Plate Jokes
173 plate jokes and hilarious plate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud at these hilarious plate jokes! Learn about the different types of plates, from tectonic plates to license plates, and the funny puns that could be made with them. Invite your friends over to make a plate collection, or take a trip to a bullfight with your silverware. Enjoy a night of entre-taining fun!
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Funniest Plate Short Jokes
Short plate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plate humour may include short panel jokes also.
- What did the tectonic plate say to the other tectonic plate when he bumped into the him? Sorry, my fault.
- Why did Trump throw so many plates against the wall like a baby? He wanted to seem tough on china.
- My wife's car got stolen while she was out the other day. I said , Were you able to see what the guy looked like?
She replied, No, but I got the license plate number! - Listen guys, I know this sub is all in good fun, but I don't think it's right to be making dumb jokes about obese people. They already have enough on their plates.
- My wife's locked herself in the kitchen after we had a furious argument over how cheap and pennypinching I've become since we got married… She's in there now, ripping all the plates in half…
- Just realized I really like eggs Benedict when they're served on disposable dishes.. There's just no plates like foam for the Hollandaise
- It gets me very angry to see people fat-shaming Please guys, they have enough on their plate already
- My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese. As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
- I'm getting really sick of these Amber Alerts... They either wake you up at three in the morning or broadcast your license plate to the whole world.
- Guys can we please stop making jokes about obesity? They have enough on their plate already.
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Plate One Liners
Which plate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plate? I can suggest the ones about sheet and plan.
- Fat shaming is wrong. They have enough on their plate already
- For halloween I'm dressing up as a plate. Girls love to do dishes.
- What did one plate say to the other? "Lunch is on me."
- What do you call two tectonic plates having a fight? Ground beef
- What do you call someone who breaks a plate and then apologizes? Dishrespectful...
- My wife arranged the plates by color and size... It's a rare dish order
- My latest trick is turning big plates into small ones. It's saucery.
- One tension plate bumps into another plate... "Sorry, that was my fault!"
- If there's no God... ...then who spins the plate in microwave?
- Why kind of plates did they use in the food court at the EA conference? Pay-per plates
- What do you call huge dancing rocks? Technotonic plates.
- Where does a catcher sit down for dinner? Behind the plate
- A society without plates Would be pure dishtopia
- I burnt my hand on a round stove plate. It was 360 degrees.
- What do you call a pea that falls off your plate? An Esca-pea!
Dinner Plate Jokes
Here is a list of funny dinner plate jokes and even better dinner plate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought. It's an extremely rare dish order.
- My girlfriend came up to me. She said, "Dinner tonight...On me."
"Thanks," I said, "But I'd rather just use a plate." - After a dinner party ...while taking plates to the kitchen my guest asked if the dishwasher was dirty.
I said no, I believe she showered before dinner. - OCD My little cousin has been diagnosed with an unusual case of OCD where all he does all day is organise dinner plates by the year they were made,
It's an extremely rare dish-order........ - What do geological plates and dinner plates have in common? They're both pieces of china.
- A man takes a plate on a date out to dinner. After they have a nice dinner, they get the check. The plate says,
"Don't worry about paying for our food. It's all on me." - My wife has this unusual case of OCD where she arranges dinner plates by the year they were bought. It is a very rare dish order.
- My Dad always worked really hard to be able to put dinner on the table for his family. And still my Mam moaned because he couldn't afford to buy plates.
That table was ruined. - Why couldn't the boy finish his dinner? Because he had a lot on his plate
License Plate Jokes
Here is a list of funny license plate jokes and even better license plate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dangerfield on Carson: : "One night my wife went out and her car was stolen" "I asked her 'did you see what he looked like?' She said, 'no but I got the license plate number.'"
- A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run. A police officer comes to his aid.
"Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.
"No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet." - I got a new tag on my car On the front of my car, there's a license plate that says "Dodge."
That's not the manufacturer, it's a suggestion. - Today I saw a license plate that said 420-fps Their is no joke I just want to share something cool but I have no friends
- I want to try translating a Finnish joke to English and see if it works. What is the animal that steals license plates?
- A turtle. - The first self driving commercial cars license plate should be... 'AFKBRB'
- I just got a license plate that says "TRUMP" installed on my car... For some reason, the FBI keeps pulling me over.
- How Can You Tell It's Fall In Florida? When the color of the license plates start to change.
- What does the license plate of the sheep farmer say? Ewe haul.
- This is how good my dog is, LOL. I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don't chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.
Paper Plate Jokes
Here is a list of funny paper plate jokes and even better paper plate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm so poor... I just rinsed off a paper plate.
- Hey! Are these plates free? No, sorry they're paper plates
- Wife: These paper plates are bent. Me: When you order from Amazon, shipping happens.
Collection Plate Jokes
Here is a list of funny collection plate jokes and even better collection plate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My church decided to modernize and replace the collection plate with a digital platform Called Papal.
- I asked my pastor why all the bibles in his church had reprinted the second gospel in an extra-large font. God told him the easier Marks, the larger the collection plate...
Tectonic Plate Jokes
Here is a list of funny tectonic plate jokes and even better tectonic plate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Geology rocks but geography is where it's at... What did the tectonic plates say when they bumped into each other?
My fault, sorry! - Are tectonic plates dishwasher safe? Not sure, but they are great for a continental breakfast.
- What is it called when two tectonic plates have a romantic relationship? Subduction!
- What does the earth eat for breakfast? Continental breakfast, served on tectonic plates.
- Tectonic Plates One tectonic plate said to the other, "I'm addicted to crack".
The other said, "It's your fault" - Why do tectonic plates keep rubbing each other up without any reason? They have some dispute over whose fault it is.
- What is the best kind of plate for a continental breakfast? ... a tectonic plate!
- What do you call a border dispute along tectonic plates that's settled through improv? Whose Fault Line is it Anyway?
- Why do tectonic plates wear diapers? Because they're in continents.
- How do tectonic plates have fun? They meet up and crack each other up.
Cheerful Fun Plate Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about plate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pond jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plate pranks.
I have a driver's license but it's at home, I accidentally left it with my license plate and proof of insurance.
....I don't get it either but when I told it to the cop he laughed and said that's funny.
I went to church for the first time. They passed me a plate of cash so I took it and they chased me out of there!
I thought they were offering.
A man walks up to a counter and says . . .
A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a guy with a big orange nose?
Sir. The man has enough on his plate without being treated as a lesser individual by society.
Babe why are you so quiet?
"Babe why are you so quiet?" Bob's girlfriend asked him after dinner. "I invited you over to meet my parents, not to stare at your plate all night!" Bob replies "Well, I went to the pharmacy to pick up some condoms and asked the pharmacist to help me choose some." "And?" The girlfriend says. "I had no idea your dad was a pharmacist." Bob says
Lost vulture
A young vulture flew away from his home for a bit and got lost on his way back. His parents searched and searched, but they couldn't find him. About a week later, he finally finds his way home, and his parents are so happy that they have a huge feast. His father places a plate in front of him loaded with his favorite foods. He asks his father "What's all this?" His father replies "Carrion, my wayward son."
What did the plate say to the mug?
Food's on me tonight.
You know I was thinking about not getting fat,
But I really had a lot on my plate at the time..
GTA
While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him.
"Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!"
"OH NO! Did you try to stop him?"
"No, but dont worry. I got the license plate number!"
The hearing-aid
A man is dining in a restaurant and speaks to a waiter.
Man: Excuse me sir, I found a hearing-aid on my plate.
Waiter: What?
An Indonesian lady offers an Australian guy a plate of noodles
An Indonesian lady wants to offer some noodles to an Australian guy. However, she isn't a good speaker of English. Despite the shortcomings, she goes for it anyway.
"Hey mister! Do you want mee? Still hot you know!"
^^^mee=noodles
I've always said I'd go to Africa at some point in my life, and do what I could to help all the poor, starving children.
But I've just had so much on my plate recently.
