Plastic Surgery Jokes

Why did the isosceles triangle get plastic surgery?

So it could be acute triangle

New kinds of implants.

So a girl went into a plastic surgery clinic to get a breast e**..., the doctors told her that they ran out of silicon and all they had left was wood. She didn't get it obviously that would be s**... woodentit?

The next batch of women who get plastic surgery

Will have a stamp on their paperwork that shows they made with 33% recycled Joan Rivers.

Plastic Surgery

I loaned a friend £5000 to get plastic surgery last week...
I'll never get the money back, I dunno what he looks like now.

If I ever got into the plastic surgery business I would call my company "Breast Buy".

I met a plastic surgeon at a bar last night...

He specialized in male-to-female s**... reassignment surgeries. He was a pretty nice guy, but a total *womanizer*.

My wife an I were sat watching a documentary about plastic surgery earlier..

"Oo, I'd love a bit of that." She said, dreamily. "It'd be great to step out with a different shaped nose."
So I've swapped the doormat for a rake.

My wife is recovering from plastic surgery

I just cut up all her credit cards

A Pitbull and w**... dog get into a fight.

w**... dog rips the Pitbull into shreds. Terrified Pitbull owner says: - what kind of a dog is this? - how much did you pay for it? The w**... owner says: -well, I paid $100 for a crocodile and $10000 for the plastic surgery.

I Remember The Guy Who Made Me Smile For The Rest Of My Life

He's the reason why I don't do plastic surgery anymore.

My mate borrowed 20 grand for plastic surgery.

Now I don't know what he looks like.

Why did the plastic surgeon create a surgery to move your ears forward?

Because he wanted to create a new front-ear!

When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a t**... subject...

These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous

I see a lot of new faces here this week, and I just want you to know I'm disappointed.

There's a support group dedicated to those addicted to plastic surgery...

The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"

My plastic surgeon didn't even recognize me after the surgery

I guess he's just terrible with faces

My girlfriend asked if she could get plastic surgery on her face.

I told her "Honey, why would you ever feel the need to get plastic surgery?
Paper bags are much cheaper."

Plastic Surgery Anonymous is one of the few places...

where it's disappointing to see a new face each week.

One of the first things they want you to do before getting plastic surgery is....

Pick your nose.

Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.

I see a lot of new faces tonight, which is disappointing.

I read a book about a man who had plastic surgery.

The preface was really good.

At a Plastic-Surgery-Addicts-Anonymous meeting

Ah, I see we have a few new faces here today.

She: "Wait for me darling, I just do my makeup...."

He: "Oh, you don't need makeup."
She: "How nice, you are so sweet."
He: "You need plastic surgery."

Remeber when plastic surgery was a t**... subject?

Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous...

... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.

I have a plastic surgery voucher I no longer want

Will sell for face value.

An uncircumcised friend of mine had to have plastic surgery on his eyelids after a severe burn to his face and the doctor used his f**... for the graft...

The doctor was able to save his sight but now he is a little cockeyed.

Plastic surgery used to be such a t**... subject...

Nowadays if you talk about Botox nobody raises an eyebrow.

I'm all for women who get plastic surgery. Because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance.

Fake.
Credit - Daniel Tosh

What's the difference between a singer and a farm animal that wants plastic surgery?

One's Iggy Pop. The other's piggy op.

Good afternoon everyone, and thank you for attending the plastic surgery addicts support group

I see many new faces here today.
Which is disappointing.

Counsellor at a 'plastic surgery addicts' support group...

Welcome, I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week, and I must say, I'm disappointed....

Remember when talking about plastic surgery was considered a forbidden subject?

Now you can talk about Botox at a restaurant, and nobody will raise an eyebrow.

The Mitsubishi ASX is like any 60s/70s/80s celebrity.

It's old, attracts older people, has received many plastic surgeries, and just won't die already.

I just had a cheap plastic surgery and I'm not happy with it.

Next time I'll pay for real metal scalpels.

A couple are talking on the phone and they say:

"I'm nearly done, just doing my make-up"
"You don't need make-up honey"
"Aww thanks!"
"You need plastic surgery"

I've heard that the best deals on plastic surgery can be found in Great Britain...

...pound for pound.

Plastic surgery used to be a t**... subject

Now if you mention Botox, no one even raises an eyebrow

When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge...

the look on my face was priceless.

I remember when plastic surgery was a bit of a t**... subject..

..but nowadays when you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

I just lent my friend £20,000 for plastic surgery

The trouble is I don't know what he looks like now

I gave my wife £10,000 to get plastic surgery

Last week she took the money, got the surgery and ran away.
So not only am i down 10 grand, i don't know who to look for.

hello, and welcome to the plastic surgery addiction meeting

im seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd, and i must say im disappointed.

Speaking of foreskins.....

A baby boy was born back in 2015 with a rare condition called Ablepharon-macrostomia syndrome that left him without eyelids.  This happened in my small resort town in upstate NY, it turned that there was a world-renowned plastic surgeon in town and he performed a surgery to correct the condition. Due to the lack of suitable donors for the skin the doctor used the boy's f**..., post circumcision.  I saw him the other day and other than looking a little c**...-eyed he seemed okay. 

Plastic surgery used to be such a t**... discussion topic...

...now you can talk about botox and nobody raises an eyebrow

Before I start this week's Plastic Surgery Anonymous meeting,

I'd like to bring attention to some of the new faces I see here today..

Remember when plastic surgery was a t**...

Now you mention Botox and no one rises an eyebrow

I gave my wife ten thousand dollars to have plastic surgery;

now I can't get the money back and I don't know who to look for.

My wife has clamored for months for plastic surgery so she could have a smoking hot body….

After seeing the doctor's estimate, I told her cremation seemed more cost-effective.