Hilarious Fun Plot Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
Guy walks into a f**... home
He tells the receptionist, my wife is dying, and i need to buy a gravesite.
Receptionist says, sure, no problem. Just fill out this paperwork and we'll get the process started.
Guy says, well you should know up front this might get complicated. See, my wife weighs 800 pounds.
Ah, the receptionist says. The plot thickens.
Have you heard about Marx's tomb?
They say it's a Communist plot
Two chemists walk into a bar.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."
The firstο»Ώ chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.
"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.
I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.
The plot thickens.
I made up a joke today.
What's the worst thing about pornographic literature?
Too many holes in the plot.
I bought a vacant piece of land recently, and every night someone keeps depositing soil on the land. I still can't figure out who it is.
The plot thickens.
A lawyer and the pope die at the same time and go to heaven...
The pope is first and meets St. Peter at the gates to heaven. St. Peter says welcome to heaven and gives him a nice little plot of land with a decent sized house. The lawyer is next and St. Peter directs him to this huge mansion on the shore of a beautiful lake with anything the lawyer could want. The lawyer asks St. Peter "Why do I get this mansion with anything I could ask for and the holiest man on earth gets a small house?"
St. Peter replies by saying "We've got hundreds of popes up here, but you're the only lawyer!"
I recently saw a movie about nuts and bolts.....
The plot was riveting!
I caught my neighbor putting a layer of topsoil on my allotment
The plot thickened
I just watched a movie about a y=x graph
The plot was a bit predictable
And a little flat
Good special f(x) though
Potato Patch
An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred
You can explore plot scenes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean plot allotment dad jokes. There are also plot puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I went to an allotment yesterday to find more soil there than the day before. Today, I went there again and found even more soil..
The plot thickens...
I found an plot of soil yesterday. I went back to the site today and found even more soil...
The plot thickens...
Got my mother in law a cemetery plot for Christmas once, and the next year didn't buy her anything. When she asked me why I didn't buy a gift for her I said.....
... because you still haven't used the one I got you last year.
I'm learning about imaginary numbers...
I can finally plot my s**... life.
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
How to start a fight
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
Relaxing location
While my parents were making their f**... arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. You'll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, he assured them.
Dad wasn't sold: Unless you're including a periscope with my casket, I don't know how I'm going to enjoy it.
I'm reading a book about soil
The plot thickens
Some more dirt was mysteriously added to my garden last night...
The plot thickens
A powerful tornado tore through our town last night. So far, eight bodies have been found.
Plot twister. It only damaged the graveyard.
A Blonde Walks into a Library
A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.
She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"
The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
I'll leave now.
I saw six men carrying a coffin in the cemetery. Two hours later they were still carrying the coffin around the cemetery
I thought to myself "They've lost the plot"
I knew someone had added dirt to my garden.
And so, the plot thickens
There was an old professor who started every class with a v**... joke.
After one particularly n**... example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of w**... in India?
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
Wait, ladies, cried the professor, The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!
Two chemists walk into a bar
They walk up to the bartender and the first one says:
"I'll have a glass of H2O."
The other then says to his companion:
"Why don't you just say water? I understand that we're chemists an all that, but you don't need to walk around using random terms!"
The first chemist, frustrated, needs to rethink his assassination plot.
I was gonna write a story about Swiss cheese
But the plot had too many holes in it.
Did you see the movie about graphing?
It didn't have a good plot.
Day 20: Still lost at sea.
Crew thinks I know how to plot a course with a compass protractor. I just like making it walk on the map. Pointy leg man
A poem I read to my gf while proposing
Roses are Red
Today is the Day
Plot Twist
I'm Gay
I made a movie about farm lifeβ¦
β¦but the film quality was too grainy and the plot too cornyβ¦
I like to spoil the plot of Peter Pan for people.
Never gets old.
Some guys tried selling me a f**... plot.
I told him that would be the last thing I'd ever spend my money on.
I went to my allotment and found that there was twice as much soil as there was the week before.
The plot thickens...
I have a story for you. A guy pours cement all over a plot of land...
and then the plot thickens.
why aren't there any movies about swiss cheese?
because the plot has too many holes.
My life is like going to see a M. Night Shyamalan film....bizarre characters, lots of plot twists
and I want my money back.
I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.
The plot thickens.
How do we know 9/11 wasn't a government plot?
Because it worked.
Two chemists walk into a restaurant after work
Two chemists walk into a restaurant after work, they sit down at there table and order drinks. The first chemist says, "I will have some H20", the second chemist says, "I will have a glass of water, and dude why are you referring to it so strangely, we aren't at work anymore."
The first chemist then goes into the bathroom and cries as his assassination plot has failed.
Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot:
It worked.
Some mystery person keeps adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
When I die I want to be buried in wet concrete
So that over time the plot thickens
Plot Twist
A hotel receptionist gets a call*
Man: Hello, I'm in room 210, you need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she's saying that she's going to jump out of the window.
Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal problem. We cannnot help you with that.
Man: Listen you idiot. The window is not opening and that's a MAINTENANCE problem.
For years, I've suspected my wife of adding soil to my garden and when I asked her about it, she just giggled and shrugged...
The plot thickens...
I saw a movie about a farmer who went out of business
The plot wasn't very good
What do you call it when a Cambodian dictator opens up a restaurant in his Cannabis plantation?
Pol p**...'s p**... Plot Hot p**....
I love spoiling the plot of The Picture of Dorian Gray
Never gets old
I was drawing a graph for my report expecting a straight line. But I got a curve.
What a plot twist
There's radical feminist plot to attack the postal service...
They heard it was a mail dominated industry..
( Possibility OC?)
I plotted a graph of my past mistakes
It has an ex-axis and a why-axis
This season of Earth is not realistic
So many plot holes. Like, where did the m**... hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?
I'm feeling Lost.
What do you call a plan to kill a bunch of crows that are hanging around on a gravestone?
A plot to m**... a m**... plot's m**....
Someone keeps adding soil to my garden!
The plot thickens
Someone's been secretly dumping top soil on my lawn...
The plot thickens...
I'm fully convinced that Stalin's grave...
...is just a Communist plot.
"hey manβ you buried my grandmother in the wrong plot"
I guess you could say *[stares muthafuckingly]*... I made a grave mistake.
What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?
671 Hallmark movies.
As I suspected, someone had been secretly adding soil in my backyard garden
*The plot thickens....*
It's my cake day! Here is my favorite joke:
Someone's been adding soil to my garden...
...the plot thickens
A farmhand loses both his farm and his hand after getting into a fight with his dad over politics...
...would be a really bad but accurate way to describe the plot of Star Wars.
I accidentally put corn starch in my novel..
The plot thickened.
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and screamed, "I have a complaint."
The Librarian looked up at her and asked, "How can I help you?"
The blonde answers, "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible."
The Librarian in a puzzled tone, asks, "What was wrong with it?"
To that, the blonde replies, "It had way too many characters and there was no plot."
The Librarian nodded and said, "Ah. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
I made a movie about farm life...
...but the film quality was too grainy and the plot was very corny.
Two Ukrainian spies have infiltrated into Moscow and have set up for their plot to kill Vladimir Putin.
They are laying in wait for Putin's private car to pass by, having planted a roadside bomb.
One says to the other, "He is supposed to arrive in 5 minutes. Is everything ready?".
"Yes."
An hour later, no car has passed by.
"Are you sure you got the time right?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."
I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.
Turns out that idea was taken. I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.
A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian, "The book I borrowed last week was just awful. It had absolutely no plot, and the vocabulary was too complex!"
The librarian calls into the back room, "Hey, we found the lady who took our dictionary!"
Jesus died for you sins!
Dumb a**... ruining the story by giving away major plot points. I was gonna read that book.
I plotted all of my past relationships on a chart
It had an ex axis and a why axis.
I just got done watching a show with unlikable characters, b**... plot developments, and a depressing ending.
It's called "The News."
Why was the gravedigger fired?
Because he kept losing the plot.
What do they call a cemetery where it's a mix of different religions and creeds
A melting plot
I saw four guys with a coffin on their shoulders wandering around the grave yard.
I thought to myself these guys have lost the plot.
Stalin's Tomb
is a communist plot.
