The Best 15 Platoon Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Platoon jokes. There are some platoon soldier jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these platoon commander puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Platoon Jokes and Puns

You know what you call a marine with an IQ of 160

A platoon.

A rather drunk lieutenant formed up the platoon:

"Soldiers, why is the formation so crooked?"
"Because the Earth is round!" - someone called out.
"Who said that?"
"Galileo."
"Galileo, step forward!"
"But he has died long ago!"
"So then?! People here are dying, and no one is reporting this to me?"



*Joke was translated from Bulgarian*

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon...

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon.

He is walking up and down the line of men, complementing, or insulting the men on their work in the field that day.

Finally, he reaches a private at the end of the line.

In a gruff voice, he yells "PRIVATE, I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING TODAY."

Without being able to finish his sentence, the private interrupts his superior saying, "THANK YOU, SIR."

Platoon joke, A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon...

What do you call an IQ of 160 in the marines?

A platoon.

An old Russian WW2 joke

This is an old Russian WW2 joke that my grandfather loved to tell.

During high-casualty battles between Germans and Russians, the Russian general gets surprised by the commander of a tiny platoon who wants to hand over hundreds of German prisoners. When investigating the prisoners closer, he realizes that all of them are injured, most of them at their hands and arms.

The general interrogates the commander:

"Very impressive! But how did you manage to take all these hostages?"

"Ha, very simple! Just build up a machine gun next to the German trench and yell >>HEIL!! <<"


How did an entire platoon of dirty nazis die?

Wrong shower

The Army now has an entire platoon of female-to male and male-to-female recruits.

It's a complete trans formation.

Platoon joke, The Army now has an entire platoon of female-to male and male-to-female recruits.

Bridge blown up

During a drill a bridge is labeled with a sign as blown up. To his anger the drill instructor sees a whole platoon crossing the bridge. The last soldier has a sign on his back. The instructor pulls out his binoculars. The sign reads: We're swimming.

A soldier in my National Guard platoon...

...... became concerned when the Army insisted that he sign up for direct deposit.

"It's not going to work for me," he said, panicked.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I use my Guard pay for spending money."

"So?"

"For the past ten years, I've been telling my wife that I serve for free!"

Chinese soldiers attack a Soviet tractor.

^This ^joke ^originated ^during ^the ^1969 ^Sino-Soviet ^border ^conflict.

**Radio broadcaster:** *"Comrades! Yesterday, a platoon of the Chinese People's Liberation Army attacked an agricultural tractor without provocation."*

*"Fortunately, our tractor returned fire. It then managed to fly back to base for repairs."*

What do you call a group of western bars themed around urns into which you spit that are decorated with picture of Inklings?

A Splatoon spittoon saloon platoon

You can explore platoon cadet reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean platoon squadron dad jokes. There are also platoon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why did so many black soldiers die in Vietnam?

Whenever the platoon leader shouted, "Get down!" They all got up and started dancing.

My platoon recieved an air drop that was supposed to contain MREs but there must have been a mix up because all we got were ammo and guns.

It was irrational.

TIFU by drawing the wrong gun

My platoon was ordered to draw guns either MP5 or MP7.

I took the P90 and said oops, wrong sub.

That World War 2 movie Overlord is so far fetched.

A black soldier in the same platoon as white soldiers!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the platoon formation jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working platoon battalion piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes