Plumber Jokes
153 plumber jokes and hilarious plumber puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about plumber that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is full of funny jokes about plumbers, from plumber vs electrician and plumber vs pipefitter jokes to plumber crack and innuendo jokes. See how a plumber can fix any situation with our collection of plumber jokes, as well as cartoon images and stories about a plumber apprentice. There's even enough jokes and puns to put a smile on the face of any locksmith or neurosurgeon.
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Funniest Plumber Short Jokes
Short plumber jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plumber humour may include short plumbing jokes also.
- How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
A plumber would say- 'you-niun-ized' ,whereas a chemist would say- 'un-ayon-ized'. - My annual cake day joke repost - how can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized
- My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle
- First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door
My plumber has a funny sense of humour - An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away. - As a plumber's assistant, I'm always being ordered around... "Stop that dripping, plug that leak, for God's sake... turn off the water works!" It's not my fault, I'm just an emotional guy.
- There once was a plumber named Leigh Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
She said, "stop your plumbing," "I hear someone coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing
"...it's me." - My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.
- How do you tell the difference between a seamstress and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce the word "sewer".
- I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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Plumber One Liners
Which plumber one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plumber? I can suggest the ones about plunger and electrician.
- I asked a plumber what time it was He told me it was between 8 AM and 4 PM.
- How do you make a plumber sad? You tell him that the princess is in another castle.
- What do you call a room full of cynical plumbers? A skeptic tank.
- The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today. No wonder my water bills are so high.
- How do you tell a chemist from a plumber?
- woke up to a tap on my door this morning got to get a new plumber
- What's a plumber's least favorite type of shoe? Clogs.
- Why are Plumbers always so tired? Because their job is draining.
- The pipes that my plumber installed are leaking... Clearly, he didn't give a flux.
- What is plumber's least favourite vegetable? Leeks.
- i always wanted to be a plumber but then i realized that was just a pipe dream
- Why don't the plumbers ever get wealthy? Because all they have are pipe dreams.
- I had 8 Bitcoins But a plumber stole them from me
- Why did the plumber get arrested? Plumbers crack.
- What does a coke freak and a plumber have in common? They both love to catch a drain.
Plumber Pipe Jokes
Here is a list of funny plumber pipe jokes and even better plumber pipe puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the boss say to the plumber after he broke the pipe? water you doing?
- When I lived on the street, I always wanted to become a plumber, get a home, and run a business... But that was just a pipe dream.
- Did you hear about the mechanic who dreamed of being a plumber? It was all a pipe dream.
- What did one plumber say to the other plumber? Pipe down.
- Ever hear about the busy plumber's wife? Turns out she had to clean her own pipes.
- I always knew I wanted to be a plumber but alas, twas but a pipe dream
- When plumbers sleep do they have pipe dreams?
- The plumber told me a hole boring story about pipes.
Plumber Crack Jokes
Here is a list of funny plumber crack jokes and even better plumber crack puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- As the plumber left my house I saw something fall out of his back packet. I walked over and saw that it was a bag of drugs. But I didn't bend down to get it, because I didn't want plumber's crack.
- What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack? An asphalt
- What is the most abused substance in the water industry? Plumber's crack.
- What drug is the #1 killer of plumbers? Plumber's crack.
- Whats the difference between a plumber and a drug dealer? I'm not addicted to a drug dealer's crack.
- Why don't plumbers ride bikes? Because they'd get arrested for peddling crack
- How can you tell that plumbers are drug addicts? They're always cracked out
- How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber? One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.
- Chuck norris can fix a plumbers crack.
- I grew up in a crack house. My dad was a plumber.
Heartwarming Plumber Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about plumber you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean engineer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plumber pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you upset a plumber?
Kidnap his princess.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Triplets
There are triplets in a mothers w**..., talking about what they want to do when they grow up.
The first triplet says "When I grow up, I will be an electrician, because it's too dark in here."
The second triplet says "When I grow up, I will be a plumber, because it's too wet in here."
The third triplet says, "When I grow up I want to be a boxer, so that I can beat up that bald guy who comes in here and spits on us all the time!"
Always on duty
A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."
A dog goes into a hardware store...
...and says: I'd like a job please . The hardware store owner says: We don't hire talking dogs, why don't you go join the circus? The dog replies: What would the circus want with a plumber .
-Steven Alan Green
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman says to her husband:
- Honey, the sink is broken, do you mind fixing it please?
- I 'm not a plumber!
- Honey, there's no more light in the bathroom , do you mind fixing it please?
- I 'm not an electrician!
The next day, the woman says :
- Honey, the neighbour came by and fixed everything!
- How much did it cost?
- He said I could either make him a cake or have s**....
- What did you do?
- Well, I 'm not a chef ...
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Plumbers are a lot like h**......
They'll unclog your pipes, but it's gonna cost ya.
What do a plumber and a walrus both enjoy?
A nice tight seal
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Kama Sutra has announced a new s**... position called The Plumber:
You stay in all day and nobody comes!
Why don't plumbers like to work on instant hot water heaters?
It's a tankless job!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a p**... and a plumber have in common?
They both service the john.
"McDonald's sales soar thanks to all day breakfast"
In unrelated news toilet paper stocks have risen and plumber businesses have been unable to keep up with demands for work.
How do 3rd world countries get clean water?
A-fric-an plumber
I got the job even though I kept telling them I'm not a plumber.
It took awhile to sink in.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A plumber rings the doorbell
"Come in", says the homeowner, Stacy.
"Hi, I am the plumber, sorry for being a bit late"
"That's fine, my sister must have called for you"
"Alright. So where's that disgusting clogged up mess?"
