Pleads Jokes
34 pleads jokes and hilarious pleads puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pleads that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pleads Short Jokes
Short pleads jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pleads humour may include short pleaded jokes also.
- "Beatles or Stones?" I asked my son. "Why can't I just have something normal for dinner?" he pleaded
- The Defense pleads 'Not Guilty by reason of insanity' and loses They go to appeal and plead 'not guilty by reason of insanity' again, expecting a different result.
They win the appeal. - My wife says she's fed up and is planning on leaving me this weekend. Despite begging and pleading with her, she's adamant she won't move out before then.
- What's the difference between a politician and a serial killer? The serial killer might listen if you plead with them
- I called the hospital and pleaded, "Doctor! She's going into labor and her contractions are coming really fast! What should I do!?" "Is this her first child?" he asked. "No, this is her husband!"
- The world's most sarcastic man stands trial. "How do you plead?" asks the judge.
"Well," says the man. "Usually on my knees with my hands together." - "Jesus, I've come to you for redemption," I pleaded. "Sorry sir, that coupon is no longer valid," said the Mexican store keeper.
- Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you pleade?" Robot, the defendant: "Guilty as charged"
- A Man was on trial for cannibalism Judge:How do you plead
Man:your honor if the phrase you are what you eat applies then I am an innocent man - The cross-eyed judge looked at the 3 defendants How do you plead? he asked the first man. Not guilty, said the second. I wasn't talking to you, said the judge. I didn't say a word, said the third.
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Pleads One Liners
Which pleads one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pleads? I can suggest the ones about pleas and begs.
- I was in court accused of stealing blankets. I pleaded 'not quilty'.
- I could never be with anyone other than my wife. No matter how much I plead.
- Why did the picture plead innocent at the trial? It was framed.
- Always plead idiocy, if you can provide evidence. It's foolproof!
- me: "I plead insanity, your honor." judge: "its just a parking ticket"
- Canadian court... Do you plead sorry or not sorry?
- I recently contested a traffic violation in court. I plead insanity.
- Jared to plead guilty to charges. Sorry wrong sub.
- Why did the train driver plead madness in court? He had a loco motive.
- Why was the harvester pleaded guilty? Cause he's a cereal killer.
- Did you hear about the woman who robbed a Hobby Lobby store? She pleaded quilty.
- Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.
- What did the urologist do to plead innocent in court? He prostrated himself.
- My uncle got arrested for shoplifting. He plead Insanity.
Cheerful Pleads Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about pleads you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean plead guilty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pleads pranks.
A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting.
"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"
A grandmother is watching her grandson....
A grandmother is watching her grandson play on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea.
She looks up and pleads, Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, my life has no meaning without him. Please bring him back.
And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.
She looks up to heaven and says: He had a hat!
After dying h**... arrives at the gates of heaven
God asks him his name and on hearing "h**..." instantly remarks that he should be sent to h**.... h**... pleads to God to atleast consider some merit for him in heaven. To this God rumbles " You persecuted millions of Jews, led a second world war to happen and caused the German people to suffer a lot. On what possible merit would we consider admitting you into heaven ?"
h**... calmly replies "My Lord, I am also responsible for killing that man"
A cannibal is on trial for m**... and cannibalism...
He's called up to the witness stand and the prosecutor asks him if he pleads guilty or innocent.
"Innocent!" he says.
The prosecutor asks him to prove it.
The cannibal answers, "Well, you are what you eat, right? So I am an innocent man!"
a Jewish grandma and her grandson are at the beach having a nice day
When out of nowhere, a huge wave comes and sweeps him out to sea.
She drops to her knees and pleads, "Please God, save my only grandchild. I beg of you, my life has no meaning without him. Please bring him back.
And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.
She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!"
A robber breaks into a house to see a n**... couple at it......
He quickly ties them up at gunpoint and goes around the whole house collecting all the valuables, when the t**... man pleads "Please untie her and let her go, you can keep me t**... for as long as you want"
"Do u love you your wife that much? "
"No!" sighs the man "she's the neighbours wife........... it's nearly time for my wife to return from work!!"
So a man was going blind.
He goes to the the doctor and pleads,
"Doctor you have to help, I think I'm going blind!"
the doctor leans in with his little flashlight and says,
"Mmhm, I'm going to need you to stop m**...."
the man cries out,
"But why??"
the doctor simply says,
"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."
A man is on trial for m**....
The judge asks him to give his version of the story, and how he pleads.
The defendant replies: "Innocent, your honor. I am not sure what exactly happened myself, I was sitting on a park bench, enjoying the nice weather, peeling an apple with my pocket knife, when suddenly this guy trips on the apple peel and falls right on top of my knife."
The judge inquires: " And all this happened 16 times?"
A mother is watching her son play on the beach
when a huge wave comes and takes him into the waters. She looks up and pleads, "Please God, save my son! He means so much to me. Please bring him back."
A couple of seconds later, another huge wave comes and washes the boy back onto the sand, good as new. She looks back up to the sky and says:
"Hey! He had a hat!"
A Man Goes to the Doctor
A cancer patient anxiously awaits his doctor, who enters with his test results.
Give it to me straight, doc, he pleads. How long have I got?
Ten, says the doctor.
Ten what? Months? Days? Years? The patient cries.
Oh, I'm sorry, the doctor continues. That was my wife on Bluetooth, asking how many eggs we need. Your cancer is in remission and you should lead a long healthy life.
The patient, ecstatic, runs out into the street, where he is promptly hit by a bus and killed.
An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.
Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.
"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.
"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up."
A man and his lawyer walk into the courtroom and stand before the judge.
The judge asks "What does the defendant plea?"
The lawyer replies "Your honor, my client pleads trans-guilty."
The judge has a puzzled look on his face.
Lawyer: "He identifies himself as an innocent man."
Divorce custody
A couples divorce proceedings are in progress, and the case of who gets custody of their 4 year old child gets raised.
The mother pleads her case: "I'm the mother, I carried her for 9 months so of course she should stay with me."
The father responds: "if I go to an ATM machine, and I insert my card, and money comes out, does the money belong to me or to the machine?"
The Human Cannonball shows up to the circus one day to tell the Ringmaster he's quitting
Upset, the Ringmaster pleads him not to leave; "Please, don't go!" he says, "Where will I ever find another man of your caliber?"
15 years of prayer
So a homeless man starts praying to god everyday for 15 years straight asking to win the lottery at least once. He never misses a day and pleads to god. One day he starts praying when he sees a flash of light and hears god yell "ATLEAST BUY A LOTTERY TICKET IF YOU WANT TO WIN!"
Jared Fogle pleads guilty to s**... with minors
Now I know what he meant when he said 'Eat Fresh'
A man claims to have a talking dog, and takes him to a talent agent.
The agent says, "Let's hear what he can do." So the man asks the dog,"What's the texture of concrete?" The dog says "Rough!" The agent says, "Try again."
The man asks the dog,"What's on top of a house?" The dog says "Roof!" The agent says, "This is nonsense. I don't have time for this." The man pleads for one more chance, and the agent tells him OK.
The man asks the dog,"Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog says "Ruth!" The agent kicks them out of the office. As they're leaving the building, the dog looks up and asks, "Do you think I should have said Ty Cobb?"
A thoughtful rabbi . . .
A man goes to see his Rabbi. Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.
The Rabbi asked, What's wrong?
The man replied, My wife is poisoning me.
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, How can that be?
The man then pleads, I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me. What should I do?
The Rabbi then offers, Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. I called your wife and spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes."
So the Rabbi replied, You should take the poison.
A tiny guy applies for a job as a lumberjack.
Sorry, says the head lumberjack, eyeing the man up and down. You're just too small.
Give me a chance to show you what I can do, the guy pleads. You won't regret it.
O.K., says the boss. See that giant oak over there? Let's see you chop it down.
Half an hour later, the mighty oak is felled, amazing the boss.
Where'd you learn to cut trees like that? he asks.
The Sahara Forest. said the man.
Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?
It wasn't called that when I was there..
