Planets Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Planets puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Planets

Do you think Earth makes fun of the other planets...

...because they have no life?

What did Earth say to the other planets?

Wow. You guys have no life.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."

It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson....

...were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Sherlock and Watson go camping

Sherlock and Dr. Watson go camping. They pitch their tent and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson and says: "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes asks, "And what do you deduce from that?" "Well, if there are millions of stars," Watson says, "there must be some with planets, and some of those planets must be like Earth. And if there are planets like Earth, there might be planets with life." And Holmes says, "Watson, you idiot, it means someone stole our tent."

Sherlock Holmes & Dr Watson's Camping Trip

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping

They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.

Watson replied: I see millions and millions of stars.

Holmes said: and what do you deduce from that?

Watson replied: Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.

And Holmes said: Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping...

They pitched their tents under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the night Holmes woke Watson up and said "Watson, look up at the sky. Tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars" replied Watson; to which Holmes said "And what do you deduce from that?"

"Well, if there are millions of stars and systems, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely that there are some planets out there like Earth. And if there are even a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.

And Holmes replied "Watson, you idiot, it means somebody stole your tent!"

**

NASA discovers 10 earth like planets.

Within a month of Trump taking office, NASA has discovered 10 earth like planets...


They say necessity is the mother of invention !!

A dad and son went on a camping trip...

A dad and his son went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the son said, "Dad, look up into the sky and tell me what you see".
His father responded, "I see millions and millions of stars".
The son asked, "So what does that tell you?"
The father answered, "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, son?"
"It tells me you forgot to pack the tent again"

My boyfriend asked me how many planets are in our solar system.

And I said. "Eight"
And he said, "Nope, only 7, after I destroy Uranus tonight."

If Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus was written today...

The solar system would need more planets for the title.

How does NASA identify dead planets?

They look through the orbituaries.

All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.

Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"

What kind of music do planets like?

Neptunes.

A father and son went on a camping trip

An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip.
They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father : "Look up to the sky and tell me what you see?"
Son : "I see millions of stars."
Father : "And what does that tell you?"
Son : "Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets."
Father slaps the son hard and says, "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent"

MORAL : Too much education can spoil or common sense.

My doctor informed me that they've found life on other planets...

He says there are worms living in Uranus.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip

In the middle of the night Holmes wakes up and gives Dr. Watson a nudge. "Watson," he says, "look up in the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions of stars, Holmes," says Watson.

"And what do you conclude from that, Watson?"

Watson thinks for a moment. "Well," he says, "astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meterologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

"Watson... someone has stolen our tent."

Why does Earth bully other planets?

Because they have no life.

The world's funniest joke

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said:
"Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see."
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely that there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said:

"Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Camping.

An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father- "Look up to the sky and tell me what you see."
Son- "I see millions of stars."
Father- "And what does that tell you?"
Son- "Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets."
Father slaps the son hard and says- "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr.Watson are camping

At three in the morning, Holmes wakes Watson. "Watson, look up. What can you deduce from what you see?"

Watson ponders for a while. "From the starry sky? Astronomically, there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, God is great and we are small and insignificant. Horologically, it's about 3 AM. Meteorologically, we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What do you deduce, Holmes?"

"I deduce that you're an idiot, Watson. If we can see the stars, then our tent has been stolen!"

Why do Reddit astrologers not try to divine humor from the movement of planets?

Because the real joke is in the comets!

Favourite pickup line...

Did you know there will be 7 planets tomorrow?

Because I am going to destroy Uranus tonight.

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could Plow thru Uranus because it's all gas

The World's Greatest Detective.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping. They'd gone to sleep beneath the night sky, when Holmes awoke and shook his companion.

"Watson, look at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions of brilliant stars," Watson answered.

"And what does that tell you?"

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are countless galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically speaking, Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. And you, Holmes?"

Holmes paused. "What I see, Watson, is that someone has stolen our tent!"

What did the scientist say to his hot assistant?

"There's only gonna be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus."

I googled the world's funniest joke

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson up and said, "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Watson said: "I see millions and millions of stars",
Holmes asked: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson: " Well if there are millions of stars and even few of those contain planets, it's quite likely there are many planets like Earth out there, it's even possible that there is other forms of life out there"
Holmes replied: " Watson, you Idiot, it means someone stole our tent!"

Watson you idiot!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are out camping

They set up their tent and go to sleep. Watson starts snoring, but Sherlock is a light sleeper. After a while. Sherlock wakes up. He looks up at the stars and thinks a bit. Then he wakes Watson up and asks, Look up at the stars! Do you know what that means? Watson says, Yes, there are stars everywhere. Which means there are planets everywhere. Which means there could be life anywhere, and so much more. Holmes replies, No, my dear Watson, it means somebody stole our tent.

Physicist Frank Wilczek states that there is life on other planets...

Profesor Stephen Hawking maintains his position.

Why are the planets scared of Jupiter?

Jupiter Saturn Uranus.

Which songs do planets sing?

Neptunes.

Did you know there will only be 7 planets tomorrow?

Because *I'm going* to *destroy* Uranus

Scientist released new findings proving that there are now only seven planets in our solar system

after I destroyed Uranus.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping.

They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said, Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see. Watson replied: I see millions and millions of stars. Holmes said: And what do you deduce from that? Watson replied, Well, if there's millions of stars, and if even a few of these have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there must be life. And Holmes said, Watson, you idiot, it means someone stole our tent.

Are you ready to have only 7 planets left?

Because im about to destroy Uranus.

What do planets say in winter?

We're freezing our axis of.

So Holmes and Watson go camping...

After a long trek through the woods they pitch their tent and turn in. In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up and asks him "Look up in the sky. What do you see?"

To that, Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars"
Holmes followed up with another question: "What do you deduce from that?" to which Watson answered "If there are millions of stars, and even a few of them are planets, it means that there should be planets out there like Earth out there and if there are, that means that there is indeed other life outside of Earth"

Holmes looked him square in the face and said "Watson you idiot it means someone stole our tent!"

A muffin and dough and are having a conversation.

And the muffin says, "Dude, everything is energy man; it's all energy swirling around. Good energy, and bad energy, and it all depends on what energy you tap into. It's like the planets and electrons and stuff; everything is swirling."
The dough replies, "Dude, you're baked."

Earth went around the solar system asking the other planets for a stick of gum.

They all refused, but Earth still got one; Pluto shares its Orbit.

Mike and jake went camping...

They put the tent up and went to sleep

Mike woke up and said: hey look at the sky what do you see

Jake: I see the stars

Mike: what does that mean

Jake: the universe is huge and it has all these stars and planets around them

Mike: no the tent is stolen

Why do all planets want to date black holes?

Because they're so attractive!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping

They pitched their tent under the twinkling start and went to sleep. Sometime during the night Holmes woke Watson up and said:

"Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you see."

Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson Replied: "Well, if there are millions and millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there might also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson you idiot!, It means that someone has stolen our tent."

Whats the worst thing you can tell a girl on the first date?

There are only going to be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus

When our solar system was formed, the Sun was in charge...

So the planets started a revolution.

Do you know how many planets are in the solar system?

7, after I destroy Uranus.

The Planets

71% water + 29% land = Earth

100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars

100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus

100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury

100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto

100% gas = Uranus

Old joke is old but still great

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see."
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

All the planets are named after gods, except Earth...

That's named after the stuff on the ground.

Kids Argue who's dad is tallest!

Three kids showing off whos dad is tallest,

Kid 1 : my dad is as tall as empire state building.

Kid 2 : oh yeah? Well my dad is taller than the sky, even higher than the moon.

Kid 3: oh yeah? Does your dad reach and touch the planets up there?

Kid 2 : yeah of course

Kid 3: those are my dads balls.

