Playi Jokes

What are some Playi jokes?

Playing Oregon Trail.

You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him, That's a girl's name! Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.

Me: *Playing Ouija board*

Me: What's your name?

Ouija Board: I H A V E A B O Y F R I E N D

I tried playing my Demi Lovato record today

But the needle kept getting stuck

Playing Scrabble is like talking to women...

You spend the whole time looking at the rack trying to form words.

Playing the piano is like living.

I gave up on piano at 7 years old.

I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...

Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax

Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave

However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave

I like playing chess with bald people in the park

The problem is, it's kinda hard to find 32 of them

How can you tell you're playing poker with a feminist?

They'll insist that Kings and Queens have equal value.

I was playing chess with my Australian friend

He moved his queen in front of my king and said "check, mate".


I replied and said, "you didn't win though?"


Confused he said, "mate, I know."

I was playing video games last night while my son was sitting next to me watching. He said, "dad I wish real life was more like video games."

So I locked him in his room and told him if he wants access to the rest of the house he will have to pay .99 for the DLC.

I'm never playing uno with Mexicans again.

They take all the green cards.

I'm 24 and she's 13. She wants me - what do I do?

I've been playing an online game with a woman. I'm up to level 24, but she's only on level 13. She really wants me in her clan to help her level, but I cant find the heart to tell her that she's only going to hold me back from leveling up myself.

While playing in the backyard, Johnny kills a honeybee

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?

I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player,

I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, "three wood." I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard "three wood." I looked down and there was a frog at the corner of the tee box, and he was telling me to use my three
wood. I thought it was stupid but I was playing so badly that I thought nothing could hurt me so I took out my three wood. It was a long par four, and I hit the ball straight 250 yards with that three wood. Since the frog seemed to be lucky I picked him up and took him along with me. At the next whole he told me to use my five iron. It was a par three and I got my first hole in one ever. I made a least a birdie on all the rest of the holes, and all I had to do was listen to that frog.

That night I took the frog to the casino in my hotel. We played Roulette. I put my money where the frog said and won on every spin of the wheel. After that I was tired so I went up to bed. I took the frog out of my pocket and put it on the dresser. Suddenly it looked at me and said, "kiss me." Now I wasn't about to kiss a frog, but he said it again. So I kissed the frog and he turned into the most beautiful fourteen year old girl you have ever seen in your entire life. And that your honor is how that fourteen year old girl ended up in my hotel room

I was playing outside all day with my daughter and when we got home, we noticed that I was completely sunburn!

She asked me, "Daddy, why didn't I get sunburn?"

I guffawed, "You can't, honey!"

She looked at me quizzically, "Really?"

I smiled, "You can only get daughterburn!"

How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?

You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Playing 8-person smash was one of the deepest and most thought provoking experiences I've ever had...

I spent the whole time trying to find myself

I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up

It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic

I was playing a quiet game of Scrabble with a friend

and he's a very sore loser. He was losing so badly, that he got extremely angry, picked up the bag and started throwing words beginning with 'th' at me.

I managed to dodge this, there and then. But I did not see that coming.

I was playing a prison simulator when the batteries in my keyboard died.

Now I can't escape.

I was playing a board game with my friends when I noticed some important pieces of the game were missing.

I asked my friend, " Are you the game owner?"

He said, "I moan but I'm straight"

When playing the guitar in public...

keep in mind not to finger A minor, you could get arrested.

So I was playing Golf toady.

I was solo and decided just to get partnered up at the Club house. After a little bit I was partnered with this fairly lovely lady. We went out playing and started chatting it up. We were laughing and talking and finding out we have a lot in common. though all the fun though we were not actually playing very well. By the time we got to the 18th hole we both had pretty difficult putts ( I was 25 feet on a bad lie and she was slightly closer on the same lie )

I had been enjoying my time with her so much I made her a deal. I told her if I made the putt I would take her out to dinner ( if she didn't mind ) at one of the best restaurants on the island. I lined up and hit the ball after a tense moment the ball passed the cup but stopped and rolled back dropping in.

I guess she didn't want to be out done, so she turns to me and says. " If I make this putt, after dinner I will invite you back to my place for drinks. We can relax in my hot tub and drink Champagne and see what happens from there, but only if I make this putt."

Hearing her proposal I quickly walk up to her and ask her to let me help her line up the putt. She agrees. So I walk up to her ball bending down and pick it up, then handing it back to her. She looks at me and asks me what am I doing? I look back at her with a straight face and tell her " That's a gimmie if I ever saw one "

I was playing Battleship with my tumor...

I won though, my last hit was B9.

Playing with my younger brother

So, I was tickling my little brother's feet when mum wakes up and starts giving me a right earful.
Something about "Waiting until he's born".

I've been playing video games since I was eight years old.

I should probably go and have a shower.

I was playing charades with a deaf guy

Or as he called it, "having a chat".

If your playing the guitar just remember one thing

Dont finger a minor you could get arrested for that.

I was playing ping pong with Jesus

Me: Ok that's 3-2 me, and it's my serve now

Jesus: ...

Me: Jesus give me the ball

Jesus: The son of Man came not to be served but to serve

Playing doctor

Susie and Johnny were playing doctor, when Susie suddenly started crying and ran to her mother.

Later the Susie's mother confronted the Johnny's mother. "My Susie said that your Johnny was playing doctor with her!".

Johnny's mother responded calmly, "that's OK, kids are always exploring. I wouldn't worry about it."

Susie's mom screamed out, "but he took out her appendix!"

I was playing poker with my cow that was on drugs

The steaks couldn't have been higher

I was playing snooker with Jacqueline.

I looked at her and said, "Where's your cue?"

She said, "It's after the C."

Playing with fate

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. Will I die? she asks.

God says, No. You have 30 more years to live.

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. Since she's in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she's discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. You said I had 30 more years to live, she complains.

That's true, says God.

So what happened? she asks.

God shrugs. I didn't recognize you.

Playing my instrument quietly

Is not my Forte

Playing Pokemon Go is like having sex with a cheap hooker...

..You never know what you're going to catch.

So I was playing poker with a few lepers...

when someone threw in a hand.

I was playing scrabble and my dad played the word 'stneve'

Needless to say, it was an unexpected turn of events.

What happens when a DJ is playing a song with a small bass drop?

The crowd goes mild.

I've been playing this new game on my phone quite a bit lately

It's called Verizon: Zero Bars.

Which playing cards are the best dancers?

The king and queen of clubs

Playing a childhood video game to relive old memories is like hooking up with your EX...

Seems fun at first, but then you remember why you stopped in the first place.

Thanks for playing, John

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life".





John came fifth and won a toaster.

I've been playing my lute for 7 hours and my fingers are sore and stiff

I have minstrel cramps.

Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last night didn't go very well.

Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese.

Was playing around on this computer, and it was making the most beautiful sound ever...

Must of been a dell.

I like playing chess with bald people at the park

It's usually pretty hard to find 32 of them though...

I was playing a game of solitaire, but I only had a pack of Tarot cards

I actually won, but 4 people died

I was playing golf last weekend

There were two women ahead of us playing very slowly.

After 5 holes, I'd had enough, and went ahead to ask if we could play through.

I soon came back with a look of terror on my face, and said it was my wife and my mistress and there was no way I could approach them and ask to play through, would he do it instead?

He went ahead, then returned and said "it's a small world, isn't it?"

Playing tag with Jimmy Glasscock is easy...

No matter how quiet he is, you can always see him coming!

Playing golf, when a funeral procession goes by

A couple of guys are out playing golf one fine day. One guy is about to take a swing, when a funeral procession turns onto the street next to the golf course. The guy stops in the middle of his swing, takes off his hat, and bows his head until the procession is out of sight.
"Wow!" says the second guy. "That was one of the most touching things I've ever seen. I can't believe you'd stop in midswing like that, just for a funeral procession."
"Well," says the first guy. "We were married for 35 years; it's the least I could do."

I was playing baseball with my friend Tandra and she was pitching. I hit the ball straight into left field and made it to second base.

That's a double on Tandra.

I was playing Monopoly with a couple of friends and picked the hat piece, winked, and said...

M'nopoly.

While playing the depressing part of a videogame, my close pal Xavier suddenly starts massaging my crotch

I've never been so touched on an emotional level.

I was playing basketball with my 13 year old son and I beat him.

I probably wouldn't have if he hadn't won.

I've been playing this one game for like two weeks...

You know, Fortnite?

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