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Plastic Bag Jokes

77 plastic bag jokes and hilarious plastic bag puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plastic bag that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Plastic Bag Short Jokes

Short plastic bag jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plastic bag humour may include short paper bag jokes also.

  1. Bag Boy: Paper or plastic, sir? Customer: Whatever, you pick.
    Bag Boy: Sorry, baggers can't be choosers.
  2. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic grocery bag? One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with...
    And the other carries groceries.
  3. A guy walks into a bakery He buys bread, and the baker asks if he'd like his bread bagged in paper or plastic. The guy replies, "baguette however you want".
  4. In a touching tribute to Joan Rivers, Target today announced that it would print funny little anecdotes on all of their shopping bags. Just so plastic can make us laugh one more time.
  5. Give a child a plastic toy and they'll play for a day. Give a child a plastic bag and they'll play for the rest of their lives.
  6. How come that someone donates one kidney and they're a hero, but I bring 5 in a plastic bag and I get arrested.
  7. How do you stop a baby from turning blue? Take it out of the plastic bag.
    (no joke, told by my 12 year old daughter at Thanksgiving dinner)
  8. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to kids. You put groceries in the other.
  9. What Is the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One is white, made of plastic, and very dangerous if left around small children. The other is a plastic bag.
  10. Marriage is a lot like PLASTIC BAGS… They help hold a lot of trash together.
    Source: my brother during a round of joke boat on jackbox party pack 6

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Plastic Bag One Liners

Which plastic bag one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plastic bag? I can suggest the ones about shopping bag and plastic.

  1. What's worse than a plastic bag filled with dead babies? Nickelback
  2. What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
    A baby playing in a plastic bag.
  3. Hey baby, you're just like a plastic bag... You take my breath away.
  4. What's worse than two babies in a plastic bag ? A baby in two plastic bags.
  5. Have you heard about the plastic bag ban? The new legislation is paper thin.
  6. What's blue and doesn't weigh very much? A baby in a plastic bag
  7. I saw my ex today. And then I'll put all the pieces in a plastic bag.
  8. What's better than a baby in a plastic bag? A baby in ten plastic bags.
  9. I like my women like I like my plastic bags Degradable
  10. Where did Noah keep his termites? In a plastic bag.
  11. Environmentally speaking you really should reuse plastic bag's To suffocate your children
  12. Why does the Vanu Sovereignty hate plastic bags? They keep Terran.
  13. Nuclear bombs are like plastic bags. Don't use them.
  14. I don't like plastic bags Because they wrap me onto something.
  15. Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag.. ;)

Happy Plastic Bag Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about plastic bag you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grocery bag jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plastic bag pranks.

20 years I've been eating outta cereal boxes, and you gotta give it to em'.

They stayed firm and refused to move with the times. I mean they know the resealable ziplock bag exists, but they've never backed down. No matter how many times the fold-in top rips or the plastic bag tears on the wrong edge, they say "No innovation, we say no!"

20 years I've been eating outta cereal boxes, and you gotta give it to em'.

They stayed firm and refused to move with the times. I mean they know the resealable ziplock bag exists, but they've never backed down. No matter how many times the fold-in top rips or the plastic bag tears on the wrong edge, they say "No innovation, we say no!"

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.
"Incredible!," says his friend.
"Medical science is amazing."
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.
Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.
"Incredible!," says his friend.
"Medical science is amazing!"
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.
Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him.
He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday."
The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the First house of the street.


A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a b**... plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up within 5 minutes with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
"There's no electricity in the house…" said the lady.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a newspaper bag?

One is made of plastic and poses a suffocation hazard to small children. The other one contains newspapers.

Peeing in the Flowers...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."

How Is Michael Jackson Different From A Plastic Grocery Bag?

Well, one of them is white, made of plastic and dangerous for your kids to play with.
The other one you put groceries in.

I like my women like I like my carrots...

Chopped up, in a plastic bag at the back of the freezer.

My girlfriend and I decided we aren't ready for a baby yet, so I double-bagged it.

It worked; babies cannot breath through two layers of plastic shopping bag.

Bill and Tom are working at the local sawmill.

One day Bill slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Tom quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill to the local hospital.
Next day, Tom goes to the hospital and asks after Bill. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in rehab exercising". Tom couldn't believe it, but there's Bill out the back exercising his now reattached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill. But a couple of days go by, and then Bill slips and severs his leg on the saw again. So Tom puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill off to hospital. Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies "He's in rehab again, exercising". Sure enough, there's Bill out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. Bill comes back to work in two days, fully recovered.
But, within a couple of days he has another accident and this time severs his head. Tom puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Bill to hospital. Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Bill is. The nurse breaks down crying and says, "He's dead!" Tom is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in?", sighs Tom. "No," says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

The Lumberjack Joke

Two lumberjacks, Bob and Screwball, are working in a mill. All is well until Screwball accidentally leans too far forward and gets his arm chopped off. Bob says "Oh no!", puts the decapitated arm in a plastic grocery bag and drives to the nearest hospital.
The next day, Bob shows up for work at the mill as usual, expecting to have to work twice as hard since Screwball is gone. But when he opens the door, Screwball's right there, arm totally healed, working away as if nothing happened. Bob keeps his confusion to himself and the day goes on as normal.
Screwball, the idiot he is, hasn't learned his lesson, and carelessly leans too forward again. This time, his leg gets chopped off. Bob quickly puts the dismembered leg in a bag and rushes off to the hospital.
Bob goes into work the next morning not knowing what to think. Trusty old Screwball is working away, as if his leg was never gone. Bob is no longer worried. Screwball does the same thing he did the two previous days, leans too far forward, and gets his head chopped off. Bob does what is fairly standard procedure by now - he puts his head in a bag and drives to the hospital.
After a little while, Bob decides to visit his friend. He asks a nurse about him, and the nurse says, "Oh, that guy? He would have made it, but some idiot put his head in a bag and he suffocated to death."

A little old lady was walking down the street...

A little old lady was walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags.
One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."
"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, heavens no!" she said.
"My yard backs up to the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms.
So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"

"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"

Bill works in a machine shop. One day he gets into an accident at work...

He leans in too close to a piece of machinery and chops off his arm. Bob rushes over to help. He puts Bill's arm in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. An hour later Bill comes out with his arm reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.
A few weeks later, Bill leans in too close again and chops off his leg. Bob puts Bill's leg in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 2 hours later Bill comes out with his leg reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.
A few weeks later, Bill once again leans in too close and lops off his head. Bob puts Bill's head in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 3 hours go by and finally a doctor emerges from the surgery room. He walks over to Bob and says, "I'm sorry, but your friend didn't make it." Bob is distraught and says, "But the miracles of modern medicine have samed him before. Why couldn't you reattach his head?" The doctor replies, "We would have been able to, but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

World Cut Soccer

A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."
"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"
"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"

Why was there two asians in a plastic bag?

It was clean up Australia day.

Two natives are sitting at a bus stop

one of them is holding a plastic grocery bag. The other one asks him "What have you got in your bag?" He replies "I got a six-pack for my wife." The second one says "Oh... that's a good trade"

What do they call plastic bags at frozen yogurt shops?

FroYo Baggins

Plastic Bag

I live in the US but from africa. My little called me yesterday and said:
lil bro : " i watched half-time of the super bowl"
Me: ok
lil bro: do you feel like a plastic bag because you live in the US now

My friend's dad confused the cashier

My friend and I were with her dad at the store buying groceries. When asked by the cashier "paper or plastic?" her dad immediately responded with: "Doesn't matter, I'm Bi***sack***tual"
The cashier looked extremely puzzled and started b**... everything in plastic bags, and then placing those into paper bags. We had a good laugh about how fluttered the cashier appeared to be after hearing that response.

Paper or plastic?

I went to buy condoms the other day. I asked the guy if he could double bag it for me. He just looked at me and said "You're gonna have to do that yourself buddy!"

I was on a blind date

She said "You're so ugly I'm going to need you to wear a plastic bag over your head".
I said "You mean a paper bag?"
She replied "I don't think you understand how ugly you are."

What do you do when you're in a busy city and you need to take a huge dump?

First things first, you find a decent plastic bag asap.
Then, you need to takes your pants off and be in a squat.
Take the plastic bag.........
put it over your head so that people don't see your face.

My girlfriend asked if she could get plastic surgery on her face.

I told her "Honey, why would you ever feel the need to get plastic surgery?
Paper bags are much cheaper."

I got a good deal on a sweet used car...

It even came with a free plastic bag and a bus schedule!

This joke was inspired by a IRL event

I went to the kitchen, and I looked up through the skylight windows. I then noticed a plastic Rite Aid bag that was stuck in a tree.
My dad saw me looking up, and he asked me, "What are you looking at?"
I said to him, "There is a Rite Aid bag in the tree."
He asked me, "Do you know where that bag came from?"
I just looked at him and said, "I don't know."
He replied, "Rite Aid."

What dies in Thailand after swallowing 80 plastic bags...

an environmentally friendly h**....

Due to grocery stores switching from paper bags to plastic bags, a serious problem has arisen.

An unprecedented number of ugly girls have died of asphyxiation during s**....

Beside the sidewalk, someone left a plastic bag with a set of German team uniforms inside. Cannot believe that! Just throw it here??!

It costs 50 cents in supermarket for such a big plastic bag!

A loving husband of many years turns to his wife and says: I have to be honest with you. In truth you're like a plastic bag to me

You take my breath away.

I like my women how i like my subway sandwich

Sliced up, put in the oven and then wrapped in a plastic bag.

There are some things that you HAVE to see before you die

Like the interior of a plastic bag

Someone is trying to kill me...

they've removed all the 'do not put head in bag' warnings from plastic bags and they are posting them through my letterbox.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag...

In the sense that you know you're capable of choking a toddler at any moment?

The Catholic Church banned plastic bags from its premises.

They consider them to be s**...-religious.

What's the difference between a plastic bag and a blue haired girl

What's the difference between a plastic bag and a blue haired girl
It takes a plastic bag thousands of years to break down but blue haired girls can breakdown in a second.

:Grocery Store : Bag Boy - Paper or Plastic? Mark - Whatever, you Pick.

Bag Boy - Sorry, Baggers can't be choosers.

Two policemen are walking through a park and see how a young man is putting an apple core in a plastic bag.

Then he takes another apple, eats it and puts the core in the bag again.
So they approach him: "Excuse me, why do you return the apple cores back in the plastic bag when there's a garbage bin next to you?"
He says: "When I get home, I'll take the apple seeds out of them and eat them. It boosts my intelligence."
"Is that true?"
"If you want, you can have these two apple cores for $4."
So they buy them and eat them. An hour later one of them says:
"Dude, we're s**.... We bought two apple cores for 4 bucks when we'd be able to buy 3 pounds of apples!"
The other replies: "Oh my god, it works!"