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson decide to go camping together

They set up their tent, go inside and fall asleep.

In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes Watson up

"Watson, look up and tell me what you see"

Watson replies, "I see thousands and thousands of stars"

Sherlock then says, "And what can you conclude from that?"

Watson thinks for a moment and replies, "Well if there are a thousand stars, there could be stars with planets such as Earth, and therefore life on other---"

Sherlock then interrupts him, "No Watson, it means somebody stole our tent, you idiot."

Alone Guys and Girls

The known universe is made up of 50,000,000,000 galaxies. There are between 100,000,000,000 and 1,000,000,000,000 stars in a normal galaxy. In the Milky Way alone there might be as many 100 billion Earth-like planets. Still think you're alone?

How many planets have you been to?

Two, Earth and Uranus.

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are on a camping trip...

and in the middle of the night, Sherlock nudges Watson awake. He says "Watson, look up, and tell me what you see."

Watson says "well, I see the stars, and that makes me think about our place in the universe. In the face of such cosmic vastness, aren't we really just insignificant? And what of life on other planets? In all the universe, ours can surely not be the only planet to support living beings. Perhaps one day we shall be able to reach the stars and find out for ourselves. Why do you ask, Sherlock? What do you think of when you look up?"

Sherlock replies: "somebody stole our tent".

How many planets are there in the solar system?

There used to be nine, then there was eight and when I'm done with Uranus there'll be seven.

Maybe the universe is like a giant party...

and the planets just awkwardly follow the sun around because they don't know anyone.

Instead of trying to find intelligent life on other planets, NASA should...

...Try to find some in the White House. It might prove to be more of a challenge.

Courtesy of my nephew... what music do planets listen to?

Neptoons

What do planets like read?

Comet books!

Frieza might be the owner of several hundred planets, and he might be the tyrannical overlord of the universe

But his brother is Cooler

NASA sent a probe to all of the planets in our solar system, but quit after Uranus

They found it to be a shithole.

How does Galactus like his planets?

Thin crust.

Why do we have planets so far away from the sun?

Because you wouldn't want to burn Uranus.

A 3rd grader was giving a presentation on the planets. He got stumped and whispered to his Dad 'What's this one?' Father says 'Uranus.'

The kid looks proudly to the class and says 'This is my anus.'

How many planets are there?

Guy: How many planets are there?
Girl: 8
Guy: Wrong, 7 after I destroy uranus

Has been posted before, but one of my favorites.

Sherlock Holmes and John Watson go on a camping trip. In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes up John and says, "Watson, what do you see when you look up at the sky?"
Watson looks up and says, "I see millions of stars."
Sherlock says, "Well, what can you deduce from that?"
After a moment's thought, Watson says, "Since there are so many stars,logically some of them must have planets orbiting them. And if some of those stars have planets, logically some must be able to support life. And if some could support life, logically some must. Therefore, I deduce that we are not alone in the universe. What do you think?"
Sherlock says, "No, Watson, you idiot, it means somebody stole our tent."

What do planets do to follow each other on SpaceTube?

Sunscribe.

What does the recently discovered TRAPPIST-1 star with seven Earth-size planets orbiting it, and Tyrion Lannister have in common?

They are both ultra-cool dwarves.

I'm not saying my acne was bad at school, but when one boy asked the science teacher how many planets there were in the galaxy...

The teacher said, "Less than there are on his face."

Women are like planets...

It's hard to find ones in the habitable zone, and when you do, they're usually overrun with demons.

What type of college does planets go to?

Universe-ity.

Ba Dum Tss

[NSFW] Have you heard what scientists are saying?

That there's only gonna be seven planets after I destroy Uranus.

We made learning so much easier for the younger generation.

They now have schools with smart devices, digital textbooks, and online courses.

We even reduced the planets down to eight.

Scientists have found some planets to be edible

I guess now I can eat Uranus

What do you call angry planets?

Negative Space

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes