The Best 79 Plastic Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Plastic jokes. There are some plastic toys jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these plastic plastic surgery puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Plastic Jokes and Puns

For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas

There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.

Peeing in the Flowers...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."

A teacher I had in high school told me this one. It may better when told out loud rather than read, but it's still funny.

A guy wearing nothing but plastic wrap walks into a psychiatrist's office.

The psychiatrist looks at the man and says,

"Well, I can clearly see your nuts"

Plastic joke, A teacher I had in high school told me this one. It may better when told out loud rather than read,

Bill works in a machine shop. One day he gets into an accident at work...

He leans in too close to a piece of machinery and chops off his arm. Bob rushes over to help. He puts Bill's arm in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. An hour later Bill comes out with his arm reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.

A few weeks later, Bill leans in too close again and chops off his leg. Bob puts Bill's leg in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 2 hours later Bill comes out with his leg reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.

A few weeks later, Bill once again leans in too close and lops off his head. Bob puts Bill's head in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 3 hours go by and finally a doctor emerges from the surgery room. He walks over to Bob and says, "I'm sorry, but your friend didn't make it." Bob is distraught and says, "But the miracles of modern medicine have samed him before. Why couldn't you reattach his head?" The doctor replies, "We would have been able to, but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

World Cut Soccer

A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.

A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."

"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."

"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"

"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"

"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"


In a touching tribute to Joan Rivers, Target today announced that it would print funny little anecdotes on all of their shopping bags.

Just so plastic can make us laugh one more time.

There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...

The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

Plastic joke, There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...

Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery

walk in with A's and leave with D's.

A guy wraps himself in plastic wrap

A guy wraps himself in plastic wrap, no clothes or anything and walks into a psychologists office.

The first thing she says is, "I can see your nuts."

A guy walks into a doctors office wearing nothing but clear plastic wrap...

Doctor: "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

I met a plastic surgeon at a bar last night...

He specialized in male-to-female sexual reassignment surgeries. He was a pretty nice guy, but a total *womanizer*.

You can explore plastic conveyor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean plastic legos dad jokes. There are also plastic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why do they ask you if you want paper or plastic at the supermarket?

Because baggers can't be choosers.

Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous

I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say i'm really disappointed.

What do you call a young plastic covered sheep?

Laminated

My favorite part of a marathon is...

My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.

My Dad and I were talking this morning about my brother's newborn baby...

Dad: I think the nurse will take out the plastic thingy from the baby's arm today.

Me: IV?

Dad: I think her name is Brenda, actually.

Plastic joke, My Dad and I were talking this morning about my brother's newborn baby...

Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts association,

Nice to see a lot of new faces here today.

No plastic surgeon will help me!

I have really giant hands and I'd like to make them smaller, but every time I ask the doctor for a hand-job I get kicked out.

Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addiction Clinic

I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed.


What do you call a humpless camel covered in plastic?

Llamanated

What's worse than a plastic bag filled with dead babies?

Nickelback

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with...

And the other carries groceries.

When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject...

These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

Hunny, you don't need make up.

You need plastic surgery.

Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous

I see a lot of new faces here this week, and I just want you to know I'm disappointed.

My wife is so much better looking than me...

...that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.

Cr

When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.

I screamed, "Lego of me!"

"Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous."

"I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous

I see a lot of new faces today.

What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?

Plastic surgery.

[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]

Plastic surgery anonymous

"Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous, I see a lot of new faces here today and I have to say I'm really disappointed with you all..."

There's a support group dedicated to those addicted to plastic surgery...

The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"

A guy walks into a bakery

He buys bread, and the baker asks if he'd like his bread bagged in paper or plastic. The guy replies, "Baguette however you want".

How long could a Kardashian survive in the wild?

Forever. Plastic is not biodegradable.

At a Plastic-Surgery-Addicts-Anonymous meeting

Ah, I see we have a few new faces here today.

When Kim Kardashian dies...

Will she be put in a grave or melted along with the rest of the plastic?

A teenager lost a contact lens while playing in the driveway...

After a fruitless search, he went inside the house and told his mother he lost a lens and, try as he might, could not find it.

Undaunted, the mother went outside and in only a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.

"How did you manage to find it, mom?" the teenager asked.

"We weren't looking for the same thing" she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150".

Give a child a plastic toy and they'll play for a day.

Give a child a plastic bag and they'll play for the rest of their lives.

Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group

I see a lot of new faces around

She: "Wait for me darling, I just do my makeup...."

