plastic surgery Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious plastic surgery puns

What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?

Plastic surgery.

[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]

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There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...

The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

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When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject...

These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

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"Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous."

"I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

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Plastic surgery anonymous

"Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous, I see a lot of new faces here today and I have to say I'm really disappointed with you all..."

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Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous

I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say i'm really disappointed.

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Remeber when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?

Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

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Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous

I see a lot of new faces today.

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Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous

I see some new faces with us today so I must say I'm disappointed.

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Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts association,

Nice to see a lot of new faces here today.

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Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addiction Clinic

I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed.

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Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery

walk in with A's and leave with D's.

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Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group

I see a lot of new faces around

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Bill works in a machine shop. One day he gets into an accident at work...

He leans in too close to a piece of machinery and chops off his arm. Bob rushes over to help. He puts Bill's arm in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. An hour later Bill comes out with his arm reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.

A few weeks later, Bill leans in too close again and chops off his leg. Bob puts Bill's leg in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 2 hours later Bill comes out with his leg reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.

A few weeks later, Bill once again leans in too close and lops off his head. Bob puts Bill's head in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 3 hours go by and finally a doctor emerges from the surgery room. He walks over to Bob and says, "I'm sorry, but your friend didn't make it." Bob is distraught and says, "But the miracles of modern medicine have samed him before. Why couldn't you reattach his head?" The doctor replies, "We would have been able to, but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

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She: "Wait for me darling, I just do my makeup...."

He: "Oh, you don't need makeup."

She: "How nice, you are so sweet."

He: "You need plastic surgery."

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Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous...

... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.

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Sandy, an older women in her fifties, has a near death experience...

...later, on the operating table. She sees God who tells her not to worry she has at least another thirty years to live.


Sandy decides she's anyway in the hospital and she had another thirty years to live, she should make the most of it. She has plastic surgery on her face, Botox and breast augmentation. A few week later she's crossing the street and gets hit by a car and is killed.

She comes up to heaven and sees God. I don't understand, she says to God You said I had another thirty years?


God answers her, I didn't recognize you.

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There's a support group dedicated to those addicted to plastic surgery...

The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"

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Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous

I see a lot of new faces here this week, and I just want you to know I'm disappointed.

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So we're telling our grandfathers jokes? Alright then.

My grandfather was a doctor, so he had some fun ones. This was one of his favorite:

A boy was born mostly healthy, but with a strange mutation that left him with no left eyelid. The doctors were a bit stunned at first, but called in a plastic surgeon to consult. They needed to figure out a way to protect and keep the eye moist, but how?

Finally the surgeon proposed an unorthodox idea: he suggested that if they circumcised the boy, they could fashion the foreskin into a serviceable eyelid.

The parents consented, and off they went to surgery. Two hours later, the plastic surgeon appeared, looking tired but fairly content.

"How did it go?" the parents asked with concern.

The surgeon replied, "Well, he's a bit cockeyed, but I don't think anyone will notice."

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Any advice on correcting plastic surgery that has gone wrong?

I'm all ears.

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3rd Rose

A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they had become loose and floppy.

Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and of course the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia,she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon.

"I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"!

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"That's from a man in the burn unit - he wanted to thank you for his new ears."

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At a Plastic-Surgery-Addicts-Anonymous meeting

Ah, I see we have a few new faces here today.

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Did you hear about the woman who spent 1 million dollars on plastic surgery for her butt?

What a waist...

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An uncircumcised friend of mine had to have plastic surgery on his eyelids after a severe burn to his face and the doctor used his foreskin for the graft...

The doctor was able to save his sight but now he is a little cockeyed.

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An old lady gets a plastic surgery...

She is glad with the results so much, that she decides to give herself a test.

She goes around town to ask people if they could guess her age. First, she goes in a local McDonald's. She asks the cashier:

- Excuse me, young man. Can you guess how old I am?

- Hmm.. I don't know.. 32 maybe?

- No! I'm actually 45!

She's glad. Then she goes to buy some shoes. She asks the lady showing her a pair:

- Oh sorry! Can you by any chance guess how old I am?

- Hm.. by the looks of it you must be around 28!

