Plastered Jokes
18 plastered jokes and hilarious plastered puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plastered that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Plastered Short Jokes
Short plastered jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plastered humour may include short plated jokes also.
- People don't approve when I run up to them in the street & try to make plaster casts of their faces. At least that's the impression that I get.
- I had an uncle who was a drunk... tried getting him into other hobbies like sculpting but he was always getting plastered.
- A Drywaller walks into a Bar.. A drywaller walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get Out!"
Drywaller asks, "Why?"
Bartender says, "because the last time you were here you got Plastered!" - For my birthday, I received a Donald Trump plaster moulding kit that I can never use. I don't want to set a dangerous president.
- Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall? A: It depends how hard you throw them.
- Went out drinking with some friends last night and saw a woman in full church garb getting absolutely plastered. Weirdest thing I've ever seen, bar nun.
- An SVG expert can coat a flower shooter with putty very quickly but can a... raster master plaster aster blaster faster?
- A nurse kept Jim's finger in her mouth after his blood test because they didn't have plasters. Jim began to giggle. Nurse: what's so funny?
Jim: I have my u**... test next.
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Plastered One Liners
Which plastered one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plastered? I can suggest the ones about glued and glazed.
- For Halloween, I'm getting plastered. I don't drink, I'm just going as a white guy.
- I got designer plasters. They don't suit everyone but I can pull it off.
- Man walks backwards into a wall, And suddenly gets plastered.
- Why was the wall covered in p**... after a party? It got plastered.
- Why did h**... save the plaster after his broken arm had healed? He wanted a hollow cast.
- Where do plasters go to have s**...? The dressing room.
Unearthly Funniest Plastered Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about plastered you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean plugged jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plastered pranks.
Patients in an insane asylum are eating plaster off the walls,
the head doctor calls in the best doctor in the country to try and solve this problem. So the best doctor comes in and inspects the walls. He tells the head doctor to repaint the walls from red to green. The next day after the walls are repainted the head doctor comes in and sees the patients sitting and staring at the walls. "Why aren't you eating the walls now?" the head doctor asks them. "They arn't ripe yet"
A joke my mom told me when i was younger
An irish man decides to go for a drink after work. He goes to a local pub and has way too many and when the end of the night comes hes completely plastered. He goes to stand up and immediately falls right on his face. He crawls all the way home and crawls into bed and falls asleep. In the morning his wife yells wake up! Were you drinking at the pub again? The man says no! She says your lying, i know you were there! He says how do you know that? She says you left your wheelchair there again!
No problems
A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.
Princess Diana Jokes
What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.
How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.
Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can c**....
How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
Yes I am a horrible person wow.
A pub's closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door
Then struggles to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him:
"You were really drunk last night weren't you?"
"Yeah, why? How do you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the pub."
A few guys are out at a bar
when they see a guy who is so plastered that he can't even stand. So they decided to help get him home and end up having to carry him the whole way. They ring the doorbell and the wife answers and they tell her he was very drunk so they brought him home for her and she says "Thanks, but wheres his wheelchair?"
A talking duck walks into a bar
He walks up and orders a shot of whiskey because he's depressed. The bartender looks at him gobsmacked because he's a talking duck and then asks why he's sad.
The duck says I just lost my job
The bartender replies well don't be sad I know just the perfect place you can apply. The circus has just pulled into town
The duck replies what would a circus want with a plasterer?
