Plead Guilty Jokes

28 plead guilty jokes and hilarious plead guilty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plead guilty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Plead Guilty Short Jokes

Short plead guilty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plead guilty humour may include short pleading guilty jokes also.

  1. The Defense pleads 'Not Guilty by reason of insanity' and loses They go to appeal and plead 'not guilty by reason of insanity' again, expecting a different result.
    They win the appeal.
  2. Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you pleade?" Robot, the defendant: "Guilty as charged"
  3. The cross-eyed judge looked at the 3 defendants How do you plead? he asked the first man. Not guilty, said the second. I wasn't talking to you, said the judge. I didn't say a word, said the third.
  4. If being spineless is a crime, sue me! I think, I'll just plead guilty.
    *On a serious note, I'll probably beg you to withdraw charges.*
  5. Did you hear Mike Sorrentino from the jersey shore is pleading guilty to tax evasion? You could say he's in a Bad "Situation".
  6. Rick has pleaded guilty and is willing to testify. I think the flood Gates have been opened.
  7. Oscar Pistorius is pleading not guilty to the charge of premeditated m**... Frankly I don't think he's got a leg to stand on.
  8. A serial killer plead guilty to h**... after being asked by the judge why he would kill, the serial killer responded,
    "It fills me with energy."
    He was charged with m**....
  9. Jared Fogle pleads guilty to s**... with minors Now I know what he meant when he said 'Eat Fresh'

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Plead Guilty One Liners

Which plead guilty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plead guilty? I can suggest the ones about pleaded guilty and pleaded.

  1. Jared to plead guilty to charges. Sorry wrong sub.
  2. Why was the harvester pleaded guilty? Cause he's a cereal killer.
  3. Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.

Happy Plead Guilty Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about plead guilty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean guilty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plead guilty pranks.

An accused criminal is brought before a judge...

The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, your honour."
"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.
"Do you accept payment in gold?"

A cannibal is on trial for m**... and cannibalism...

He's called up to the witness stand and the prosecutor asks him if he pleads guilty or innocent.
"Innocent!" he says.
The prosecutor asks him to prove it.
The cannibal answers, "Well, you are what you eat, right? So I am an innocent man!"

Guilty and Depression!

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist.
"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For Pete's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

A man and his lawyer walk into the courtroom and stand before the judge.

The judge asks "What does the defendant plea?"
The lawyer replies "Your honor, my client pleads trans-guilty."
The judge has a puzzled look on his face.
Lawyer: "He identifies himself as an innocent man."

A man forgot his glasses before executing a robbery.

Because he couldn't see, he was easily captured and arrested. A month later, his trial began and he pleaded guilty.

Later, his friend walked up to him whom he hadn't seen since before the robbery. His friend said, Why did you do this? The robber replied, I didn't know it was against the law, i'm legally blind!

[OC] Two peanuts were walking down the street

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
The assailant, a third peanut not known to the victim or his friend, pleaded "not guilty" on grounds of insanity; however, after much deliberation, he was sentenced to five years for the assault, because he wasn't a nut at all.

Eight hours into his trial p**... pleads guilty.
"Why didn't you plead guilty at the beginning and save the court's time?"
The judge demanded.
"Well," p**... responded, "until I heard all the evidence I thought I was innocent."

A park ranger finds a man in the wilderness eating a bald eagle.

The man is arrested and brought to trial for killing a protected bird.
He pleads with the judge, "Your honor, I was lost in the wilderness for three days without food, and the eagle attacked me. I fought back in self-defense, and I ate it because I was starving."
The judge listens to the tale and rules that the man is not guilty. But he turns to the man and asks, "Well, now that we're done with all that, I admit that I am curious to know, what does bald eagle taste like?"
"Well, your honor, it's like a cross between a snowy owl and a whooping crane."

One day in the courtroom...

One day in the courtroom, there was a very big and intense court case going on. Mr. Larius was being charged with the first degree m**... of his wife. He had plead not guilty.
During the court case, the prosecution called up a witness to the stand. During the examination, they asked, "Did you see the m**...?" and the witness said, "Yes! I certainly did!"
Then the prosecution asked, "Do you know who did it?" and the witness said, "Yes! I certainly do!"
Then the prosecution asked, "If he is in the courtroom, may you please point him out?" and so the witness pointed to the defendant and cried out, "It was HE! LARIUS!"

I often feel guilty

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"

Lawyer Humor (From a textbook)

A traffic court judge found himself facing two attorneys, both of whom he knew very well. Both were charged with speeding violations. "Gentlemen," he said, "I could not be truly objective in either of your cases, so I'm going to let you judge each other's case." Both Lawyers agreed. Attorney Number One climbed to the bench. "You are charged with driving 40 in a 25 mph zone. How do you plead?" he asked Attorney Number Two. "Guilty," was the response. "I fine you $50," said Number Two. Then they exchanged places. "You are charged with driving 40 in a 25 mph zone," said Number Two. "What is your plea?" "Guilty," said Number one. "Then I fine you $200," said Number Two. "Hey! That's unfair," said the first. "I fined you only $50." "Yes," was the reply, "but there is too much speeding going on. This is the second case we've had like that today"

Two judges were stumbling home from their local pub, arms around each other, loudly singing Kenny Rodgers. "Hey," said one, "I think we're drunk." "You are right, and according to the law I will have to charge you with being drunk and disorderly," said his mate. "And you will have to appear before me at 10AM tomorrow," said the first. Next morning in court, the first pleaded guilty to the charge and was fined $10. They then switched places. "Drunk and disorderly, eh? You are fined $20." "Hey," protested the first, "When I was in was in chair I only fined you $10!" "Yes," said the second judge, "But the offence is becoming too common. You are the second drunk to appear before the court this morning."

A man is in court on trial. The judge says, "On the 3rd August, you were accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?" "Guilty", said the man in the dock. Another man at the back of the courtroom stands up and shouts, "You dirty rat!" The judge asks the man to sit down and to refrain from making any noise. The judge then continues, "...and also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead?" "Guilty," says the man in the dock. Again the same man at the back stands up and shouts even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat!" At this point the Judge calls the loud man to the bench and says, "I have already asked you to be quiet. If you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship do you have with this man?" He replies, "He is my next door neighbor." The judge replies, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments." The man replied "No, your honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one!"