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Plays Jokes

135 plays jokes and hilarious plays puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plays that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the different types of jokes and playful activities playing people can partake in. Learn more about how playwrights create an ensemble of characters on an instrument and the comedic timing involved.

Funniest Plays Short Jokes

Short plays jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plays humour may include short playing jokes also.

  1. My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding... She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
  2. Some say that if you play Nickelback backwards you'll hear Satan. Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear nickelback.
  3. Told my son to stop playing russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other.
  4. I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow. The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
  5. I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
  6. My 12 year old just told me a joke He said I've been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I'm only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times.
  7. I found a vinyl record called "Sounds of the Wasps." When I played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound like wasps." I was right. I was playing the B-side.
  8. Stallone: I'm making a movie about composers. I'm playing Vivaldi. VanDamme: I'll be Mozart.
    Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I'm not saying it.
  9. Why did Trump play golf after the election ? Because that's where the winner has the lowest score.
  10. My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary? A play on words.

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Plays One Liners

Which plays one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plays? I can suggest the ones about played and games.

  1. Making love to a woman is like playing a violin… I don't know how to do it…
  2. Have you ever played quiet tennis? It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
  3. What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry? Popcorn
  4. Why can't two women play monopoly together? There's only one iron.
  5. The Seattle Seahawks play calling.
  6. Why don't cats play poker in the forest? Because there are too many cheetahs
  7. Why did 50 cent play at half time? Because it's after 2 quarters.
  8. What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Pitbull coming from the childrens play ground
  9. How many guitarists does it take to play Wonderwall? Apparently, all of them.
  10. Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: Because they don't know where home is.
  11. Why does Piglet smell so bad? Because he plays with Pooh
  12. My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar. I said "maybe".
  13. America is a free country. Free to Play, but Pay to Win.
  14. Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars... he played The Force
  15. Do you know why Bill Clinton played the saxophone? Because he lost his whoremonica

Someone Who Plays Jokes

Here is a list of funny someone who plays jokes and even better someone who plays puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I've been having trouble playing it I guess I can't complain though, it's not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached
  • The first joke I invented all on my own (age ~5-6) Why don't pirates like playing cards?
    There's always someone walking across the deck.
  • Where do you take someone that got hurt playing peek a boo? To the I.C.U
  • Why can't pirates play poker? because someone is always standing on the deck.
  • I was walking down the street one day when I heard someone playing Dancing Queen and Mamma Mia on the didgeridoo. That's Abba-rigonal
  • How can you tell if someone plays the accordion? They’ll tell you.
  • No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say... I play a little guitar!"
  • If you are ever lost in the woods... Just start playing a game of solitaire and someone will appear behind you with guidance on your next move.
  • Why is someone who plays the piano called a pianist... ... but a person who drives race cars not called a racist?
  • I found out someone's been impersonating me... Well two can play at that game.
Plays joke, I found out someone's been impersonating me...

Cheerful Fun Plays Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about plays you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean performance jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plays pranks.

A lawyer is about to enter a party..............

A lawyer is about to enter a party and decides to tell people that he's a doctor instead of a lawyer since people seem to think badly about lawyers and has always been attacked by lawyers jokes. After he's mingled for a little while, a guy comes up to him and tells him that there's another doctor there who works at the same hospital he does. To his surprise, this other doctor plays along and pretends to know him. After the party ends, the guy goes up to the doctor and says, Thanks for playing along. So, what does it feel like to be a real doctor? The man replies, I wouldn't know. I work for the IRS.

What do you call a cow that plays with itself?

Beef Stroganoff

I try to tell this joke in english :]

There's a young boy, with no arms, nor legs called Lumpi.
Lumpi plays in front of his house in the sandbox, then a window opens on the 4th floor and Lumpi's mother yells at him "Lumpi time to eat!" and she throws down a rope.
As Lumpi sees the rope hanging out of his window, he starts to rob to the rope and bite's it! He trained hard to hold himself on the rope with his teeth. Lumpi is very hungry and starts to pull himself up only with his teeth. Lumpi pulls and pulls, he's on the 1st floor, the window opens and a young Lady smiles at him, Lumpi smiles back, then pulls again...and again, 2nd floor the window opens and an old man sees him and waves at him, Lumpi shakes his head to greet back, then he start's to pull himself up again. Lumpi, all sweaty and hungry now on the the 3rd floor, near his own window on the 4th floor. The window on the 3rd floor opens and a Lady sees him, then she says "Hi Lumpi! What are you going to eat now?" and Lumpi replies " Pizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!...."
Sry for my bad english, I just tried to tell a joke in english that I know in my own language. :)

What do you call it when a Korean plays kickball?

A Psychic

3 soccer players, one plays for Manchester United, one for Liverpool and one for Arsenal, are lost in the desert.

They come across a dead camel and are having trouble deciding who gets what? So the guy from Manchester says, well since I'm from ManCHESTer, i'll get the chest. The player from Liverpool goes, well in that case I'll eat the LIVER. Then guy from ARSEnal says...i'm not hungry....

WHAT KIND OF BAND PLAYS SNAPPY MUSIC?

A RUBBER BAND.

Golfing on the sabbath

One day, a man named David decides to skip church to play golf. Up in heaven, Saint Peter sees this and reports David's sin to God. God says, "I will punish him accordingly." David plays a perfect game and goes home really pleased. Saint Peter sees this and goes to God and says, "What gives? You said you would punish him, yet he gets a perfect score." God smiles and says, "Who can he tell?"

What's the difference between a pun and a copy of Cliff's Notes?

A pun is a play on words, while Cliff's notes are a word on plays

A man decides he wants to learn to play bass.

He signs up for lessons and the first day the instructor says to him "today we're learning E." and he just plays E over and over again. The next lesson the instructor says he'll be teaching him A and he plays A over and over again. The third lesson is D and he plays D over and over again. At the end of the lesson the instructor says "next lesson we'll learn G" but the guy replies "I can't make the next lesson, I have a gig."

If Linkin Park plays in a forest, and no one is there to hear it,

in the end, does it even matter?

What do you call an African who plays 10 pin bowling online?

Ebola.

My local drama society put on an evening of x**... Roman plays. I thought it sounded s**... so I went along. It was just 30 plays.

Why should you date a girl who is good with her hands and plays soccer?

Because she's probably a keeper.

It's Easter Sunday morning...

... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.

I'm writing a film about a cannibal undead tax exile who plays drums, eats your mother and then is sick.

It's a nondomtomtomnomnommomvomromzomcom

Silly Grandad

Johns Grandad comes over to look after him for the day. John goes outside and plays with the neighbors kid, a bit later he comes in and asks "Grandad, whats it called when two people sleep in one room one on top of the other?" Grandad replies "I've got to be honest with you, you are 8 now, its called i**... and thats how you make babys." ten minutes later John returns "Freds mum said its called bunkbeds, and she needs a word with you"

I once asked a Frenchman if he plays video games.

He responded, "Oui."
I told him Xbox is better.

A German boy band that plays some insane classical stuff.

Bachstreet Boys

Playstation and Xbox had a fight. Then came the ambulance

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U

What do you call a Greek philosopher who plays hard to get?

A socra-tease
Made this one up myself. I'll be here all week

What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician?

A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands.

A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3

Best yo momma joke?

Your momma so ugly when she plays Mortal Kombat Scorpion says "stay over there"

Did you hear about child m**... who plays the piano?

He was f**... a minor

So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally

I think she's a keeper

There is this guy from the Czech Republic that plays chess with his Austrian friend.

Czech mate.

Why is Tigger so dirty?

Because he plays with Pooh

Why does Tiger have to take so many baths?

Because he plays with Pooh all day.

If the actor who plays Wolverine were to reveal that he's been a con-artist his entire life....

Would that mean this has all been a huge act, man?

My wife got a restraining order against me.

I love it when she plays hard to get.

Based on statistics

The most used s**... position among married couples is d**......
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

Why does tigger have no friends?

Because he plays with pooh.

What's a married couples favorite s**... position?

d**....
The husband sits up and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

My wife and I do it d**......

...she plays dead and I beg.
-Dan Chopin

n**... Beach

Two parents take their son on a vacation to a n**... beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.

Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.
Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician?

A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people

A man goes to Japan on business and hires a p**....

He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.
The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"

A buddy of mine started dating this girl that plays soccer. I like her a lot.

She's a keeper.

My local theatre were showing some x**... Roman plays..,

I thought that it sounded pretty hot, turns out it was just 30 Roman plays.

A Rock Band Plays 3 Chords for a 3000 Person Crowd

Where as a jazz player will play 3000 chords for a 3 person crowd.

Music can really take you to another place

Like this bar I'm in plays nickleback, so I'm leaving

I asked a Frenchman if he plays video games

He said, "Wii"

The most popular s**... position when you're married is...

d**..., the man begs while the woman plays dead.

We usually do it d**...

I beg and she rolls over and plays dead

What do you call a robotic politician that plays in a band?

