The Best 60 Plant Jokes

Following is our collection of Plant jokes which are very funny. There are some plant botany jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these plant dogwood puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

How do plants feel about paparazzi?

They're photosensitive.

There's an old Italian man

There's an old Italian man, and every year, he and his son plant a tomato garden together. This particular year, however, the son is in jail, and so the old man writes him a letter.

"My son, it is regrettable that you can't be here to plant the tomato garden with me this year. The soil is too hard for me to dig myself. I look forward to the day you come home so we can continue this tradition together."

The son writes back, "Father, don't dig up the tomato garden, that's where the bodies are buried."

That night around 2 AM, the police show up at the old man's house with a warrant to search the ground for bodies. After several hours of digging around, they find nothing, apologize to the man, and go on their way.

The next day, the man receives another letter from his son, "Father, given the circumstances, this was the best I could do. You should be able to plant the tomatoes now."

A Chinese farmer tells a judge he wants a divorce...

So the judge asks him why. The farmer says, "I'm just a simple farmer, I never went to school, and I don't know very much. But I do know this: when I plant corn, I get corn; when I plant rice, I get rice; now when I plant Chinese boy and black boy comes out, something's wrong."

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"

Barry says "make it $1000".

What plant attacks people?

An Ambush ;)


The most heinous crime--against both Man and Nature--would be to plant dynamite inside cattle

That, my friends, would be a-bomb-in-a-bull...

Potato Patch

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred

At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred

Why did the tree install solar panels?

It wanted to be a power plant.

How do you get the water in a watermelon?

Plant it in the spring.

What happens when a plant is sad?

The other plants have to photosympathize with it

I like to plant my herbs in alphabetical order.

People ask me 'Where do you find the time?'
I say 'It's right there next to the sage'

Top Plant Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore plant soil reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean plant harvest dad jokes. There are also plant puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Onions

My friend told me that onions are the only edible plant that can make you cry.

I bludgeoned his head with a watermelon.

I walked into the nuclear plant operators office...

I walked into the nuclear plant operators office and asked him what to do with the barrels of radioactive waste.

"Bury 'em" he snarled at me,

"No sir, it's actually uranium"

I was looking through the living room window at the tree I'd just planted and I thought to myself

"Why didn't I plant it out here in the garden?"

2 farmers sitting on a porch just passin the time, shootin the sh!t

when a marijuana plant yells out of no where:

"You big dumb dark cow!"

One of the farmer turns to his friend and says

"look at the pot calling the cattle black"

What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka?

A sorority.

A plant fell on my head...

I'm alright though, it was no big dill.

A man went to water his garden...

He didn't have a hose or a watering can, so he improvised by filling a bucket with water and throwing it all over the garden. However, when he did so, the water only landed on every other plant.

Shocked, the man threw his arms up in the air and shouted "water the odds!?"

An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:

"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."

His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."


How does a plant say sorry?

They aPOLLENgize!

Q: What happened to the plant in math class?

A: It grew square roots.

How do you call a flower on steroids?

A power plant.

Why couldn't the plant escape the jail?

Because his cell had walls.

What do you call a flower that is also a spy?

A plant

Did you hear about the guy who had his bamboo plant stolen?

He was bamboozled

What did the oil refinery plant say to the offshore drilling platform?

Send crudes.

What do you call an adequate manufacturing plant?

A satisfactory

What did the plant say to the sprinkler?

Stop spraying water everywhere, you're really starting to irrigate me!!

Why should you never teach a plant math?

Because it'll grow square roots

Me and my friend robbed a chemical plant last night.

We stole all their Alkaline.
Now all their base are belong to us.

Why are plants so skinny?

They usually have a light lunch.

What do you call it when two flowers have a child?

Plant parenthood.

Where do plants go after having sex for the first time?

Plant Parenthood

Weed ain't a drug, its a plant.

Therefore I'm not a drug dealer, I'm a floristο»Ώ

What's the noisiest plant?

Bam!
Boo!

Why are plants so thin?

They always eat light.

What kind of plant is the scariest?

bamBOO

Farmer and Son

A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.

A boy in Russia asks his Grandpa...

Grandpa? asked a little boy, Is it true that in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Nuclear Plant?

Yes, it's true, said the grandpa, and patted his grandson's head.

Is it also true that no one was harmed and there were no consequences whatsoever?

Yes, it's true, said the grandpa, and patted the grandson's second head.

James Bond is laid off

James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant

"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"

"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "

You can't plant flowers...

...if you haven't botany.

What plant will kill you in 5 min or less if you just stand under it

Water lily

I've gotten a Graphic Design job at a nuclear plant

The pay is not great, but they told me I'd be getting some exposure.

What do you call a homosexual Muslim plant?

Al-gay

I don't trust companies that plant trees

It's such a shady business.

From what I've read, people were a lot more serious about invasive plant species 30 or 40 years ago.

A lot of people were writing about stopping the spread of the Soviet onion.

Mom, how did I come to this world?

A kid asked his mother:

\- Mom, how did I come to this world?

\- Me and your father planted a seed together - began telling the story the mother.

\- From that seed - she continued - we grew marijuana plant, then smoked some weed and had sex on the washing machine...

What do you say to someone too scared to plant apples ?

Grow a pear.

What kind of plant contains every known element?

A chemis-tree.

A little girl asks her mum

A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves until it became a lovely healthy plant. Then we dried it and smoked it and got so high we forgot to use a condom"

Best Worst Joke Ever: How do you get water into a watermelon?

You plant it...in the spring!

What does a plant do when someone close to his friend dies?

He photo-sympathizes.

I had enough and finally quit my job at the helium plant today.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

What'd one marijuana plant say to the other marijuana plant?

Let's be best buds.

A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.

When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.

Did you hear the local concrete plant was flooded last week?

They're having a hard time moving inventory now.

I have so many insecurities but from now im going to start acting like a plant.

Get to the root problems

My wife is a compulsive plant freak. She's filled our house with all manner of potted plants that she picks up at yard sales and give aways!

I think she's a hoarder-culturist.

An intern proudly greets his boss as she walks in the office...

"I took the pleasure of getting here early and doing a few tasks to help your day go smoother. I even pruned the ivy hanging on your wall."
She glared at him and stormed into her office and sure enough, almost half of the plant's leaves were in the garbage leaving the poor ivy looking pathetic. "What have you done!?! This plant is plastic!"
The intern smiled and said, "I don't think so, I did the same thing a few months ago and it grew back nice and full!"
The boss yelled, "NO IT DIDN'T! I BOUGHT A NEW ONE!"

An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:

This year I wont be able to
plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here
you would help me The son wrote back: Dad don't even think of
digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole
Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug
by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again:
Now plant your potatoes dad; it's the best I can do from here.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the plant lew jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working plant fertilizer piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes