Player Jokes
181 player jokes and hilarious player puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about player that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From player haters ball to bass players, guitar players, football players and more - these hilarious player jokes will have everyone in stitches! Learn some of the funniest jokes about viola players, banjo players, hockey players, trumpet players, touchdowns, coaches, gamers and more. Get ready to laugh!
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- Short Player Jokes
- Player One Liners
- Football Player Jokes
- Baseball Player Jokes
- Basketball Player Jokes
- Tennis Player Jokes
- More Player Jokes
Funniest Player Short Jokes
Short player jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The player humour may include short athlete jokes also.
- My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again. Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.
- How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb? All of them. Never split the party.
- In the middle of the battle, I decided to use a knife to preserve my ammo. All the other paintball players started freaking out though.
- LPT: If you are planning to settle down, don't date a soccer player. There's only a 1/11 chance they are a keeper.
- Do you know the football player whose missing 75% of his spine? He's the Quarterback.
(My 2nd joke attempt X\_X) - My girlfriend told me love means nothing to her That's what I get for dating a tennis player.
- What is the difference between a feminist and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after three periods!^I^will^see^myself^out^now
- My new girlfriend asked me how many girls I've slept with. "Eleven," I replied. "Wow! You must be a player," she laughed. "No," I said, "I'm their coach."
- What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond? The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.
- I hate double standards. When a guy hooks up with a lot of girls, he's a player … But when I do it, I'm a lesbian
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Player One Liners
Which player one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with player? I can suggest the ones about client and actor.
- Why did the console player cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side.
- I'd never let my daughter date a soccer player There is a 1/11 chance he's a keeper
- Why did the triangle player quit the orchestra? It was just one ting after another
- What does the highest paid WNBA player make? Sandwiches.
- Aaron Hernandez set a new NFL record Longest hang time by a player who doesn't punt
- My dad is a professional Russian roulette player. He only lost once.
- I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend Love meant nothing to her
- What do you call the best Runescape player in the world? The 'Scape GOAT
- My grandfather was a legendary Russian roulette player He only ever lost once
- What's the name of the fastest Chinese online game player? Lo Ping
- What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a banjo player? A tattoo.
- What does a violin player use as birth control? Their personality
- How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest? Sing the national anthem
- Why are chess players good in bed? They can find up to 8 G spots for their queen.
- How do you get a bass player off of your porch? You pay for your pizza.
Football Player Jokes
Here is a list of funny football player jokes and even better football player puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs? Drool
- If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.
- What did the football player say to the flight attendant? Put me in coach.
- Hands down, Pele was the greatest football player of all time. Hands up, he'd be thrown out of the game as that's against the rules.
- Why don't any American football players wear glasses? Because it is a contact sport!
- A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts when I touch my face, elbow and knee." The doctor says, "You've broken your finger"
- Did you hear about the Football player that went to Prison? He went in as a tight end, but left a wide receiver.
- Where do football players go for new uniforms? New Jersey
- Why don't football players wear glasses? It's a contact sport.
- how many college football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but they'll give 'em four credits for it.
Baseball Player Jokes
Here is a list of funny baseball player jokes and even better baseball player puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Apparently Michael Jackson was also a gifted baseball player. He was big in the minors.
- So, after winning the ball game, I decided to throw a ball into the crowd like I've seen pro baseball players on TV do Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.
- Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team? They were truly ruthless.
- God challenges the Devil to a game of baseball. How can I lose? God said. I have all the best players up here!
How can I lose? Said the Devil. I have all of the umpires down here. - What's the difference between a baseball player and an orphan? An orphan doesn't have a home to run to.
- What did the pancake say to the baseball player? Batter up!
- Sports Enthusiasts I got hired by my local baseball team to keep the players cool in the locker room. It was a difficult job because I'm not a fan.
- Why would Adrian Peterson be a great baseball player? Because he's a switch hitter
- What do you call a baseball player that holds water? A pitcher.
- Why did the baseball player fail at the math test? He used base 3.
Basketball Player Jokes
Here is a list of funny basketball player jokes and even better basketball player puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom? Because he was dribbling. 😊
- A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens. They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.
- Everyone knows of Yao Ming, one of the most iconic basketball players of his generation. Far lesser known was his sister Rai, one of the preeminent female poets of her generation.
- What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection? LeBronchitis
- Blind basketball players... You've got to hand it to them
- My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever Nothing but net
- Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? They dribble all the time.
- What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese.
- What do you call a Greek basketball player? A hooplite
- Why was Cinderella a lousy basketball player? She had a pumpkin for a coach.
Tennis Player Jokes
Here is a list of funny tennis player jokes and even better tennis player puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You should never get into a relationship with a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
- What does love mean to a tennis player? Nothing
- You know why you should never date a tennis player? Love means nothing to them.
- Don't ever get into a romantic relationship with a tennis player... Love means nothing to them.
- Never date a tennis player.. Love means nothing to them.
- How many tennis players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? What?!? It's out? That's totally in.
- Why should you never marry a tennis player ? Because love means nothing to them.
- They say Federer is the greatest tennis player in Grass Court and Nadal for Clay Court. How about for Djokovic? Federal Court.
- Why do tennis players not ever get married? They think that love means nothing.
- Never get in a serious relationship with a tennis player. Because love means nothing to them.
Hilarious Player Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about player you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean patient jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make player pranks.
Did you hear about the Guitar Player who got arrested last week?
He was caught f**... A minor.
A bass player runs into a bar...
where the guitar player and the singer are busy setting up. Breathless, he says "We've got a big problem! I locked my keys in the van!" "Whatever, man" says the singer, "We've got a gig to do, we'll worry about it later." "No, you don't understand" said the bassist, "the drummer is trapped inside!"
A soccer team goes to a bar after a big win.
The keeper decides to hang out with his close friend, a defense player and his girlfriend. As it comes time to head home, the defender pulls the keeper aside and decides to compliment him on his play.
"You know, you're good as a keeper."
"Oh? What brought this about?"
"Well to start, you've been keeping me from scoring all night."
After the Seahawks game, a reporter went to interview a banged-up player, who had two black eyes.
The reporter said, "You look terrible - what happened to you?"
The player said, "I pulled a groin."
The reporter asks, "You have two black eyes - how did that happen if you pulled a groin?"
The guy responds, "Not mine - someone else's."
Did you hear about the football player who went to jail?
He went in a tight end and came out a wide receiver.
3 soccer players, one plays for Manchester United, one for Liverpool and one for Arsenal, are lost in the desert.
They come across a dead camel and are having trouble deciding who gets what? So the guy from Manchester says, well since I'm from ManCHESTer, i'll get the chest. The player from Liverpool goes, well in that case I'll eat the LIVER. Then guy from ARSEnal says...i'm not hungry....
A man goes into a casting agents office
with his dog. The man says, "My dog can talk, you gotta give us a contract. We'll make millions!"
The agent says "Show me."
The man asks the dog "How does sandpaper feel?"
The Dog says "Rough!"
The man asks "Who is the best baseball player ever?"
The Dog says "Roof!" (babe ruth)
The agent says "Get out of here!" He has his goons throw the man and his dog out the front door.
The dog says "Gee, maybe I should have said DiMaggio"
How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Just have the keybord player do it with their left hand.
An accordion player goes to a bar
After a long night at performing at a local restaurant, an accordion player goes to have a few late night drinks. He drives up to the bar and goes inside. After finishing his first drink, he realizes he left his car unlocked! He rushed outside, opened the trunk of his car.....but it was too late....a 2nd accordion was already there!
What do a hippie-chick and a hockey player have in common?
Both don't shower until after 3 periods.
What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?
The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.
After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,
The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.
According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.
Why was the t**... player jealous of his computer's RAM?
It has more gigs than he does.
What did the Australian chess player say to the waiter when he finished his meal?
Check, mate.
Why is French person a better team player than a pirate?
The pirate says, "Aye, aye!"
The French says, "Oui, oui!"
What do you do when a bass player shows up at your front door?
Pay him for the pizza.
What do you call a bass player without a GF?
Homeless.
After s**..., I pee like a pro basketball player!
Lots of dribbling.
Why did the guitar player get arrested
He was f**... a minor
An accordion player walks into a bar,
orders a drink and chats up the bartender and the regulars for an hour.
Suddenly, he realizes that not only has he left his instrument in his back seat of his car in full view of passers-by, but he hasn't even locked his doors.
He quickly excuses himself from his conversation and rushes outside and up the block to his vehicle to take care of business, but it was too late.
Sure enough, someone had thrown another accordion in his back seat.
What did the Australian Chess player say to the waiter?
Cheque, mate!
What do you call a t**... player who just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
why is the bass player stuck outside?
he doesn't know when to come in and can't find the right key anyway
My s**... life and gaming life are pretty similar.
I play a lot of single player.
If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets.
I'd hate to toot my own horn
Gender inequality.
There is an inequality when it comes to men and women. For example...
If a man sleeps with hundreds of women he is respected and labled as a stud or a player. Nothing bad is said about him and he goes on acting like the player he is.
However, if a woman that goes around sleeping with hundreds of men, she's your mum.
Lucy, In the Sky, With Diamonds
John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player
What did the orphan poker player say?
Will you raise me?
How do you get a guitar player to shut up?
Put sheet music in front of him
Letter to God
Dear God,
Last week, you took my favorite boxer; Muhammed Ali.
Today, you took my favorite hockey player; Gordie Howe.
I just want to let you know that my favorite candidate is Donald Trump.
A man walks out of a bar...
He realizes he must be drunk after having seen an Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman drinking together, A horse, 2 chemists (one dead), a piano player, a dog, a monkey, an octopus, 007, an ostrich as well as a befuddled bartender tending to countless men walking into the bar...
What's the difference between a Pokemon Go player and a Facebook user??
Pokemon Go players are only wasting their own time ;)
If a piano player is called a pianist
Wouldn't a racecar driver be called a racist?
Why did the console player faint at the museum?
Because there were so many frames!
Why is that when a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls he's a player
But when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys it's your mom?
Did you hear what happened to that NFL player that murdered several people?
He was suspended.
A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament
Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?
Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.
Interviewer: and what about the rest?
Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..
A Rock Band Plays 3 Chords for a 3000 Person Crowd
Where as a jazz player will play 3000 chords for a 3 person crowd.
What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless
My mom told me never date a soccer player,
Because there is only a 9% chance they are a keeper.
What's the difference between a Golf player and skydiver?
One goes:
*Whack*, "Darn!"
While the other goes:
"Darn!", *Whack*
PS: Not sure if this was posted before, but i think it's still funny.
What do a DND player and a gangster have in common?
They both refer to their freinds as those they 'roll with'
Don't be frightened if you see a Pokemon Go player outside your bathroom window.
He's just trying to catch a pikachu.
A limbo player walks into a bar.
He loses.
Why was the bass player arrested?
He was caught f**... A minor.
My s**... life is like a video game
Single Player.
What do you call a hockey player in a leaky barn?
Grain Wetzsky
My first girlfriend was a tennis player, and she broke my heart...
It was like love meant nothing to her.
UNFAITHFUL WIVES
A man is talking to his friend "I think my wife is being
unfaithful to me. And I think she's going out with a tennis
player."
The friend asks "Tennis player? Why?"
"Because", answers the other, "I found a racquet under our bed".
The friend thinks for some seconds and says "Gee, I think then
my wife is being unfaithful to me with a horse".
"A horse?? How come? Why??"
"Because I found a jockey under our bed."
A football team loses its star player Dante d**... due to an injury...
The next day, the paper reads "Team will play without d**...."
Outraged, the team manager demands that the newspaper change the title and resubmit their article.
The next day, the headline reads "Team to play with d**... out."
A Pokemon Go player walks into a bar.
And a tree. And a wall. And into a lake.
A Vegan, a Crossfitter and a Fortnite player walked into a bar
I only know because they told everyone twice within 5 minutes.
A pianist performing in a subway terminal...
was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.
Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.
I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"
To which he replied, "I cannot play piano without my metro-gnome."
I don't have a girlfriend because I'm a player
More specifically, singleplayer
A bass player joke.
A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your second bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4..5 notes on the A string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your third bass lesson son?"
"I blew it off I had a gig."
Describe your s**... life with a movie title
Ready Player One
I went to see a concert performance by the Royal Bermuda Philharmonic orchestra...
Half way through the first symphony, the triangle player vanished...
I went to lunch with a champion chess player.
It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt...
I was cheated on by a tennis player...
Should've seen it coming. Love means nothing to them.
