Plastic Jokes
140 plastic jokes and hilarious plastic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plastic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore the cheeky, offbeat sense of humor with this collection of plastic jokes! Get ready to laugh out loud with funny quips about the most common plastic materials like plastic bags, bottles, and cups, plus some quirkier topics like plastic paddy, styrofoam, and even plastic scouser! Have a good chuckle while learning about plastic pollution, plastic surgery, and the conveyor belt of plastic!
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Funniest Plastic Short Jokes
Short plastic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plastic humour may include short rubber jokes also.
- I just got a job in a factory making plastic dracula There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count
- My wife is so much better looking than me... ...that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.
Cr - There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery... The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
- "Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery Addicts Anonymous." "I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
- Plastic surgery anonymous "Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous, I see a lot of new faces here today and I have to say I'm really disappointed with you all..."
- Bag Boy: Paper or plastic, sir? Customer: Whatever, you pick.
Bag Boy: Sorry, baggers can't be choosers. - A toddler was recently hospitalized after swallowing several plastic horses Doctors now describe his condition as stable.
- What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic grocery bag? One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with...
And the other carries groceries. - A guy walks into a bakery He buys bread, and the baker asks if he'd like his bread bagged in paper or plastic. The guy replies, "baguette however you want".
- In a touching tribute to Joan Rivers, Target today announced that it would print funny little anecdotes on all of their shopping bags. Just so plastic can make us laugh one more time.
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Plastic One Liners
Which plastic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plastic? I can suggest the ones about vinyl and mold.
- If A is for apple and B is for Banana then what is C for? Plastic Explosives.
- What's the most common operation in a lego hospital? Plastic surgery.
[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke] - What do you call a young plastic covered sheep? Laminated
- My girlfriend got her good looks from her father He's a plastic surgeon
- Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery walk in with A's and leave with D's.
- Any advice on correcting plastic surgery that has gone wrong? I'm all ears.
- How long could a Kardashian survive in the wild? Forever. Plastic is not biodegradable.
- What's worse than a plastic bag filled with dead babies? Nickelback
- Why can't the Kardashians swim at the beach? Because plastic is bad for the ocean.
- The lastest celebrity to ditch plastic is.... Kanye West
- Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually . . . encourage you to pick your nose.
- What was the plastic surgeon priest's favourite thing to do? Alter boys
- Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...? Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!
- What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag. - I went to my plastic surgery addicts anonymous meeting today. I saw a lot of new faces.
Plastic Surgery Jokes
Here is a list of funny plastic surgery jokes and even better plastic surgery puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My Girlfriend wants to put on her makeup. Me: You don't need makeup.
GF: Aww thanks
Me: You need plastic surgery - I gave my wife £10,000 to get plastic surgery Last week she took the money, got the surgery and ran away.
So not only am i down 10 grand, i don't know who to look for. - When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge... the look on my face was priceless.
- I just lent my friend £20,000 for plastic surgery The trouble is I don't know what he looks like now
- One of the first things they want you to do before getting plastic surgery is.... Pick your nose.
- My plastic surgeon didn't even recognize me after the surgery I guess he's just terrible with faces
- How do you fix a doll with a broken face? Plastic surgery.
- I Remember The Guy Who Made Me Smile For The Rest Of My Life He's the reason why I don't do plastic surgery anymore.
- How does a woman show she's planning for the future? Plastic Surgery.
- I read a book about a man who had plastic surgery. The preface was really good.
Plastic Bag Jokes
Here is a list of funny plastic bag jokes and even better plastic bag puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Give a child a plastic toy and they'll play for a day. Give a child a plastic bag and they'll play for the rest of their lives.
- How do you stop a baby from turning blue? Take it out of the plastic bag.
(no joke, told by my 12 year old daughter at Thanksgiving dinner) - What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to kids. You put groceries in the other.
- What's worse than two babies in a plastic bag ? A baby in two plastic bags.
- Marriage is a lot like PLASTIC BAGS… They help hold a lot of trash together.
Source: my brother during a round of joke boat on jackbox party pack 6 - Have you heard about the plastic bag ban? The new legislation is paper thin.
- What's blue and doesn't weigh very much? A baby in a plastic bag
- I saw my ex today. And then I'll put all the pieces in a plastic bag.
- Beside the sidewalk, someone left a plastic bag with a set of German team uniforms inside. Cannot believe that! Just throw it here??! It costs 50 cents in supermarket for such a big plastic bag!
- A loving husband of many years turns to his wife and says: I have to be honest with you. In truth you're like a plastic bag to me You take my breath away.
Plastic Surgeon Jokes
Here is a list of funny plastic surgeon jokes and even better plastic surgeon puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I do agree that its healthy to laugh at your own mistakes... But if you are a plastic surgeon you should probably do it in private.
- Why do plastic surgeons finish every race in last place? They always bring up the rear.
- Today I learned where plastic surgeons get new noses for their patients... At the olfactory.
- If Mr. Miyagi was a plastic surgeon, what would his slogan be? Racks on, racks off.
- I asked an Italian plastic surgeon what he uses for breast implants He just replied "Si"
- What was the Christian plastic surgeons specialty? Faith lifts
- The zookeeper asked her plastic surgeon to make her a marsupial by giving her a pouch. She wanted to be more koalafied for her job.
- Plastic surgeons don't get along with me. But they bring out the breast in my wife.
- What is a plastic surgeon's favorite activity at summer camp? arts and grafts.
- A plastic surgeon applies for a programming position Because he heard they needed back end development.
Plastic Wrap Jokes
Here is a list of funny plastic wrap jokes and even better plastic wrap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A guy walks into a doctors office wearing nothing but clear plastic wrap... Doctor: "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
- Why are some cucumbers individually wrapped with plastic at the grocery store? Double usage
- I like my women like I like my plastic wrap. Clingy, easy to handle, and microwave and freezer tested.
- I like my women like I like my beef Slaughtered and then wrapped in plastic with an expiration date stamped on
- A man goes to see a psychiatrist wearing nothing but plastic shrink wrap for clothes. The doctor looks at him and says, Well, I can clearly see your nuts!
- How do you wrap plastic around a baby sheep? Lambinate
- What brand of plastic wrap do they use in North Africa? Saharan Wrap
- A guy goes to a shrink, takes off all his clothes, and wraps himself head to toe in plastic wrap. The doctor took one look at him and said "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts".
- Why did linkin park wrap themselves up in plastic wrap before they jumped off a cliff? So in the end they didn't even splatter.
- I like my women how i like my subway sandwich Sliced up, put in the oven and then wrapped in a plastic bag.
Hilarious Plastic Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about plastic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean leather jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plastic pranks.
Peeing in the Flowers...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
A teacher I had in high school told me this one. It may better when told out loud rather than read, but it's still funny.
A guy wearing nothing but plastic wrap walks into a psychiatrist's office.
The psychiatrist looks at the man and says,
"Well, I can clearly see your nuts"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a mental hospital wearing nothing but plastic wrap.
The clerk says to him, "You definitely belong here, I can clearly see your nuts!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New kinds of implants.
So a girl went into a plastic surgery clinic to get a breast e**..., the doctors told her that they ran out of silicon and all they had left was wood. She didn't get it obviously that would be s**... woodentit?
Bill works in a machine shop. One day he gets into an accident at work...
He leans in too close to a piece of machinery and chops off his arm. Bob rushes over to help. He puts Bill's arm in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. An hour later Bill comes out with his arm reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.
A few weeks later, Bill leans in too close again and chops off his leg. Bob puts Bill's leg in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 2 hours later Bill comes out with his leg reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.
A few weeks later, Bill once again leans in too close and lops off his head. Bob puts Bill's head in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 3 hours go by and finally a doctor emerges from the surgery room. He walks over to Bob and says, "I'm sorry, but your friend didn't make it." Bob is distraught and says, "But the miracles of modern medicine have samed him before. Why couldn't you reattach his head?" The doctor replies, "We would have been able to, but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
World Cut Soccer
A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."
"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"
"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met a plastic surgeon at a bar last night...
He specialized in male-to-female s**... reassignment surgeries. He was a pretty nice guy, but a total *womanizer*.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey baby, you're just like a plastic bag...
You take my breath away.
Why do they ask you if you want paper or plastic at the supermarket?
Because baggers can't be choosers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My favorite part of a marathon is...
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of v**....
My Dad and I were talking this morning about my brother's newborn baby...
Dad: I think the nurse will take out the plastic thingy from the baby's arm today.
Me: IV?
Dad: I think her name is Brenda, actually.
Whats the similarity between the xbox 360 and Michael Jackson
* Both have been black
* Both are made from plastic
* And children turn them on
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No plastic surgeon will help me!
I have really giant hands and I'd like to make them smaller, but every time I ask the doctor for a hand-job I get kicked out.
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a German walk into a bar...
... and they all order a drink. The barman pours a glass of beer each for the Frenchman and the German, put provides a plastic cup of beer for the Englishman.
The other two ask him, "Why do we have glasses, and he has a plastic cup?"
The barman replies, "Because he Brexit."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a humpless camel covered in plastic?
Llamanated
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a Xbox?
They're both made of plastic, and little kids turn them on.
When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.
I screamed, "Lego of me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When Kim Kardashian dies...
Will she be put in a grave or melted along with the rest of the plastic?
A teenager lost a contact lens while playing in the driveway...
After a fruitless search, he went inside the house and told his mother he lost a lens and, try as he might, could not find it.
Undaunted, the mother went outside and in only a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing" she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
She: "Wait for me darling, I just do my makeup...."
He: "Oh, you don't need makeup."
She: "How nice, you are so sweet."
He: "You need plastic surgery."
Earlier today, a man was admitted to hospital due to 8 plastic horses found in his stomach
His condition is now stable.
This joke was inspired by a IRL event
I went to the kitchen, and I looked up through the skylight windows. I then noticed a plastic Rite Aid bag that was stuck in a tree.
My dad saw me looking up, and he asked me, "What are you looking at?"
I said to him, "There is a Rite Aid bag in the tree."
He asked me, "Do you know where that bag came from?"
I just looked at him and said, "I don't know."
He replied, "Rite Aid."
Grocery store workers must let the customer decide if they want paper or plastic
because baggers can't be choosers.
The cashier asked me "paper or plastic?"...
I said, "either, I'm bi-sacktual."
Scott Pruitt has resigned to focus more on his true passion..
Throwing uncut plastic soda rings into the ocean.
When I was younger I used to have these little plastic cut outs for drawing around.
I'd do them all the time, almost compulsively, but there would always be more. I'd spend hours and never run out. Then I realised, I'd never be done, I'd never accomplish anything because there would always be more and long after I stopped or died they'd be there.
Anyway that's the story of my first extra stencil crisis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Drinking hot coffee in thin plastic cups reduces men's s**... performance by 80%!
It burns tongue and fingers!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.
The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.
If there is a plastic island the size of Australia in the middle of the ocean,
Then we have nothing to worry about because Australia doesn't exist
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"My s**... robot broke up with me."
"Don't worry man, there's plenty more plastic in the sea."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do so many people want to have s**... with Kylie Jenner?
Because you're supposed to recycle plastic
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Catholic Church banned plastic bags from its premises.
They consider them to be s**...-religious.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Sea Turtles and l**... have in common ?
They both choke on plastic.
Pandemic fun
CUSTOMER: why has your colleague got a larger plastic face covering than you?
SHOP ASSISTANT: that's the supervisor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The kardashians shouldn't be allowed to swim
We don't need even more plastic in the ocean
What did the media say about Kim Kardashian swimming
There's too much plastic in our oceans.
The Kardashians go for a swim in the pacific ocean
The percentage of plastic in the ocean increases by 400%.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the man who went to the psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but plastic wrap?
The psychiatrist said "this won't take long, I can clearly see your nuts"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The plastic surgeon
A plastic surgeon walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've been wondering... Can you successfully transfer a skin graft off one person's b**... to another person who isn't related to the donor?" the bartender asks. "a**... skin for a friend."
Marine Biologists discovered a fish that can clean all the plastics in the ocean.
It's called a Plastic Sturgeon. It will change the face of the ocean.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hope the Kardashians don't go to the beach this year.
All we need is more plastic in the ocean.
Why do cucumbers have a plastic wrapper around them?
So you can still eat them after usage
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Speaking of foreskins.....
A baby boy was born back in 2015 with a rare condition called Ablepharon-macrostomia syndrome that left him without eyelids. This happened in my small resort town in upstate NY, it turned that there was a world-renowned plastic surgeon in town and he performed a surgery to correct the condition. Due to the lack of suitable donors for the skin the doctor used the boy's f**..., post circumcision. I saw him the other day and other than looking a little c**...-eyed he seemed okay.
It was a chilly day of spring when I answered the door to a child holding a plastic pumpkin by the handle.
"Trick or treat!"
"A little late on that one you reckon? Halloween was months ago"
"It was? Sorry, I'm Internet Explorer"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Plastic Surgeon Dad, Operates On His Own Daughter....
There was a plastic/cosmetic surgeon,
who did some procedures on his own daughter,
He did her Nose, b**..., and a few other things....
When people said she was pretty,
He then would jokingly say to them:
"she got her good looks from me!"
