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Plumber Jokes

155 plumber jokes and hilarious plumber puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about plumber that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article is full of funny jokes about plumbers, from plumber vs electrician and plumber vs pipefitter jokes to plumber crack and innuendo jokes. See how a plumber can fix any situation with our collection of plumber jokes, as well as cartoon images and stories about a plumber apprentice. There's even enough jokes and puns to put a smile on the face of any locksmith or neurosurgeon.

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Funniest Plumber Short Jokes

Short plumber jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plumber humour may include short plumbing jokes also.

  1. How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
    A plumber would say- 'you-niun-ized' ,whereas a chemist would say- 'un-ayon-ized'.
  2. My annual cake day joke repost - how can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized
  3. My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle
  4. First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door
    My plumber has a funny sense of humour
  5. How do you tell a chemist and a plumber apart?
    You ask them to pronounce unionized.
  6. An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
    Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.
  7. As a plumber's assistant, I'm always being ordered around... "Stop that dripping, plug that leak, for God's sake... turn off the water works!" It's not my fault, I'm just an emotional guy.
  8. There once was a plumber named Leigh Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
    She said, "stop your plumbing," "I hear someone coming!"
    Said the plumber, still plumbing
    "...it's me."
  9. My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.
  10. How do you tell the difference between a seamstress and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce the word "sewer".

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Plumber One Liners

Which plumber one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plumber? I can suggest the ones about plunger and electrician.

  1. How do you tell a chemist from a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "Unionised"
  2. I asked a plumber what time it was He told me it was between 8 AM and 4 PM.
  3. This morning I woke up to a tap on my front door. My plumber has a weird sense of humour.
  4. How do you make a plumber sad? You tell him that the princess is in another castle.
  5. What do you call a room full of cynical plumbers? A skeptic tank.
  6. The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today. No wonder my water bills are so high.
  7. How do you tell a chemist from a plumber?
  8. This morning there was a tap on my door My plumber has a weird sense of humor
  9. This morning there was a tap on the front door Funny sense of humour, that plumber.
  10. Why are dyslexic zombies such good plumbers? Because they're always looking for drains.
  11. woke up to a tap on my door this morning got to get a new plumber
  12. What's a plumber's least favorite type of shoe? Clogs.
  13. How does the Italian plumber talk to spirits? A Luigi board!
  14. Why are Plumbers always so tired? Because their job is draining.
  15. The pipes that my plumber installed are leaking... Clearly, he didn't give a flux.

Plumber Pipe Jokes

Here is a list of funny plumber pipe jokes and even better plumber pipe puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do skateboarders make lousy plumbers? Because they only use half pipes.
  • i always wanted to be a plumber but then i realized that was just a pipe dream
  • Why don't the plumbers ever get wealthy? Because all they have are pipe dreams.
  • I've always wanted to be a plumber... but my friends all say it's just a pipe dream.
  • What did the boss say to the plumber after he broke the pipe? water you doing?
  • When I lived on the street, I always wanted to become a plumber, get a home, and run a business... But that was just a pipe dream.
  • Did you hear about the mechanic who dreamed of being a plumber? It was all a pipe dream.
  • I always wanted to be a plumber when I grew up but in the end it was just a pipe dream.
  • A plumber had to attend to the house of a gender fluid person. Apparently "handling her pipes" wasn't the best course of action.
  • What did one plumber say to the other plumber? Pipe down.

Plumber Crack Jokes

Here is a list of funny plumber crack jokes and even better plumber crack puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • As the plumber left my house I saw something fall out of his back packet. I walked over and saw that it was a bag of drugs. But I didn't bend down to get it, because I didn't want plumber's crack.
  • Why did the plumber get arrested? Plumbers crack.
  • What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack? An asphalt
  • What is the most abused substance in the water industry? Plumber's crack.
  • What drug is the #1 killer of plumbers? Plumber's crack.
  • Whats the difference between a plumber and a drug dealer? I'm not addicted to a drug dealer's crack.
  • Why don't plumbers ride bikes? Because they'd get arrested for peddling crack
  • How can you tell that plumbers are drug addicts? They're always cracked out
  • How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber? One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.
  • Chuck norris can fix a plumbers crack.
Plumber joke

Plumber joke

Heartwarming Plumber Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about plumber you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean engineer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plumber pranks.

