JokoJokes

Playing Jokes

196 playing jokes and hilarious playing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about playing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Playing jokes can add a lot of fun to life. Find out about different types of jokes, like playing card and pool jokes, playing the dozens, playing with fire, and solitaire. Learn about the instruments that can help you play these jokes, like the trombone and other playable instruments. Enjoy the benefits of playing jokes for all ages.

Funniest Playing Short Jokes

Short playing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The playing humour may include short plays jokes also.

  1. My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding... She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
  2. Some say that if you play Nickelback backwards you'll hear Satan. Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear nickelback.
  3. Told my son to stop playing russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other.
  4. I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow. The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
  5. I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
  6. My 12 year old just told me a joke He said I've been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I'm only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times.
  7. I found a vinyl record called "Sounds of the Wasps." When I played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound like wasps." I was right. I was playing the B-side.
  8. Stallone: I'm making a movie about composers. I'm playing Vivaldi. VanDamme: I'll be Mozart.
    Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I'm not saying it.
  9. Why did Trump play golf after the election ? Because that's where the winner has the lowest score.
  10. My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary? A play on words.

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Playing One Liners

Which playing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with playing? I can suggest the ones about games and performance.

  1. Making love to a woman is like playing a violin… I don't know how to do it…
  2. Have you ever played quiet tennis? It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
  3. What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry? Popcorn
  4. Why can't two women play monopoly together? There's only one iron.
  5. The Seattle Seahawks play calling.
  6. Why don't cats play poker in the forest? Because there are too many cheetahs
  7. Why did 50 cent play at half time? Because it's after 2 quarters.
  8. What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Pitbull coming from the childrens play ground
  9. How many guitarists does it take to play Wonderwall? Apparently, all of them.
  10. Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: Because they don't know where home is.
  11. Why does Piglet smell so bad? Because he plays with Pooh
  12. My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar. I said "maybe".
  13. America is a free country. Free to Play, but Pay to Win.
  14. Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars... he played The Force
  15. Do you know why Bill Clinton played the saxophone? Because he lost his whoremonica

Playing Cards Jokes

Here is a list of funny playing cards jokes and even better playing cards puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men? The Trump card.
  • My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
  • For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards. I find that very hard to deal with.
  • Officer, you can't give me a ticket. I have to go run the marathon tomorrow. Cop: That's not how you play the race card.
  • Me, to the cop: You can't arrest me. I have a marathon to run today! Cop: Stop playing the race card!
  • Why does nobody play Uno with Mexicans? They always steal the green cards.
  • The first joke I invented all on my own (age ~5-6) Why don't pirates like playing cards?
    There's always someone walking across the deck.
  • Our anniversary is coming up, so my wife told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She will love this pack of playing cards.
  • Why couldn't the pirates play cards? Because they were sitting on the deck.
  • I got a comically small deck of playing cards for my birthday. It wasn't a big deal.

Guitar Playing Jokes

Here is a list of funny guitar playing jokes and even better guitar playing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I've been having trouble playing it I guess I can't complain though, it's not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached
  • My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month. It's part of her minstrel cycle.
  • I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
  • What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm.
  • A woman approaches me as I'm playing my guitar. "Excuse me, is that a Squier Stratocaster?" I may have overreacted when I responded: "DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY FENDER?!"
  • My friend's worried he's addicted to playing guitar I told him not to fret but he says he can't help it
  • Why are accordions better than guitars? You can play both melody and harmony at the same time, so you don’t need any friends.
  • What does former Vice President Gore play on the guitar? An algorithm
  • I got kicked out of band camp for trying to play a guitar with a bow. They said I violated it.
  • Piracy is killing the music industry I mean, have you tried playing guitar with a hook?
Playing joke, Piracy is killing the music industry

Playing Instruments Jokes

Here is a list of funny playing instruments jokes and even better playing instruments puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day. But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
  • 1980's joke by my dad. What do you call a Nicaraguan rock group playing stolen instruments? Contraband
  • Why did the accordion player sell his instrument and switch to the drums? He wanted to play something less complicated.
  • What do you call a musician who can play multiple instruments but always chooses the accordion? A firm believer in the “squeeze is worth the juice.”
  • What do you get when you cross an accordion with a vacuum cleaner? A beautiful new instrument that sucks while you play it.
  • TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown. It was a coup-stick.
  • What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An orca-stra.
  • Putin wanted to either get a new pet or learn to play a new instrument. He got lucky with both and ended up with a Trump pet.
  • What kind of instrument do Texans play? Calculators.
  • My ex is a musician. Her musical instrument and I had a lot in common. We both got played, constantly.

Playing Hard To Get Jokes

Here is a list of funny playing hard to get jokes and even better playing hard to get puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Some girls play hard to get I play hard to want
  • I filled my inflatable girlfriend up with helium... and now she's playing hard to get!!!
  • It doesn't make any sense for ugly girls to play hard to get. You're already playing hard to want.
  • What do you call a Greek philosopher who plays hard to get? A socra-tease
    Made this one up myself. I'll be here all week
  • I thought only girls play hard to get... But then I started applying to colleges.
  • Some women love playing hard to get. Closing their blinds, locking their doors, calling the police...
  • I used to play hard to get until I realized that I was hard to want
  • My wife got a restraining order against me. I love it when she plays hard to get.
  • What's the difference between Kevin Spacey and Mozart? It's hard to get Mozart to play with A minor.
  • What did god say when asked about atheists? They are good people, they're just playing hard to get ...

Playing Card Jokes

Here is a list of funny playing card jokes and even better playing card puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why couldn't the pirates play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh
  • I'm never playing uno with Mexicans again. They take all the green cards.
  • If I had a dollar for every time Hillary played the Woman Card ...I'd have $0.77 cents.
  • Why did the snowman refuse to play cards on the winter solstice? It didn't want to "melt" under pressure.
  • I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
  • Just played Uno with my Mexican co-workers... ...they stole all the green cards.
  • A couple of cows were smoking a joint while playing cards.... That's right, the steaks were pretty high.
  • Why was the accordion player always so good at poker? He knew how to play his cards right and pull out the perfect hand.
  • Five asexual people are playing cards One of them starts to explain the rules and then he pauses and says
    I would say no cheating but there's already five aces at the table
  • Why are pirates so bad at playing cards? Because they are always standing on the deck
Playing joke, Why are pirates so bad at playing cards?

Amusing Playing Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about playing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean perform jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make playing pranks.

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."


He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

A Very Nice Golfer

There are two men playing golf, at the end of the range you can see a f**... procession going by. As the hearse drives by followed by a few cars one man kneels down, takes off his hat and puts it over his heart, and says a prayer.
The man next to him says, "Well that's the nicest thing I've ever seen a golfer do!" The man stands up says "Well it's the least I could do, I was married to her for 35 years..."

Golf lessons

A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee"
"where?" he asks.
"between the first and second hole," she replies.
He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."

Little Johnny and his ball.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer."

A woman is playing golf...

... when she gets stung by a bee. She goes into the clubhouse and tells an employee what has happened:
Woman: "Hello, I was stung by a bee."
Man: "Where were you stung?"
Woman: "Between the first hole and the second hole."
Man: "Your stance is too wide."

Playing Oregon Trail.

You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him, That's a girl's name! Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.

Cheating Partner

A woman was in bed having s**... with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers.
After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."

Importance of Planning

Why planning is important?
One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.
See below for the question paper.
Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)
a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right

A woman is out playing golf...

...and she gets stung by a bee. It's annoying, but she finishes her game. Afterwards, she's having a drink in the clubhouse and mentions to one of the golf pros hanging out there what happened.
"Oh that's too bad," he says. "Where did you get stung?"
"Right between the first and second hole," she tells him.
"Hmmm," he says, "Sounds like your stance is too wide."

A guy is laying in bed with his mistress...

- Shouldn't your husband be coming soon? Cause I'd rather not see him, he's my best friend after all...
- Don't worry, he won't be here before an hour.
At that moment, the phone rings. The woman answers : "Hi honey. Ok honey, yes honey. Bye Honey"
She hangs up and turns towards her lover :
- It was my husband, he'll be an hour late. He's playing pool with you.

Why can't you have s**... after playing Assassin's Creed?

Because Ubisoft

A joke about golfers.

Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.

Does it hurt anymore?

A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs. Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.
Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside.
She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken"

Nerd joke.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! You're it! Newton replies You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!

A nice Scottish lad moves to New York.

After 6 months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. Horrible, he says. They always yell and scream. He hates how they pound on the walls and stomp the floors. Oh pure! she says, how do you get by?
I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes, says the lad.

I can't believe my neighbors came to my house at 5:00 AM...

...thank god I was already up playing the bagpipes.

What's the difference between rock and jazz?

Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.

I got my family banned from playing Family Feud today.

The category was "Describe your s**... life with a Spongebob quote"
and apparently "ARE YOU READY KIDS?" was not the right answer.

Why are Americans so bad at playing Billiard?

Because they always shoot the black ones first...

A friend and I were playing chess, and we wanted to make things interesting.

So we stopped playing chess.

Having s**... with you is like playing hide and seek

After the first 60 seconds you yell "ready or not, here I come!"

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.

Dad joke heard at the beach

Recently, I was on vacation and at a beach and a father and his kids were playing catch in the water next to me.
This kid who had to be about six or seven yells out, "dad, I'm going to try some trash talk. Ready? Your skills are as rusty as a tin can! Get it dad? *trash* talk?"
I was dying. That kid is going to make a great dad.

What do you call two nuns playing a bongo?

A conundrum.

Did you hear that Auschwitz had to ask visitors to stop playing Pokemon Go?

They got tired of people pretending to be Ash.

Playing Scrabble is like talking to women...

You spend the whole time looking at the rack trying to form words.

Gawker must have been playing The Oregon Trail

'cause they just died of dissin' Terry.

My brother and I were playing chess, and I said to him 'care to make this interesting?' He said 'sure'.

So we stopped playing chess.

Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek

While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.
When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"

I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...

Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax
Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave
However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave

After s**... a woman tells a man that she didn't like his performance, that his o**... was to small.

He looks at her and says "I didn't know I would be playing in a cathedral".

My dad used to beat me while playing chess...

Because I'd always win.

2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.

Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"
Man 2: "Yup."
Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."
Man 2: "Cool."
Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"
Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."

Me: *Playing Ouija board*

Me: What's your name?
Ouija Board: I H A V E A B O Y F R I E N D

Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a f**... procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in respect.

His golfing buddy says "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very compassionate and kind man."
The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 25 years."

The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing.

So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered

Why does Jesus hates playing video games?

Because it takes him three days to respawn.

Girlfriend: "We're breaking up."

Boyfriend: "Why?"
Girlfriend: "You're always playing video games."
Boyfriend: "This is a s**... thing to *Fallout 4*."
All Credit goes to my friend

Einstein, Newton and Pascal...

... were playing hide and seek. Einstein started counting so Pascal ran off to hide, but Newton simply drew a square on the floor and stepped in it. Einstein shouted "Ha, found you!", to which Newton simply replied "Nope, 1 Newton per square metre, you found Pascal!"

Playing the piano is like living.

I gave up on piano at 7 years old.

Two girls play in the park, one takes wood stick and says:

"my dad's is this big". The other one says: "My dad's is smaller, but it still hurts..."

A wife asks her husband to sweep the house.

After 5 minutes she walks in on him playing video games, "I thought I asked you to sweep the house"
"It's clean", he replies, "I didn't find any hostiles"

Lady golfer

A lady comes up to the clubhouse after playing playing a few holes and she is fuming
She says
"A bee stung me"
The man at the desk replies
"where did the bee sting you
The lady replies
"Between hole 1 and 2"
The man at the desk says
"That's your problem, your stance is too wide"

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.

- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.

I can't believe my neighbor had the audacity to ring my doorbell at 2 in the morning.

Lucky for him though I was still up playing my bagpipes.

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park.

It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .

Little Johnny

Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night.

Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.

Student walks into professor's office

She says, "I'm just not doing very well in your class. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to raise my grade?"
The professor looks her up and down and asks, "What are you willing to do to raise your grade?"
"I'd do *anything*," she answers coyly, playing with her hair.
"Anything?"
"*Anything*!" she repeats with a knowing grin.
"Would you....study?"

It's a good thing they shut down production of House of Cards

It's be too unrealistic to have someone playing the US president who has been accused of s**... misconduct.

A teenager lost a contact lens while playing in the driveway...

After a fruitless search, he went inside the house and told his mother he lost a lens and, try as he might, could not find it.
Undaunted, the mother went outside and in only a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing" she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150".

A wife walks in on her husband playing on his PlayStation.

"The house is still filthy! I thought I asked you to sweep the house!" she says.
"I did" replied the husband, "I found no hostiles"

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding. She kicked over the table, stormed out of the room and shouted that she's never...

...playing Scrabble with me again.

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."

Why do women over 30 stop playing hide and seek?

Because nobody is looking for them.

I recently found out my mom has a disturbing f**.... She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

Two families make a bet on who can be more american

Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.
A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.
How about you?"
The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, t**..."

Been in Jail for 5 minutes and I've already been r**... twice...

I really need to stop playing monopoly with my uncle.

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

Grandpa, grandpa! I'm watching a soccer game!

Who's playing?
Austria-Hungary
Against who?

I tried playing my Demi Lovato record today

But the needle kept getting stuck

A mother walks in on her son playing with his privates.

"Oh no..."
"What's wrong"
"Those soldiers were gonna be your Christmas present"

My neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 AM!

Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums

When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.

He was decomposing.

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette.

Blew his mind.

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

After several dates, my girlfriend wanted me to meet her parents, so they invited me over for dinner. It did not go well...

During the meal, somebody started playing footsies with me under the table, then gradually moved up and kept rubbing until I came. Later, I told my girlfriend how much I had enjoyed the s**... play during dinner. She got so mad and said that it wasn't her. I guess I got off on the wrong foot.

Two scientists are playing Minecraft.

Two scientists are playing Minecraft. One is new to the game and doesn't know much about it. At some point, he crafts a pickaxe, but doesn't know what to do with it, so he asks the more experienced scientist.
Scientist 1: Bro, what should I do with this pickaxe that I crafted?
Scientist 2: Br.

An American man meets a woman while on a business trip to Paris. She barely speaks any English, but their date goes well...

During s**..., she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!
The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!
The client replies What the h**... do you mean that's the wrong hole?!

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.** 
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!** 
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"** 
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**

A Child walks in on his parents...

He says "Mom, Dad what are you doing?"
The Dad replies "I'm playing poker and your mom is the wild card"
1 week later He walks in on his grandparents
He says "Grandpa, Grandma what are you doing?"
The Grandpa says "I'm playing poker and your grandma is the wild card"
Another week passes and the dad walks in on his son m**...
The Dad says "Son don't you need a wild card for that?
The Son says "Not as long as you have a good hand

How many Nintendo fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who knows? They're all too busy playing with the switch.

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.

His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"
"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"
A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"
The kid ignores him.
"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"
The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."
"Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."

Playing joke, A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.

jokes about playing