Play Jokes

190 play jokes and hilarious play puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about play that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your friends laugh out loud with these hilarious word play jokes! Discover how to create your own puns and learn an inventive way to have a game of badminton with one player. Read on to respawn your sense of humor!

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Funniest Play Short Jokes

Short play jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The play humour may include short perform jokes also.

  1. My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding... She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
  2. Some say that if you play Nickelback backwards you'll hear Satan. Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear nickelback.
  3. Told my son to stop playing russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other.
  4. I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow. The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
  5. I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
  6. My 12 year old just told me a joke He said I've been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I'm only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times.
  7. I found a vinyl record called "Sounds of the Wasps." When I played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound like wasps." I was right. I was playing the B-side.
  8. Stallone: I'm making a movie about composers. I'm playing Vivaldi. VanDamme: I'll be Mozart.
    Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I'm not saying it.
  9. Why did Trump play golf after the election ? Because that's where the winner has the lowest score.
  10. My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary? A play on words.

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Play One Liners

Which play one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with play? I can suggest the ones about games and practice.

  1. Making love to a woman is like playing a violin… I don't know how to do it…
  2. Have you ever played quiet tennis? It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
  3. What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry? Popcorn
  4. Why can't two women play monopoly together? There's only one iron.
  5. The Seattle Seahawks play calling.
  6. Why don't cats play poker in the forest? Because there are too many cheetahs
  7. Why did 50 cent play at half time? Because it's after 2 quarters.
  8. What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Pitbull coming from the childrens play ground
  9. How many guitarists does it take to play Wonderwall? Apparently, all of them.
  10. Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: Because they don't know where home is.
  11. Why does Piglet smell so bad? Because he plays with Pooh
  12. My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar. I said "maybe".
  13. America is a free country. Free to Play, but Pay to Win.
  14. Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars... he played The Force
  15. Do you know why Bill Clinton played the saxophone? Because he lost his whoremonica

Play Piano Jokes

Here is a list of funny play piano jokes and even better play piano puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why does Helen Keller play piano with only one hand? Because she uses the other one to sing
  • Lost my job as an Old West saloon piano player when a mysterious stranger walked in the door and I just kept playing
  • I played "My Heart Will Go On" on a public piano and people yelled at me. Can't wait till this cruise is over.
  • Playing the piano is like living. I gave up on piano at 7 years old.
  • When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
  • Doctor will I be able to play piano after the procedure? Doctor: Yes, I don't see why not.
    Patient: That's wonderful I could never play piano before!
  • What do you call an accordion teacher who can play both the piano and the accordion? A halfWit.
  • How did the catholic priest play the piano? In A minor.
  • What do you call a snowman that can play the piano? Frosty the Snowpianist!
  • Why did Helen Keller play the piano with one hand? So she could sing with the other.

Play On Word Jokes

Here is a list of funny play on word jokes and even better play on word puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Romeo & Juliet.doc... a play on Word.
  • Playing Scrabble is like talking to women... You spend the whole time looking at the rack trying to form words.
  • My son is rehearsing for a part as a dictionary It's going to be a play on words
  • Have you ever seen Puns: The Musical? If not, you really should. It's a great play on words.
  • My school did a performance last year called "The Dictionary" Turns out it was just a play on words.
  • Now that there is a musical about Alexander Hamilton, I'm going to make a Musical about the founding of the Webster's English Dictionary It's going to be a play on words
  • Have you seen the new Broadway production about the dictionary? It's a great play on words.
  • Q: Why did the duck go to jail?
    A: Because he got caught selling quack.
  • Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
    A: Snowballs.
  • Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
Play joke

Play On Words Jokes

Here is a list of funny play on words jokes and even better play on words puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Q: Wanna hear a joke about construction?
    A: Never mind, I'm still working on it.
  • Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
    A: "Meet you at the corner!"
  • I wrote a script about the dictionary for my local theatre It's a play on words.
  • Q: Why couldn't Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
    A: Because of his coffin.
  • I'm starring in a new theater production about puns It's a play on words
  • Q: What do you call a noodle that commits identity theft?
    A: An impasta!
  • Q: What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
    A: You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.
  • Q: What do you do with a sick boat?
    A: Take it to the doc.
  • You child is playing with wires and is getting electrocuted, what can you do? Ground him until he can conduct himself properly.

    First word in title should be "your"
  • How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it.