Al Gore Rhythm

d**...

Two buddies were drinking while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it d**...?" Asked the one.
"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, k**..., huh?"
"Well, not exactly..."
"I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."

My dad loves Battlefront 2 and praises EA whenever he plays it.

Should I tell him they made another battlefront 2 recently?

Well me and the wife have doggy s**... every night.

I sit at the end of the bed panting and begging and she rolls over and plays dead

I found a bar that only plays songs by Prince, but you can drink as much as you like, all night, for $20.

I'm gonna party like it's $19.99

When it comes to trick plays, you have to hand it to Tom Brady...

Literally. He can't catch.

Old man says to old woman, I bet you can't guess how old I am.

She responds, I bet I can. Unzip your pants
The guy is shocked but plays along. The woman sticks her hand in his pants and feels him up for a few minutes before saying, You're 83!
The old guy is astonished and says, I am 83! How did you know?
The old lady says, You told me yesterday.

A friend just got a brand new grand piano

I complimented him on it by saying it plays like a baby. He asked what did I mean by that? I said it's smooth, beautiful, and it makes an unbelievable racket if you kick it down a flight of stairs.

My Dad who plays golf.

I always asked dad why he bought an extra pair of socks when he played golf. Told me in case he got a hole in one. 😂

In the 2001 film "The Planet of the Apes" David Warner plays a primate named Senator Sandar

which means the whole planet is probably a Banana Republic

I'm planning to put on a theatrical performance about puns.

I like producing word plays.

Did you hear about the tennis player who lost her finger?

I heard she plays ninenis now

Did you hear that Paul Walker plays a lot of Xbox?

But he mostly spends all his time on dashboard

Studies show that doggy is the most common s**... style among married couples.

The husband sits and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.

*nervously plays with tie* "I'm sorry. I'm no good during job interviews."

"That's ok, just let go of my tie and go on your side of the desk."

The latest hipster music craze plays songs at a frequency of 50000 Hz.

You probably never heard of it.

Some people play the sexist card. Some people play the racist card. Guess what my wife plays?

My credit card.

How to know the time

Dude 1: Yo what's the time.
Dude 2: Dunno pass me that t**... and I'll find out.
Dude 2: (plays t**... loudly)
3 Neighbours Simultaneously: HEY WHO'S PLAYIN' THAT t**... AT 2AM!?!?!?
Dude 1: Broooooo...

What's Darth Vader's stage name when he plays his electric piano?

The synth lord

My GF plays soccer

I think she's a keeper

New bathroom

I was shopping for a new bathroom this week, and was shown an amazing toilet that plays ABBA songs when you flush it.
What a loo.

It has been determined, the most used s**... position for married couples is the d**... position...

The husband sits up and begs.
The wife rolls over and plays dead.

Marine biologists have discovered a group of killer whales that regularly meets and plays music together.

They call it an orca-stra.

What do you call a snowman that plays piano?

Meltin' John

*cop pulls me over*

COP: please blow into this, sir
ME: *plays trumpet perfectly*
COP: okay you're definitely sober and way cool

Told my wive 10 plays on words to see how many make her laugh.

No pun in ten did.

'What time is it?'

'Dunno. Pass me that t**... and I'll find out.'
*plays t**... loudly*
Someone shouts: 'WHO'S THAT PLAYING THE t**... AT 2AM?'

An American spy comes into a Soviet bar

And orders a drink.
"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.
The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of v**... and drains it in one big gulp.
"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"
The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, everyone in the bar tearing up, including the barkeep.
"You sing like Russian", he said under tears, "but you are American spy"
He starts dancing the Kozachok, worthy of the Bolshoy dancers.
"You dance like Russian, but you are American spy"
"Ok, you got me. But how do you know?"
"There are no black Russians"

I heard Miley Cyrus is in the new Silence of the Lambs reboot

She plays Hannibal Montannibal.

What's the difference between a jazz guitarist and a rock guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays 10 chords for 50,000 people,and a jazz guitarist plays 50,000 chords for 10 people.

My pet pig loves soccer.

Usually he plays clean but as soon as he's in mud he's Messi.

The German women's beach volleyball team plays against the Brazilian women's beach volleyball team. Who wins?

The audience

3" , 6", & 9" are which Shakespeare plays?

Much Ado About Nothing... As You Like It ...& Taming of the Shrew.

My wife and I only have s**... one way

It's so boring just the one way we have s**.... It's called d**....
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

A british person plays chess with an american,

The british person always wins. Why?
Their queen never dies.

Plays joke, A british person plays chess with an american,

jokes about plays