Played Jokes
150 played jokes and hilarious played puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about played that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Have you ever been "played" in a joke? Read this article to hear real stories from gamers about embarrassing jokes that were played on them. We discuss topics such as cowlick, Cluedo, and more. Find out about the funniest stories and lessons you can learn from them.
Quick Jump To
- Short Played Jokes
- Played One Liners
- Actor Played Jokes
- Played Drums Jokes
- Getting Played Jokes
- Have You Played Jokes
- More Played Jokes
Funniest Played Short Jokes
Short played jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The played humour may include short playing jokes also.
- My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding... She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
- Some say that if you play Nickelback backwards you'll hear Satan. Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear nickelback.
- Told my son to stop playing russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other.
- I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow. The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
- I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
- My 12 year old just told me a joke He said I've been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I'm only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times.
- I found a vinyl record called "Sounds of the Wasps." When I played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound like wasps." I was right. I was playing the B-side.
- Stallone: I'm making a movie about composers. I'm playing Vivaldi. VanDamme: I'll be Mozart.
Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I'm not saying it. - Why did Trump play golf after the election ? Because that's where the winner has the lowest score.
- My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary? A play on words.
Share These Played Jokes With Friends
Played One Liners
Which played one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with played? I can suggest the ones about plays and games.
- Making love to a woman is like playing a violin… I don't know how to do it…
- Have you ever played quiet tennis? It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
- What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry? Popcorn
- Why can't two women play monopoly together? There's only one iron.
- The Seattle Seahawks play calling.
- Why don't cats play poker in the forest? Because there are too many cheetahs
- Why did 50 cent play at half time? Because it's after 2 quarters.
- What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Pitbull coming from the childrens play ground
- How many guitarists does it take to play Wonderwall? Apparently, all of them.
- Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: Because they don't know where home is.
- Why does Piglet smell so bad? Because he plays with Pooh
- My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar. I said "maybe".
- America is a free country. Free to Play, but Pay to Win.
- Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars... he played The Force
- Do you know why Bill Clinton played the saxophone? Because he lost his whoremonica
Actor Played Jokes
Here is a list of funny actor played jokes and even better actor played puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- During interviews he seems like such a nice guy, but the actor who plays Wolverine is a real phoney It's a huge act, man..
- Most people don't realize that the actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun: Maverick... ...is the same actor who played Wilson in the 2000 movie "Castaway".
- If the actor who plays Wolverine were to reveal that he's been a con-artist his entire life.... Would that mean this has all been a huge act, man?
- I was playing an updated version of Oregon Trail voiced by Terry Crews. I made the comment that he wasn't a good voice actor, and the game abruptly ended. Apparently, I died of dissin' Terry.
- Why do actors tell each other to "break a leg"? Because every play needs a cast.
- Why do we tell all actors to 'break a leg'? Because every play has a cast.
- Why does America have the best movie industry in the world? In the rest of the world, all the best actors play soccer.
- Why do people tell actors to break a leg? Because every play needs a cast.
- As an actor, you either die, Or live long enought to play Batman.
- Which actor could never play Quasimodo? Humpfree Bogart
Played Drums Jokes
Here is a list of funny played drums jokes and even better played drums puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 AM! Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums
- My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month. It's part of her minstrel cycle.
- Neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3AM My neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3am. Can you believe it!?
Luckily I was still up playing the drums. - Won't believe the nerve of my neighbor knocking on my door at 3AM. Fortunately I was up playing the drums.
- Why did the accordion player sell his instrument and switch to the drums? He wanted to play something less complicated.
- What happens when you play the drums incorrectly? You get repercussions
- My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:00am I know 2:00am!? Good thing I was still up playing my drums
- What do you call a midget playing drums in a subway? A metro-gnome
- Why did the turkey play the drums in his band? Because he already had drum sticks!
- I can't believe my neighbour. He knocked on my door and yelled for me AT 2am. 2am! Can you believe him? Lucky for him i was still awake playing my drums.
Getting Played Jokes
Here is a list of funny getting played jokes and even better getting played puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
- My son told my husband he got a part in his school play & he'll be playing a man who has been married for 25 years. My husband replied, maybe next time you'll get a speaking part.
- I tried playing my Demi Lovato record today But the needle kept getting stuck
- What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend? A bassist.
(Don't get triggered, I play bass and I find this funny) - What do kids yell at old people who are just trying to play? GET OFF MY LAN!
- Our anniversary is coming up, so my wife told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She will love this pack of playing cards.
- Some girls play hard to get I play hard to want
- I finally decided to play Fortnite. It's fun, but it gets boring after a couple of weeks
- I tried to go into a restaurant playing Pokemon go. I couldn't get in though. The servers were too busy.
- Studying for finals is like playing Tetris just when you seem to get the facts to fit together, all that you thought you learned disappears.
Have You Played Jokes
Here is a list of funny have you played jokes and even better have you played puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
- Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men? The Trump card.
- I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park. It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .
- Whenever I'm in trouble, I ask myself what Jesus would do now. And then I play dead and disappear from the scene for three days.
- Two guys are playing chess. One says to the other, "How about we make this more interesting?"
So they stop playing chess. - Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day. But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
- As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games. Not because I'm sexist, I just don't think it's right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at games.
- "Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!" "Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!" - For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards. I find that very hard to deal with.
- Did you hear that Auschwitz had to ask visitors to stop playing Pokemon Go? They got tired of people pretending to be Ash.
Unearthly Funniest Played Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about played you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean performance jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make played pranks.
A 2nd grade class just gets in from recess...
The teacher tells the class they're going to do a spelling assignment that relates to what they did for recess. "If you can come up to the board and write the word I give you, you'll get a gold star for the day," the teacher explains. "Tommy, what'd you do for recess?" she asks the first student. "Well," Tommy begins, "I played in the sand box with Suzy!" "Okay great. If you can come to the board and spell the word 'sand' I'll give you a gold star." So Tommy goes up to the board, spells 'sand' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks Suzy, "Suzy, what'd you do for recess today?" So Suzy answers, "like Tommy said, we played in the sand box together." "Okay," the teacher thinks, "if you can come up to the board and spell 'box' I'll give you a gold star. So Suzy spells 'box' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks the third student, "Tyrone, what'd you do for recess today?" "Well I wanted to play in the sand box with Tommy and Suzy but they wouldn't let me," Tyrone answers. "Oh no!" says the teacher, "That's terrible! Do you know what that's called? That's called 'racial discrimination.' If you can come up to the board and spell 'racial discrimination' I'll give you a gold star."
I played a blank CD at full blast yesterday
...the mimes next door went nuts.
A cowboy, an Indian, and a Muslim are sitting in a bar..
the Indian looks up and with a single tear and says "My people were once many, but now we're few." The Muslim chuckles and says " My people were once few, but now we're many." The cowboy looks up and says "Thats because we haven't played cowboys and Muslims yet."
The Entertainment
A charitable man decided to visit a sick ward at a hospital to cheer up the patients. He took along a keyboard and played humorous songs and told jokes at many a bedside. After finishing his final performance for an old man he said, "I hope you get better." The old man smiled vaguely at the performer and replied, "I hope you do too."
Poor Ajmal.
After playtime, Ms Wilson asks some of her kindergarten kids what they did during playtime.
"What did you do at playtime Tom?"
"I played in the sandpit" said Tom.
"Very good, if you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie!"
Tom spelled sand and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Sally?"
"I played in the sandpit with Tom" said Sally.
"That's nice, if you can spell pit, I'll give you a cookie!"
Sally spelled pit and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Ajmal?"
"I tried to play in the sandpit, but Sally and Tom threw rocks at me!" said Ajmal.
"That sounds like blatant racial discrimination, If you can spell blatant racial discrimination I'll give you a cookie!".
My son played soccer in the mud all day.
He was a little Messi.
My brother took being sent to prison really badly.
He was yelling and screaming, took off his clothes, and would not accept any food from anyone.
That was the last time we played monopoly.
Today I played chess with some old men in the park.
It was hard to round up 32 of them.
I put a roofie in my wife's drink last night. It was AWESOME.
I played PS4 for five hours straight without anyone asking me to do anything.
So my daughters friend came over the other day and they played house together
Now I have $50k in medical bills and she thinks she has Lupus.
Just played Uno with my Mexican co-workers...
...they stole all the green cards.