Play Guitar Jokes

Here is a list of funny play guitar jokes and even better play guitar puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I've been having trouble playing it I guess I can't complain though, it's not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached
  • My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month. It's part of her minstrel cycle.
  • I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
  • What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm.
  • A woman approaches me as I'm playing my guitar. "Excuse me, is that a Squier Stratocaster?" I may have overreacted when I responded: "DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY FENDER?!"
  • My friend's worried he's addicted to playing guitar I told him not to fret but he says he can't help it
  • Why are accordions better than guitars? You can play both melody and harmony at the same time, so you don’t need any friends.
  • What does former Vice President Gore play on the guitar? An algorithm
  • I got kicked out of band camp for trying to play a guitar with a bow. They said I violated it.
  • Piracy is killing the music industry I mean, have you tried playing guitar with a hook?

Word Play Jokes

Here is a list of funny word play jokes and even better word play puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I went to the theatre today, the stage was covered in random phrases... I guess it was a 'play on words'
  • Q: Why did the tomato blush?
    A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
  • Q: What did the spider do on the computer?
    A: Made a website!
  • Q: What did the banana say to the doctor?
    A: "I'm not peeling well."
  • Did you hear? Broadway is making a theatrical production on puns! It's going to be a *huge* play on words!
  • Q: What do you call a famous fish?
    A: A star fish.
  • Dramatic performance I once had a dramatic performance on the subject of puns, but then I realized it was just a play on words.
  • I'm planning to put on a theatrical performance about puns. I like producing word plays.
  • Q. Why couldn't the teddy bear eat his dessert?
    A. Cause he was stuffed.
  • Q: Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?
    A: Because it was rated Rrrrr.
Play joke

Hilarious Play Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about play you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lays jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make play pranks.

Playing Oregon Trail.

You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him, That's a girl's name! Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.

Why don't orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

Why does nobody play Uno with Mexicans?

They always steal the green cards.

Why can't gay people play poker?

Because they can't keep a straight face.

Dramatic Arts

Little Charlie has had his dreams set on becoming an actor, and, finally, he lands a part in the school play. He runs home after school to tell his dad. "That's fantastic!" his father replies. "Who do you play?" he asks. "Dad, I play a guy who's been married for twenty years!" His dad plants a hand on Charlie's shoulder, smiling sweetly, and says, "Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."

England fans must be pretty happy right now.

They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain.

My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]

A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.

You play World of Warcraft AND Leage of Legends?

Wow, lol.

Went on a date with a single mom...

It was going well until I told her I didn't care about her kid; I just wanted to play with the box it came in.

You guys want to play that new Michael Brown drinking game?

It's easy, you just stand there and take eight shots.

Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...

He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'

Poker is like s**...

If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand
Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner
Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes put poker instead of bridge because more people play poker than bridge and when you cheat in poker you have partners(the poker strategy is called collusion)

A joke about golfers.

Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.

If you play a Windows Vista disc backwards, you can hear satanic chanting...

...what's worse, if you play it forwards, it installs Vista.

Why can't americans play pool billard?

They always shoot the black ones first.

What video game would Adolf h**... play?

Mein Kraft.

Sorry, tuba players...

A father decides to put his son in a music class. The teacher assigns him the tuba and the dad goes home, leaving his kid there.
When the child comes home, the dad asks "What did you do today?"
The child said "I learned how to play the C Note!"
The next day, the dad asks "What did you do today?"
The child said "I learned how to play the G Note!"
The next day, the dad asks "What did you do today?"
"I joined the orchestra!"

My s**... life and gaming life are pretty similar.

I play a lot of single player.

I like Ouija boards

It's the only game I can still play with grandma.

Why can't Cinderella play soccer?

Because she keeps running away from the ball

My 5 year old daughter wants a t**... for Christmas

She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...

When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread...

it's called gluten tag.
I'll show myself out.

Why does Elton John play the piano?

Because he s**... on an o**....

What does s**... and basketball have in common?

I'm too short to play

what is a 4 person rock group that doesn't play music

mount rushmore

Man and his wife are trying to spice up their marriage

So the husband comes home with a packet of flavoured condoms. He says to his wife;
"We'll play a game. I'll turn the light off, I'll put on the c**... and you try and guess the flavour".
His wife goes down on him and after a few moments she calls out, "Cheese and Onion" as the husband responds,
"I've not put it on yet"

Let's play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game

Whenever your girlfriend goes to the bathroom take a shot

I don't need a girlfriend, I can just play Pokémon Go

The servers go down on me every day

What game do Anti-Vaxxer's kids play in the pool?

Marco Polio

At a playground, a woman asked a man "Which kid is yours?"

The man replied "Haven't decided yet."

My daughter walked into our bedroom to catch us having s**....

"What are you doing?" she asked in shock.
"Making you someone to play with," I said.
"A brother?" she asked excitingly.
"No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."

My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians

So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.

Why do you never play hide & seek with mountains?

Mountains peak.

