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Pleasantness Jokes

68 pleasantness jokes and hilarious pleasantness puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pleasantness that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Pleasantness Short Jokes

Short pleasantness jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pleasantness humour may include short jokes also.

  1. There has been much said and sung about the "Eye Of The Tiger", but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters? The Tea of the tiger was quite a refreshing and pleasant event!
  2. I took a job aptitude test and it didn't make for pleasant reading I've no people or practical skills and am unable to use logic or reasoning.
    It recommended that I become an internet moderator.
  3. I paid a homeless man 2$ to give me a circumcision Not a pleasant experience... it was a rip-off
  4. To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant. But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.
  5. I love the smell of abandoned commercial manufacturing plants. I find it to be a pleasant old factory experience.
  6. i am StationEd at North korea to check the status of their leaDer. everyone HerE is so hostiLe and Pleasant.
  7. Chinese salesman I had a long talk with a Chinese man selling shoes the other day. It was a pleasant converse-asian.
  8. A Swedish exchange student asked me if he could do m**...' in my classroom after school As a maths teacher, I was pleasantly surprised by his willingness to learn.
  9. The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physicist while he c**... the last of his beer... The strange charm of a top down bottom's up

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Pleasantness One Liners

Which pleasantness one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pleasantness? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. I like being a pessimist I'm either right, or pleasantly surprised.
  2. I love being a pessimist. I'm either always right or pleasantly surprised.
  3. Why was the volcano so pleasant to be around? Because he was so magmanimous.
  4. How did the Hutterite find his sister in the woods? Very pleasant.
  5. What is the least pleasant state to live in? Missouri.
  6. I thought Surviving R Kelly was the name of his next album Boy was i pleasantly mistaken
  7. Which laptop has the most pleasant speakers? A Dell
  8. Being a pessimist is great I'm always either right or pleasantly surprised.
  9. Why was Genghis Kahn always so pleasant? Because he was a NoMad.
  10. Chuck Norris uses gasoline as aftershave just for the pleasant tingling sensation.
  11. How do you make an abortion a more pleasant experience? Use a candy cane
  12. My girlfriend and I had our first row yesterday... It was a pleasant day on the lake
  13. I s**... my crush the other day, it wasn't pleasant Soda cans are really sharp
  14. I just had s**... with a mute lady It was quiet pleasant.
  15. What do you get when you throw a dead baby off a cliff? A pleasant e**...

Pleasantness Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about pleasantness you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pleasantness pranks.

Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.
The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered
the courage to ask her, " Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of ' careful consideration' , she answered "Yes. Yes, I will. "
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember.
Try as he might, he just could not recall.
Not even a faint memory.
With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.
First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart."
Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Roma.


While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde.
So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while…
He climaxes loudly.
Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. you finish?” After a slight pause.
She replies, “No.”
Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first… and this time completing the deed with even louder shouts.
Again he rolls over, lights a cigarette, and asks, “So…. you finish?”
And again, after a short pause, she simply says “No.”
Stunned, but still acting reflexively on his macho pride, he once again puts out the cigarette, and mounts his companion du jour.
This time, with all the strength he could muster up, he barely manages to end the task, but he does, after quite some time and energy is spent.
Barely able to roll over, he reaches for his cigarette … lights it again, and then asks tiredly, “So… you finish?”
“No. I’m Swedish.”

Since you liked the first one...more Russian jokes. (Airplane Intercom Version)

"Good afternoon passengers. We are currently flying at 20000 feet. If you take a look out of the windows on the left-hand side you will get a good view of our left engine on fire. If you look out the right-hand side windows you will see our right wing has fallen off. Below the airplane you will soon see 5 parachutes. Our crew thanks you for flying Aeroflot. We wish you a pleasant journey to wherever your final destination may be."

George and Mildred

It was a pleasant, sunny afternoon in the park, full of Sunday revelers. George and Mildred were sitting together on a park bench, feeding the ducks. Mildred turned to George and said: "You know George, we've been together 29 years now, don't you think its about time we were getting married?"
George stared reflectively into the distance and replied, "Aye, Lass, but who would have us?"

Normal Wife

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.

45th birthday

Two weeks ago was my and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!" and probably would have a present for me.
As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember.
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.
I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day."Let's go!" We went to lunch.
We didn't go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable".
She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake -- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.
And I just sat there --on the couch -- n**....

Sherlock Holmes and his trusty associate Dr. John Watson are strolling leisurely through London's botanical gardens. (OC)

They are investigating the mysterious disappearance of a botanist who specialized in arboreal citrus.
Watson squints, focusing his gaze on something across the gardens. He gasps in surprise and grabs Sherlock's arm. He points at the thing that has captivated his attention and asks "Sherlock, is that a lime tree?"
Sherlock offers a pleasant chuckle and turns to Watson slowly, taking a slow drag from his tar-black pipe. After exhaling the blue-grey smoke into the moist air of the gardens, he says:
It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson.

In light of the Pope allowing aliens into the catholic church...aliens make contact with humanity

upon hearing the news, the Pope arranges to meet with the leader of the aliens.
Once the two are seated and have enjoyed a short bit of pleasant conversation, the Pope asks the alien leader, "tell me, have you heard of Jesus?"
The alien leader looks at the pope before smiling in realization, "you mean Jesus of Nazareth?" he exclaims, continuing before the pope can reply, "oh, we know about him! He comes to our world every few months, and he's always so friendly!"
The Pope's mouth drops in shock "but...how? Jesus hasn't returned to us for over 2000 years!"
The alien leader frowns and thinks for a moment. "well", he finally says, "every time Jesus comes to our world, we give him a box of chocolates. What did you give him the last time he came here?"

An Englishman went on a business trip to Japan...

When he got there, he stayed in a nice hotel and decided to call a prostitution service. Not knowing a single word of Japanese, it was he struggled with the ordering process.
When the girl finally arrived, they stripped down and get down to business... They were having a blast and the girl kept screaming **"Machigatta ana, Machigatta ana..!!"** Deciding that it was a sign that the girl was pleasantly satisfied, he thought nothing of it and continued all night long.
The next morning, the Englishman went and have a round of golf with his Japanese business partner. His business partner swung first.... **BAM!** **Hole in one!**
"Nice shot my friend, machigatta ana..." said the Englishman
Looking puzzled, his business partner replied
"That shot was perfect... but what do you mean 'wrong hole'?"

Dementia

Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor's office. The Doctor asks, "What is three times three?"
The first man answers, "274."
The second man answers, "Tuesday."
The third man answers, "Nine."
The doctor pleasantly surprised at the third man's correct response, inquires, "Great! How did you get that answer?"
"Simple. Just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

A man walks into a job interview...

He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".

A man is shipwrecked on a tropical island

He finds a native village on the shore. The people there take him in, and he has a pleasant life while waiting for rescue. Only one thing bothers him. From the villages up in the hills he can hear drums beating constantly, night and day.
He talks to the chief of the village, "Those drums are driving me crazy. They never stop. I can't sleep."
The chief says, "When drums stop, very bad."
"What do you mean? Are they war drums? Is there going to be a battle?"
"When drums stop, very bad."
"What's so bad? What happens when the drums stop?"
"Bass solo."

New Boyfriend

A 20 something year old girl finally decided to introduce her boyfriend to her parents. She hid him from them because she was afraid of how they'd react because he's very religious, but now that they're engaged she couldn't hide it anymore.
The boy shakes the father's hand firmly and sits down for a talk.
"So I understand that you want to marry my daughter. Do you have a job to support her?"
"With God's help sir, someday soon, I'll find a job"
"Are you planning on having kids?"
"With God's help sir, someday, yes."
"I understand that you're a student. How are you going to pay your tuition and afford a baby?"
"With God's help sir, I'm very certain both of these are possible goals"
The conversation went pleasantly and politely. After the boy left, the mother asked the father: "Well? What do you think of the young lad?"
To which the father replied: "He seems pretty nice, the only problem is that he seems to believe that I'm God."

The Cowboy and his Horse

A cowboy gets captured by indians, and they decide to execute him at sundown. Before they kill him they decide to offer him one last wish.
The cowboy asks to speak to his horse.
The Indians bring the Cowboy his horse. The horse comes close to him, and the cowboy whispers in the horse's ear. The horse then runs off.
A few hours later, the horse returns. Behind him is ten other horses, with ten n**... women. The indians are pleasantly surprised. They all have a feast and enjoy the company of the n**... women. They have such a good time that the decide to postpone the execution until the next day.
The next day, the indians come back to the cowboy and tell him that since they enjoyed the company of the women so much, they would be willing to offer him another wish. The cowboy, again, asks to speak to his horse.
The horse comes in and the cowyboy whispers in the horses's ear:
"I asked you to bring the POSSE!"

I was pleasantly surprised that my GF's mom had passed away

all of her fake jewellery, vintage 60s style clothing, cheap make up and cosmetic products, wigs, fake eyelashes and tonnes of other unwanted stuff to a charity

A young couple were killed in an accident on the day before their wedding.

When they arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter asked if there was anything he could do to make being in heaven even more pleasant. So they said that they are good Christians and never had s**... before, explained about dying the day before their wedding and asked if it was possible to be married in heaven, so they can sleep together. "No problem," said St Peter, "leave it with me."
A hundred years or so later they met St Peter and asked about the wedding. "Everything is being arranged," he assured them.
Another hundred years passed, and they met St Peter again. They reminded him about the wedding and said, "We know that in heaven, time is of no consequence, but we have been waiting over two hundred years." St Peter replied, "I am sorry. All the arrangements were made the day after you arrived and there is only one thing preventing us from having the wedding..... We're waiting on a minister!"

Why Mayberry RFD was such a pleasant place

Just think of how idyllic and peaceful the whole community was.
What did the main characters all have in common? Sheriff Andy, Barney, Opie, Gomer, Floyd the barber, Helen, Clara Jean, Aunt Bea, Goober, Harold......they were all SINGLE.

The only married character was Otis, and he was drunk all the time!

Obvious, innit?

A guy was very self-conscious, because he'd been born without ears. Despite this, he'd become general manager at his company.
He was still self conscious though, so when interviewing people, he'd ask if they noticed anything about him, anything they could mention about him, and if people remarked on his lack of ears, they didn't make the grade.
His first couple of candidates had been rejected, and he was pleasantly surprised when the third candidate said he'd noticed he wears contact lenses.
"What made you realise?" he asked. "Easy," came the reply, "people with no ears don't wear glasses."

A family of moles lived in a hole in the city.

There was a father mole, a mother mole and many sister and brother moles. One day, they were awoken by a pleasant smell that none of them could identify. The father scurried up the hole and poked his head out, then announced I smell milk and honey! The mother mole followed close behind him, took a whiff and said It smells like sugar cookies to me.
After the sisters and brothers ran up to the hole opening all made their guesses as to what the smell was, the youngest mole announced All I smell is molasses.

An old couple has friends over for dinner one evening...

After a pleasant dinner, the women stay in the dining room to chat whilst the men retire to the living room.
One of the men says to the other,
We went to this wonderful restaurant the other week, you should visit it some time! Wonderful portion sizes and prices.
The other ponders this and replies,
What's it called?
He thinks about it for a moment before replying.
What's the name of that flower - you know, that thorny one? For Valentine's Day?
A rose?
Oh! Yes!
He turns around and yells into the other room, Hey, Rose! What was the name of that restaurant we went to last week?

A man walks into a bar.

He has a pleasant evening drinking with his girlfriend and buddies until the establishment closes.
As he is leaving he steps into a bar
-wood taxi, which he called to take him home.
As the taxi driver is pulling away he hits a bar.
To start the meter.
As the man enters his building he hits a bar.
To open the main entrance.
He steps into a bar,
of artificial light as he pushes the button for the elevator.
Then the man walks into a bar.
Swung directly at his head by his angry wife.

First day on the job.

A young man was starting his first job as a bellhop. Keen to make a good impression he asked the supervisor for any tips. Be polite and address the customer by their name was the response. How do I know their names? the boy asked. Check the name tag on their luggage replied the supervisor.
Excited and ready to get going, he greets a rich American couple, grabbing their luggage, glancing at the tags and taking it to their room. As he was leaving he remembered the advice, turned to the couple and said, hope you have a pleasant stay Mr and Mrs genuine cowhide.

Mental hospital

A nurse at a mental hospital checks in a room to find patient Bob pretending to drive a car.
- Bob, what are you doing?
Asked the nurse curiously.
- I'm on a road trip to Canada.
Bob replied.
The nurse wishes him a pleasant journey and proceeds to patient Gary's cell to find him m**....
- Heavens, Gary! What are you doing?!
Asked the nurse.
- I am having s**... with Bob's wife while he's in Canada.
Gary replied.

Kevin Bridges bus stop joke

I am a bus stop, ready on a bus, whilst a pleasant madman confirmed up.
He changed into throughout the road. He shouted “Hoi u, Hoi u,…, Ai u ”.
Now whilst u are at a bus stop, at midnight, and a person instigates a communication with
“Hoi u, Hoi u,…, Ai u ”,…, you type a,…,s**... yourself!
You try to preserve your head down. Then the fellow shouts: “Oi fats boy!”.
I’m status there, searching at the two different human beings on the bus stop. I’m looking to discern out their BMI!
But beside me had been those 2 thin pensioner types.
I wager this one’s for me!
And the fellow said: “Fat boy. Give me a quid,…,or you’re getting stabbed!”
And I thought,…,a quid ? That is,…,pretty reasonable! Panic over!
I mean, I’ve by no means been stabbed, however I can believe it being really inconvenient.
You’d be blanketed in blood, need to visit the hospital, and be b**... and emotionally traumatized.
And here,…,we’ve were given a gentleman,…,providing me the threat to skip this sort of horrendous ordeal,…,
In this contemporary economic climate,…, for a trifling pound!
Now I’m a s**... for a bargain!

I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.

She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.
I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she asked for a bite of my kabab.
Mary had a little lamb.

A man's printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.

A friendly young man informed him, Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.
Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage business?
Actually, it was my boss's idea, said the young employee. He says that if we let people try to fix things themselves first, we end up making even more money!

Bob is about to celebrate his 30th anniversary

Bob wants everything to be perfect for his anniversary trip to the hotel where he and his wife honeymooned 30 years earlier. So he gets there a day early to make all the arrangements. That night he emailed her, but misspelled the address, and it goes to a recent widow.
The next day, the widow's son finds Her passed out in front of her computer. On the screen is this email:
My darling wife, I've just gotten here and everything is set for your arrival tomorrow. I hope the trip down great will be as pleasant as mine.
P.S. It's really hot!

Seminar

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Jim and his wife listened to the instructor declare: It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He addressed the men: For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower? Jim leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it? The rest of the story is not pleasant.

A Confucianist, a Daoist and a Legalist walk into a bar...

and order a beer each. The Confucisanist smiles pleasantly at the beer and waits for it to reach his mouth of its own accord, the Daoist ignores his beer and the Legalist drinks all three beers shoots the Confusicanist.
This one was told to me by my Chinese History Prof years ago.