Platoon Jokes

17 platoon jokes and hilarious platoon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about platoon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Platoon Short Jokes

Short platoon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The platoon humour may include short troops jokes also.

  1. The Army now has an entire platoon of female-to male and male-to-female recruits. It's a complete trans formation.
  2. What do you call a group of western bars themed around urns into which you spit that are decorated with picture of Inklings? A Splatoon spittoon saloon platoon
  3. Why did so many black soldiers die in Vietnam? Whenever the platoon leader shouted, "Get down!" They all got up and started dancing.
  4. My platoon recieved an air drop that was supposed to contain MREs but there must have been a mix up because all we got were ammo and guns. It was irrational.
  5. TIFU by drawing the wrong gun My platoon was ordered to draw guns either MP5 or MP7.
    I took the P90 and said oops, wrong sub.
  6. That World War 2 movie Overlord is so far fetched. A black soldier in the same platoon as white soldiers!

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Platoon One Liners

Which platoon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with platoon? I can suggest the ones about infantry and brigade.

  1. You know what you call a marine with an IQ of 160 A platoon.
  2. What do you call an IQ of 160 in the marines? A platoon.
  3. I was born in 1944. My father was some soldiers. My mother had a platoonic relationship.
  4. How did an entire platoon of dirty n**... die? Wrong shower

Platoon joke, How did an entire platoon of dirty n**... die?

Silly Platoon Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about platoon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean squad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make platoon pranks.

A rather drunk lieutenant formed up the platoon:

"Soldiers, why is the formation so crooked?"
"Because the Earth is round!" - someone called out.
"Who said that?"
"Galileo, step forward!"
"But he has died long ago!"
"So then?! People here are dying, and no one is reporting this to me?"

*Joke was translated from Bulgarian*

The Drill Sergeant

A drill sergeant runs his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on. As they stand there, exhausted, he puts his face right up to one recruit's face and says, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and pee on my grave, aren't you?"
The recruit responds, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again."

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon...

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon.
He is walking up and down the line of men, complementing, or insulting the men on their work in the field that day.
Finally, he reaches a private at the end of the line.
Without being able to finish his sentence, the private interrupts his superior saying, "THANK YOU, SIR."

A Scottish soldier goes to the US for special military training...

The next day morning he goes to the platoon and after looking at him the officer asks him:
\- Private, did you come here to die?
To which he responds:
\- No sir, I came here yesterday.

An old Russian WW2 joke

This is an old Russian WW2 joke that my grandfather loved to tell.
During high-casualty battles between Germans and Russians, the Russian general gets surprised by the commander of a tiny platoon who wants to hand over hundreds of German prisoners. When investigating the prisoners closer, he realizes that all of them are injured, most of them at their hands and arms.
The general interrogates the commander:
"Very impressive! But how did you manage to take all these hostages?"
"Ha, very simple! Just build up a machine gun next to the German trench and yell >>HEIL!! <<"

Bridge blown up

During a drill a bridge is labeled with a sign as blown up. To his anger the drill instructor sees a whole platoon crossing the bridge. The last soldier has a sign on his back. The instructor pulls out his binoculars. The sign reads: We're swimming.

Ukrainian soldier is chasing a platoon of Russian troops through some woods

After a while one Russians says: "Hang on! There's 20 of us and only one of him. Why are we running from him?" And platoon leader silences him "Keep quiet! We don't know which one of us he's chasing."

A soldier in my National Guard platoon...

...... became concerned when the Army insisted that he sign up for direct deposit.
"It's not going to work for me," he said, panicked.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because I use my Guard pay for spending money."
"For the past ten years, I've been telling my wife that I serve for free!"

Chinese soldiers attack a Soviet tractor.

^This ^joke ^originated ^during ^the ^1969 ^Sino-Soviet ^border ^conflict.
**Radio broadcaster:** *"Comrades! Yesterday, a platoon of the Chinese People's Liberation Army attacked an agricultural tractor without provocation."*
*"Fortunately, our tractor returned fire. It then managed to fly back to base for repairs."*

Platoon joke, Chinese soldiers attack a Soviet tractor.