He: "Oh, you don't need makeup."

She: "How nice, you are so sweet."

He: "You need plastic surgery."

Remeber when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?

Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous...

... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.

Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous

I see some new faces with us today so I must say I'm disappointed.

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office

He's wearing nothing but plastic wrap. The psychiatrist says, "no need for a diagnosis, I can clearly see your nuts!"

This joke was inspired by a IRL event

I went to the kitchen, and I looked up through the skylight windows. I then noticed a plastic Rite Aid bag that was stuck in a tree.

My dad saw me looking up, and he asked me, "What are you looking at?"

I said to him, "There is a Rite Aid bag in the tree."

He asked me, "Do you know where that bag came from?"

I just looked at him and said, "I don't know."

He replied, "Rite Aid."

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for?

Plastic Explosives.

An uncircumcised friend of mine had to have plastic surgery on his eyelids after a severe burn to his face and the doctor used his foreskin for the graft...

The doctor was able to save his sight but now he is a little cockeyed.

Plastic surgery used to be such a taboo subject...

Nowadays if you talk about Botox nobody raises an eyebrow.

Scott Pruitt has resigned to focus more on his true passion..

Throwing uncut plastic soda rings into the ocean.

How come that someone donates one kidney and they're a hero,

but I bring 5 in a plastic bag and I get arrested.

Any advice on correcting plastic surgery that has gone wrong?

I'm all ears.

I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.

The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.

Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts meating

I see a lot of new faces today

My Girlfriend wants to put on her makeup.

Me: You don't need makeup.

GF: Aww thanks

Me: You need plastic surgery

"My sex robot broke up with me."

"Don't worry man, there's plenty more plastic in the sea."

Why do so many people want to have sex with Kylie Jenner?

Because you're supposed to recycle plastic

[NSFW] Why does Dr pepper come in plastic bottles?

His wife is dead

My girlfriend got her good looks from her father

He's a plastic surgeon

Bag Boy: Paper or plastic, sir?

Customer: Whatever, you pick.

Bag Boy: Sorry, baggers can't be choosers.

What do Sea Turtles and Lesbians have in common ?

They both choke on plastic.

Pandemic fun

CUSTOMER: why has your colleague got a larger plastic face covering than you?

SHOP ASSISTANT: that's the supervisor.

Plastic surgery used to be a taboo subject

Now if you mention Botox, no one even raises an eyebrow

I've got a job making plastic dracular figures but there's only two of us on the production line.

I have to make every second count

When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge...

the look on my face was priceless.

BREAKING NEWS: A man was presented into the ER after shoving 6 plastic horses up his ass...

Doctors say that his condition is stable.

I remember when plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject..

..but nowadays when you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

A man walks into a Psychiatrists office wrapped completely from neck to toe in nothing but plastic wrap...

The Psychiatrist takes one look at him sighs and says, "Well, I can see your nuts."

My favorite 2 liner

Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I see a few new faces this week and I'm disappointed.

The lastest celebrity to ditch plastic is....

Kanye West

I just lent my friend £20,000 for plastic surgery

The trouble is I don't know what he looks like now

Why can't the Kardashians swim at the beach?

Because plastic is bad for the ocean.

I once littered in a forest and the only ones that saw me were a group of otters in the nearby river. I'll never forget the look they gave me as that plastic bottle left my hands.

It was a look of otter disdain.

I just got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas

There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count

I gave my wife £10,000 to get plastic surgery

Last week she took the money, got the surgery and ran away.


So not only am i down 10 grand, i don't know who to look for.

Did you hear about the man who went to the psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but plastic wrap?

The psychiatrist said "this won't take long, I can clearly see your nuts"

Did you hear about the kid who was hospitalized for swallowing six of his plastic toy horses?

The doctor described his condition as stable.

Paper or plastic

The cashier said, "Strip down facing me". By the time I found out that she meant my card, it was too late.

Reasons the idiot couldn't kill himself.

He couldn't find the tailpipe on his Tesla.

He jumped in front of a model train.

The bullets wouldn't fit in the squirt gun.

He overdosed on placebo pills.

He jumped off a low bridge.

He stuck a plastic fork in an outlet.

He doused himself in diesel and tried to light it.

He leaped into an animal cage at the petting zoo.

So I was at the grocery store the other day…

and the bagger asked me if I wanted paper or plastic sacks.

I said either is fine. I'm bisacksual.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the plastic divider jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working plastic airtight piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes