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Playing Instruments Jokes

93 playing instruments jokes and hilarious playing instruments puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about playing instruments that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Playing Instruments Short Jokes

Short playing instruments jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The playing instruments humour may include short music instruments jokes also.

  1. Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day. But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
  2. I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
  3. 1980's joke by my dad. What do you call a Nicaraguan rock group playing stolen instruments? Contraband
  4. Why did the accordion player sell his instrument and switch to the drums? He wanted to play something less complicated.
  5. What do you call a musician who can play multiple instruments but always chooses the accordion? A firm believer in the “squeeze is worth the juice.”
  6. What do you get when you cross an accordion with a vacuum cleaner? A beautiful new instrument that sucks while you play it.
  7. TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown. It was a coup-stick.
  8. Putin wanted to either get a new pet or learn to play a new instrument. He got lucky with both and ended up with a Trump pet.
  9. My ex is a musician. Her musical instrument and I had a lot in common. We both got played, constantly.
  10. Why do accordionists always play their instruments near the door? So they can make a quick getaway.

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Playing Instruments One Liners

Which playing instruments one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with playing instruments? I can suggest the ones about play guitar and played drums.

  1. What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An orca-stra.
  2. What kind of instrument do Texans play? Calculators.
  3. Which rock group has four guys who can't sing or play instruments? Mount Rushmore!
  4. What do you call a group of cars playing instruments? A Traffic jam
  5. What is Vladimir Putin's favorite instrument to play? A Trumpet!
  6. What do you call a punk band that knows how to play their instruments? A metal band
  7. Hey, what instrument do dishonest people play? The lyre.
  8. What kind of instrument does a British person play? A UK-lele
  9. What rock group has four members that can't sing or play instruments? Mount Rushmore
  10. What kind of instrument would a plant play? A photosynthesizer.
  11. What instrument do fish play? Sea bass
  12. What type of instrument does an English man play? The UK-Lele
  13. Playing my instrument quietly Is not my Forte
  14. What do you call ten whales playing musical instruments? An orca-stra 😊
  15. What instrument does a pirate play? A guit-arrrgh

Uproarious Playing Instruments Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about playing instruments you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean guitar playing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make playing instruments pranks.

"May I borrow your pen?"
"No, these are my special pens, and this is my second to last one"
"What's so special about them?"
"They are my ultimate writing instrument. I usually use them to keep track of the score in ultimate frisbee. Plus, they have famous people on them."
"Who is that?"
"That's Sean Penn. He's my favorite actor."
"Where did you get them?"
"At the University of Pennsylvania."
"Oh, I see. So that is your penultimate Penn ultimate Penn pen."

Jesus was making his usual rounds in heaven

when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.
"See here, old fellow," said Jesus kindly, "this is heaven. The sun is shining, you've got all could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play-you're supposed to be blissfully happy! What's wrong?"
"Well," said the old man, "you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only , dearly beloved son at an early age. Here in heaven I was hoping more than anything to find him."
Tears sprang to Jesus' eyes. "Father!" He cried.
The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, "Pinnocchio!"

The orchestra's new trumpet player

A local orchestra's trumpet player just died of old age. They start auditions so they can find a new one.
The judges call in the first candidate. He walks in wearing a beautifully tailored dark tuxedo. He pulls out an incredibly expensive trumpet. His trumpet case is lined with red velvet. He brings the gold plated instrument up to his mouth and starts playing.
And wow, he's terrible. The judges cringe as he clumsily stumbles through a few messy runs. Nearly everything he plays is hideously out of tune. They send him away and bring in the next candidate.
This guy looks exactly opposite from the other guy. His hair is messy. He hasn't showered in weeks. His beard has food particles in it. He opens a crumpled brown paper bag and pulls out a rusty trumpet. He shakily puts the instrument to his lips and starts playing.
And man, *he was worse.*

What's the most difficult instrument for a percussionist to play?

a conundrum

What instrument does the u**... play?

The fallopian tuba.

Skrillex used to play string instruments in the orchestra,

until he dropped the bass.

Talented Octopus

A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"

What instrument did the koala play when he joined Mumford and Sons?

The Eucalele!

Ross's sister had a fear of wind instruments

So Chandler played the drums.
He didn't want to Harm Monica.

I've always wondered why rolf Harris never played any string instruments

But I guess he figured out other ways to finger a minor

Why are trombones the sexiest instruments in the orchestra?

Because they can be played in seven positions and you have to oil the slide.

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus that can play any instrument in the world. Everyone laughs, so he says he'll bet $50. A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, so the man pays his $50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet, and the octopus plays it better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays his $50. A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look. "Ha!" the man says, "Can't you play it?" The octopus looks up at the man and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I get its pajamas off."

I started professionally playing the rubber band as an instrument...

...I consider myself a one-man band.

A girl asked if I play any Indian instruments.

I told her I play mandolin, violin and cello. Close, but no sitar.

What do you call playing a woodwind instrument and eating fast food while driving an f1 car?

What do you call playing a woodwind instrument and eating fast food while driving an f1 car? A McClarenet.

What instrument does the Irish chemist play?

The boron.

What musical instrument do people with stds play?

The herpsichord.

What instrument do skeletons play?

A t**...!

What musician has the hardest instrument to play?

A Tromboner.

What instrument did the Avocado play in the school marching band?

The Guacenspiel

I asked my priest which musical instruments he plays.

"Mostly just piano," he replied, "but when I'm at work I sometimes dabble with a little o**...."

Which musical instrument does Vladimir Putin know how to play best?

The TRUMPet!

What kind of instrument does a cannibal play?

The o**...

What is Putin's favorite instrument to play?

Trump/Pence

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that plays 15 musical instruments?

Stump the Band

What do you call orcs playing instruments?

An **orc**esthra

What's the difference between a violist and a triangle player?

The triangle player can at least admit they can't play an instrument.

What instrument do some terrorists play?

The Talibanjo

What do you call it when a global warming activist learns how to play an instrument?

Algorithm

Dad jokes....

Dad: When this heals, will I be able to play the piano?
Doctor: Yes, you'll be fine in a few days.
Dad: Perfect, I've always wanted to be able to play an instrument.

What instrument did the chemist play in the band?

The base guitar.

Why should you never trust an A# to play an instrument?

Because it will always B flat

What type of instrument do pigs play?

Ham drums

They asked me if I played a reed instrument,

but i'm illiterate

I've never played a musical instrument.

Only the didgeridoo.

What instrument do s**... snakes play?

Strumpets

I'm starting a one man band...

Ill play all the instruments at once. Going to go by the name Louis c**.... That way I can play with myself and make people listen.

What do you call it when four moderators play musical instruments together?

[Banned]

What do raspberries do when they play instruments?

They have jam sessions!

What instrument does Darth Vader play?

The rebel bass.

So yeah you can do this joke with friends if you have any.

If your phone starts to ring, and you have a friend nearby say this:
Right before you take the call say to your friend, "Guess what instrument Dave plays."
Before they can respond take the call and say, "Cello."

The donkey once asked the Persian horse: "Do you play any instruments?" The horse replied:

"Ney"

After an orchestra drummer performed particularly poorly, the conductor sarcastically told him, "when they find someone who can't play any instrument, they give him two sticks and make him the drummer."

The drummer retorted, "and if he can't play that either, they take away one stick and make him the conductor."

A man walks into his orchestra rehearsal...

carrying some corn on the cob as his instrument.
The conductor asks him Will you need any sheet music?
The man replies, Nah, I'll play it by ear.

My 7 year old just came up with these Avatar: The Last Airbender jokes. We were quite surprised.

What kind of music does Toph like?
- Rock-and-Roll
What kind of instrument does Aang play?
- Air guitar
I know it's not much, but I got a kick out of his reasoning and decided to share.

No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...

I play a little guitar!"

I got kicked out of school for playing an instrument

I got band

No matter where I go, I always bring my ukulele

So if anyone asks if I play an instrument, I tell them I play a little guitar.

Killer whales are great musicians but there's one instrument they just won't play

The orcana

A joke as told to me verbatim by my 4yo son: What's a Skeleton's favorite instrument to play?

A t**...!
Haha, Get it, Daddy? Because skeletons are made out of *BONES!* HA HA HA!
Me: DOOT DOOT!!

Line in heaven

A woman dies and finds herself in a line to get into heaven. As she nears St Peter she hears him asking people
"Please tell me how much money you made and what you did on earth"
Two people ahead if her she heard "I made 2 million a year and I was a CEO"
The person in front of her said "I made 180 thousand a year and I was an electrician"
When she got there she said "I made 12 thousand a year.. "
St Peter asked "and what instrument did you play?"

Sylvia was wheeled into the operating room.


The surgeon told the nurse, "Please prepare the instruments."
Sylvia glared at him and said, "Here I am at death's door and you want to play music?!?"

What instrument is played only by homeless people?

The hoboe.