Planet Jokes
169 planet jokes and hilarious planet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about planet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh with the funniest, silliest, and craziest planet jokes about Earth, Mars, Venus, Mercury, Jupiter, Saturn, Planet Kolob, and even Planet Fitness, Beer, and Probes! Whether you're on a mission to another planet or just staring into space, we have jokes for space and astronomy lovers alike!
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Funniest Planet Short Jokes
Short planet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The planet humour may include short earth jokes also.
- Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno mars all walked into the same bar. They didn't planet.
- What's a gay man's favorite planet? Earth, most likely. Unless he's personally interested in space exploration, in which case he might say Mars.
- Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle
- Everyone knows about Darth Vader, but very few people talk about his wife. ella wasn't great at conquering planets but she did make it easier to navigate the Death Star.
- If Bruno Mars married Venus Williams on Earth, do you think they'd have a Sun? Only if they planet.
- Earth is the third planet from the sun. By this logic, all countries are third world countries
- It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in christmas cracker, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets. The real joke is in the comets
- In the 80's we used to think in 2020 we'll have flying cars cities on other planets, blah blah blah.... But No! Here we are, teaching people how to wash hands !!!
- I went up to Serena Williams. I said, "Serena, what's your favourite planet?"
She said, "It's Venus."
I said, "Oh sorry, Venus, what's your favourite planet?" - Earth, Venus, Mars, and jupiter were going to setup a party But they failed because nobody knew how to planet
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Planet One Liners
Which planet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with planet? I can suggest the ones about orbit and mars.
- How do astronauts make sure their mission goes smoothly? They planet.
- Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robot. They call it Mars.
- How do you get ready for a trip around the Sun?
Planet - What is the scariest planet in Star Wars? Na-BOO!
- Do you think Earth makes fun of the other planets... ...because they have no life?
- What did Earth say to the other planets? Wow. You guys have no life.
- Why did pluto have such a terrible vacation? Because he didn't planet well.
- What is Earth's favorite pastime? Making fun of other planets for having no life.
- What the the planet Jupiter say to Neptune? I can see Uranus from here.
- Why do planets never get invited to summer soirées? They always try to eclipse the fun.
- How do you organize a party in outer space? You planet.
- Do you know why astronomers named the planet "Saturn?" It just had a nice ring to it.
- How does earth and mars schedule a vacation They planet
- Earth is the best planet... The mere rotation of it makes my day!
- How does NASA throw a holiday party? They planet.
Planet Earth Jokes
Here is a list of funny planet earth jokes and even better planet earth puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There must be another planet somewhere with worms. Otherwise why would we call ours Earth worms
- NASA discovers 10 earth like planets. Within a month of Trump taking office, NASA has discovered 10 earth like planets...
They say necessity is the mother of invention !! - The Planets 71% water + 29% land = Earth
100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars
100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus
100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury
100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto
100% gas = Uranus - 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury No, I'm not fat. I'm just not on the right planet.
- All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible. Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"
- Why does Earth bully other planets? Because they have no life.
- I wanted to throw an earth day party... But I forgot to planet
- Which planet appears largest in a telescope? Earth
- What if dinosaur bones were only found on Earth... Because aliens used this planet as a pet cemetery?
- Uranus, Earth, and Pluto decide to throw a party. Earth: so how are we going to do this?
Pluto: don't ask me. I don't know how to Plan-et.
Uranus Planet Jokes
Here is a list of funny uranus planet jokes and even better uranus planet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My doctor informed me that they've found life on other planets... He says there are worms living in Uranus.
- Scientist released new findings proving that there are now only seven planets in our solar system after I destroyed Uranus.
- On October 31st, we will have a full moon, and the 7th planet from the sun will be its brightest... So when someone sees the moon that day, they will likely see Uranus too...
- Talking about planets with my nephew. He asked if you could Plow thru Uranus because it's all gas
- Why are the planets scared of Jupiter? Jupiter Saturn Uranus.
- The scientific community has finally agreed to rename the planet Uranus to Urmama
- Your face is kinda similar to a planet... ''Oh yeah, Which one?''
''Uranus'' - if you liked planet of the apes you might enjoy macaque in uranus
- Why is Uranus classified as a planet and not as a Black Hole?
- How many planets have you been to? Two, Earth and Uranus.
Planet Mars Jokes
Here is a list of funny planet mars jokes and even better planet mars puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus was written today... The solar system would need more planets for the title.
- BREAKING NEWS: NASA announces Mars Rover discovered new feline-like life form on the Red Planet Unfortunately, it ran over the newly discovered creature. Yes, it seems Curiosity killed the cat.