- WRONG! I'm actually 45!

She is super happy! She looks younger than expected! While waiting for her bus, she decides to give it a last try. She sees an old man waiting there.

- Pardon me, sir! Can you guess how old I am?

- Well miss, by the looks of it you could be very young. But I can tell you the correct answer if you let me grab your breasts! For you see, I was a doctor once, and I have the ability to tell someone's age by this method!

This answer shocked the lady, but she was too curious. No one was around, so she shrugged and let the old man touch them. He gave a good grab, touched it all around. After a long inspection he says:

- Well, by the looks and feels, I have to say.... well... you are... exactly 45 years old!

- I am! That's amazing! How did you do that?

- Easy! I was standing behind you in line at McDonald's!

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The small-chested lady

A woman who desperately wanted breast augmentation couldn't afford the cost of high-end plastic surgery. After revealing her measly budget to the doctor, he suggested his least expensive solution: "I'll insert inflatables in your breasts and air pumps in your armpits. When you want larger breasts, just flap your arms like a bird and you'll be good for about an hour."

This didn't sound too bad, so she underwent the procedure. After the scars healed, she stood in front of the mirror and flapped her arms. To her satisfaction, her breasts grew in size and looked really good.

That night at the bar, she saw a handsome fella at the counter and approached him. He saw her flapping her arms as she broke the ice: "Excuse me, haven't we met somewhere before?"

The man spun around on his barstool and quickly pumped his knees in and out: "No, but I think we have the same doctor!"

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An old woman was in the hospital for a massive heart attack..,

She prayed to God and asked if she would survive. God told her yes, she would live twenty more years. So after she recovered, she decided to have plastic surgery on her face and boobs and hips. Two months later, she was hit by a car and died.

When she got to heaven she said, "God, you told me I had twenty more years! What happened?!"

He replied, "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you."

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Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?

Now, you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

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I met a plastic surgeon at a bar last night...

He specialized in male-to-female sexual reassignment surgeries. He was a pretty nice guy, but a total *womanizer*.

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Hunny, you don't need make up.

You need plastic surgery.

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Plastic surgery used to be such a taboo subject...

Nowadays if you talk about Botox nobody raises an eyebrow.

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Plastic Surgery Gone Awry

A white man goes to a plastic surgeon and says he would like to become black. The surgeon says "Okay, what we'll be doing is increasing your penis size by 2 inches, decreasing your intelligence by 30%, and darkening your skin by 70%." The man agrees and they complete the procedure.

Afterwards, the surgeon walks up to the man and says "Sir, we have made a terrible mistake. Instead of increasing your penis size by 2 inches, we decreased it by 2 inches, and instead of decreasing your intelligence by 30% and darkening your skin by 70%, we decreased your intelligence by 70% and darkened your skin by 30%. Are you okay?"

The man looks up at the surgeon and simply says: "SΓ­, seΓ±or."

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What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?

Plastic surgery.

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with a tickle of a man's balls...

A man gets out of hospital after having plastic surgery on his face. Happy with the work he goes to the nearest bar, orders a drink and asks the barman, "How old do you think I am?". The barman looks at him "42... 43?", the man then quickly replies " I'm 54! Ha!", finishes his drink and leaves.

He then goes to the butchers to get something for dinner that night, orders his meat and asks "How old do you think I am?". The butcher looks him up and down and replies "I don't know, 43 or something?", pleased with the answer the man replies "I'm actually 54! Thanks for the compliment" and leaves with his meat.

The man then goes to the bus-stop to get a bus home. An elderly woman is standing there too so he asks "How old do you think I am?". She looks at him and says " well when I was younger I learned a trick that with a tickle of a man's balls I could tell how old he was", the man bemused says "Really!? Uh... go on then..." so he proceeds to get his balls out, the old woman gives them a tickle and says to him "You are 54."

Completely shocked the man says "You're right! that's incredible, how did you know that?" to which the old woman replies "I was behind you in the butchers".

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What are the most funny Plastic Surgery jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Plastic Surgery? Well, here are the best Plastic Surgery dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Plastic Surgery pick up lines to share with friends.

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