Plastic Jokes
142 plastic jokes and hilarious plastic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plastic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore the cheeky, offbeat sense of humor with this collection of plastic jokes! Get ready to laugh out loud with funny quips about the most common plastic materials like plastic bags, bottles, and cups, plus some quirkier topics like plastic paddy, styrofoam, and even plastic scouser! Have a good chuckle while learning about plastic pollution, plastic surgery, and the conveyor belt of plastic!
Quick Jump To
- Short Plastic Jokes
- Plastic One Liners
- Plastic Surgery Jokes
- Plastic Bag Jokes
- Plastic Surgeon Jokes
- Plastic Wrap Jokes
- More Plastic Jokes
Funniest Plastic Short Jokes
Short plastic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plastic humour may include short rubber jokes also.
- I just got a job in a factory making plastic dracula There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count
- What's the most common operation in a lego hospital? Plastic surgery.
[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke] - I hope that when kim kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim. The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.
- My wife is so much better looking than me... ...that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.
Cr - There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery... The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
- "Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery Addicts Anonymous." "I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
- I was working in a factory making plastic Draculas for Halloween. There was only 2 of us on the production line so I had to make every second count
- Plastic surgery anonymous "Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous, I see a lot of new faces here today and I have to say I'm really disappointed with you all..."
- Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say i'm really disappointed.
- For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.
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Plastic One Liners
Which plastic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plastic? I can suggest the ones about vinyl and mold.
- If A is for apple and B is for Banana then what is C for? Plastic Explosives.
- Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous I see a lot of new faces today.
- What do you call a young plastic covered sheep? Laminated
- My girlfriend got her good looks from her father He's a plastic surgeon
- Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery walk in with A's and leave with D's.
- Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group I see a lot of new faces around
- Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts meating I see a lot of new faces today
- Any advice on correcting plastic surgery that has gone wrong? I'm all ears.
- How long could a Kardashian survive in the wild? Forever. Plastic is not biodegradable.
- If anyone's got any tips on how to reverse plastic surgery I'm all ears.
- What do you call a humpless camel covered in plastic? Llamanated
- What's worse than a plastic bag filled with dead babies? Nickelback
- Why can't the Kardashians swim at the beach? Because plastic is bad for the ocean.
- The lastest celebrity to ditch plastic is.... Kanye West
- Hunny, you don't need make up. You need plastic surgery.
Plastic Surgery Jokes
Here is a list of funny plastic surgery jokes and even better plastic surgery puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous I see some new faces with us today so I must say I'm disappointed.
- Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts association, Nice to see a lot of new faces here today.
- Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addiction Clinic I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed.
- My Girlfriend wants to put on her makeup. Me: You don't need makeup.
GF: Aww thanks
Me: You need plastic surgery - My favorite 2 liner Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I see a few new faces this week and I'm disappointed.
- She: "Wait for me darling, I just do my makeup...." He: "Oh, you don't need makeup."
She: "How nice, you are so sweet."
He: "You need plastic surgery." - Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous... ... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.
- There's a support group dedicated to those addicted to plastic surgery... The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"
- Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous I see a lot of new faces here this week, and I just want you to know I'm disappointed.
- I gave my wife £10,000 to get plastic surgery Last week she took the money, got the surgery and ran away.
So not only am i down 10 grand, i don't know who to look for.
Plastic Bag Jokes
Here is a list of funny plastic bag jokes and even better plastic bag puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Bag Boy: Paper or plastic, sir? Customer: Whatever, you pick.
Bag Boy: Sorry, baggers can't be choosers. - What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic grocery bag? One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with...
And the other carries groceries. - A guy walks into a bakery He buys bread, and the baker asks if he'd like his bread bagged in paper or plastic. The guy replies, "Baguette however you want".
- In a touching tribute to Joan Rivers, Target today announced that it would print funny little anecdotes on all of their shopping bags. Just so plastic can make us laugh one more time.
- Give a child a plastic toy and they'll play for a day. Give a child a plastic bag and they'll play for the rest of their lives.
- How come that someone donates one kidney and they're a hero, but I bring 5 in a plastic bag and I get arrested.
- How do you stop a baby from turning blue? Take it out of the plastic bag.
(no joke, told by my 12 year old daughter at Thanksgiving dinner) - What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag. - Hey baby, you're just like a plastic bag... You take my breath away.
- What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to kids. You put groceries in the other.
Plastic Surgeon Jokes
Here is a list of funny plastic surgeon jokes and even better plastic surgeon puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- No plastic surgeon will help me! I have really giant hands and I'd like to make them smaller, but every time I ask the doctor for a hand-job I get kicked out.
- Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually . . . encourage you to pick your nose.
- What was the plastic surgeon priest's favourite thing to do? Alter boys
- I do agree that its healthy to laugh at your own mistakes... But if you are a plastic surgeon you should probably do it in private.
- Why do plastic surgeons finish every race in last place? They always bring up the rear.
- Today I learned where plastic surgeons get new noses for their patients... At the olfactory.
- My plastic surgeon didn't even recognize me after the surgery I guess he's just terrible with faces
- If Mr. Miyagi was a plastic surgeon, what would his slogan be? Racks on, racks off.
- I asked an Italian plastic surgeon what he uses for breast implants He just replied "Si"
- What was the Christian plastic surgeons specialty? Faith lifts
Plastic Wrap Jokes
Here is a list of funny plastic wrap jokes and even better plastic wrap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man walks into a psychiatrist's office He's wearing nothing but plastic wrap. The psychiatrist says, "no need for a diagnosis, I can clearly see your nuts!"
