JokoJokes

Play On Names Jokes

98 play on names jokes and hilarious play on names puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about play on names that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Play On Names Short Jokes

Short play on names jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The play on names humour may include short play on words jokes also.

  1. Playing Oregon Trail. You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him, That's a girl's name! Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.
  2. Me: *Playing Ouija board* Me: What's your name?
    Ouija Board: I H A V E A B O Y F R I E N D
  3. A UNIX Salesperson A unix salesperson named Lenore
    Loved her job, but loved the beach more.
    She devised such a way
    to combine work and play:
    She sells C-shells by the seashore
  4. I once heard a story of a man who played Destiny, trying to get the greatest boots of all time, named The Dubstep Grieves. He died waiting for the drop.
  5. My wife and I like to role play, "The Fast and the Furious", in bed. Those are the names for my and her respective roles anyway...
  6. In the 2001 film "The Planet of the Apes" David Warner plays a primate named Senator Sandar which means the whole planet is probably a Banana Republic
  7. My remaining Scrabble tiles were PENSI, so I played the name of a long, hard body part ... ... SPINE.
  8. I played Oregon trail and made fun of a guy named Terry. He stabbed me... I died of Dissin'-Terry
  9. James Bond is going to be played by a woman As a woman, James Bond's name will be Fools, April Fools.
  10. My girlfriend keeps trying to hurt my feelings by calling me names of exotic birds... Well, toucan play it that game.

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Play On Names One Liners

Which play on names one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with play on names? I can suggest the ones about play on word and word play.

  1. What's Darth Vader's stage name when he plays his electric piano? The synth lord
  2. Can anyone tell me the actors name who played Forest Gump? T hanks.
  3. Q: Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?
    A: Because they were watch dogs.
  4. What was the name of the DJ who kept playing the same mixes as he did last week? DJ vu
  5. What is the name of the band playing close the delivery van? Nirvana
  6. What's the Pope iTunes play-list name? Pray-list.
  7. What's the name of a whale who plays D & D? Orca
  8. My name jeff Does anyone wanna play fortnite
  9. Why do the Chinese like to play with swords? Hello did someone call my name?
  10. There was once a monkey who wanted to play with bananas His name was Bi-Curious George.
  11. How do you get your stomach pumped? s**... a speaker playing "Remember the Name"
  12. Love is a name, s**... is the game Forget the name and play the game

Play On Names Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about play on names you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean playing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make play on names pranks.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

A teacher asked, "Johnny, can you tell me the name of three great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?" Little Johnny responded, "Drin-king, smo-king, and f*c-king."

Q: My boyfriend is as beautiful as frank sinatra and as intelligent as Albert Einstein; what is his name?
A: Frankenstein.

As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?" His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons.
One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble.
One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek.
Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred.
Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes.
Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Playing a game," the boy replied.
"What is your name?" the officer questioned.
"Mind Your Own Business."
Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!"
The boy replied, "Why, yes."

A farmer brought his daughter a little p**...-belly pet pig.
She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty.
"Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?"
"That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."

The fact that the evil killer doll from the movie 'Child's play' is named 'Chucky' is not a coincidence.

What is the name of a bag pipe band that likes to play while jumping on squares?

hopscotts.

What's in a name?

A woman sits down next to another mother on a park bench as their kids played together on a playground in Keswick, and they got to talking.
The woman was astonished that the other Mom had eleven children, all named Jayden.
Why did you call all your kids Jayden?" she asked her new friend.
"It's a great time-saver, I can just yell JAYDEN, time for bed", and they all will come running".
A perplexed look crossed the face of the first woman But don't you find it a little confusing? What if you only wanted to call one specific child, the second youngest, or the oldest? How do you get just their attention?
Simple… said the mother of eleven …then I just call them by their LAST names

One day bush went jogging...

One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.
After cleaning up he said, Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you.
The first boy said, Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!
I'll personally hand it to you, said Bush. I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos, the second boy said.
I'll buy them myself and give them to you, said Bush. And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it, said the third boy.
I'll personally … wait a second, son, you're not handicapped!
No, but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved from drowning.

The officer and the speeding Harley

Officer stops a Harley for speeding so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and give him a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer just walks away...