- We really should look into colonizing Mars and other planets or moons If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.
- How do they organize a party on Mars? They planet.
My five year old told me this today. - We've sent multiple rovers too mars but mars hasn't sent any back. It's about time we play red rover with another planet
- TIL the Mars rover Opportunity found a small mammal on the planet that appeared to be related to the opossum. Unfortunately, the rover Spirit had run over it the day before.
- The Mars mission should include an artist to capture the alien planet The art would be out of this world.
- If You weigh 200 pounds on the Earth it is only 76 pounds on the Mars, and it means You are not fat but you are just on the wrong planet.
- What do you do if you want to take a trip to Mars? You "planet."
- Good thing the Space Race ended when it did. If it went all the way to Mars, the Soviets would have easily got to the Red Planet first.
Planet Jupiter Jokes
Here is a list of funny planet jupiter jokes and even better planet jupiter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The entire crew of the first manned mission to Jupiter died upon reaching the planet... I guess nobody quite understood the gravity of the situation.
- When did scientists realize that Jupiter had no solid ground? When they saw the hole planet.
- Why is the planet next to Jupiter so small? Because it was Sat-urn
- Petition to rename Jupiter ...to Jewpiter because its a gas planet
- What planet is large and gassy? Jupiter. What did you think I would say?
- Why did they rename Jupiter Jewspuiter? Because it's a gas planet.
- Why are all the planets attracted to Jupiter? Because it has a huge mass.
- What did Jupiter say to Saturn when he found out Saturn was pregnant? Did you planet?
Planet Fitness Jokes
Here is a list of funny planet fitness jokes and even better planet fitness puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where does a four hundred pound alien go for exercise? Planet Fitness
- LPT: If you couldn't fit all of the planets in the planetary alignment in one shot Try backing up a bit
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Planet Jokes
What funny jokes about planet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sphere jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make planet pranks.
I was watching Jersey Shore the other day when I thought...
I didn't know I had animal planet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On this planet...
Every 10 seconds... there is a woman giving birth to a child.
She must be found and stopped!
Where did people find out that Pluto was no longer a planet?
The orbituaries.
You can be the most beautiful woman on the planet but if you can't cook
don't worry I can
One in every six people on this planet are Chinese.
Of my five brothers, I suspect Danny.
So 2 astronomers decided to throw a party
They sit down for lunch and one of them says: ok, let's planet
I started dating an astronaut. It happened out of nowhere.
I did not planet.
What's a space pirate's favorite planet?
mArrrs!
How does NASA organize their company parties?
They planet.
[Please take pity on me i am very unfunny :(]
Was the discovery of a new planet an accident?
or did they planet
A committee has narrowed the search for a name for the newly hypothesised 9th planet.
It's between Urpenis and Urvagina.
Why did Pluto miss the solar system party.
He didn't planet right
How does NASA organize their missions.
They Planet.
Juno and Jupiter Sitting in Space
Jupiter's moons were named after the Roman god's mistresses and this week NASA sent a spacecraft named after his wife, Juno, to observe the planet. If they find evidence that Jupiter has been unfaithful, the next thing NASA will be sending is a Death Star.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They should call Jupiter JEWpiter
Because its a gas planet.
A planet died today
I read about it in the orbituaries.
If I had a dollar for every time someone used the wrong "they're"...
Their wouldn't be enough money on the planet.
What does NASA do before every mission?
Planet.
Why did Mickey Mouse name his dog Pluto?
Because he's not a planet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Dad, why are there no jews on jupiter?"
"Because its a gas planet son"
An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.
Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.
Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?
Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.
The density of Saturn is so low that the whole planet would float on the water in your bath.
However, you wouldn't want to try this experiment at home as it would leave a massive ring around the tub.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I want to make an impact on the planet that lasts long after I'm gone
That's why I drive a h**...
From the time it was discovered to the time it was declassified as a planet, pluto did not make a full revolution around the sun.
It was a tough year.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We should start calling the planet "unborn baby"
maybe then republicans would want to save it.
How do you clean a planet of dinosaurs?
Give it a meteor shower.
How can you ensure you visit outer space someday?
Planet.
I ran into a NASA scientist one day...
...and I say to him, "Your job seems so tough. I'd love to traverse the solar system, but I wouldn't even know where to begin..."
He says, "It's easy... you just planet."
So I took his advice and went on a trip around the Sun. It lasted a year and I had a pretty good time. But if I had to rate it, I'd only give it one star.
Jupiter heard from Neptune that Pluto was pregnant.