Triplets

There are triplets in a mothers w**..., talking about what they want to do when they grow up.
The first triplet says "When I grow up, I will be an electrician, because it's too dark in here."
The second triplet says "When I grow up, I will be a plumber, because it's too wet in here."
The third triplet says, "When I grow up I want to be a boxer, so that I can beat up that bald guy who comes in here and spits on us all the time!"

Always on duty

A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."

A dog goes into a hardware store...

...and says: I'd like a job please . The hardware store owner says: We don't hire talking dogs, why don't you go join the circus? The dog replies: What would the circus want with a plumber .
-Steven Alan Green

Soviet buy car

Go to Lada dealer. He choosing red one. They filling out papers. When finishing, dealer saying: You taking delivery in 23 years.
Soviet: Is in morning or afternoon?
Dealer: What difference is making?
Soviet: Plumber come in morning.

How do you make a plumber sad?

You kill his family

Plumbers are a lot like h**......

They'll unclog your pipes, but it's gonna cost ya.

What do a plumber and a walrus both enjoy?

A nice tight seal

The Kama Sutra has announced a new s**... position called The Plumber:

You stay in all day and nobody comes!

A prestigious neurosurgeon calls a plumber to tend to his leaky faucet.

The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, That will be $200.
The surgeon was astonished. He says, I will be candid with you. I am a neurosurgeon and even I don't charge $100 a minute.
The plumber says, Yeah, I know. Before I switched to plumbing, I was a neurosurgeon too."

Why don't plumbers like to work on instant hot water heaters?

It's a tankless job!

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.

Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

"McDonald's sales soar thanks to all day breakfast"

In unrelated news toilet paper stocks have risen and plumber businesses have been unable to keep up with demands for work.

I hired an old German plumber when remodeling my apartment

He was a great guy, very reliable and thorough. But it seems old habits die hard. He connected gas main to my shower.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

Why should you never hire a Jewish plumber?

They all seem to get a bit weird around showers.

Don't be racist; be like Mario

He's an Italian plumber, made by Asians, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, runs like a black man and grabs coins like a jew.

A plumber rings the doorbell

"Come in", says the homeowner, Stacy.
"Hi, I am the plumber, sorry for being a bit late"
"That's fine, my sister must have called for you"
"Alright. So where's that disgusting clogged up mess?"
"Her name actually is Rita, and she's not home at the moment".

My German plumber accidentally hooked up my gas line to my shower...

Looks like old habits die hard.

My plumber insists on personally using every toilet he just installed.

His mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before.
Sorry Gene. We still love you.

An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

A boy tells his father that humans are cruel

"Hmm okay, but why?" asked the father.
"Well some people out there are hanging horses" said the son.
The father let out a confused chuckle, "What do you mean people are hanging horses?!"
The son tells him "well I overheard mum telling her friend that the plumber who came over to fix the drain pipes was hung like a horse."

Don't be racist, be like Mario...

He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

Reports of terrible flooding in Pakistan

Authorities fear it was the work of a s**... plumber

In Soviet Russia a Man Goes to Buy a Car...

He goes up to the owner and asks for a car, to which the owner responds:
'You know there is a 10 year waiting list?'
The man then answers, 'OK,' and after some time he then agreed to buy a car.
So he pays for the car in advance, and just before he leaves he asks the owner,
'Can I pick the car up in the morning or afternoon?'
'It's 10 years away, what does it matter?'
'The plumber is coming in the morning'.

How to not be racist

Be like Mario! He's made by the japanese, he is an italian plumber, looks like a mexican, runs and jumps like a black man and grabs coins as fast as a Jew!

A doctor is hosting a party when suddenly his sink stops working.

He calls a plumber. After the plumber is finished with his work, he hands the doctor a bill.
"This is crazy," says the doctor. "Not even I make this much!"
The plumber says, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

A straight flush beats a full house

A full house means u**... trouble

Back in the Sovjet days a guy wants to buy a car

The guy goes up to the counter at the Ministry of buying cars.
Guy: I would like to buy a car.
Clerk: Sure thing but it will take 10 years for processing your request. Come back then and your car will be ready for you.
Guy: Ok, morning or afternoon?
Clerk: Huh? what difference does it make, it´s 10 years from now?
Guy: Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.
Credit goes to Ronald Reagan

Although my son was only a plumber, we had a 21-gun salute at his f**....

