Planet Earth Jokes
111 planet earth jokes and hilarious planet earth puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about planet earth that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Planet Earth Short Jokes
Short planet earth jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The planet earth humour may include short mother earth jokes also.
- What's a gay man's favorite planet? Earth, most likely. Unless he's personally interested in space exploration, in which case he might say Mars.
- If Bruno mars married Venus Williams on Earth, do you think they'd have a Sun? Only if they planet.
- Earth is the third planet from the sun. By this logic, all countries are third world countries
- If Earth is the third planet from Sun after mercury and Venus Doesn't that make every country a third world country?
- Earth, Venus, Mars, and jupiter were going to setup a party But they failed because nobody knew how to planet
- There must be another planet somewhere with worms. Otherwise why would we call ours Earth worms
- NASA discovers 10 earth like planets. Within a month of Trump taking office, NASA has discovered 10 earth like planets...
They say necessity is the mother of invention !! - If the earth is the third planet from the sun.. Wouldn't that make all countries third world countries?
- The Planets 71% water + 29% land = Earth
100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars
100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus
100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury
100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto
100% gas = Uranus - 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury No, I'm not fat. I'm just not on the right planet.
Share These Planet Earth Jokes With Friends
Planet Earth One Liners
Which planet earth one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with planet earth? I can suggest the ones about planet mars and earth.
- Do you think Earth makes fun of the other planets... ...because they have no life?
- What did Earth say to the other planets? Wow. You guys have no life.
- What is Earth's favorite pastime? Making fun of other planets for having no life.
- How does earth and mars schedule a vacation They planet
- Earth is the best planet... The mere rotation of it makes my day!
- Why does Earth bully other planets? Because they have no life.
- I wanted to throw an earth day party... But I forgot to planet
- Which planet appears largest in a telescope? Earth
- How do you explain earth to a kid? You don't. It's pretty self ex-planet-ory.
- What did the earth say to other planets? Get a life.
- How many planets have you been to? Two, Earth and Uranus.
- Pluto wanted to throw Earth a birthday party on New Year's Eve But he forgot to planet
- I finally get why everyone on earth is so moody... This whole planet is bi-polar.
- How does the planet Earth protect itself when it plays sports? It wears its World Cup.
- Why are all other planets so far from Earth? Because Earth has worms.
Planet Earth Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about planet earth you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean google earth jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make planet earth pranks.
Yo Momma is so fat…
that when she wore a blue and green sweater,everyone thought she was Planet Earth.
A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English.
Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors.
When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"
"You mean J.C?", responds the alien.
"yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok".
Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"
The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"
The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"
The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"
Yo momma so fat she thought planet earth was her stomach.
If You weigh 200 pounds on the Earth it is only 76 pounds on the Mars, and it means You are not fat but you are just on the wrong planet.
I googled the world's funniest joke
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson up and said, "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Watson said: "I see millions and millions of stars",
Holmes asked: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson: " Well if there are millions of stars and even few of those contain planets, it's quite likely there are many planets like Earth out there, it's even possible that there is other forms of life out there"
Holmes replied: " Watson, you Idiot, it means someone stole our tent!"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson....
...were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
Christian Aliens
A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: **"Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"**. **"You mean J.C?"**, responds the alien **"yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok"**. Surprised, the pope follows up with **"He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"**. The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize **"maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"**. The pope retorts **"Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"**. The alien says **"Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"**
Sherlock Holmes & Dr Watson's Camping Trip
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...
...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
God decides it's time for a vacation...
...so he consults with a few of his angels to figure out where he should go for some much needed rest and relaxation. The first angel to speak up says "Well, sir, I hear Mercury is nice this time of year. It's nice and warm, you could catch some rays and maybe get a nice tan."
"That could be nice," says God, "but I'm not really in the mood for such warm weather."
Another angel chimes in with a suggestion. "Well if not Mercury, how about Pluto?" (Yes, I realize it's no longer considered a planet, but it works for the joke so calm down). "You could go skiing, maybe hang out at the lodge and pick up a snow bunny."
"Oh I don't know," replies God. "That's maybe a bit too cold for my tastes and honestly I don't really enjoy skiing all that much."
A third angel says, "You know, sir, there's always Earth. The climate is nice and temperate plus the people love you down there."
"That is true," says God, "but I really don't think I should. The last time I went there I hooked up with that Mary chick and they still won't stop talking about it."
Old joke is old but still great
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see."
