Playing It Cool Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Two young boys go to a store

They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."

2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.

Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"

Man 2: "Yup."

Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."

Man 2: "Cool."

Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"

Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."

Chad's wife decided to surprise him on his birthday

and to show him that she's a cool wife, she took him to a strip club.

At the club:

Bouncer: Hi Chad! How you doing tonight?

Wife: How does he know you?

Chad: We play golf together!

Bartender: Evening Chad! The usual?

Wife: And how does he know you?!

Chad: Um, he's on the bowling team!

Hot blonde stripper: Hey sexy, champagne room again tonight?

At this point the wife loses it and storms out of the club, dragging Chad with her, into a taxi.

Taxi driver: Hey Chad! Boy... You picked a fat one tonight huh? Same motel?

COWBOY WHISPERER

Cowboy: "That your dog?"

Indian: "Yep."

Cowboy: "Mind if I speak to him?"

Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' all right."

Indian: (Look of shock!)

Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (Pointing at the Indian...)

Dog: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes
me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian: (Look of total disbelief)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"


Horse: "Cool."

Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Indian...)

Horse: "Yep."


Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down
often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather........"

Indian: (Look of total amazement)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep lie..... "

Something nice happened to me today.

I'm a huge metal fan in high school. During math class, a beautiful girl sat next to me. She turned me on so much but she didn't notice me though. I tried really hard to impress her and she is hot.

Now the teacher is passing back the last week's test. She looks at me and she starts smiling and playing with her hair. I'm spinning and I can't handle it.

The teacher then trips over me. I broke down and stopped spinning. The beautiful girl then frowns. I looked back at the front of the room while trying hard to keep cool. I have no power.

The teacher plugs me in. I start spinning. I'm a huge metal fan.

Back in high school..

...I was a huge metal fan. In math class, I had an 8/10 girl next to me, she turns me on so much. I always try really hard to impress her, she's so hot. The teacher starts passing back last weeks test, and 8/10 looks at me, smiles, and starts playing with her hair. I can't handle it, I start spinning. The cute girl is completely staring now. I completely break down and stop spinning. She frowns, and I'm trying so hard to keep cool, but I had absolutely no power whatsoever. The teacher turns and plugs me back in, and I start spinning again. I was a metal fan in high school.

So, Steve is out playing golf with his three buddies on a beautiful Sunday afternoon...

On the 18th green, Steve is about to make his final put before they all go in and have some beers. Just before he hits the ball, however, the golfers see a funeral procession in the cemetery across the street. Steve stops what he's doing and takes his hat off, waiting for the procession to pass. His buddies, thoroughly impressed, say, "Steve, that was really cool, man. You showed a lot of respect, just now."

To which Steve says, "Well, I should. We were married for 30 years, after all."

Three men playing golf

There were three men playing a round of golf, Moses, Jesus, and an old man. They get to the 18th hole and Moses gets to tee-off first; he hits his ball into the water. Next up is Jesus, and he does the same as Moses, hits it right into the water. Next up is the old man and he hits it right into the water with Moses and Jesus.

All three approach the edge of the pond. Moses walks up a little closer, throws his arms high into the air and the water of the pond begins to part down the middle. He walks down to his ball, hits it out of the pond and into the hole.

Next up, Jesus. He walks out onto the water and his ball floats up to the surface, so he hits his ball off of the water into the hole. The old man decides he will try something cool so he walks into the water and hits his ball, which flies out of the water, hits a bird, bounces off a tree, then gets deflected off the pin and hits a rabbit then bounces into the hole.

Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I hate it when your father plays!"

A guy walks into a bar...

and takes a seat. After ordering a beer, he pulls out a little 10 inch man playing a matching piano, and sets it on the bar.

The guy next to him says, "Hey, that's pretty cool! Where did you get that?"

He replies, "I got it from my genie, you just have to rub this magic lamp."

He then hands the guy the lamp, he rubs it, and a genie comes out.

The genie says, "You may have one wish!"

The guy, all excited, says, "I want a million bucks!"

Genie says, "Your wish is my command". He waves his arms, and one million ducks start flying through the bar.

The guy, confused and a little upset, yells, "Hey! I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!?"

Guy who gave him the lamp says, "Yeah, you think I asked for a 10 inch pianist?"

VENTRILOQUIST COWBOY

A ventriloquist cowboy walked into town and saw a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog:
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Rancher: "This dog don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin alright"
Rancher: (Extreme look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)"
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Rancher: "Horses don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it goin?"
Horse: "Cool."
Rancher: (an even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at rancher)
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Rancher: (total look of amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?"
Rancher: (stuttering, and hardly able to talk) ...... "Th-Th-Them sheep ain't nothin but liars!!!"

"Son, do you know why I pulled you over?"

- Cop with Alzheimer's trying to play it cool.

So, Will Smith is playing the genie from Aladdin, well then

West Philadelphia born and raised, in a genie lamp is where I spend most of my days. Chillin out back and relaxing all cool til Aladdin showed up with little Abu then a couple of guys who were up to no good..Jafar started taking over my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my master got scared he said if you mingle with the street rats don't come back near here.

A Man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar one night, and he sees a tiny man sitting on the bar playing a piano, so he asks the guy sitting beside him "Wow that's so cool! Where did you get that?"
"There's a genie out back! He's giving out wishes!" So the man walks outside to find the genie.
He walks up to the genie, and the genie says "Hello there! Have you come for a wish?" And the man replied "Yes! I Want a million bucks to fall from the sky!" And just like that, A million DUCKS fall from the sky.
So the man walks back inside and says to the other guy "Hey man that genie is cool and all, but I think he might be hard of hearing."

And the man replied "Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

This girl just spilt ice all over my record player.

I played it cool.

Topical Jokes (5/21)

Here we are, once again. It's time for some laugh-words.

First up, we've got some big movie news. "Transformers 4" is now updating its cast. To appeal more to the US box office, the evil Decepticons will be played by menacing vending machines that won't let go of your Doritos.

More movie news, the trailer for the new "X-Men" flick shows that Wolverine will potentially face grave injury. The harrowing injury comes about when our hero forgets to retract his claws before wiping.

This is a cool story, a US Airways flight safely made a belly landing at Newark Airport. The plane was evidently taken down by heavy turbulence originating from Governor Christie's farts at a nearby Long John Silver's.

TV news, ESPN has been forced to take major layoffs and budget cuts. You can tell things are getting cheap as now the only athletic event they now can afford to cover is Tiger Woods dodging heels thrown by his exes.

In the political sector, Vice President Biden recently ribbed the president for always using a teleprompter. However, nobody seemed to ridicule Biden when he read his recent speech on healthcare reform off the back of a Hooters napkin.

And finally, the new Xbox will utilize "the cloud" - so no matter where you are in the world, at any time, you can look up the fact that you lost a brave Call of Duty battle to a 13 year-old user named "GeneralFatPenis69".

Thanks for reading again, folks. I really appreciate it!

Buddy saw me putting on women's lingerie after we played racquetball...

He asked, "Cool, since when do you wear sexy women's leggings?"

And I told him, "Ever since my wife found them in the glove box."

Let's play name the title

Jokes are reposted so many times here, so name the titles of these punchlines

1. Ones a hippo and ones a little lighter

2. How far do you think I can kick this bucket?

3. Obviously not

4. But it wasn't stroganoff

5. Sam sung note 7

6. Measles

7. We went out and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wanted to become a web designer.

8. I wore the wrong sock this morning

9. Unless everyone gets them

10. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for life.

I played a cool video game with some really hammered dudes,

We were Super Smashed Bros.

People say it's never too late to turn around and do something with your life

Cool, that means I have a lot of time left I can waste playing games all day before I do

It's cool that they are bringing back Tobey Maguire to play Spiderman but...

I don't feel so good about them recasting Tom Holland as Sandman

Do you remember that radio station that 10 years ago only played music for old people?

I admit that today it is playing cool music.

So a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks β€œwhats in the box”.
The man says β€œI’ll show ya’ if you get me a beer.”
So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano.
The little man starts playing the piano!
Next the bar tender asks β€œhey! thats prety cool, where did ya’ get that?”
The man says” I’ll tell ya’ if you get me another beer.”
So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says β€œI got it from a geenie and a lamp”
The bar tender says β€œIf ya’ let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I’ll give ya’ another beer.”
The man says β€œOh, Okay!”
The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp.
The bar tender rubs the lamp and the geenie pops out!
The geenie says β€œMaster, I grant you one wish, what is it?”
The bar tender says β€œI wish for a million bucks!” And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room.
β€œWhat the heck is this! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!”
And the man says β€œWell did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!”

What are the funniest playing it cool jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Playing It Cool? Well, here are the best Playing It Cool puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Playing It Cool pick up lines to share with friends.

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