Plank Jokes

What are some Plank jokes?

Pirates never shower before they walk the plank.

They just wash up on shore afterward.

When I was young, my parents made me walk the plank..

We were too poor for a dog.

As a kid I was made to walk the plank...

We couldn't afford a dog

As a child I was made to walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.

Courtesy of Gary Delaney

I always wanted a skateboard.

So one day I asked my mom for a skateboard. She said no as it was too expensive. So I came up with an idea to resolve my problem - I grabbed a plank of wood and some nails.

And beat her to death.

Plank goes to a ball game

A small plank of wood goes to Watch a baseball game. For the first few innings, the plank is super into it. But by the seventh inning, its interest starts to fade.

A man nearby notices the fading enjoyment and starts up a conversation.

"Hey man, how you liking the game?" He asks.

"I really like it. I think it's pretty cool" the small plank replies.

"Really," says the man, "cuz it seems to me like you're a little board."

Did you hear about the pirate who used to walk the plank every night?

Well, he couldn't afford a dog.

My friend got mad at me after I kept hitting him with a wooden board.

I told him, It's just a plank, bro.

It's just a plank.

A mathematician and an engineer got a task:

They were given a plank with two nails; one hammered half way and one hammered all the way. There were asked to remove the nails from the plank.

The engineer didn't think much of it, grabbed pliers and quickly took both nails out.

The mathematician after some thought said:

"The case with nail hammered all the way in is more interesting, so I'm going to start with it"

After long battle he managed to use a lever and get the nail out.

"Ok, the second case we can easily reduce to already solved one"

...and then he hammered the remaining nail all the way in.

What did the Pirate say to the plank as it was being installed on the ship?

Welcome a Board!

(Inspired by a comment I left on another post, though I'm confident it's been posted many times before)

What is a pirate's favourite yoga pose?

The plank!

"Seven!" "Seven!" "Seven!"

A man was walking along, when he came upon a a property with a plank fence surrounding it. He hears people inside chanting the number seven over and over again. He doesn't know much about this property, except that a cult meets there, he can't see through the fence, and he's always been curious about it. When he hears "Seven!" "Seven!" "Seven!" he can't help himself, he peeks through a hole in one of the planks. Someone promptly pokes him in the eye with a stick. They begin chanting "Eight!" "Eight!" "Eight!"

So a pirate captain walked into my candy shop the other day...

And he asks me for a gumdrop. I say to him "Why would you want gum that's been dropped?"

"Sir," I say, "Wouldn't you rather have a candy fish?"

He says, "Candy fish? Is it sweet?"

And I say "Well... it's Swedish."

So now, the captain is so angry that he makes we walk the plank and I shout "Don't you think you're going a little overboard?!" And the pirate says, "No, *you* are!"

Before I jump, I ask him, "Can I just have one last mug of rootbeer?" And he says, "That would be fine." So I take the mug and jump... and you know? I would've drowned if it weren't for one thing...

>Rootbeer floats!<

A man buys a house

The guy he buys it from says
"we printed out the deed but didn't have paper so we printed it on this plank of wood, will that be okay?"
"That wooden deed"

A down on his luck magician takes a job on a cruise ship

and the captain has a parrot. Every time the magician does a trick the parrot squawks out the secret "Raawwwt he hid it in his sleeve" or "He's hidden behind the mirror. He's hidden behind the mirror Raaaaawttt!" thus always ruining the illusion.

One day the ship sinks and the magician finds himself stuck on a plank floating in the ocean. To his surprise the parrot lands next to him and stares at him for 3 straight days.

It finally says "I give. What'd you do with the boat"?

Why doesn't a pirate take a shower before he walks the plank?

'Cause he'll just wash up on shore later.

Have you heard about the guy who didn't want to walk the plank?

He wasn't on board with it.

There is a university in Germany that continually searches for the biggest piece of wood

Its the Max Plank institute

What is both heavier and lighter than a plank?

...a plank-ton!

As a child, I was forced to walk the plank...

We couldn't afford a dog...

What do you call...

...a man in a bush?


...a man in a lake?


...a man with a car on his head?


...a man with a spade in his head?


...a man without a spade in his head?


...a man with a toilet on his head?


...a man with a map on his head?


...a man hooked to the wall?


...a woman slates on her head?


...a man with a plank on his head?


...a man with TWO planks on his head?

Edward Wood!

...a man with THREE planks on his head?

Edward Woodward!

...a man with FOUR planks on his head?

I don't know, but Edward Woodward would. (try saying that ten times in a row)

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

When I Was Younger...

I was made to walk the plank

My family couldn't afford a dog.

What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head?


I found out my cousin is a magician!

He told me while we were on vacation at Venice beach. I was skeptical at first so asked him to show me a trick. Right as I asked, he stubbed his toe on a wooden plank and started cursing at the ground! I was amazed! I'd never seen somebody diss a pier.

How to make Plank puns?

We have collected gags and puns about Plank to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Plank? If Yes here are a lot more one liners and funny Plank pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes