Playground Jokes
111 playground jokes and hilarious playground puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about playground that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are your kids looking for some playground jokes? Laugh along with them with our selection of primary playground, Spanish playground, playground swing, and playground insults jokes! Read our selection of funny stories featuring characters like Johnny and kids on the swingset to get your family in stitches.
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Funniest Playground Short Jokes
Short playground jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The playground humour may include short amusement park jokes also.
- At a playground, a woman asked a man "Which kid is yours?" The man replied "Haven't decided yet."
- A prisoner digs a hole out of jail.... .... and ends up in a toddler playground
and yells "I'm free! I'm free!"
and a kids walks up and says "So big deal, I'm four!" - I was sitting on the bench at the playground ..a woman sitting next to me said "which one is yours? " I said "I haven't decided yet "
- 2 girls were talking on the playground... One looks to the other and asks, "Do you guys pray before you eat dinner?"
The other replies, "No, my mom knows how to cook." - I was at the park today by the playground. A mother asked me which kid was mine.
"I haven't decided yet.". - From my 7 year old son: Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
- Schools are no fun nowdays. 20 years ago, me and my friends could run round the playground giving wedgies, and at most we'd have to write lines.
We tried it today and got arrested. - What do you do when a playground bully stands one inch away and say "I'm not touching you...I'm not touching you.."? Hope that he pulls the army back to the Kremlin soon.
- What's a racist's favourite playground game?
Apartheid and Seek. - I was at the playground and fell off the swings. A nearby kid instead of helping asked, "What season is it? Fall?"
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Playground One Liners
Which playground one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with playground? I can suggest the ones about backyard and toys.
- from my 7 y/o: Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide
- What is brown and has got four legs and an arm? A Rottweiler on a children's playground.
- What has four legs and one arm? A pitbull terrier in a childrens' playground
- Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other... Slide.
- What animal has four legs and one arm? A pit bull on a playground.
- What has 4 legs and 1 arm? Pitbull on the playground
- What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
- What do you call a Minotaur in a playground? A swing and a myth.
- What's black and tan, has four legs and an arm? A Doberman loose on a playground.
- What has four legs and one arm? A pitbull returning from a kids playground
- Why did the toddler cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
- Why couldn't Superman find the local playground as a kid? Adult supervision was required
- What has 4 legs and 3 arms ? A pitbull on a playground.
- What has 4 legs and an arm? Pitbull in a playground
- What do you call someone who designs playgrounds? A Park-itect
Playground Swing Jokes
Here is a list of funny playground swing jokes and even better playground swing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got in a fight with a guy at the park because he was hogging the playground equipment. He took a swing.
- I was near the local playground, and I tried flirting with the cute single mother. It was a swing and a Miss.
- Why did Roy Moore hang out at the playground? To get the swing vote.
- Looking at a playground, how can you tell which kid is the child of a trombonist? He doesn't know how to use the slide and can't swing.
- Whats a gurls favorite thing to play with on the playground Mood Swings
- How do you tell who at the playground plays the t**...? They can't swing and are always complaining about the slide
Playground Equipment Jokes
Here is a list of funny playground equipment jokes and even better playground equipment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the most popular playground equipment in Mexico? A rock climbing wall.
- What playground equipment do kids hate the most? The slide into poverty.
Great Playground Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about playground you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trampoline jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make playground pranks.
Jack and Bobby are arguing in the playground.
"My dad's better than your dad," says Jack.
"Oh yeah," replies Bobby. "Well, my mom's better than your mom!"
"You're probably right," says Jack. "My dad says the same thing."
I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...
Little b**... didn't stand a chance…
Besides being an famous chief (despite burning everything he cooked), Adolf h**... was also a star athlete....
He was the fascist kid on the playground.
A rabbi and a priest walk into a playground....
and a little boy walks by. The priest taps the rabbi on the shoulder and says, "I'm going to screw that little boy." The rabbi holds up his hands, shrugs, and says, "Out of what?"
Three Engineers
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."
The first day of school...
The first day of school was always great. I remember mucking around in the classroom and wreaking havoc. Picking on the little kids and taking their lunch money. Asserting myself on the playground by tripping and pushing everyone.
I just hope the students were having fun.
Tough Kid
An 8 year-old kid is sitting on a swing, eating jelly beans, in a playground in South Philly. This man walks by and says, "Hey kid, you shouldn't eat candy. It's not good for you."
Kid looks up and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 95?"
"Yeah, and? He ate a lot of candy?"
Kid smiles and says, "No. But he knew how to mind his own f**...' business."
"Now little ones, where do children go when they do bad things...?", Mrs Mary asked.
"I know! I know!", Little Johnny said with vigour, " they go behind the bushes in the playground!"
"Please little Johnny, mind what you say"
"Oh its true Mrs Mary!", voiced Susan enthusiastically, "T.J took me there and showed me his w**...."
The teacher gasped in horror as T.J smiled mischievously.
"Oh, it was like a peanut it was!"
"Hah, so it was tiny?", the teacher relieved, asked.
"No, salty!"
Why are Wayne and Garth banned from playgrounds?
They hog the Schwing set.
What do you get when you cross a playground with sweets?
s**....
Thousands of bird droppings are found on a playground....
Police suspect fowl play.
What do German kids play on the playground?
Guten tag!
Little Johnny at the playground
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
A middle-aged teacher named Mrs. Jackson saw one of her first grade boys making rude faces at the preschoolers on the playground
She said "You know, Liam, when I was a little girl I was told that if I made ugly faces it might freeze and stay like that."
Liam replied "Well sorry Mrs. Jackson, but you can't say you weren't warned.
Priest and a Rabbi
Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street. They pass a playground where a little boys playing. The Priest says to the Rabbi, "Hey you want to screw that kid?" The Rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
Johnny, Billy and Jimmy are discussing girls at their high school.
Johnny said, Mindy Carlson let me kiss her in the playground after Math—she's one of the greats.
That's nothing, said Billy, Madison let me kiss her with tongues in the gym after Chemistry—she's a Hall-of-Fame-girl.
Little Jimmy just shook his head. You know Becca Sampson? She'll go down in history.
What do you call a German p**... hiding in the playground bushes?
Kinder Surprise!
I was sitting at a park one day just watching the children play...
I was sitting at a park one day just watching the children play.
A mother came up to me and said, "So, which one is yours?"
I looked over the playground and said, "You know, I haven't decided yet."
Several ducks were found dead in a playground.
Police are suspecting fowl play.
What do you get if you cross a playground, with a bag of candy?
Arrested.
Creepin 'round town
Like priests in a playground
Millions of children are being inspired by seeing their first presidential election.
If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground.
What dance did Nikola Tesla invent at the playground?
The Electric Slide
God is obviously a Civil Engineer...
... Only a civil engineer would route a sewage system through a playground.
Why did the kindergartener cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
I can't believe I got arrested for making s**... advances towards my boss.
It probably doesn't help that I'm self-employed and my office overlooks a playground.
I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down.
They don't know I'm firing blanks.
A priest and and a rabbi are having a walk in a park.
As they walk past a playground the priest looks at the rabbi and says. Hey should we screw those kids? The rabbi replys. Out of what?
little Sally--funny adult joke
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his w**... today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom fainted.
When I was a kid, I found a bottle of v**... someone had left at the treehouse at the playground. So I took it to the police station.
The police told me not to worry. They would get to the bottom of it.
Ugly Faces
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to have a talk with the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Three engineers are discussing God's engineering background.
The first one says, "God was clearly an electrical engineer. The human nervous system is a feat of electrical engineering genius!"
The second one says, "Absolutely not! He was a mechanical engineer. The way the muscles and bones interact are mechanically brilliant!"
The third one says, "Nope, you're both idiots. God was a civil engineer. Who else would run a sewage line right through a playground?"
I've always said candy tastes best coming from strangers.
None of the kids at the playground listened to me though.
Why did the banana not enjoy the playground?
He was scared of the monkey bars.
Childen are playing on a kindergarten playground with their tablets...
...and the teacher is sleeping on a bench. A lady walks by and wakes the teacher up: "Aren't you afraid that the children will run away and get lost?" asks the lady. "I'm not afraid at all," says the teacher, "the WiFi signal covers the playground only."
I have 2 eyes, 3 legs and 4 arms, what am I ?
A pitbull on a children's playground
^^^I ^^^am ^^^so ^^^sorry ^^^:)
They say kids are chick magnets and they weren't kidding!!!!
I grabbed one off a playground the other day and had 10 women running after me.
We took the kids to the playground earlier.
We met another couple and their kids. They seemed real normal, you know? So we asked if they wanted to walk over to the slides and the see-saw.
But then the husband told us, they're swingers.
A priest and a rabbi are walking through the park
when they see a group of kids on the playground.
The priest turns to the rabbi and says menacingly Hey, should we go screw those kids?
The rabbi looks at him quizzically and asks, out of what?
My uncle is a well known o**... player.
They even has his picture up at the playground warning parents to keep their kids away from him.
Why did the playground-fanatic cross the road?
To get to the other slide!
A priest and a rabbi are walking past a playground.
The priest sees a little boy playing on a swing. He nudges the rabbi and says hey, let's go over there and screw that kid! The rabbi looks at the kid and says out of what?
Some high schoolers are on the playground.
A new kid walks up. They say whats your name? He says God. They say "NO way!!! He says Yahweh
I would love to relive my childhood.
Without getting kicked out of the school playground.
Playgrounds in the UK have been fitted with advanced p**... detection systems to help protect children
The company behind the technology has called it NonceSense™
Timmy wants a watch
Timmy notices Tommy has a new watch when he sees him in the playground. Where'd you get the watch? Asked Timmy. Tommy replied, I walked in on my parents having s**.... When my dad saw me, he threw me his watch and told me to get out.
Timmy thought this was a great idea. So, that night when his parents were going at it, Timmy made his move and walked in on them mid-s**.... Timmy's dad sees him and yells what do you want!?! I wanna watch says Timmy. His dad sighed and said, Alright, go stand in the corner.
What did Adele say when she saw her ex-boyfriend at the playground?
HELLO FROM THE OTHER SLIIIIIDE
Teamster jokes
Why is there a horse on the Teamster logo?
It's the only animal that sleeps standing up.
What do Teamster's kide do at the playground do?
Sit on folding chairs and watch other kids play.
What do you call a Teamster in a 3 piece suit?
Defendant
Two teamsters are standing around. Suddenly on of them crushes a snail under is his boot.
The other one asks "why did you do that"?
"that son of a b**... has been following me around all day"
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide! My 5 year old told me this. I'm sure it isn't OC, but I got a chuckle.
A prisoner has been digging up a tunnel under his cell for years
One day he while he was digging he saw the light, he reached the end of tunnel and ended up in a kindergarten playground
"I'm free, I'm free!" shouted the escaped prisoner
"so what? I'm four" said one of the toddlers
A prisoner spent a month digging an escape tunnel and finally came out in the playground of a preschool.
He jumped around with excitement yelling "I'm free, I'm free". A small girl looked up at him and said, "Big b**... deal, I'm four".
I could not be more proud of my six year old son. He just asked me, "Dad, why did the kid cross the playground?"
"To get to the other sliiide."
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face.
She told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his w**... today at the playground!"
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?"
Sally replied, "No, salty."
A little boy came home from the playground with a b**... nose, black eye, and torn clothing.
It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
"Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"
Did you hear about the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground?
It was a knot-for-profit.