"Her name actually is Rita, and she's not home at the moment".
What do you call a man with a plum on his head?
A plumber
My German plumber accidentally hooked up my gas line to my shower...
Looks like old habits die hard.
Why did the plumber kill himself?
He was sewericidal.
My plumber insists on personally using every toilet he just installed.
His mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before.
Sorry Gene. We still love you.
A corollary
We all know you can tell a chemist from a plumber by asking the to pronounce 'unionized', but sometime ask a herpetologist about a 'cloaking' device.
An old soviet joke.
In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.
A boy tells his father that humans are cruel
"Hmm okay, but why?" asked the father.
"Well some people out there are hanging horses" said the son.
The father let out a confused chuckle, "What do you mean people are hanging horses?!"
The son tells him "well I overheard mum telling her friend that the plumber who came over to fix the drain pipes was hung like a horse."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Reports of terrible flooding in Pakistan
Authorities fear it was the work of a s**... plumber
I have a dream of opening a business that sells purple pitted fruit as well as offering home water service repair
I'll call it Plum and Plumber
A plumber walks into a client's backyard and sees three water holes in the ground. He says:
"Well, well, well..."
What do you call a plumber that competes in the Olympics?
A sinkhronized swimmer.
Did you hear about the new Mario game leak?
Apparently it's just about a bad plumber.
What do plumbers, Pizza Delivery guys and teachers all have in common?
Ron Jeremy
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A straight flush beats a full house
A full house means u**... trouble
Back in the Sovjet days a guy wants to buy a car
The guy goes up to the counter at the Ministry of buying cars.
Guy: I would like to buy a car.
Clerk: Sure thing but it will take 10 years for processing your request. Come back then and your car will be ready for you.
Guy: Ok, morning or afternoon?
Clerk: Huh? what difference does it make, it´s 10 years from now?
Guy: Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.
Credit goes to Ronald Reagan
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Although my son was only a plumber, we had a 21-gun salute at his f**....
Because he was killed in the line of doody.
I stepped into my shower today only to find hot dogs coming out of the shower head
My plumber calls it a "meatier shower".
I hired a plumber to install on-demand water heaters in my house
It was a tankless job
What is something that a Eskimo and a plumber can both come together on?
A nice tight seal
A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".
And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"
Have you guys heard about the old italian plumber who can talk to ghosts?
He uses a Luigi board.
Two English men and an Irish man are in a bar.
The first English man says "I think my wife is cheating on me with an electrician, I found a pair of pliers under our bed."
The second English man says "My wife is cheating on me with a plumber, I found a pipe under our bed."
The Irish man looks at both English men and says "Well my wife is cheating on me with a horse. Last night I found a jokey under our bed."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where does the German plumber get his insurance?
Scheisse Permanente
They say 1 in 3 adults will get shingles in their lifetime
But not me.
I'm a plumber, I don't do roofing.
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What did they call the man who gave a h**... to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?
A j**... All Trades
Hey neighbour, the plumber is outside with your new kitchen basin, waiting for you to open the door.
Let that sink in.
My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...
He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."
Graduated top of his class...
The plumber was so generous with his time I asked how long he could stay to fix that other problem I had with the sink and he said …
I'm at your disposal
got woken up to a tap on the door early this morning
i had to call the plumber to remove it
I've been dating this girl whose psycho ex-boyfriend is a plumber.
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up
Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition
Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That's right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....
Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are wooden toilets risky?
If your pee sticks to the lumber, you'll *have* to get a **p**lumber.
Ronald Reagan got into hot water for telling this joke at the S.A.L.T. talks
Russian citizen goes to the Volga car dealership to buy his first car . Dealer says ''that'll be 20,000 Rubles , and we'll deliver it to you TEN YEARS FROM TODAY''. Man asks ''Morning or afternoon?'' Dealer says ''What's the difference , it's ten years from today''. Man says ''Well , the plumber is scheduled for that morning.''
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A plumber had to attend to the house of a gender fluid person.
Apparently "handling her pipes" wasn't the best course of action.
None of my clients liked me when I was a plumber...
But since becoming a coffin maker, they've been dying to see me
What does a mosquito plumber say?
Itsa me, Malario!
What did the plumber say to the housewife?
"That'll be 20 bucks"
What's a plumbers dream?
To work on Farrah's Fawcett and olivia newton's John.
There's only three things to know as a plumber...
Water runs downhill
Don't chew your fingernails after work
And payday is on Friday
An elderly radio engineer showed up at the house instead of a plumber.
"You said you needed some valves replaced."
I recently watched a plumber performing a gastric bypass surgery using his own tools.
I could hardly make it through the whole thing, it was gut wrenching.
Why did Mario get fired from being a plumber?
He never put his caulk away.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A plumber has a one night stand.
He screws, nuts, and bolts.
If your plumber says my pleasure , don't hire him again.
What do you do when the female plumber messes up your plumbing?
You Sewer
A Venezuelan man goes to buy a car.
The car salesman says, you can pick it up in four years time.
The man asks, in the morning or the afternoon?
Salesman: does it matter?
Man: well the plumber is coming in the afternoon...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it so hard to be a plumber or mechanic in Soviet Russia?
Because you aren't allowed to change anything about the system.
A plumber
is fixing some water pipes in the kitchen when suddenly the housewife comes in.
-Beware of my husband, he is gonna be home in an hour!
The plumber make eye contact with the lady in the kitchen door and asks.
-Why, I have done nothing inappropriate?
She quickly replies.
-That's why I'm telling you we still have an hour!