A Parrot with an attitude

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Lily walked up to her father and asked a question....

"Father," said Lily, "why did you name me Lily?"
Lily's father smiled, "On the day you were born, a gentle breeze carried a lily through the window, and it gently fell onto your forehead, and so we named you Lily."
Lily smiled at her father, and went back to playing.
On that same day, Lily's sister, Rose, walked up to her father and said, "Father, why did you name me Rose?"
Rose's father tousled her hair, and replied, "When we left the hospital on the day of your birth, a rose petal carried in the breeze fell upon your forehead, and so we named you Rose."
Rose smiled, and went back to playing.
Later that day, the youngest girl in the family, Cinderblock, walked up to her father and said "GRRRAAAaaaAAAAaaHHH!!"

Russian Americans on chess (true story)

I was working with a Russian bike mechanic named Dmitri when my friend who came into the shop frequently started dating someone who was extremely good at chess. The chess player came into the shop one day so I said to Dmitri "Hey, Dmitri, you play chess don't you?"
"No. No, no not play chess."
"What do you mean 'not play chess'? I thought you all were supposed to be good at that kinda thing."
"No, no, prefer checkers"
"Checkers?! Why don't you like chess, Dmitri?"
"Because! If smart good at chess, not be bike mechanic! And when bored play chess fall asleep and (he slumps forwad) *pop* out your eye! Checkers only bruises."

A burglar breaks into a house...

He starts searching the house for valuables and comes across some jewelery, which he begins to stuff into his bag. Just then a menacing voice echoes through the house moaning "Jesus is watching you". The burglar looks around, sees no one and decides his imagination is just playing tricks on him. As the burglar continues his search he finds some electronics, but before he can stuff them in his bag he hears the voice again moaning "Jesus is watching you". This time the burglar takes a good look around the room he's in and realizes that there is a bird cage with a parrot in it. He walks up to the parrot and asks, "Did you say that?". The parrot stares at him for a second and replies "yes". The burglar realizes that the parrot is somewhat intelligent so he asks "What's your name?". The parrot squawks "Moses".
"What kinda guy names his parrot Moses?"
"The same kinda guy who names his vicious rottweiler Jesus"

Golfing on the sabbath

One day, a man named David decides to skip church to play golf. Up in heaven, Saint Peter sees this and reports David's sin to God. God says, "I will punish him accordingly." David plays a perfect game and goes home really pleased. Saint Peter sees this and goes to God and says, "What gives? You said you would punish him, yet he gets a perfect score." God smiles and says, "Who can he tell?"

In and Out

(Part joke and part tongue-twister - lots of fun to tell out loud.)
Once upon a time, a mama skunk had twin baby skunks, who she named In and Out.
One day when they were just wee skunks, In and Out went out to play. At lunchtime, Mama Skunk poked her head out and called out, "In and Out, it's time to come in!"
After a few minutes, Out comes in. Mama looks at him and says, "Out, where is In? I just told you both to come in!"
Out says, "In is still out." So Mama tells him "Well Out, you go right back out, find In, and bring him in!" So Out goes out, and within just a minute he comes back in with In.
Mama Skunk is amazed. She says, "Out, how on earth did you find In so quickly?"
Out shrugs and says, "Instinks."

Importance of Planning

Why planning is important?
One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.
See below for the question paper.
Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)
a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right

A man had 3 daughters.

A man had 3 daughters.
The first daughter walks up to her dad and says "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
"Because a rose petal fell on you when you were a baby." Replied the father. The first daughter smiles and skips off to play with her dolls.
The second daughter walks up to her dad and says "Daddy, why is my name Tulip?"
"Because a Tulip petal fell on you when you were a baby." Replied the father. The second daughter smiles and skips off to play with her dolls.
The third daughter walks up to her dad and says "Hhhhhnnngngngnggggddddddrrrrruhuuhuhhuhhuhdadgh!"
"...Go to your room cinderblock." Replied the father.

Three men - one blind, one deaf, one dumb - participate in a game show...