Two prisoners were waiting to be executed.

"Any last requests?" asked the jailer.
"Yes," replied one of the prisoners. "I love music, so before I die could you play 'Never gonna give you up' by Rick Astley."
And the second prisoner said: "Kill me first."

A guy gets taken to his cell on his first day of prison...

...he meets his cellmate for the first time, a huge hulk of a man, who turns to him and says, 'We're gonna play a game, a game of mommies and daddies... Do you wanna be the mommy or the daddy?'
The new convict relunctantly replies, 'I guess I'll, ...I'll be the, ...the daddy?...'
The inmate smiles and says 'Fantastic! ...Now come over here and s**... mommy's c**...'.

Me: *Playing Ouija board*

Me: What's your name?
Ouija Board: I H A V E A B O Y F R I E N D

There were two friends drinking and one says to the other

I have a trumpet that tells the hour.
"The hour?" the friend asks.
Yes, yes look.... he grabs the trumpet and opens the window and starts to play it like crazy when all of a sudden you can hear...
"You $#@% it's 3 in the morning"

Two guys in a communal shower...

Guy1: You wanna play the r**... game?
Guy2: No.
Guy1: That's the spirit!!

Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really s**... at Guac-a-mole.

My friend told me a s**... bird pun.

I replied, "Toucan play at this game."

What's a pirate's favourite...

What's a pirate's favourite architectural feature?
An *arrr*ch.
What's a pirate's favourite place to play?
A p*arrr*k.
What's a pirate's favourite thing to do to women?
I never understood why society romanticises pirates.

They played the Macarena, I did the Macarena. They played the Twist, I did the twist. They played Come On Eileen…

…I got kicked out for that one…

Some guy was yelling at me today, complaining about my driving, saying I shouldn't be allowed on the highway…

I'll play golf wherever I want!

My dad and I play hide and seek a lot to beat each other's record. My record is 2 hours until he found me.

His record is 20 years and still counting.

I played my wedding video backwards today.

It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.

My husband and I like to role play in bed...

He's Donald Trump and I am an American with a pre-existing condition.

I just donated all your toys to the orphanage

Dad : I just donated all your toys to the orphanage
Son: Why?
Dad: So you'll have something to play with when i take you there.

I've been in jail for only 10 minutes and I have already been r**... and beaten 3 times...

This is definitely the last time I play monopoly with my dad

Two young boys go to a store

They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?

A bassist.
(Don't get triggered, I play bass and I find this funny)

My wife thinks I play favourites with my kids.

That's just silly. I love Eric and Not Eric equally.

My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his f**... on the wall.

I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!

TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money.

Kept hitting on 17.

Remember in Monopoly, when some insufferable kids couldn't agree who was banker, they'd refuse to play completely?

Welcome to the shutdown...

A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.

A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
He has two in his boat when the police approach him.
The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.
"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."
So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.
"Call who back?"

Did you know that if you play Nickelback backwards you can hear the devil?

But what's even worse is that if you play it forwards you can hear Nickelback

Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men?

The Trump card.

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

I tried playing my Demi Lovato record today

But the needle kept getting stuck

Two good friends go golfing

Two good friends go golfing and they come up on two women who are moving like molasses. o**... says that he'll go up and ask if they can play through. When he's half way to the women, he freezes, turns around and comes back pretty pale.
"Sorry man, I can't do it! One's my wife and the other my mistress!"
The other guy says he'll ask instead. Halfway to the women he suddenly stops turns around and comes back shaking his head. "Small world bro!"

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band.

But I got bored and quit because it was just one ting after another.

My wife wanted to get into "role play" to spice things up in the bedroom

I asked what she had in mind.
"Let's play doctor", she said.
I told her to go in the bedroom, shut the door, take off all of her clothes and wait on the bed for me.
After a half an hour I walked in, told her to lose 20 lbs. and handed her a bill for $300.

How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them. Never split the party.

My friends call me 007 when i play call of duty with them.

0 Kills
0 Assist
7 Deaths

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

It's Einstein's turn. He counts till ten and opens up his eyes.
Pascal is nowhere to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein with a chalk in his hand. He's sitting on a box he's drawn, one metre a side.
Einstein: Newton you're terrible, I can see you!
Newton: No No Einy, you've found one Newton per square metre. You've found Pascal!

After several dates, my girlfriend wanted me to meet her parents, so they invited me over for dinner. It did not go well...

During the meal, somebody started playing footsies with me under the table, then gradually moved up and kept rubbing until I came. Later, I told my girlfriend how much I had enjoyed the s**... play during dinner. She got so mad and said that it wasn't her. I guess I got off on the wrong foot.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.

But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

Play joke, Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.

jokes about play