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Planning Jokes

107 planning jokes and hilarious planning puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about planning that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article features jokes about Planning and Zoning, Planning Permission, Planning Officer, Estate Planning, Financial Planning, Town Planning, Urban Planning, Carat, Strategic, and Intend. Easily make your friends laugh with jokes about all types of planning.

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Popular Planning Short Jokes

Short planning jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The planning humour may include short planner jokes also.

  1. LPT: If you are planning to settle down, don't date a soccer player. There's only a 1/11 chance they are a keeper.
  2. I planned a date with this girl at the gym today, but she didn't show up that's when I knew we weren't gonna work out
  3. Girl: What are your plan for today? Boy: Me and a friend of mine are going to buy some glasses.
    Girl: And after that?
    Boy: And after that we'll see.
  4. Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.
  5. Donald Trump has announced that he plans to extend his wall across the oceans... This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.
  6. God initially planned to use wasps to pollinate flowers. But in the end, he went with plan Bee.
  7. Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter. He plans to buy it.
  8. What's the worst part about locking your key in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood? Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
  9. What's the difference between iron man and aluminum man" Iron man stops bad guys. Aluminum man foils their plans.
  10. Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day." Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

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Planning One Liners

Which planning one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with planning? I can suggest the ones about plotting and plans.

  1. Why were the star wars movies released 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8 In charge of planning Yoda was
  2. (P+L)(A+N) = PA+PN+LA+LN Ha! I just foiled your plan!
  3. Coronavirus ruining your plans for 2020? Save them for 2022! Cause 2022 is 2020 too.
  4. My wife and I have decided we don't want children We plan on telling them after supper
  5. Why didn't Leia email Obi-Wan the Death-Star plans? The Jedi Code forbids attachments.
  6. God initially planned to use wasps to make honey. But in the end, he went with plan Bee.
  7. I didn't plan on getting a brain transplant... But then I changed my mind.
  8. Yo mama's so fat... ...she has to upgrade her data plan every time she sends a selfie.
  9. Animals: winter is here, we need a plan to survive. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
  10. God's plan to use wasps to pollinate didn't work out. So he had to resort to Plan Bee.
  11. Chris Christie is so fat, he plans on walking for president.
  12. How does a ghost plan his day? He makes a to-boo list
  13. My plan tomorrow is to visit my optometrist. After that, we'll see.
  14. ISIS has a new plan for eliminating Americans. They donate to the NRA.
  15. A group of midgets were planning to rob a butcher's... But the steaks were just too high.

Planning Officer Jokes

Here is a list of funny planning officer jokes and even better planning officer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The loan officer approved my plan to go forward and take out a mortgage for the horse farm I've been looking at. He called it a stable investment.
  • Me: Officer, you can't give me a ticket. I'm planning to run a half marathon tomorrow. Cop: Stop playing the race card.
  • A few partners and myself are planning to open a combination chiropractic office and m**... dispensary. It's going to be a joint joint joint joint joint.

Wedding Planning Jokes

Here is a list of funny wedding planning jokes and even better wedding planning puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm going to plan my wedding like airports plan flights I'll over book the venue. The last to arrive will be given a voucher to my second wedding.
  • I told my friend I'm planning on wearing a kilt to his wedding. He asked "What's the tartan?" I said "She's wearing a red dress."
  • Why do melons always have well planned weddings ? They can'telope !
  • My life as an Arabian #1 You're not even 20, and they are already planning your wedding.
Planning joke, My life as an Arabian #1

Town Planning Jokes

Here is a list of funny town planning jokes and even better town planning puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There's a new superhero in town.. There's a new superhero in town and he is the 'Aluminium Man'.
    He will foil your evil plans!
Planning joke, There's a new superhero in town..

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about planning can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of planning puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Planning Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about planning you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean building plan jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make planning prank.

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

Wrong Email

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".

h**... and Stalin walk together in the afterlife

... they stop next two people and h**... tells Stalin: "Let me tell you of my plan: I am going to kill six million Jews and a mechanic.
one of the two people hear this and asks h**... "Why kill the mechanic?"
h**... turns to Stalin and says: "see? I told you nobody cares about the Jews"

Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn decide to go rob a bank.

"Now, remember the plan," Ivy tells Harley.
"Yeah, yeah, no problem!" She says, and walks into the bank. Ivy waits in the getaway car.
Time passes. Five minutes...ten...Ivy starts getting worried...fifteen...
Suddenly Harley comes rushing out of the bank, dragging a safe behind her all t**... in rope. Behing her, the guard comes running out with his pants down.
Ivy groans. "Harley, you idiot! I said to tie up the guard and blow the safe!

Importance of Planning

Why planning is important?
One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.
See below for the question paper.
Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)
a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right

Bruce Willis, arnold schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".

I was walking around town the other day...

I was walking around town the other day when I saw these two j**...-offs wearing matching outfits, I mean, down to the *belt* same outfits, so I yelled to over to them "Hey faggots did you plan that?"
Anyways, they arrested me.

A man walks into a bar and sees h**... and Stalin...

A man walks into a bar and sees h**... and Stalin sitting at a table. He walks up to them and asks what they are doing. h**... says were planning WW3. The man asks what's going to happen this time. h**... says this time were going to kill 15 million Jews and a bicycle repair man. The man asks why a bicycle repair man. h**... turns to Stalin and says see I told you know one would care about the 15 million Jews.

Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

So I saw these two guys walking down the street...

So I saw these two guys walking down the street, wearing the exact same outfit, I mean right down to the belt. So I yelled at them,
"Hey faggots, did you plan those outfits or what?"
Yeah they arrested me.

For our 25th anniversary, I took my wife to Hawaii...

...and for our 26th I plan to go back and get her.

Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park

They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.

TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport...

The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking "Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"
I replied "No, only guns."

So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...

So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf h**...... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up his sleeve - "he gave me the winning numbers"

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

"Mr. Trump, have you changed your plans for mass deportation?"

"No, I have not. I will deport 11 million undocumented immigrants and two dogs."
"Why the two dogs?"
"See? Nobody cares about the immigrants!"

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

Two scientists walk into a bar.

The first scientist says "I'll have h2o"
The second scientist says "I'll have a water"
The first scientist goes back home and rethinks his assassination plan.

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin meet with guests at the White House

One of the guests asks: Mister President, what are you talking about with president Putin? – We are planning World War III.' - 'And what does it look like?' – Trump: We will kill 4 million Muslims and a dentist... The guest looks a bit confused: Why a dentist? - Putin claps Trump on the back and says, What did I tell you, Donald? No one will ask about the Muslims.

What are we doing for Easter?

Wife: What are our plans for Easter?
Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.
Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.
Husband: What do you mean?
Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.

My wife doesn't know it,

but every time we have s**... I put $1 in an envelope. I save that money, and plan on getting her something special for our anniversary.
So far she's getting a McChicken

What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman?

He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.

They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

My girlfriend and I planned to commit s**... together...

... But once she killed herself, things started looking a lot more positive.

h**... walked in to a bar...

The bartenders says "whoa, h**... I thought you were dead"
h**... says "no, just hiding. I'm planning to kill the rest of the Jews and 5 clowns"
The bartender asks "why the clowns?"
h**... says "see no one cares about Jews"

Two scientists walk into a restaurant

The first one says, "I'll have a glass of H2O".
The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. We are not at work right now, why are you referring to it like that?"
The first scientist goes into the bathroom and weeps, for his m**... plan had failed.

Women are discussing their s**... life.

- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it's going to be when it's ready.

A Soviet newspaper announces:

"Last night, the Chernobyl nuclear Power Station fulfilled the Five Year Plan for heat energy generation..."
"...in four microseconds."

Donald Trump is introducing a 30% tax on shredded cheese.

It's part of his plan to Make America Grate Again.

A man walks into a bar and sees h**... and Stalin.

A man walks into a bar and sees h**... and Stalin at a table. He asks them what they were doing and was told that they were planning WW3.
h**... says, "We are going to kill 15 million jews, and a bicycle repairman."
The man, confused asks, "Why the bicycle repairman?"
h**... turns to Stalin and tells him, "See? I told you no one would care about the 15 million Jews!"

My wife asked me for a divorce for Valentine's Day

I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.

I like how the girl that called me a loser in high school is now blowing up my phone

She sends me things like what are your plans for dinner and Your dad and I are going out for dinner there's food in the fridge

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"

NBC is planning a sitcom about the life of Abe Lincoln.

Shot in front of a live studio audience.

The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene.

It's that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.
And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them

He's in love with the shape of u

Japanese Banking Crisis

Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.

In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.

Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.

Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.

A preacher tells his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. "

"To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, the preacher asks who read it, with every hand going up. The preacher smiles and says, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

The devil has started to get really self conscious about his receding hairline and is planning to take out his anger on the humans if he cant find a solution.....

There's going to be h**... toupee

Gf: what are your plans for today?

Me: a friend and I are going out to buy glasses
Gf: and after that?
Me: I guess we'll see

Three crows planned a meeting and only two of them showed up

They were charged for attempted m**...

My plan for tomorrow is to get some new glasses

After that I guess I'll just see what happens

Apple is planning to release a vaccum cleaner in a couple of years.

It's rumored to be the only Apple product that won't s**....

My mother in law came for a visit so I asked her - How long do you plan to stay?

Just until I start getting on your nerves, she replied.
Oh, so you won't even stay for a coffee?

*Ouch!!* *Zut alors!!*

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
(...and you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to post this on raydeet.... Well, I figure I have nothing Toulouse. )

A Jewish mother walks by a planned parenthood and sees a protestor who's sign says life begins at conception

She goes up to the man and says that may be true of Christian babies, but a Jewish fetus isn't viable until it graduates medical school!

What is the difference between Aluminum-man and Iron man?

Aluminum-man will try to foil your plans.

My friends, the Leas, are planning to name their firstborn after their favorite Harry Potter character.

Sirius Lea, it's true

Russia is reportedly seizing Apple's assets in Russia with the intent to make a new vehicle.

They plan to call it the iVan.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are on a a plan when the plane's engines fail and it starts to go down.

The pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps from the plane. The remaining passengers see that there is only one c**... left, and quickly do the math.
The Englishman stands up, straightens his tie, says "God save the Queen!" and jumps from the plane.
The Frenchman, not wanting to be seen as less noble than the Englishman, says "Vive la France!" and jumps to his death.
The Ukrainian stands up, straightens his vyshyvanka, says "Slava Ukraini!" and throws the Russian out.

BREAKING: Singapore announces plans to decriminalize gay s**....

Bangkok to follow.

Lying

A minister told his congregation, Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17. The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.

Putin is working in his office planning the Ukraine war, when the ghost of Stalin suddenly appears.

Putin takes the opportunity to seek advice: Stalin, what happened? why are things not working out for us? Stalin gives him the advice: Send 5 million Russians to their deaths at war, and paint the Kremlin blue. Why blue? asks Vladimir Putin.
I knew you wouldn't have a problem with the first part, chuckles Stalin.

Now that Elon Musk has bought Twitter and laid off half the staff, he's planning on buying YouTube and Facebook and doing the same with them. To save even more money, he plans on merging the three companies into one…

…He's going to call it YouTwitFace.

The Democrats have a plan to make the Republicans sound s**....

Operation "Just Let Them Talk"

My wife told me she wanted a divorce for Valentine's Day

I told her I hadn't planned on spending that much.

Odin is planning to take a flight, so he packs his bags and heads to the airport. One of the staff says "sir, you'll have to keep your pet in the hold..."

Odin laughs and says, "no, this is a carrion raven."

Why do accordion players always carry a spare instrument? Just in case they get a wrinkle in their plans.

Did you hear about the plan to prohibit the use of Roman numerals?

*I for one*, think it's a terrible idea.

Planning joke, Did you hear about the plan to prohibit the use of Roman numerals?

jokes about planning

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these planning jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.