The blind man is shown a map with a marker and asked to name the exact place it is pointing to. Being blind though, he is well versed in Braille, so he begins feeling the map with his hands and after a few seconds says "Grenoble, France".
"Correct! 50 points for Mr. Blind", says the host.
The deaf man is played a particular song and asked to identify its singer. Being deaf though, he is a keen observer and lip-reader. He notices one of the people in the audience singing along with the song, reads their lip, and says, "Stand Tall, by Burton Cummings."
"Correct! 50 points for Mr. Deaf", says the host.
Finally, the dumb man is asked to spell "Mississippi". After thinking for a few seconds, he says, "M-R-S. S-I-P-P-Y".

Star football player Steve was about to be sacked for bad grades . . .

. . . but the team was on a winning streak, and he was badly needed. The head coach pleaded with the college president, and managed to convince him to allow the student to continue to play if he could spell just one word correctly. "Okay, Steve," the coach told him. "It's an easy one. Just spell the name of your favorite drink." "Sure coach. Khaphy."

There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy...

Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846.
JFK was elected into Congress in 1946.

Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
JFK was elected President in 1960.

Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy.
Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.

A week before he died, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before he died, Kennedy was in Marilyn Monroe.

---
Credit goes to the play: The Complete History of America: Abridged

I have a German friend named Yosef.

I have a German friend named Yosef. He's a fragile guy, and if you play with him you have to constantly check to make sure he's ok.
You have to check Yosef before you wreck Yosef.

Go tell Meyer's wife . . .

Six retired Jewish Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.

At the end of the game, Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?"

They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the low card and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet.
Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."

Goldberg goes over to the Meyer's condo and knocks on the door.
The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants?
Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Goldberg.

A woman tries to ask a man "Do you like the p**... Dolls?"

A woman sees a man she is attracted to so she tries to start a conversation with him, she isn't good at pick up lines so she tries to think of something she can ask him.
A p**... Dolls song is playing so she thinks to herself that she should ask this man if he likes the p**... dolls.
She asks "Do you like the p**......"
The man out of nowhere starts kissing her and doesn't let her finish her sentence. He then takes her to his place and they do it.
After they're done she asks him "This is what I wanted, how did you know that I wanted this?"
He asks "How did you know that my name was Cat?"

There once was a farmer who's name was Rick

There once was a farmer who's name was Rick,
And he just loved to play with his...
Banjo, and the lady next door,
You could tell by just looking that she was a...
Fine, fine lady, she rolled in the grass,
And when she rolled over, you could see her bare...
Legs in the moonlight, she walked like a duck,
And she taught Rick the right way to...
Raise fine children, the girls learned to knit,
And the boys learned to shovel big piles of...
Hay and barley, this story goes well,
And if you don't like it, you can go straight to...
Bed.

So my brother was playing FFVII...

And he always named Cloud as "Grin". I never understood why. Every time he played a new game, he would name him "Grin". The other characters he left the same...Tifa, Yuffie, Cait Sith, it was just Cloud.
One day, he was playing with just two guys (Red XIII was on the team, but he never revived him). Confused, I asked "Why are you only using two characters?"
"I saw this challenge online where you beat the game with only two characters. I needed a challenge, so I'm doing a run of it right now." he replied.
"Really?" I questioned, "Just two characters?"
"Yep. Just Grin and Barret."

Series of Romanian Alinuta jokes.

Sup ya'll! I've translated some dark Romanian jokes about a girl named Alinuta. Any other Romanians who know more please share!
-Brother: Mom, Alinuta hung herself in the basement!
Mom goes and looks to find nothing.
Mom: She's not there.
Brother: April fools! She's in the attic!
-While Alinuta's brother is watching tv, she quickly moves passed the screen.
Brother: Hey! Get out of the way!
Alinuta again moves passed the screen, blocking her brothers view for a second.
Bother: Stop getting in the way!
Alinuta moves across the room again, blocking his screen.
Infuriated with his sister blocking his TV, Alinuta's brother calls their mom to resolve the problem.
Brother: I want to watch TV but Alinuta keeps moving in front of the screen.
Mom: oh it's cause she hung herself.
-"Alinuta stop playing with the scissors! You're going to spill your fingers on the floor again!"

I went to a party the other day and danced to all the songs.

They played the twist so I did the twist. They played jump so I jumped. I got kicked out after they played come on Eileen...
Don't worry that's not true - I don't know what her name was

I wish someone would actually name the actor who plays Wolverine

Everyone I know just calls him Huge Jacked Man

Playing Trivial Pursuit with Grandma:

Name an animated character dedicated to cleaning up the planet, who loves Eva?
Nana: h**....

A golfer to his caddy:

'How would you have played that last shot, caddy?'
'Under an assumed name.'

Next Sunday is the "Feast of the Circumcision"...

...the service that celebrates the circumcision and naming of Jesus Christ. As the organist, perhaps I should play "O Sacred Head, Now Wounded."

I'm currently playing Pokémon Yellow and I named my character Drunk while I named my rival Sober. Every time they fight then, it's like real life

sorry

"My new band's name is 1023 MB"

"Awesome! When are you guys playing?"
"I don't know. We don't have a gig yet."
Ba Dum Tss...

Hey, do you guys know the name of that theatrical performance of the Dictionary?

All I know is that it was a play on words...

2 spies were captured by the goverment

They both sat in the interrogation room.
The first spy whispered to the second spy "Whatever you do.... Dont say a word..."
An officer came into the room and asked "what is your name?"
The second spy just looked down for a few seconds and said "jabbaracko"
The first spy stared at the second spy angrily and whispered "what did i just say?!"
The second spy looked at the other and said "Oh when we played Scrabble you said 'thats not a word' but NOW its a word"

"Dad, how did you come up with my brother's name, 'Legab'?"

"Is it a variation of 'Gabriel' or something?"
"Ah... no sweetie. As you know, your Mom loves bagels so we decided to play with that word".
"Oh... ok. Thanks, Dad!"
"You're welcome, Lana".

Me as a game maker.

I want to make a game named
"With your emotions" so when someone asks me "What are you playing?" I can say " I am Playing with your emotions"

Are you looking for trouble?!

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed

A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed when she says.
"Darling, now that we are married, I have a little confession to make, I was a h**... before we met, are you OK with that"
He replies "Of course I am darling, we hadn't met then and to be honest it turns me on,so tell me more
She says "Well, my name used to be Brian and I played for St. Helens"

Let's play name the title

Jokes are reposted so many times here, so name the titles of these punchlines
1. Ones a hippo and ones a little lighter
2. How far do you think I can kick this bucket?
3. Obviously not
4. But it wasn't stroganoff
5. Sam sung note 7
6. Measles
7. We went out and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wanted to become a web designer.
8. I wore the wrong sock this morning
9. Unless everyone gets them
10. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for life.

A Tale Of Two Skunks

Once upon a time there were two little skunks named "In" and "Out."
They lived in a hollow tree with their mother.
Sometimes In and Out played outside, but other times they played inside.
One day In was out and Out was in.
The mother skunk asked Out to go out and bring In in.
So Out went out and in a few minutes he came in with In. "My my, Out," she said, "how did you find In so quickly?"
Out just smiled and said, "Instinct."

Stevie Wonder has a bet with Tiger Woods on a game of golf, Stevie says I will beat you, so they agree to have a $500,000 bet on it, Stevie says you name the venue and I will name the time, Tiger says OK St Augustus, so what time we playing? Stevie replied.

Midnight.

How did the k**... member guess the name of his daughter's new black boyfriend?

They played hangman.

2 spies in an interrogation room

The interrogator sat in front of them and asked for names.
Spy A says to the other
"Whatever you do, dont say a word"
A few seconds later Spy B said
"Fdugyop"
The Spy A looked at Spy B and said
"what did just say?"
Spy B replied
"Oh when we played scrabble you said '*thats not a word*' and NOW its a word"

Two brother sit under the christmas tree....

One gets dozens of presents. He opens one after another, a tablet, a drone, a bike and plenty other things.
The other only gets one present with his name on it: a matchbox car.
The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks: guess whom they like more!
The other, calmly playing with the matchbox car, asks back: guess who has cancer.

I'm starting a one man band...

Ill play all the instruments at once. Going to go by the name Louis c**.... That way I can play with myself and make people listen.

The say your last name speaks to your ancestor's trade or status or of their nature. I put some stock in that so that's why...

I never let my son play with the Dickinson family next door.

What's the name of MMA fighter John Jones 2 brothers that played in the NBA?

Manute Bol & Turina Bol

Just thought of a physics joke in class

One day, Newton adopts a dog to play catch with his apple, naming it Theta. Busy with writing the *Principia*, Newton doesn't notice that Theta has been p**... all over the lawn. When he finally steps outside and sees the mess, he energetically graps his shovel and gets to work.
A visitor asked the neighbor, "Why is the lawn all messed up?", and the neighbor replied, "Oh, Newton's just expending energy. He's madcos(θ).
(Kinetic Energy=Fdcos(θ))

So there are three brothers, one called manners , one called trouble and one called shut up

One day they were playing hide and seek and shut up was searching. He found manners very quickly so they searched for their brother.
They looked for hours and still couldn't find him, so eventually they went to the police station.
Manners was shy so he stayed outside, but shut up went in to talk to an officer.
Officer: Hello young man what's your name?
Shut up: Shut up
Officer: how rude!!! Where are your manners?!?
Shut up: waiting outside
Officer: and what are you doing here then?
Shut up: I'm looking for trouble

The animal without teeth [OC]

A middle-aged teacher found that he was tired of teaching his 1st grade class, so he played a little game with them.
"If any of you can name a mammal without teeth, I'll let you take the day off."
This stumped the 1st grade class. Try as hard as they could, they couldn't think of a mammal without teeth. Until, that is, a small boy piped up.
"Teacher, are humans mammals?"
"Yes, but I don't see how they could-"
"Your mom. See you tomorrow."
And that is the story of how a boy took a day off using a yo momma joke.

Still my funniest joke

A man is hosting a radio program and he wants to call a random person to ask for their favourite song in order to play it on the radio. So the random guy says " well I just want to say that I found a person's wallet on the street" and the host tells him " well do you want to share the owner's name so we can return the wallet?" And the random guy responds " no I just want to dedicate him a song" (sorry for my English I'm Spanish) :)

m**... and Trouble are playing hide and seek

m**... goes and hide behind a police car. The ploice officer asks: "What is your name kid?" "m**..." says m**.... To which the officer awnsers: "are you looking for trouble?" "No, sir. Trouble's looking for me!

I was really excited when this girl I know sent me a video named 101 mating positions .

Turns out it was a tutorial on how to play chess.

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.

His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"
"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"
A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"
The kid ignores him.
"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"
The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."
"Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are reading a script at lunch...

It's for Stallone's new movie *The Composers*, about the descendants of famous European composers joining forces to fight terrorism. Stallone says he'll play Beethoven, "My theme will be ode to joy. But get this: Joy is the name of my shotgun."
"Nice," says Norris. "I'll be Mozart, and I'll conduct a symphony of pain!"
"Sweet," says Stallone. "Well, Arnie? What about you? Who're you going to be?"
Schwarzenegger thinks about this for a long moment, nods his head and says:
"I'll be *Bach.*"

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.

His mother walks in. "Tommy, I want you to meet my new boyfriend".
"I've got a 3 kill streak leave me alone" he cries, eagerly gripping his controller.
A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey champ, how you doing?"
Tommy ignores him.
"Don't like champ, huh? How about ComptonProud69?"
Tommys head snaps eagerely. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..."
His eyes widened with stress, Tommy's face turning red. "It can't be" he exclaims.
"Roblox right? I told you I'd bang your mom"

Once upon a time there were two little skunks named "In" and "Out."

They lived in a hollow tree with their mother. Sometimes In and Out played outside, but other times they played inside.

One day In was out and Out was in. The mother skunk asked Out to go out and bring In in. So Out went out and in a few minutes he came in with In.

"My my, Out," she said, "how did you find In so quickly?"

Out just smiled and said, "Instinct."

Lucky Number 7

I had a vivid dream of the number 7, just a giant 7... and when I woke up, it was 7:00... so I get up and decide to go to the track, because I like to play the ponies.. and I get a cab, and the cab pulls up, and it's number 7... so I get to the track and I ask what I owe, and it was $7.77... I go in through gate 7 and the only booth open is the 7th. I look at the board and in the 7th race there's a horse named Lucky Number 7 and his odds are 77/1. So I put $700 on him... and believe it not... he came in 7th.
(Cr