

All seems okay to this point. "Okay, go on."

"I saw an Italian plumber bump his head on a brick and grow three times his size!"

The officer pauses for a moment and mumbles to himself. "It's the mushrooms."

A Soviet citizen is buying a car

He finally saved up enough rubles, went to the agency, and paid for a car.

He is told, "Come back on August 8th, 1983 to pick up your new car"

"But that's eight years from now."

"Yes, isn't it wonderful? The wait used to be ten years."

"Okay, fine. August 8th, 1983. Morning or afternoon?"

"It's eight years away. What difference does it make?"

"The plumber is coming in the morning."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the plumber roofer jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working plumber homeowner piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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