Because he was killed in the line of doody.

I stepped into my shower today only to find hot dogs coming out of the shower head

My plumber calls it a "meatier shower".

I hired a plumber to install on-demand water heaters in my house

It was a tankless job

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

Have you guys heard about the old italian plumber who can talk to ghosts?

He uses a Luigi board.

Two English men and an Irish man are in a bar.

The first English man says "I think my wife is cheating on me with an electrician, I found a pair of pliers under our bed."
The second English man says "My wife is cheating on me with a plumber, I found a pipe under our bed."
The Irish man looks at both English men and says "Well my wife is cheating on me with a horse. Last night I found a jokey under our bed."

What did they call the man who gave a h**... to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?

A j**... All Trades

Hey neighbour, the plumber is outside with your new kitchen basin, waiting for you to open the door.

Let that sink in.

My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...

He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."
Graduated top of his class...

I've been dating this girl whose psycho ex-boyfriend is a plumber.

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.

Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up

Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That's right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

Ronald Reagan got into hot water for telling this joke at the S.A.L.T. talks

Russian citizen goes to the Volga car dealership to buy his first car . Dealer says ''that'll be 20,000 Rubles , and we'll deliver it to you TEN YEARS FROM TODAY''. Man asks ''Morning or afternoon?'' Dealer says ''What's the difference , it's ten years from today''. Man says ''Well , the plumber is scheduled for that morning.''

A horse walks into a bar

and says "bartender, one beer please!"
The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "Did.. did you just talk?!"
"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse
"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "Why? Do they need a plumber?"

None of my clients liked me when I was a plumber...

But since becoming a coffin maker, they've been dying to see me

What does a mosquito plumber say?

Itsa me, Malario!

An elderly radio engineer showed up at the house instead of a plumber.

"You said you needed some valves replaced."

I recently watched a plumber performing a gastric bypass surgery using his own tools.

I could hardly make it through the whole thing, it was gut wrenching.

The Doctor & The Plumber

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

Why did Mario get fired from being a plumber?

He never put his caulk away.

How can we make a plumber cry?

By killing all his family

A Venezuelan man goes to buy a car.

The car salesman says, you can pick it up in four years time.
The man asks, in the morning or the afternoon?
Salesman: does it matter?
Man: well the plumber is coming in the afternoon...

Why is it so hard to be a plumber or mechanic in Soviet Russia?

Because you aren't allowed to change anything about the system.

A plumber

is fixing some water pipes in the kitchen when suddenly the housewife comes in.
-Beware of my husband, he is gonna be home in an hour!
The plumber make eye contact with the lady in the kitchen door and asks.
-Why, I have done nothing inappropriate?
She quickly replies.
-That's why I'm telling you we still have an hour!

I hired a German plumber the other day to fix my shower.

He accidentally connected the gas supply to the water supply.
I guess old habits die hard.

What did the asian plumber say to Ramsey Bolton?

*you have a reek*

How did the plumber die?

He committed sewercide

A plumber told me an interesting thing, the best call he ever went to was when some kid had dropped a pear down the toilet.

He said it was the easiest call he'd ever been to, all he had to do was flush the toilet, and it cleared the block.
Because a flush beats a pear every time.

He proposed marriage, because she promised she will make him try different positions

Now he is a husband, a driver, a cook, a gardener and a plumber.

I was talking to my plumber...

I told him, "Mario, I'm growing a big bushy mustache like yours, so I got this hair trap to prevent the stray mustache hairs from clogging my drain. It's working great, and I'm thinking of keeping the mustache, so I figure maybe I should get some plumbing epoxy and affix the hair trap to the pipes. What do you think?"
My plumber responded, "Listen, if it ain't a-broke..."

My neighbor asked me (IT Support) how to fix his leaky faucet. Not being a plumber I offered the only advise I have:

"Have you tried turning it on and back off again?"

Do not be racist

Be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

My job always gets me wet. I occasionally do it standing up, but often do it while laying on my back. Men call me for help when they don't want to do the job themselves. What am I?

A plumber.

What does a coke freak and a plumber have in common?

They both love to catch a drain.

Plumber joke, What does a coke freak and a plumber have in common?

jokes about plumber