Plant Jokes

165 plant jokes and hilarious plant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these hilarious plant-themed jokes! Featuring puns about leaves, seeds, soil and more, these jokes are sure to provide some light-hearted fun. Whether you're a gardener or someone who just enjoys a good plant-related joke, there's something here for everyone!

Funniest Plant Short Jokes

Short plant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plant humour may include short crop jokes also.

  1. Here is the best one liner from the legend, Mitch Hedberg My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
  2. TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.
  3. Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have? I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
  4. Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin agreed to take care of each other's garden. This means Roger Waters Robert's Plants.
  5. I want to tell you about a girl I know who only eats plants...'ve probably never heard of herbivore.
  6. I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants. You've probably never heard of herbivore.
  7. Sherlock was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting. "A lemon tree, Watson".
  8. Did you guys hear that you can survive just on plants? That is something i never herbivore!
  9. Sexism is everywhere, even in botany To this day, there is still a stigma attached to female plants
  10. Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ? I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since

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Plant One Liners

Which plant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plant? I can suggest the ones about fruit and seed.

  1. What do you call an adequate manufacturing plant? A satisfactory
  2. What do you call it when two flowers have a child? Plant parenthood.
  3. Why are plants so thin? They always eat light.
  4. Why did the tree install solar panels? It wanted to be a power plant.
  5. Why are plants so skinny? They usually have a light lunch.
  6. Why did the plant-based chicken cross the road? Idk, it's beyond meat.
  7. What do nuclear plants serve their workers for lunch? Fission Chips
  8. Why do plants use photosynthesis? So they can have a light snack
  9. What do you call a plant eating Viking? A Norvegan
  10. What did the oil refinery plant say to the offshore drilling platform? Send crudes.
  11. What kind of plant is the scariest? bamBOO
  12. I accidentally planted the wrong flowers in my garden Oopsie daisies
  13. What plant will kill you in 5 min or less if you just stand under it Water lily
  14. How do you call a flower on steroids? A power plant.
  15. I used to work at a hydroelectric plant. It was the best dam job I ever had.

Power Plant Jokes

Here is a list of funny power plant jokes and even better power plant puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear what the foolish gardener did? The guy planted a light bulb and thought he'd get a power plant.
  • My friend got a job at the power plant. He now refers to his occupation as a ohm maker
  • Why was the beach next to the power plant closed? Because it is spark infested waters.
  • What's the difference between a nuclear power plant and your mom? I wouldn't enter a nuclear power plant without protection.
  • Did you hear about the Power Plant that was bad for the environment all year? He got coal for Christmas.
  • What's the most radioactive kind of plant? The power Plant
  • I set up a small nuclear power plant in my garage. It was running well until I got busted by a fish and game warden of all people. He gave me a fat ticket for not having a fission license.
  • What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.
  • China has the most beautiful power plants. It has not just one, but THREE Gorges Dams.
  • How bad is it when a nations power crisis can only be solved by a couple of hydroelectric plants? Two dam bad! (OC!)

Tomato Plant Jokes

Here is a list of funny tomato plant jokes and even better tomato plant puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Tomatoes grow so fast. Other plants can't even ketchup.
  • Why was the plant embarrassed? It soiled itself. *Buh dum ts* *Dodges tomatoes*
  • Did you hear about the incontinent tomato grower? He soiled his plants! They've never been happier.
  • What did the bumble bee say to the tomato plant after he fertilized it? "Congratulations now you're prego!"
  • I asked my tomato plant why it needed so much support He said cause I'm a growing boy!
  • If apples come from apple seeds and tomatoes come from tomato seeds, how come nothing is sprouting from the bird seeds I planted?
  • How many crops could the farmer plant in his mile long garden? 5 tomatoes.
Plant joke, How many crops could the farmer plant in his mile long garden?

Plant Pot Jokes

Here is a list of funny plant pot jokes and even better plant pot puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife is a compulsive plant freak. She's filled our house with all manner of potted plants that she picks up at yard sales and give aways! I think she's a hoarder-culturist.
  • Why shouldn't you grow m**... in the ground? Because it's a p**... plant.
  • I accidentally planted some m**... seeds on my farm It's all gone to p**...
  • Home depot is the best brothel The vacuum s**..., the fan blows, the hammer bangs and they have plenty of pots to plant your seed.
  • Why did the p**... head plant cheerios? He thought they were donut seeds.
  • Large scale p**...-growing bust on my neighbors property I was charged with planting evidence...
  • What's the easiest way to split up p**... plants in a divorce? Joint custody.
  • What do you call a suicidal plant? High p**... in a noose

Sewage Treatment Plant Jokes

Here is a list of funny sewage treatment plant jokes and even better sewage treatment plant puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do economists love sewage treatment plants? Because they are a utility.
  • What's a good motto for a sewage treatment plant? Our duty is clear.
  • What do you call a used sanitary towel floating around the sewage treatment plant? A blood vessel.
Plant joke, What do you call a used sanitary towel floating around the sewage treatment plant?

Hilarious Plant Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about plant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plant pranks.

My grandma was known all over town for her delicious strawberries. She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so that everyone could visit her and enjoy them. I fulfilled her wish.

She's dead and berried.

Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots

How do plants feel about paparazzi?

They're photosensitive.

There's an old Italian man

There's an old Italian man, and every year, he and his son plant a tomato garden together. This particular year, however, the son is in jail, and so the old man writes him a letter.
"My son, it is regrettable that you can't be here to plant the tomato garden with me this year. The soil is too hard for me to dig myself. I look forward to the day you come home so we can continue this tradition together."
The son writes back, "Father, don't dig up the tomato garden, that's where the bodies are buried."
That night around 2 AM, the police show up at the old man's house with a warrant to search the ground for bodies. After several hours of digging around, they find nothing, apologize to the man, and go on their way.
The next day, the man receives another letter from his son, "Father, given the circumstances, this was the best I could do. You should be able to plant the tomatoes now."

A Chinese farmer tells a judge he wants a divorce...

So the judge asks him why. The farmer says, "I'm just a simple farmer, I never went to school, and I don't know very much. But I do know this: when I plant corn, I get corn; when I plant rice, I get rice; now when I plant Chinese boy and black boy comes out, something's wrong."

My farmer grandpa died this time last year. This was his favourite joke...

My grandpa who lived on a farm always used to say that if he won the lottery he would buy Disneyland, bulldoze it to the ground and plant crops...because he's used to struggling.
I hope this made you smile as much as he made me smile.

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".

Where did the promiscuous girl from Belgium go to plant her flowers?

ze Hoegaarden.

My friend told me he wanted to plant an orchard.

I told him to grow a pear.

I hope puns are okay.

If you live downwind from a milk processing plant, everything smells like dairy air.

Have you ever heard of the ckicken plant?

I guess the eggplant came first!
I work at a grocery store and a guy in the produce department told me this. He thought it was hilarious

What plant attacks people?

An Ambush ;)

The most heinous crime--against both Man and Nature--would be to plant dynamite inside cattle

That, my friends, would be a-bomb-in-a-bull...

Potato Patch

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred


Two peanuts walked down the street. One was aSALTed.

How do you get the water in a watermelon?

Plant it in the spring.

What happens when a plant is sad?

The other plants have to photosympathize with it

I like to plant my herbs in alphabetical order.

People ask me 'Where do you find the time?'
I say 'It's right there next to the sage'

How to have s**... in minecraft

Plant your seeds with a h**....


My friend told me that onions are the only edible plant that can make you cry.
I bludgeoned his head with a watermelon.

I walked into the nuclear plant operators office...

I walked into the nuclear plant operators office and asked him what to do with the barrels of radioactive waste.
"Bury 'em" he snarled at me,
"No sir, it's actually uranium"

A Russian boy walks up to his grandfather...

"Grandpa, is it true that there was a nuclear disaster at the Chernobyl Power Plant?" he says. "Yes, there was." replied the Grandfather, patting the boy's head.
The boy then says "And is it true that there were absolutely no consequences of it whatsoever?". The Grandpa says "Yep. None at all." and pats the boy's second head

I was looking through the living room window at the tree I'd just planted and I thought to myself

"Why didn't I plant it out here in the garden?"

2 farmers sitting on a porch just passin the time, shootin the s**...t

when a m**... plant yells out of no where:
"You big dumb dark cow!"
One of the farmer turns to his friend and says
"look at the p**... calling the cattle black"

What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with v**...?

A sorority.

I planted some daffodils on Aunt Millie's grave. She never liked them, but....

after a while they started to grow on her.

A plant fell on my head...

I'm alright though, it was no big dill.

A man went to water his garden...

He didn't have a hose or a watering can, so he improvised by filling a bucket with water and throwing it all over the garden. However, when he did so, the water only landed on every other plant.
Shocked, the man threw his arms up in the air and shouted "water the odds!?"

My wife bought a new plant for for the house. I didn't like it at first...

...but it's starting to grow on me.

An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:

"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."
His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."

How does a plant say sorry?

They aPOLLENgize!

Q: What happened to the plant in math class?

A: It grew square roots.

Why couldn't the plant escape the jail?

Because his cell had walls.

What do you call a flower that is also a spy?

A plant

Did you hear about the guy who had his bamboo plant stolen?

He was bamboozled

Mr. Trump told his servant to water the plant outside the house

The servant said, "But sir, it's raining outside"
Mr. Trump replied, "Can't you use the umbrella?"

What did the plant say to the sprinkler?

Stop spraying water everywhere, you're really starting to irrigate me!!

Why did the Piranha Plant start coughing?

Because Mario went down the wrong pipe!

Why should you never teach a plant math?

Because it'll grow square roots

Me and my friend robbed a chemical plant last night.

We stole all their Alkaline.
Now all their base are belong to us.

Where do plants go after having s**... for the first time?

Plant Parenthood

w**... ain't a drug, its a plant.

Therefore I'm not a drug dealer, I'm a florist

What's the noisiest plant?


Where do bees go to learn about pollinating tulips?


There was a fire at the plant where they make Nike Jordans.

Over a thousand soles were lost.

Farmer and Son

A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.

A boy in Russia asks his Grandpa...

Grandpa? asked a little boy, Is it true that in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Nuclear Plant?
Yes, it's true, said the grandpa, and patted his grandson's head.
Is it also true that no one was harmed and there were no consequences whatsoever?
Yes, it's true, said the grandpa, and patted the grandson's second head.

James Bond is laid off

James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant
"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "

What is the procedure called when a plant has it's prefrontal cortex removed?

A lobotany

You know, being unsure if I'm a plant is actually pretty cool.

Am I rye?

You can't plant flowers...

...if you haven't botany.

What's the difference between a deadly chemical plant and a Syrian school yard?

I don't know, they just have me fly the drone

I've gotten a Graphic Design job at a nuclear plant

The pay is not great, but they told me I'd be getting some exposure.

I quit my job at the radioactive waste treatment plant.

It had a toxic work environment.

Why does moving a plant from one place to another change it's gender?

Because it's a trans-plant.

What do you call a homosexual Muslim plant?


I don't trust companies that plant trees

It's such a shady business.

The plant markets have been bull lately...

The stalks have been going up!

From what I've read, people were a lot more serious about invasive plant species 30 or 40 years ago.

A lot of people were writing about stopping the spread of the Soviet onion.

Mom, how did I come to this world?

A kid asked his mother:
\- Mom, how did I come to this world?
\- Me and your father planted a seed together - began telling the story the mother.
\- From that seed - she continued - we grew m**... plant, then smoked some w**... and had s**... on the washing machine...

How can you tell an unidentified plant in your garden is a w**...?

Try to pull it out. If it comes out easily, it's not a w**....

What do you say to someone too scared to plant apples ?

Grow a pear.

What kind of plant contains every known element?

A chemis-tree.

A little girl asks her mum

A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves until it became a lovely healthy plant. Then we dried it and smoked it and got so high we forgot to use a c**..."

What's the name of a common garden plant, that if sat under for more than 5 minutes, would cause almost guaranteed death?

A Water Lilly.

Best Worst Joke Ever: How do you get water into a watermelon?

You plant the spring!

Two plants are standing next to each other.

One of them says:
"What did you have for lunch?"
The other says:
"Oh, just a light meal"

What does a plant do when someone close to his friend dies?

He photo-sympathizes.

I had enough and finally quit my job at the helium plant today.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

Plant joke, I had enough and finally quit my job at the helium plant today.

jokes about plant