Plenty Jokes
144 plenty jokes and hilarious plenty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plenty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Read up on Plenty Jokes, a collection of humorous anecdotes featuring plenty of fish, good and plenty, a multitude, plentiful and abundant laughs. Get ready for an abundance of fun!
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Funniest Plenty Short Jokes
Short plenty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plenty humour may include short plethora jokes also.
- Dating is a lot like fishing Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
- With relationships, they say there's plenty of fish in the sea... But I'm just stuck here holding my rod
- They say that there are plenty of fish in the sea. But until I catch one, I'm just going to be sitting here, holding my rod.
- They say there are plenty of fish in the sea. But until you catch one you're just holding your rod.
- Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing... There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one.
- There was once a starving homeless man near Pyongyang... This joke has been removed.
Food and shelter are plentiful in North Korea.
To desire more is greed. - Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer. Cannibal 1: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Cannibal 2: "Not at all, and there's plenty to go around!" - Why is it important to have plenty of help when changing a light bulb? Many hands make light work.
- I bought the love of my life some fish from Washington, but she dumped me immediately afterwards. Oh well, there's plenty more fish in DC.
- If you refuse to pay your TV licence in England, you can be sent to prison… Where, ironically, you'll get plenty of BBC…
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Plenty One Liners
Which plenty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plenty? I can suggest the ones about numerous and countless.
- I should've known my boyfriend was a communist. There were plenty of red flags.
- What's the best thing about going to auschwitz? Plenty of seats on the train ride home.
- There's plenty more fish in the sea But until I catch one I'm left here holding my rod.
- Rioters now have their own dating app. It's called Plenty of Sheep
- It's actually really easy to quit smoking. I've done it plenty of times.
- I went fishing with my new tackle and got plenty of bites. trout?
No, mosquitoes. - You are allowed to have a bad day. You've given us plenty so keep one for yourself.
- Why didn't the fruit salad get sunburnt? Because it had plenty of melon in.
- There may be plenty of fish in the sea... but most of them these days are catfish.
- What do you mean gas shortage There's plenty of Taco Bells in the US
- There might be plenty of good food choices in College.. .. but you can't Top Ramen
- Why do people become pescatarians? Because there's plenty of fish in the sea.
- Statistics are like skirts They show us plenty of good stuff but not the main thing
- What do you give to an elephant with diarrhea? Plenty of room.
- There's plenty of fish in the sea I can't swim
Plenty Of Fish Jokes
Here is a list of funny plenty of fish jokes and even better plenty of fish puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There's plenty of fish in the sea(fixed) But until I find one I'm just stuck holding my rod
- Fishing & girlfriends Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i'm stuck here holding my rod
- There are plenty of fish in the sea... ...and they're easy to catch if you've got a big rod.
- My friend recently broke up with his girlfriend... I said "There's plenty of fish in the sea." and he replied "Yeah, but it's not just the smell I miss."
- Hope y'all like! A guy walks up to a girl and says "Hey baby, I'm a pescatarian."
She says "that's the worst pickup line I've ever heard."
So he says "whatever, there's plenty of fish in the sea." - There's plenty of fish in the sea they say. Until I catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod
- So they say there are plenty of fish in the sea... and yet here I am still playing with my rod.
- Updoot for blue cheese day! Yayy Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike.
There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod. - There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I find the one for me, I'm going to sit here holding my rod..if you know what I mean..
- Dad:Look sweetie there's plenty of other fishermen in the sea. Daughter: Don't you mean fish?
Dad: Jesus Christ! You're a lesbian!?!?
Plenty Of Fish In The Sea Jokes
Here is a list of funny plenty of fish in the sea jokes and even better plenty of fish in the sea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the fish say to his friend who lost his wife in the Fukushima disaster? There's plenty of other fission the sea
- They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but what happens when someone can't catch any fish? They become master baiters.
- There are plenty of fish in the sea And I've got roofies for all of them.
- If single life is hard don't worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You just have to weave through all the plastic
- I keep hearing there are plenty of fish in the sea. But in have yet to encounter an actual mermaid.
- Today I had an argument with my gf. She threatened to leave me and saying "there is plenty of a fish in the sea"
So I replied "there was, until you've eaten them all with chips" - Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike There is plenty fish in the sea, but until I find one, I am stuck here holding my rod.
- FISHING TERM I WAS WONDERING IF THE TERM : 'PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA', WAS COINED BY A LESBIAN
- Dad: Don't worry about her, son, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Son: Dad, we're goldfish. We live in an aquarium.
- You know how they say - there's plenty fish in the sea? Took a subway to work today with my fly open, didn't catch a one.
Good And Plenty Jokes
Here is a list of funny good and plenty jokes and even better good and plenty puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Its not a Muslim ban. Trump: "Its not a Muslim ban there are plenty of other Muslim countries that weren't banned. Its definitely not a Muslim ban"
Darth Bannon: "No its not but its a good start" - How was the movies? Did you bring enough candy? Good and Plenty.
- With the holidays coming a good friend told me the true meaning of having plenty... It means a lot
- Why are black people so good at basketball? There are plenty of basketball courts in prison
Happy Plenty Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about plenty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lots jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plenty pranks.
Anybody know some white people jokes?
I'm an avid racist and like to have plenty of denigrating jokes at the ready for any particular race. Sadly I know very few targeted at Caucasians, and the ones I do know make them look sorta good (rich, stable, part of ruling elite). Anybody know any jokes that poke fun at being white?
A Mexican,American,and Italian
There's a Mexican an American and Italian.They're flying on a plane which is about to c**....Each one have to throw something out or the plane will c**....The mexican goes:"ill throw out all these tacos,there's plenty from were i come from next goes the italian and says:"ill throw out all these pizzas they're plenty from were i come from and finaly the amercian goes:ill throw out the mexican they're plenty of these were i come from
A jew and a mexican are talking...
The jew says, "lemme ask you something, are theres jews in mexico?"
The mexican replies "oh yes my friend, plenty of jews...apple jews, orange jews, and tomato jews."
Higgs Boson walks into a church
Pastor says "*oh no, no you don't! You have caused the church plenty trouble already, I must ask you to leave immediately!*"
Higgs Boson replies "*but without me, how will you have mass?*"
I don't know guys what is your problem with black people, they are wonderful human beings...
... When I was a boy there were plenty of them and we all were good friends and had so much fun until my father put them up for sale
A blind man walks into a bar...
and orders his drink. While he's waiting he asks: "Hey! Do you want to hear a blonde joke?". The woman next to him answers: " I'm blond and had the worst day ever. The bartender is a blonde and has plenty of brawn and next to you sits also a blond biker. Do you really want to tell this joke?" The blind man says: "No, not any more. I don't want to explain the joke a thousand times."
Bird Impression
A traveling sideshow puts up a help wanted ad. A guy gets all excited and applies.
The sideshow owner brings him in for an interview and asks, "Ok, what's your talent? What can you do for me?"
The guy says "I do a really great bird impression!"
The owner responds, "Pff, no thanks. Plenty of people can do that."
So the guy says "Oh..ok...well thanks anyway,' and flies away.
What's the best joke you know that's kid-safe?
I know plenty of raunchy jokes, but was asked this recently and came up blank
Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota
Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."
Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land."
As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis, it looks like dat runway is too short."
Ole says, "Ok, I'll press da brakes as hard as I can when we come down, how bout dat?"
But Sven isn't reassured very much. At this point, he can see that the runway is almost certainly too short for them to land. He says, "Ole! Dis runway is way too short. we're gonna c**...!"
Ole says, "Oh shut up. I'll just put de plane in reverse as soon as we land, that'll do it."
So, the plane touches down, and despite Ole's best efforts, they do go off the runway and into the fence. The plane flips over a few times and is heavily damaged, but luckily both Ole and Sven are relatively unharmed. The two climb out of the wreckage, and Sven says, "You see, I was right! Dis runway was too short!"
Ole looks up and down the runway, and then he says, "Aye, it was really short. But look at how *wide* it is!"
A daughter is seemingly possessed by a d**......
Her mother frantically calls their priest, requesting an exorcism. She describes the details "She has been spinning about wildly, climbing on the walls, running on the ceiling.. moving about non-stop!" The priest replies "I don't know what you want me to do. Sounds like she's already exercising plenty!"
The Answering Machine
Hi, this is Eric.
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are a telemarketer, I have no money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
A company of the French Foreign Legion are lost in the desert...
The Captain assembles his men and says: "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is... we have run out of food and there is nothing to eat but sand. The good news is... there's plenty."
After the tsunamis in Japan a while back, my Japanese girlfriend dumped me.
It's okay though, there were plenty more in the sea.
An American, an Irishman and a Mexican walk into a... boat
The boat's sinking. They need to get rid of some things. The Irishman says, "I'll throw my beer into the ocean... We got plenty of that in Ireland!" The Mexican says, "I'll throw out my tacos. We got plenty of those in Mexico." The American says' "I'll throw out the Mexican, we got plenty of those in America!"
What business are you in?
I'll start
'What business are you in?'
'I'm in the Necrophiliac business.'
'How is it?'
'Fucking dead.'
**************
'What business are you in?'
'I'm in the Parkinson's business.'
'How is it?'
'Bit shaky at the moment.'
A game we played as 13 year olds. Plenty more in the tank
They really should have predicted the fall of Communism sooner.
After all, there were plenty of red flags.
A nurse is making her rounds through the halls of a hospital with a r**... thermometer tucked behind her ear...
As she goes to each room she gets plenty of strange looks from each of the patients, but none of them say anything. She finally walks past a doctor in the hall who stops her and asks "what's that you've got behind your ear?" she pulls it out and looks at in surprise, then exclaims "d**...! Some a**...'s got my pencil!"
A German, a Russian, and a Syrian are in a life raft ...
The raft is slowly sinking and the 3 castaways are afraid it will sink before they are rescued, so they start looking around for things they can dispose of to lighten the load.
The Russian takes a case of fine v**..., throws it overboard and says, "We have plenty of that in my country."
Seeing the Russian's generous gesture, the Syrian takes a bag of fine hibiscus tea, throws it overboard and says, "We have plenty in my country."
Finally, the German, seeing that it is his turn, throws the Syrian overboard and says, "We have plenty of those in my country."
Hey, do you like analogies? I got plenty!
I got analogy to rabbits, analogy to grass, analogy to mold...
Hillary said she wants to be the next president because there haven't been many women in the Oval Office.
Bill said, "That's not true, there's been plenty of women."
Parrot
A black guy walks in to a bar with a parrot on his shoulder the bar tender asks " he's beautiful where did you get him"
the parrot squaks " Africa theres plenty of them"
I failed the drivers test even though I stopped for the sign
I gave it plenty of time to cross, it's not my fault I hit it.
I've never been booed off stage.
I've never been booed off stage! Sure, I've been booed on stage plenty of times... but never off stage.
In honor of Mitch Hedberg. RIP.
So, there's this man named Dave and he's been a really successful doctor
However, lately he's been facing a little dilemma of wanting to have s**... with his patients.
One voice in his head says, "Oh come on Dave, there's probably been plenty of doctors who have done this before, it won't be any different if you do it too".
The other voice in his head says "But Dave, you're a veterinarian".
I've stood up for black people plenty of times...
Not worth getting shot over a seat on the subway.
[Politics] i**... immigrants are lucky
The government is helping them escape the US
...and into mexico, where a booming ladder industry is providing plenty of jobs
I'm thinking of changing career and becoming a professional circumciser. . .
The pay is lousy, but I hear you get plenty of tips.
Are you disappointed you didn't have a white Christmas?
Don't worry. I heard Inauguration Day will be plenty white.
What do you get a body builder for Christmas?
A dictionary, so they get plenty of definition.
Socks are like s**...
There's plenty to go around, yet I never seem to have any.
I'm not procrastinating...
....I have plenty of time left.
- courtesy of my 12 year old son.
Women are like multiple choice tests
They give you plenty of options but there's only one right answer
So I walked into a s**... shop the other day...
Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll
Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?
Me: I'd like a female.
Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?
Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?
Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.
Trump stared at the eclipse yesterday, but he'll be okay...
He has plenty of practice feeling his way around.
If a parachute fails while skydiving, don't worry!
You have plenty of time. You have the rest of your entire life to fix it!
When actors get drunk
To play a scene where a character is drunk it's method acting
So I'm sure breaking bad must have had plenty of m**... head acting
Now that Harvey Weinstein's Hollywood career is over, he's decided to open a bank.
Word is that he's been giving out plenty of unwanted advances.
It's really ignorant for people to not believe in stereotypes..
There's plenty in Best Buy.
Haven't u seen a n**... woman before?
Fully n**... British Lady gets into taxi. Chinese Driver looks at her top to bottom repeatedly..
British Lady asks,
"Haven't u seen a n**... woman before?"
Chinese Driver: I no look you n**.... I plenty frightened. I look look. Where you keep money pay me?
The man came home early from work to find his wife lying n**... on the bed, crying her eyes out.
What's wrong? he asked.
I've got nothing to wear to the dance tomorrow night, she
sobbed.
Oh come on now! You've plenty of clothes, and with that
he went over to the wardrobe. See here, there's the nice
pink dress, the pale blue skirt, the yellow cocktail dress, hi
there Tom, the green silk gown…
There was a king.
He was having a problem with barbarians in his kingdom, so he began sending guards to patrol the roads at night.
One of his nobles sent some of his city guard to help with the efforts, and a fool to keep the king's mood up.
The king was polite, but full of pride, so he sent the guards back with the message, "I have plenty of guards of my own, but I appreciate the jester."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert
As they're walking the come upon a convenience store. They go inside to gather supplies for the long journey home.
The brunette says "I'll grab plenty of water so we can have enough to drink."
The redhead says "I'll grab food so we have enough to eat."
The blonde says "I'll grab a car door in case it gets hot, we can roll down the windows!"
God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn
He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"
The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"
Why did the Psychic Academy only order large and small T-shirts?
Because they already had plenty of mediums.
Two brother sit under the christmas tree....
One gets dozens of presents. He opens one after another, a tablet, a drone, a bike and plenty other things.
The other only gets one present with his name on it: a matchbox car.
The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks: guess whom they like more!
The other, calmly playing with the matchbox car, asks back: guess who has cancer.
Non believers say it is impossible for a v**... to have kids...
... but my socially awkward friend Mitchell owns a goat farm - and he has plenty of kids!
I get plenty of exercise.
I'm frequently jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
UK politician Boris Johnson has promised to lie in front of bulldozers clearing a path for the 3rd Heathrow runway.
This should be no problem for him as he has already had plenty of practice lying in front of a bus!
My girlfriend told me to stop laughing at my dog.
She said, "As I recall, you spent plenty of hours chasing tail too."
I have a kid in Africa...
I have a kid in Africa and for only 37 cents a day he has a place to live, plenty of food, and all his shots.
The expensive part was flying him there.
An American, a Columbian, a Mexican and a Canadian are on a plane
The plane is too heavy, so they are asked to throw something away.
The Canadian grabs a goose, throws it out the plane and says "I don't mind, there's plenty back in my country"
The Columbian grabs a huge box full of c**..., throws it out of the plane and says "I don't mind, there's plenty back in my country"
The American grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane
"I don't mind, there's plenty back in my country"
Home depot is the best brothel
The vacuum s**..., the fan blows, the hammer bangs and they have plenty of pots to plant your seed.
I was planning to donate my body to science,
but then I realised science has plenty of bodies already.
So now I'm donating my brain to religion instead.
My girlfriend is the star of the local police department's bomb squad.
When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:
Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.
"My s**... robot broke up with me."
"Don't worry man, there's plenty more plastic in the sea."
An American, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are flying together in a small plane
The American gets up, goes to the window (it's not *that* small a plane) pulls a w**... of money out of his pocket, and throws it out the window.
"In America, we have plenty of money. We can just throw it away."
The Russian, not to be outdone, rummages in his carry-on bag, pulls out a beautiful fur coat, and throws it out the window.
"In Russia, we have plenty of furs. We can just throw them away!"
The ukrainian gets up, picks up the Russian, throws him out the window.
"In Ukraine, we have plenty of Russians!"
Everybody knows that a cornucopia is also called a "Horn of Plenty" but do you know its other name?
A Snaxaphone.
Homeless man tells the tale
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical benefits coverage.
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?
Oh no, nothing like that, he said, because of Coronavirus, I was unexpectedly paroled.