Jupiter said to Pluto "Congratulations! I was surprised to hear that you're expecting!"
To which Pluto replied "Thanks. Yeah, I definitely didn't planet!"
Why is Venus named after the Roman goddess of beauty?
Because it's the hottest planet in our solar system
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Aliens visit, and their first question is: "what's changed in the last 3000 years?"
Aliens: "what's changed in the last 3000 years?"
Humans: "well, we were worshipping cats, drinking beer, and smoking w**...... and then we made it to developing technology that can destroy this entire planet, and pretty soon we'll have unlimited energy from that tech."
Aliens: "Impressive. Good thing you stopped worshipping cats, drinking beer, and smoking w**...."
Humans:
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did h**... name the Gas planet he discovered during World War 2.
Jewpiter
I think it's dumb when people say all Americans are ignorant of geopolitics.
I mean, how could everyone on the planet be ignorant?
I wonder if Adam ever thought to himself...
"I'm the sexiest guy on the planet right now."
The latest report from Mars indicates the presence of large ring structures of precious stones and a dusting of glitter almost everywhere
Apparently, efforts are underway to tiara-form the planet.
(I do apologize for this. I happen to hear someone pronounce this word rather frequently and this is what I keep imagining they are meaning. Along with some deposits of sass, pageantry and frills.)
In the 2001 film "The Planet of the Apes" David Warner plays a primate named Senator Sandar
which means the whole planet is probably a Banana Republic
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does NASA get away with m**...?
They planet
What is Hitlers least favourite planet?
Jewpiter
What do planets say in winter?
We're freezing our axis of.
200Years in the future.
A team of the smartest people on earth go to a distant planet, believed to have life. When they land they're greeted by 3aliens. They speak perfect english.
"Leave outsiders. This is our home planet, only trusted individuals are allowed here!"
The space group is quite surprised by this. Most of them think about turning back and going to earth. When one man in the back of the group, Unseen by the aliens, Shows himself. Upon his sight the aliens appear to become much more peaceful with the humans.
"Oh you brought Dave with you! Why didn't you say so."
When God integrated Planet Earth, he thankfully recalled his Calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
Google has decided to heavily push a save the planet program.
They're making Al-Gore-ithms to help speed things along.
Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto walk into a bar.
After sitting down, Jupiter says: "I'm the biggest planet, give me the biggest beer you have."
Saturn says: "I'm the best looking planet, give me the fanciest drink you have."
Pluto says: "I know I'm not a planet, but give me a shot."
We all can do better to help save the planet
With this in mind, i've just published a book on preserving the rainforest, and what we can do as a human race to help protect it.
Its over 2000 pages long.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The worst joke on the planet.
I bought a playstation 4.
The Xbox 1 X broke it.
SO I called the ambulance
The sound it made was
***WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U***
A father had promised his two young sons he would take them on a fishing trip
The boys were digging for fishing bait in their parents' garden. Uncovering a many legged creature, one of the boys proudly dangled it before his Father.
"No, son, he won't do for bait" his Father said. "He's not an earthworm".
"He's not?" the boy asked, his eyes wide. "What planet is he from?"
Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolates
So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.
The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"
The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"
The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!"
The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?"
The Pope is flabbergasted, "What does chocolate have to do with anything?"
The alien says, "Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?"
A very very Very old joke :)
What did the meteor say to the planet?
Lemme smash
Why is there never a food shortage on the planet of Tatooine?
Because of the abundance of sand which is there.
Aliens come to earth...
They meet with all the world leaders. Eventually it's the Pope's turn to chat to them. He asks the one alien, Greetings alien, what do you think of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?
The alien exclaims, Ah, JC! He's my boy! We have a massive party when he visits us once a year!
He visits you once a year? The Pope asks in astonishment. He hasn't been to earth in more than two millennia! How did you manage that?!
Well, when he first came to our planet we gave him a box of our finest chocolates. What did you guys do?
They say one out of every 5 people on the planet is Chinese.
The thing is, there's 5 people in my family. On of us must be Chinese.
I know it can't be me. I'm pretty sure it's not my mon or dad.
That leaves my brothers: Shawn, and Zhang Wei.
Whispers: *I think it's Shawn...*
Some astronauts wanted to have a New Year's party on the moon
But they didn't planet in time
How do you memorialize the death of a planet?
You write an orbituary.
Isn't it crazy every planet is named after a Greek God except for earth?
It's just named after that stuff on the ground.
Somebody asked me to sign his petition to save the planet
It was to reinstate Pluto.
I have a space pun
But i need a little more time to planet