A boy and his father are eating lasagna at the dinner table...
The father says ''make sure to lean over your plate, son.''
The boy asks ''but why?''
The father replies with ''so, you'll get less-on-ya''
I want to open a Jamaican/Irish/Spanish small plate breakfast restaurant
And call it "Tapas the Mornin' to Ja."
RIP Harris Wittels.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cold water
A city boy was spending the summer with his grandfather on a farm.
The first night, the food was good but the plate looks a bit dirty.
The boy asks his grandfather about it and he says "That's as clean as cold water can get them."
The next night, the plates are even more g**... but all the grandfather will say is "That's as clean as cold water will get em"
The following day, the boy see's a dog l**... dirty plates. The grandfather said "I see you met our dog, Cold Water"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy who won free buffets for life committed s**... the other day
I guess he had a lot on his plate.
I am a proton held at rest next to a plate with a high positive charge in a uniform electric field
I have a lot of potential but I'm not doing any work.
There once was a man who had surgery in Mexico
He was having a plate put in his head.
Before the surgery the doctor whispered, "be careful, this plate is very hot."
My son was upset his personalised number plate name was already taken
I'd never seen little YCM-846 so sad before
Joke from the rabbi of one of the synagogues I went to.
A professional baseball player was very religious. So religious, in fact, that every time he stepped up to the plate he would cross himself.
During a particular game, he was facing a particularly impatient pitcher. The batter stepped out to cross himself, and the pitcher yelled out, "Hey! Why don't you just let God watch the game for once!?"
I track my calories religiously every day.
First they are on my plate and then I put them in my mouth
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... my ride
I've just ordered the personal number plate BAA BAA.
Should look cool on my black jeep.
There was a piece of cake in the fridge with a note on it that said, "Don't eat me."
Now there's an empty plate and a note, "I don't take orders from a cake."
"But mom! I don't like grandma."
"Keep quiet, son, and finish your plate."
I lost my job as a waiter
Apparently, I had insulted an infamous mafia boss by taking away his plate.
He told me he was Don
Bad holiday joke
I love Hollandaise sauce, and put it on everything, but the lemon juice in it reeks havoc on my dentures. My dentist said he has just the thing: dentures made of chrome. Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's not nice to make fun of the obese...
...They have enough on their plate.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a plate of homemade brownies and a g**... have in common?
u**... for a treat.
After my parents got divorced my little sister gained a lot of weight
I hope they don't make fun of her at school... She has enough on her plate.
Two kids looked at a mummy exhibit...
Two kids looked at a mummy exhibit. On the bottom of the mummy case it said, "5000 B.C."
"What does that number mean?" the first one asked.
The second one wondered for a while, then said, "It must be the license plate number of the car that hit him."
What's a terrible plate pun?
dish one.
A Mexican went into a Japanese restaurant and ordered but only to be disappointed when he was served with a live Octopus slammed in his plate.
He asked for a taco.
At the restaurant with food still on my plate...
Server: "Do you wanna box for that"
Me: "No. It's not worth fighting for"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump, a white worker , and a Mexican worker are sitting at a table.
A waiter comes over carrying 10 cookies on a plate. Before the waiter even gets a chance to set the plate on the table, Donald Trump reaches over and takes 9 cookies and stuffs them in his pocket. He then leans over to the white worker and says "watch out, that r**... is looking at your cookie."
A working class man goes to a fancy restaurant
He just finished ordering his appetizer when the waiter asks "Entreé?". The man says "No! On a plate!"
An Indian man is at home...
An Indian man is at home, cooking for his family. He is a very wealthy scientist, so he was able to purchase a tandoor. Tonight he decides to break it in. As he takes his bread out, he notices something strange. It almost falls apart in his hands. As he gets it on the plate, it turns into a viscous liquid. Amazed, he began trying to figure out what this was. After several minutes of keeping his family waiting, he let's out an audible "Aha!" He then proceeds to slam his fist onto the bread. Miraculously, the bread held together and almost seemed to form a solid.
"Just as I thought." He says.
"A Naan-Newtonian Fluid."
This is traditional food in my country!
"But Abdul, this plate is empty."
"__I know!__"
I'm going to a notable restaurant tonight.
I'm excited, but I don't know where I'll put my plate.
A man goes to the dentist for a check-up
"Uh oh" the dentist says, "looks like your denture plate is eroding a bit. Have you been eating any new foods lately?"
The man thinks for a moment and says "you know, my wife has been using a lot of hollandaise sauce lately. She's been putting it on every dish."
"Ah, that explains it" the dentist replies. "We'll have to make you a new denture plate, but this one will need to be made of chrome."
"Chrome?" The man asks in surprise. "Why chrome?"
"Well, you know what they say", replies the dentist.
"There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"
Saw a licence plate today that said "LUVSHOES"
Couldn't decide if they love fashionable footware or easy women..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Got a tattoo on the small of my back of 2 dogs sharing a plate of spaghetti.
It's a Lady and the t**... stamp.
Plateaus are...
...the highest form of geographical flattery.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do the majority of the people in the UK and a paper plate have in common?
They're both w**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guys, don't make fun of fat people
It's not as if they don't have enough on their plate
What numbers are in the number plate of optimus prime?
Prime numbers. A'right a'right I'll see my way out.
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
I went to a hotel that had continental breakfast
Unfortunately the continent was Africa so all I got was an empty plate
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My instructor asked me, "Can you read that car's license plate from here?"
I answered, "YES!! NOW COULD YOU **PLEASE** OPEN THE PARACHUTE NOW!!!???"
How do you milk a sheep?
Pass the offering plate.
The evening after they were married, Harry set Meghan to work, polishing his set of Royal plate mail.
Well, she did say she always wanted a night in, shining armour.
Take only one
A boy was at a church dinner. They approached the fruit table. A nun, who was refilling the apple tray, instructed them, "We need to feed many people, so be nice and take only one. Remember, God is watching." He took one apple and moved along.
When he got to the dessert table, he took as many cookies as he could put on his plate. When a nun asked why he was doing that, he said, "Don't worry, God is busy watching the apples."
A man walks into a buffet...
He puts a sausage on his plate, and his German friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Then, he adds a slice of pizza to his plate, and his Italian friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Then, the man has an incredible urge to sneeze. He reaches for a napkin and raises it up, and his French friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
They classified a guy I work with morbidly obese which seems a little harsh...
I mean, he has enough on his plate already.
A boy sees his dad's car being stolen
In panic, he calls his dad to tell about the event:
-Dad, I just saw someone stealing your car!
-What?! Did you see the person's face?
-No, but I took a picture of the license plate number!
The sharp eye-witness
While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!
Dear God! Did your try to stop him?
No, said the clerk, but don't worry. I got the license plate number!
Ryu wanted to confess to his lady-crush Chun Li....
So he baked some white fudge treacle tarts and put them down on a table. Ken walked up and was like, "ooh, these tarts smell delicious" and he started to pick one up, when Ryu grabbed the whole plate and did a jumping-spinning kick at Ken while yelling "THESE TARTS AREN'T FOR YOU KEN!"
What do you call a cat served on a silver plate?
A platter-pus
Why yes I'm also a member of PETA and an animal rights person
Yup I'm a Preferred Eater of Tasty Animals and all animals have a right to be served on my plate.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I find all these obese jokes horrible.
Don't you think they have enough on their plate already?
Cop spots a guy driving past with a South American plate. He's eating some kind of Mexican food and has no clothes on! He pulls him over and asks, "Where are you from? What are you eating? Aren't you cold?"
"Chilly", he replies.
Little Johnny
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny, wait until we've said our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to." the little boy replied.
"Of course you do." His mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house"
"That's at our house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook!"
One night my family was having dinner
We were having something Mexican but we had a box of white cheddar cheese itz, we always have some sort of chips or crackers.
My brother had a plate of just rice and he was putting the cheese itz on the rice. I was super confused until he said
Hey Zack, have you heard in our lord and savior, Cheese itz rice?
