Hilarious Play Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...
She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
Playing Oregon Trail.
You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him, That's a girl's name! Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.
Why does nobody play Uno with Mexicans?
They always steal the green cards.
England fans must be pretty happy right now.
They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain.
My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar.
I said "maybe".
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
The Seattle Seahawks play calling.
Poker is like s**...
If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand
Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner
Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes put poker instead of bridge because more people play poker than bridge and when you cheat in poker you have partners(the poker strategy is called collusion)
A joke about golfers.
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.
If you play a Windows Vista disc backwards, you can hear satanic chanting...
...what's worse, if you play it forwards, it installs Vista.
What video game would Adolf h**... play?
Mein Kraft.
You can explore play badminton reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean play pinball dad jokes. There are also play puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My 5 year old daughter wants a t**... for Christmas
She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...
Why does Elton John play the piano?
Because he s**... on an o**....
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: Because they don't know where home is.
What does s**... and basketball have in common?
I'm too short to play
:(
Let's play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game
Whenever your girlfriend goes to the bathroom take a shot
My daughter walked into our bedroom to catch us having s**....
"What are you doing?" she asked in shock.
"Making you someone to play with," I said.
"A brother?" she asked excitingly.
"No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."
My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians
So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
Me: *Playing Ouija board*
Me: What's your name?
Ouija Board: I H A V E A B O Y F R I E N D
There were two friends drinking and one says to the other
I have a trumpet that tells the hour.
"The hour?" the friend asks.
Yes, yes look.... he grabs the trumpet and opens the window and starts to play it like crazy when all of a sudden you can hear...
"You $#@% it's 3 in the morning"
Two guys in a communal shower...
Guy1: You wanna play the r**... game?
Guy2: No.
Guy1: That's the spirit!!
They played the Macarena, I did the Macarena. They played the Twist, I did the twist. They played Come On Eileen…
…I got kicked out for that one…
My dad and I play hide and seek a lot to beat each other's record. My record is 2 hours until he found me.
His record is 20 years and still counting.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
Why can't two women play monopoly together?
There's only one iron.
I just donated all your toys to the orphanage
Dad : I just donated all your toys to the orphanage
Son: Why?
Dad: So you'll have something to play with when i take you there.
I've been in jail for only 10 minutes and I have already been r**... and beaten 3 times...
This is definitely the last time I play monopoly with my dad
Two young boys go to a store
They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."
Some say that if you play Nickelback backwards you'll hear Satan.
Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear Nickelback.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
America is a free country.
Free to Play, but Pay to Win.
TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money.
Kept hitting on 17.
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
He has two in his boat when the police approach him.
The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.
"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."
So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.
"Call who back?"
Did you know that if you play Nickelback backwards you can hear the devil?
But what's even worse is that if you play it forwards you can hear Nickelback
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Pitbull coming from the childrens play ground
Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men?
The Trump card.
I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.
Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.
Why don't cats play poker in the forest?
Because there are too many cheetahs
My wife wanted to get into "role play" to spice things up in the bedroom
I asked what she had in mind.
"Let's play doctor", she said.
I told her to go in the bedroom, shut the door, take off all of her clothes and wait on the bed for me.
After a half an hour I walked in, told her to lose 20 lbs. and handed her a bill for $300.
How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them. Never split the party.
My friends call me 007 when i play call of duty with them.
0 Kills
0 Assist
7 Deaths
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
Why did Trump play golf after the election ?
Because that's where the winner has the lowest score.
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
Officer, you can't give me a ticket. I have to go run the marathon tomorrow.
Cop: That's not how you play the race card.
As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games.
Not because I'm sexist, I just don't think it's right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at games.
My son told my husband he got a part in his school play & he'll be playing a man who has been married for 25 years.
My husband replied, maybe next time you'll get a speaking part.
How many guitarists does it take to play Wonderwall?
Apparently, all of them.
My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary?
A play on words.
Why did 50 cent play at half time?
Because it's after 2 quarters.
If you play Nicki Minaj songs backwards you can hear satanic messages.....
even worse, if you play them forwards you can hear Nicki Minaj.
Have you heard about that new Zelda game where you play as Zelda on a quest through underground caves?
Search for the link below.
Why does Willem Dafoe always play villians?
If he played a good guy, he'd be Willem Dafriend.
I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow.
The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
Finally, a blonde joke I haven't heard before…
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!
**
A blond Joke I've only heard once before.
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
"Because I'm the Goalie!"
My 12 year old just told me a joke
He said I've been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I'm only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times.
I was auditioning for a play today, and the director yelled at me. He said my acting reminded him of a female reproductive o**...! Needless to say I stormed off…
But after I thought about it, I went back. I had to apologize for o**... acting.
Why can't the Uk and the USA play chess anymore?
Because one lost its queen and the other lost its two towers
My friend keeps trying to annoy me by using bird puns
But I soon realised that toucan play at that game.
The Doctor tells me I can play with myself whenever I like
My wife tells me that's not what 'You could have a s**... at any moment ' means
after my wife found my letters I had to come clean and tell her I was cheating
She said she will never play scrabble with me again
A grandmother is watching her grandson....
A grandmother is watching her grandson play on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea.
She looks up and pleads, Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, my life has no meaning without him. Please bring him back.
And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.
She looks up to heaven and says: He had a hat!
Whenever I'm in trouble, I ask myself what Jesus would do now.
And then I play dead and disappear from the scene for three days.
The chick I picked up wanted to play doctor
So i sat her on a chair in the hallway and let her wait for 2 hours
What do possums and the Detroit Tigers have in common?
Both play dead at home & get killed on the road.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together
Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together.
It's Einstein's turn to count, and he closes his eyes. After counting to 10, Pascal runs away and hides.
Newton, on the other hand, very calmly draws a square on the ground, 1 meter on each side, in front of the place that Einstein counted, and goes to the middle of it and starts to wait.
When Einstein reaches 10, he opens his eyes and immediately says, "Newton, I found you!!" he shouts.
Newton smiles and says calmly: "You didn't find me, you found Newton per square meter. So you found Pascal."
My son is rehearsing for a part as a dictionary
It's going to be a play on words
Wife convinces husband to make a play list for when they're in the bedroom.
Wife: OK what's the first song you want?
Husband: Spiderbait - Black Betty.
Wife: I don't know that one. I look forward to hearing it. What's your next song?
Husband: The playlist doesn't have to be that long.
In what key do ghosts play the piano?
In the spoo-key.
I was playing hide and seek at the hospital...
I kept ending up in ICU.
Stallone thought of creating an action movie about composers.
Stallone: I'll play Beethoven
Van Damme: I'll be Mozart
Schwarzenegger: Shut up! I'll not say it.
