Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Play puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear Nickelback.
All of them. Never split the party.
Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.
The Trump card.
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
There's only one iron.
If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand
Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner
Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes put poker instead of bridge because more people play poker than bridge and when you cheat in poker you have partners(the poker strategy is called collusion)
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
He has two in his boat when the police approach him.
The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.
"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."
So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.
"Call who back?"
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large funeral procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.
A Pitbull coming from the childrens play ground
So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
Guy1: You wanna play the rape game?
Guy2: No.
Guy1: That's the spirit!!
You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him, That's a girl's name! Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.
They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain.
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
"What are you doing?" she asked in shock.
"Making you someone to play with," I said.
"A brother?" she asked excitingly.
"No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."
Mein Kraft.
…I got kicked out for that one…
But what's even worse is that if you play it forwards you can hear Nickelback
A: Because they don't know where home is.
They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."
Whenever your girlfriend goes to the bathroom take a shot
His record is 20 years and still counting.
Because he sucks on an organ.
...what's worse, if you play it forwards, it installs Vista.
I said "maybe".
Free to Play, but Pay to Win.
Kept hitting on 17.
Dad : I just donated all your toys to the orphanage
Son: Why?
Dad: So you'll have something to play with when i take you there.
She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...
I have a trumpet that tells the hour.
"The hour?" the friend asks.
Yes, yes look.... he grabs the trumpet and opens the window and starts to play it like crazy when all of a sudden you can hear...
"You $#@% it's 3 in the morning"
They always steal the green cards.
I asked what she had in mind.
"Let's play doctor", she said.
I told her to go in the bedroom, shut the door, take off all of her clothes and wait on the bed for me.
After a half an hour I walked in, told her to lose 20 lbs. and handed her a bill for $300.
0 Kills
0 Assist
7 Deaths
Me: What's your name?
Ouija Board: I H A V E A B O Y F R I E N D
This is definitely the last time I play monopoly with my dad
I'm too short to play
:(
Because she uses the other one to sing
It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.
But I got bored and quit because it was just one ting after another.
Marco Polio
It's easy, you just stand there and take eight shots.
...he meets his cellmate for the first time, a huge hulk of a man, who turns to him and says, 'We're gonna play a game, a game of mommies and daddies... Do you wanna be the mommy or the daddy?'
The new convict relunctantly replies, 'I guess I'll, ...I'll be the, ...the daddy?...'
The inmate smiles and says 'Fantastic! ...Now come over here and suck mommy's cock'.
I play a lot of single player.
Wow, lol.
mount rushmore
The man replied "Haven't decided yet."
Because it's completely ok to finger A minor
But the needle kept getting stuck
Two good friends go golfing and they come up on two women who are moving like molasses. One guy says that he'll go up and ask if they can play through. When he's half way to the women, he freezes, turns around and comes back pretty pale.
"Sorry man, I can't do it! One's my wife and the other my mistress!"
The other guy says he'll ask instead. Halfway to the women he suddenly stops turns around and comes back shaking his head. "Small world bro!"
I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.
A bassist.
(Don't get triggered, I play bass and I find this funny)
It's Einstein's turn. He counts till ten and opens up his eyes.
Pascal is nowhere to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein with a chalk in his hand. He's sitting on a box he's drawn, one metre a side.
Einstein: Newton you're terrible, I can see you!
Newton: No No Einy, you've found one Newton per square metre. You've found Pascal!
Mountains peak.
"Any last requests?" asked the jailer.
"Yes," replied one of the prisoners. "I love music, so before I die could you play 'Never gonna give you up' by Rick Astley."
And the second prisoner said: "Kill me first."
I really suck at Guac-a-mole.
They always shoot the black ones first.
^^^^sorry...
Little Charlie has had his dreams set on becoming an actor, and, finally, he lands a part in the school play. He runs home after school to tell his dad. "That's fantastic!" his father replies. "Who do you play?" he asks. "Dad, I play a guy who's been married for twenty years!" His dad plants a hand on Charlie's shoulder, smiling sweetly, and says, "Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."
it's called gluten tag.
I'll show myself out.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.