- Did you hear about the man who went to the psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but plastic wrap? The psychiatrist said "this won't take long, I can clearly see your nuts"
- A guy walks into a doctors office wearing nothing but clear plastic wrap... Doctor: "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
- A guy wraps himself in plastic wrap A guy wraps himself in plastic wrap, no clothes or anything and walks into a psychologists office.
The first thing she says is, "I can see your nuts." - A man walks into a Psychiatrists office wrapped completely from neck to toe in nothing but plastic wrap... The Psychiatrist takes one look at him sighs and says, "Well, I can see your nuts."
- A guy walks into his psychiatrist's office The guy's wearing only plastic wrap for underwear. The psychiatrist looks at him and says, "I can see your nuts."
- Why are some cucumbers individually wrapped with plastic at the grocery store? Double usage
- A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only plastic wrap for shorts... The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
- I like my women like I like my plastic wrap. Clingy, easy to handle, and microwave and freezer tested.
- A man walks into a mental hospital wearing nothing but plastic wrap. The clerk says to him, "You definitely belong here, I can clearly see your nuts!"
Hilarious Plastic Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about plastic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean leather jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plastic pranks.
Peeing in the Flowers...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
A teacher I had in high school told me this one. It may better when told out loud rather than read, but it's still funny.
A guy wearing nothing but plastic wrap walks into a psychiatrist's office.
The psychiatrist looks at the man and says,
"Well, I can clearly see your nuts"
Bill works in a machine shop. One day he gets into an accident at work...
He leans in too close to a piece of machinery and chops off his arm. Bob rushes over to help. He puts Bill's arm in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. An hour later Bill comes out with his arm reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.
A few weeks later, Bill leans in too close again and chops off his leg. Bob puts Bill's leg in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 2 hours later Bill comes out with his leg reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.
A few weeks later, Bill once again leans in too close and lops off his head. Bob puts Bill's head in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 3 hours go by and finally a doctor emerges from the surgery room. He walks over to Bob and says, "I'm sorry, but your friend didn't make it." Bob is distraught and says, "But the miracles of modern medicine have samed him before. Why couldn't you reattach his head?" The doctor replies, "We would have been able to, but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
World Cut Soccer
A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."
"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"
"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"
I met a plastic surgeon at a bar last night...
He specialized in male-to-female s**... reassignment surgeries. He was a pretty nice guy, but a total *womanizer*.
Why do they ask you if you want paper or plastic at the supermarket?
Because baggers can't be choosers.
My favorite part of a marathon is...
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of v**....
My Dad and I were talking this morning about my brother's newborn baby...
Dad: I think the nurse will take out the plastic thingy from the baby's arm today.
Me: IV?
Dad: I think her name is Brenda, actually.
When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a t**... subject...
These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.
I screamed, "Lego of me!"
At a Plastic-Surgery-Addicts-Anonymous meeting
Ah, I see we have a few new faces here today.
When Kim Kardashian dies...
Will she be put in a grave or melted along with the rest of the plastic?
A teenager lost a contact lens while playing in the driveway...
After a fruitless search, he went inside the house and told his mother he lost a lens and, try as he might, could not find it.
Undaunted, the mother went outside and in only a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing" she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150".
Remeber when plastic surgery was a t**... subject?
Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
This joke was inspired by a IRL event
I went to the kitchen, and I looked up through the skylight windows. I then noticed a plastic Rite Aid bag that was stuck in a tree.
My dad saw me looking up, and he asked me, "What are you looking at?"
I said to him, "There is a Rite Aid bag in the tree."
He asked me, "Do you know where that bag came from?"
I just looked at him and said, "I don't know."
He replied, "Rite Aid."
An uncircumcised friend of mine had to have plastic surgery on his eyelids after a severe burn to his face and the doctor used his f**... for the graft...
The doctor was able to save his sight but now he is a little cockeyed.
Scott Pruitt has resigned to focus more on his true passion..
Throwing uncut plastic soda rings into the ocean.
"My s**... robot broke up with me."
"Don't worry man, there's plenty more plastic in the sea."
What do Sea Turtles and l**... have in common ?
They both choke on plastic.
Pandemic fun
CUSTOMER: why has your colleague got a larger plastic face covering than you?
SHOP ASSISTANT: that's the supervisor.
Plastic surgery used to be a t**... subject
Now if you mention Botox, no one even raises an eyebrow
I've got a job making plastic dracular figures but there's only two of us on the production line.
I have to make every second count
When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge...
the look on my face was priceless.
BREAKING NEWS: A man was presented into the ER after shoving 6 plastic horses up his a**......
Doctors say that his condition is stable.
I remember when plastic surgery was a bit of a t**... subject..
..but nowadays when you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
I just lent my friend £20,000 for plastic surgery
The trouble is I don't know what he looks like now
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens.
How did you do it? he asked.
We weren't looking for the same thing, she explained. You were looking for a piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.
The plastic surgeon
A plastic surgeon walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've been wondering... Can you successfully transfer a skin graft off one person's b**... to another person who isn't related to the donor?" the bartender asks. "a**... skin for a friend."
hello, and welcome to the plastic surgery addiction meeting
im seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd, and i must say im disappointed.
I hope the Kardashians don't go to the beach this year.
All we need is more plastic in the ocean.
Why do cucumbers have a plastic wrapper around them?
So you can still eat them after usage
Plastic surgery used to be such a t**... discussion topic...
...now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow
Before I start this week's Plastic Surgery Anonymous meeting,
I'd like to bring attention to some of the new faces I see here today..
What is a plastic surgeon's favorite activity at summer camp?
arts and grafts.
Remember when plastic surgery was a t**...
Now you mention Botox and no one rises an eyebrow
