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Playing With Fire Jokes

48 playing with fire jokes and hilarious playing with fire puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about playing with fire that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Playing With Fire Short Jokes

Short playing with fire jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The playing with fire humour may include short catching fire jokes also.

  1. I made a new mixtape, it was trash Until I played it on my new galaxy note 7, then it was fire
  2. Why did the accordionist get fired from the orchestra? They couldn’t stop playing “Weird Al” Yankovic covers during rehearsal.
  3. But your honor, I didn't mean to hurt anyone when I was playing with fire. I was just arson around!
  4. A patriotic theater director for fired by their university after announcing they were writing a new show. They probably shouldn't have searched for ProState Play ideas on their work computer.
  5. Why was it hard to play hide and seek during the Great Fire of London? Because Samuel Pepys.
  6. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
  7. What did the Green Day fan say to the Earth, Wind, and Fire fan who wanted to play his his long list of music? Wake me up when 'September' ends
  8. Why did the dragon breathe fire in the house? Because the lights were burnt out.
    *My 3 year old son came up with this while I was playing dungeon and dragons*
  9. Fire alarms should just play Nickelback Anyone who stays in the building deserves what they get.
  10. Two Scottish guys are playing with a potato launcher. o**... accidentally fires at his friend's c**.... His friend falls to the ground and screams, "MY BANGERS ARE MASHED!"

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Playing With Fire One Liners

Which playing with fire one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with playing with fire? I can suggest the ones about setting fire and burning.

  1. Why did the butcher get fired? He kept playing with his meat in front of the customers.
  2. What music do they play in a mexican bathroom? Earth wind and fire
  3. Don't play with fire! And fire lost his last friend :(
  4. Too much people died trying to take pictures of volcanoes They played with fire.
  5. Why did the hipster burn himself? Because he played with fire before it was cool.
  6. What do you call a mentally challenged person who plays with fire? Flame Retardant.
  7. No one will play my mix tape... They say it's a fire hazard.
  8. Dont play with Fire, and Fire plays alone.

Playing With Fire Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about playing with fire you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bonfire jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make playing with fire pranks.

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the n**.

...
He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?"
"A bird," the guy replied.
The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain.
When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know.
I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."
Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that n**... fellow?"
After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him?
Nothing.
I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."

A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said, "That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for them."
The ophthalmologist added, "Good idea. And maybe I could examine
them to see if there's anything I can do for them."
They were silent for a moment.
Then the engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

A man relaxing on a nudist beach...

... when a little girl comes up to him and asks "What's that?" pointing at his c**.... The man replies "Well that's my bird". The little girl runs off to play and the man falls asleep.
A little while later the man wakes up screaming in pain. He looks around and see the little girl standing there. "What'd you do?" he shouts. The little girl replies "Well I was playing with the birdy and it spat at me. So I broke its neck, crushed its eggs, and set its nest on fire."

A priest, a doctor, and a mathematician...

are playing golf, and they notice that the group ahead of them is playing slower than any group they've seen before. So when the owner of the course walks by, they ask why the group ahead of them were going so slowly. The owner says, "Oh, this is a group of volunteer firemen who lost their sight while saving our course from a r**... fire last year; we let them play for free."
The priest says, "I'll have my congregation pray for them."
The doctor says, "I'll do my best to get them a good surgeon."
The mathematician says, "Why don't they play at night?"

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Gambling with Blondes


There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.
The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told
her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play the game.
The lawyer fires his first question "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked the lawyer "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
The lawyer's face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several minutes looking up everything he could on his laptop and then even placed numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00.
The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word. The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, "Well, what is answer?"
The blonde glanced at him with a smile on her face and handed him a $5 bill.

The three most important things to have in a survival situation.

Every survival kit needs to have three things.
1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm.
2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt.
3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say "That can go there." Boom, you're saved.

Golf jokes today is it? Here's mine

A three-man group, a doctor, a priest, and an engineer are playing a golf course on a beautiful summer day. After a few holes they realize the group ahead of them is progressing incredibly slowly; the doctor flags down the groundskeeper and asks "What's taking them so long? I've got patients to see this afternoon!"
The grounds keeper explains, "Well, we had a fire in the clubhouse a few years back. A group of firefighters was able to save it, but they lost their sight in the blaze. Since then, we allow them to play for free whenever they like."
The doctor responds, "That's terrible! I'll speak with the ophthalmologists I know, perhaps one of them can help these poor men."
The priest nods before adding, "I'll keep these men in my prayers and see about getting donations from my congregation for the families"
The engineer looks at the doctor, priest, and groundskeeper and asks, "Why can't they just play at night?"

Topical Jokes for 6/20

(For best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night personality)
In Maryland, two teenagers have won a marbles championship. The winning teens quickly said thank you, then boarded their time machine, to return to the year 1937.
In Illinois, a university is offering a scholarship for students who play video games. The school was then forced to suspend the program when a student found out you could get unlimited scholarships, by pressing up up, down down, left right, left right, and B, A.
The Governor of Florida signed a law today making it legal to fire a warning shot at an attacker. The legalization of warning shots is important in Florida, because that's how people greet each other.
Starbucks is increasing the price of it drinks and bagged coffee. To protest the price hikes, customers vowed to boycott Starbucks, and go across the street — to a *different* Starbucks.

Roulette

A meeting wraps up amongst delegates in Russia. The Russian minister says to his fellow delegates, "After meetings like this, its Russian policy to drink v**... and play a round of Russian Roulette."
The Nigerian delegate asks what Russian Roulette is.
"Well I take this revolver, place a round in it, spin the chamber and fire at my temple. Then I pass it around. Each of you spins the chamber and repeats. If you die, it means you didn't have honest intentions in the meeting."
They each take their turn and live, at which point the meetings adjourn. A few months later the same group meets in Nigeria.
After their meetings the Nigerian Ambassador says "After a successful meeting in this country we like to drink Ogogoro and play a round of Nigerian Roulette."
"How do you play?" The Russian asks.
"Well I bring in 4 beautiful women. You must choose to sleep with one of them unprotected."
"That's not so bad," the Russian says "Is there a catch?"
"One of the 4 of them is h**... positive"

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer

were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

A man was preparing for his first solo flight over the wilds of Alaska.....

And during the pre-flight check, he pulled out the emergency kit and opened it. Inside he found just a single deck of cards and nothing else.
Turning to the old grizzled flying vet, he asks "Hey bud, sorry to seem concerned but why does the emergency kit only contain a deck of cards?"
The vet laugh heartily at the question. He answers "That's all you'll ever need here in the wild!"
Confused and growing concerned, the pilot asks "Don't....don't we need a gun, matches, fire starter, bullets and water to survive?"
The vet looks at him as replies "No man. If you ever c**..., just pull out the deck of cards and start playing solitaire. Eventually someone will show up and tell you that you're playing it wrong."

A doctor, a priest and an economist were out golfing.

The group in front of them was playing really slowly and they were getting impatient. It soon got to the point where they had to go to the manager to ask the group in front of them to be kicked off the course. The manager told them the players in the group in front of them were all firemen who had been blinded while saving the clubhouse from a fire.
The priest was incredibly remorseful and as a man of faith, he said he should not have cursed out the players ahead of him.
The doctor said that he had taken the hippocratic oath and was supposed to help people like the blinded fireman and vowed to help them in whatever way possible.
The economist, who had been silent for this whole time, suddenly speaks up and asks, "Wouldn't it be more efficient for them to golf at night?"

A Pastor, a Doctor, and an Engineer...

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, "What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The pastor says, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" the doctor asks.
The groundskeeper tells them that the other golfers are a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving the clubhouse from a fire and that they come and play for free whenever they want.
The group is silent for a moment.
The pastor says, "That's so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor says, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer says, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Engineering teacher gave us this one.

So a priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing a round of golf but they are stuck behind an incredibly slow f**.... They keep waiting and finally the groundskeeper drives by and they ask him whats going on with the group ahead.
He explains that the group ahead is made up of four firefighters that, when putting out a fire in the clubhouse a few months earlier, had been blinded by an e**..., and to repay them they are allowed to golf whenever they want.
After hearing the sad news about the four firefighters, the priest immediately says "I will certainly pray for these brave men to regain their sight."
The doctor replies, "And I will talk with my colleagues regarding any cures for injuries like this."
The Engineer asks "Why don't they just play at night?"

Light a man a fire...

Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Light a man afire and he'll be warm the rest of his life. (I know it's a repost, but I've never seen the play on words, shame)

One day, Billy was playing at home with some matches.

Even though his mother had told him not to. He accidentally set the house on fire, and he and his mother fled outside. As the house was burning down, his enraged mother said,
"Boy, your dad is going to s**... you when he gets home".
But Billy just laughed; he knew his dad had come home early for a nap.

My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".

Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.

Let's play name the title

Jokes are reposted so many times here, so name the titles of these punchlines
1. Ones a hippo and ones a little lighter
2. How far do you think I can kick this bucket?
3. Obviously not
4. But it wasn't stroganoff
5. Sam sung note 7
6. Measles
7. We went out and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wanted to become a web designer.
8. I wore the wrong sock this morning
9. Unless everyone gets them
10. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for life.

Newspaper personal advertisement section:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Will lick you all over. Call (x**...) x**...-xxxx and ask for Daisy.


*Over the week over 1,500 men from all over the country called for Daisy the Black Labrador Retriever.*

Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.

Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call this number and ask for Dixie.
(Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever)

A guy goes to a New Year's Day party. There are hundreds of people, holiday music is playing.

A few groups of people are playing cards. Others are shooting billiards. Yet another group is sitting around a warm fire telling stories. Everyone seems to be having a wonderful time. Realizing he is hungry, the man gets in a large queue and starts chatting with an old friend. After many minutes go by, he realizes he is not in the food line at all. He asks his friend about if this is the right line. Oh, no, the friend said...
This is the punchline.