So I was at the club
They played crank that, and I did the Superman.
They played the Cupid shuffle, so I did the Cupid shuffle.
They played Come on Eileen, and I got kicked out of the club.
I went to a dance club last night...
>They played 'The Twist', and so I did the twist.
>They played 'Jump', and I jumped.
>They played 'Come on Eileen', and I got kicked out of the club.
-Not mine, but I thought I'd share.
I went to a dance club last night...
They played "The Twist, " so I twisted.
Then they played "Jump, " so I jumped.
Then they played "Come on Eileen, "
....and I got thrown out. :-(
I went to a disco last night.
I went to a disco last night. They played The Twist, I did the Twist. They played Jump, I jumped. They played Come on Eileen...I got kicked out for that one.
What does all pirate music have in common?
It's all played in the high C's.
If I had a dollar for every time Hillary played the Woman Card
...I'd have $0.77 cents.
I went to a dance.
First they played 'Jump', so I jumped.
Then they played 'The Twist', so I twisted.
Then they played 'Come On Eileen', so I got kicked out.
Played an o**... for the first time today
I really enjoyed it, but my patient didn't.
You are Darth Vader. How can you tell if your stormtroopers just played paintball in their freetime again?
You can't.
I needed some white noise yesterday to go to sleep.
So i recorded myself saying "All lives matter" and played it on repeat until i fell asleep.
If you played pokemon in Brazil,
you might catch a Zikachu
Well I've heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord.
Gsus
I made a new mixtape, it was trash
Until I played it on my new galaxy note 7, then it was fire
Everybody who has played Russian Roulette will tell you it's safe.
Well, at least 5/6 people will.
5 out of 6 people would recommend it...
5 out of 6 people who played Russian roulette, would recommend it to others.
A man walks into a graveyard..
A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it's over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. What's going on? he asks a cemetery worker.
It's Beethoven, says the worker. He's decomposing.
Today, I played God.
I saw a bug, suffering. I watched it for a couple of minutes. Then I kept watching, and watching, and watching...
I was at a retro night down at the club
The DJ played "The Twist", so I did the twist. Then he played "The Macarena", and I did the Macarena. When he played "Come on Eileen", that's when the police arrested me.
Last night my wife and I did it "d**..."...
I sat up and begged, and she rolled over and played dead.
Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?
I really s**... at Guac-a-mole.
They played the Macarena, I did the Macarena. They played the Twist, I did the twist. They played Come On Eileen…
…I got kicked out for that one…
Our government leaders have obviously never played Civ....
If they had they would know that not investing in education science and the economy coupled with an unreasonably large military is a a good way to get worked over by Gandhi later in the game.
"That is him." I said to my wife in the shopping centre.
"That's Kenny Baker, the actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars."
"Are you sure?" she asked. "It doesn't look like him, go on over and ask."
A couple of minutes later I walked back over to her. "Well, what did he say?"
"Nothing." I said. "It's a rubbish bin."
I played my wedding video backwards today.
It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.
My Brother took going to jail really badly.
He refused food or drink. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and started throwing things.
We never played Monopoly again.
Kid: I played with grandpa today!
Mom *angry*: I told you not to dig in the sandbox!
TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown.
It was a coup-stick.
I had a terrible night out at the club
I'm not much of a clubber, but I was starting to get the hang of it. They played "Jump Around" and I jumped around, they played "Put Your Hands Up" and I did, everything seemed to be going well. Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got thrown out...
I accidentally played dad instead of dead when I ran into a bear
Now he can ride a bike and has been through college.
I played doctor with my girlfriend
She stayed over for the weekend and I sent her a bill for $200,000
I once stayed in a haunted house that played 70's music.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
I played chess with my friend from Central Europe.
Czech mate.
Can anyone tell me who played Forrest Gump?
T.hanks
My girlfriend told me she had never heard of condoms...
I thought she must be pulling my leg so I played along. Oh yeah? I said, They're for covering your cigarettes in the rain.
Well one day we were in a pharmacy and she asked the clerk for a package of condoms. He asked what kind, and she said oh, to fit a camel.
Last night I played a blank tape at full volume.
The mime next door went nuts.
My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games.
Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.
The first time I played chess, I thought the castles moved diagonally.
Rookie mistake.
When I was a kid, I only had two friends and they were imaginary.
It was too bad they only ever played with each other.
"I don't understand." The man said...
"They played 'Do the Hustle'. I did the Hustle...
They played 'Paint It Black'. I did that too...
They played 'Come On Eileen'. Now I'm here with you."
"I see," said the lawyer.
God and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys."Very well," said God . "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches.""I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."
I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.
Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.
So i went to a dance club the other night...
... I had a great time
They played the Macarena, so I did the Macarena.
They played Jump Around, so I jumped around.
They played The Twist, so I did The Twist.
Then they played Come on Eileen, so I was promptly kicked out of the club.
2 spies in an interrogation room
The interrogator sat in front of them and asked for names.
Spy A says to the other
"Whatever you do, dont say a word"
A few seconds later Spy B said
"Fdugyop"
The Spy A looked at Spy B and said
"what did just say?"
Spy B replied
"Oh when we played scrabble you said '*thats not a word*' and NOW its a word"
s**... is like a video game for me.
I usually just watch gameplay footage of it but never actually played it myself.
My brother took going to jail really badly.
He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own f**.... After that, we never played Monopoly again.
Did you hear about the musician who played through the silent part of a song?
He was charged with resisting a rest
If we played cowboys and Indians I wouldn't choose to be on losing team
that would be Sioux side.
I went to a wedding and they played "The Twist" so I did the Twist, then they played "Macerena" so I did the " Macerena then they played "Come On Eileen"
So I was told to leave
I was at a bar once, and the band played "Jump"
.. and everyone jumped. Then the band played "Twist and Shout" and everyone twisted and shouted.
Then the band played "Come on Eileen". Poor Eileen!
I played "My Heart Will Go On" on a public piano and people yelled at me.
Can't wait till this cruise is over.
Who played Annakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels?
Emperor Palpatine
I don't know why so many people thought Cats was a bad movie.
They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because the villian in 7 was played by Kevin Spacey, and we all know he is a six offender.
I played bass on the original s**... Doo theme song way back in 1969 and then went on to play with Metallica. AMA!
Fine, I didn't actually play the bass on the s**... Doo theme song, or in any band for that matter, but I'd have gotten away with it if it weren't for you metaling kids!
A shout out to the guy who played the triangle with our band for the last few years...
... thanks for every ting.
A mother asks her two sons who broke her favorite vase. She told them she won't get angry if they told the truth, yet one of them lied. The first son said he played soccer in the house but broke nothing. The second son said he only broke his own doll house. Who's lying?
The mother is, we all know she will stil get angry no matter what.
Santa played a round of golf on Christmas day to relax and hit a birdie....
It was a partridge on a par 3.
Once upon a time there were two little skunks named "In" and "Out."
They lived in a hollow tree with their mother. Sometimes In and Out played outside, but other times they played inside.
One day In was out and Out was in. The mother skunk asked Out to go out and bring In in. So Out went out and in a few minutes he came in with In.
"My my, Out," she said, "how did you find In so quickly?"
Out just smiled and said, "Instinct."
Asked my French friend if he played any video games
He said "wii"
I got a vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn't sound anything like wasps!
Turns out I was playing the bee side
The other day I visited the thrift shop and picked up an old record album called 'Sound of Wasps'.
When I got home and played it I realised it didn't sound anything like wasps!
Turns out I'd been playing the Bee side.
She fell in love with...
She fell in love with an electrician, and she got shocked.
She fell in love with an artist, and things got sketchy.
She fell in love with a musician, and she got played.
She fell in love with a photographer...
Russian Roulette is pretty easy
Just ask anyone who's played, they all say they won
David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin Airport and notices the driver keep looking in his rear view mirror at him.
After about 5 minutes the driver says "Go on then give me a clue!?"
Beckham replies, "I had a glittering career with Man Utd, played over 100 times for England and married a spice girl, is that enough?".
Driver says "No mate, I meant where are you going?"
I had s**... for 3 hours last night. We role played as doctor and patient.....
I was in the waiting room for 2hrs 57minutes
I hear that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, absolutely loves to take part in Nativity plays. He's played a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...
But he never made it as a wise man
Why does Willem Dafoe always play villians?
If he played a good guy, he'd be Willem Dafriend.