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
Watson you idiot!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping
They pitched their tent under the twinkling start and went to sleep. Sometime during the night Holmes woke Watson up and said:
"Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you see."
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson Replied: "Well, if there are millions and millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there might also be life."
And Holmes said: "Watson you idiot!, It means that someone has stolen our tent."
Martians arrive on earth...
They're peaceful and happy and everyone loves them. Obviously humanity has tons of questions they'd like to ask them so the U.N. decides to arrange a conference. All the world leaders, public intellectuals and religious heads are in attendance to ask their most burning questions. Finally it is the pope's turn to ask a question...
"I was wondering...have you ever heard of our lord and savior Jesus Christ" the pope asks.
"Jesus? Yes of course! He stops by our planet every couple of years and we all have a big party" the aliens respond
The pope looks baffled and says "You must be mistaken...Jesus Christ was here about two thousand years ago but he left and we've been waiting for his return ever since...why would he visit you so often?"
"well..." they look at each other "...maybe your chocolate wasn't good" the aliens offer
"Pardon me?" the pope asks
"Well, when Jesus first showed up on our planet we gave him really great chocolate...what did you guys do?"
Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other.
The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."
What do bars, churches, and the planet earth all have in common?
They're all terrible places to meet women.
TIL that there is enough oxygen on earth to cover the entire planet!!
How crazy is that!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping...
They pitched their tents under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the night Holmes woke Watson up and said "Watson, look up at the sky. Tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars" replied Watson; to which Holmes said "And what do you deduce from that?"
"Well, if there are millions of stars and systems, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely that there are some planets out there like Earth. And if there are even a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.
And Holmes replied "Watson, you idiot, it means somebody stole your tent!"
**
Sometimes this earth seems so crazy to me.
But I guess I should expect it from a bipolar planet.
Why do all the other planets view the earth as the universes "biggest pushover?"
Because it lets 7 billion people walk all over it.
Sherlock and Watson go camping
Sherlock and Dr. Watson go camping. They pitch their tent and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson and says: "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes asks, "And what do you deduce from that?" "Well, if there are millions of stars," Watson says, "there must be some with planets, and some of those planets must be like Earth. And if there are planets like Earth, there might be planets with life." And Holmes says, "Watson, you idiot, it means someone stole our tent."
So Holmes and Watson go camping...
After a long trek through the woods they pitch their tent and turn in. In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up and asks him "Look up in the sky. What do you see?"
To that, Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars"
Holmes followed up with another question: "What do you deduce from that?" to which Watson answered "If there are millions of stars, and even a few of them are planets, it means that there should be planets out there like Earth out there and if there are, that means that there is indeed other life outside of Earth"
Holmes looked him square in the face and said "Watson you idiot it means someone stole our tent!"
Pluto's Orbit
Did you know that Pluto's orbit around the sun is so large that it didn't even complete a single Pluto year between the time we found it and declassified it as a planet? It takes 248 earth years for 1 Pluto year. Isn't that horrible? Put it this way. We named a planet after a cartoon dog, and before it even turned one in its doggy years, we put it down. Isn't that horrible?
I think everyone agrees that the lowest form of earth on this planet are child pornographers.
They are the s**... of the earth and should be tried as adults.
What does the recently discovered TRAPPIST-1 star with seven Earth-size planets orbiting it, and Tyrion Lannister have in common?
They are both ultra-cool dwarves.
An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.
Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.
Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?
Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.
NASA has turned to Twitter for help in naming the seven recently discovered earth-sized exo-planets...
I could think of seven pretty obvious names if only they had been dwarf planets.
Earth went around the solar system asking the other planets for a stick of gum.
They all refused, but Earth still got one; Pluto shares its Orbit.
What if dinosaur bones were only found on Earth...
Because aliens used this planet as a pet cemetery?
The council of Earth quickly came to regret putting a gastroenterologist in charge of conquering new planets..
All he wanted to do was colonize Uranus.
Alone Guys and Girls
The known universe is made up of 50,000,000,000 galaxies. There are between 100,000,000,000 and 1,000,000,000,000 stars in a normal galaxy. In the Milky Way alone there might be as many 100 billion Earth-like planets. Still think you're alone?
One day a tree, a herb and a bush were chilling together in the jungle
One day a tree, a herb and a bush were chilling together in the jungle when they came face to face (or leaf to face) with God.
God tells them that they must each do one deed to save the dying planet.
The tree convinces all of its kind to double their oxygen output, making the Earth's air fresher and cleaner than it ever was
The herb begins synthesizing the ultimate cure all compound in its leaves, which can cure almost any disease in any animal that consumes them.
And what did the bush do?
Bush did 9/11.
Alien 1: The dominant life form on planet earth have developed satellite based nuclear weapons.
Alien 2: Are they an emerging intelligence?
Alien 1: I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves.
Bear and rabbit get wishes
Bear and rabbit were just walking through the forest, as a fairy apearred. it granted both 3 wishes.
bears first wish was, to make every bear girl in this forest like only him. the rabbit on the other hand just wanted a very fast harley.
second wish from bear was that every bear g**... the whole planet should only like him. the rabbit wanted a helmet with ear holes.
as for the last wish the bear wanted every bear on earth to be female and to like him.
the rabbit had other plans though. he had put on his helmet, sat on his bike, started the engine and yelled as he was driving away: "I want the bear to be gay!".
If you take every grain of sand on Earth and multiply it by 100...
You will have enough sand to make 100 Earth sized planets!
Miss Universe is rigged and I always know who's going to win before it even starts
The winner has always been a contestant from planet Earth
There are 7.5 billion individual world views on planet earth...
Some are flatter than others.
If you have no friends so decide to escape earth and make a country on another planet all by your self it would be called
Alien nation.
Three aliens
Three aliens, Bu; Chu and Fu, are sent to Earth to document local civilization. They land in America, and use advanced technology to make themselves look human. After they collected some data (including large percentage of English language), Bu said to the others: "Maybe we should change our names to fit in. Then we can observe much better." The other two agree. "I´ll be Buck" said Bu.
"I think I´ll be Chuck" said Chu. Fu decided to leave the rest of the mission to those two and returned to his home planet.
What's the difference between the planet Earth and a soldier in the trenches?
One's got gas emission, the other has a gassy mission.
The world's funniest joke
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said:
"Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see."
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely that there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said:
"Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
In space, two aliens are talking to each other very closely
The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"
In geography, teacher told us that Mariana's Trench was the deepest, coldest, most inhospitable place on planet earth.
Mariana said that he shouldn't talk about their date in class.
Two Aliens
2 aliens are talking in outer space, looking down on Earth.
"It seems the inhabitants of planet Earth have created nuclear technology and missiles" says one alien
"are they showing signs of intelligence?" asks the other
"I dont think so. They seem to be aiming at themselves"
All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.
Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"
200Years in the future.
A team of the smartest people on earth go to a distant planet, believed to have life. When they land they're greeted by 3aliens. They speak perfect english.
"Leave outsiders. This is our home planet, only trusted individuals are allowed here!"
The space group is quite surprised by this. Most of them think about turning back and going to earth. When one man in the back of the group, Unseen by the aliens, Shows himself. Upon his sight the aliens appear to become much more peaceful with the humans.
"Oh you brought Dave with you! Why didn't you say so."
When God integrated Planet Earth, he thankfully recalled his Calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
All the planets are named after gods, except Earth...
That's named after the stuff on the ground.
What does earth have that no other planet in our solar system has?
The letter H.
Why did humans mess up Mother Earth
Because they didn't planet well
Earth is dangerous
Did you know that Earth is the most dangerous planet in the Universe, 100% if human deaths takes place on earth
What makes Earth so different from the other planets?
Uh, it's actually a plane, not a planet.
Forget flat Earth; every single planet in the solar system is flat!
Get over it--they're all visually disk-shaped!
Earth is the most dangerous planet
100% of humans die there
What do you call planet earth's secret episode after the watershed?
Bang-it Earth
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson decide to go camping together
They set up their tent, go inside and fall asleep.
In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes Watson up
"Watson, look up and tell me what you see"
Watson replies, "I see thousands and thousands of stars"
Sherlock then says, "And what can you conclude from that?"
Watson thinks for a moment and replies, "Well if there are a thousand stars, there could be stars with planets such as Earth, and therefore life on other---"
Sherlock then interrupts him, "No Watson, it means somebody stole our tent, you idiot."
Neil Degrasse is so in phase with planet earth, when he walks in a field...
The grass kneel
Uranus, Earth, and Pluto decide to throw a party.
Earth: so how are we going to do this?
Pluto: don't ask me. I don't know how to Plan-et.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping.
They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said, Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see. Watson replied: I see millions and millions of stars. Holmes said: And what do you deduce from that? Watson replied, Well, if there's millions of stars, and if even a few of these have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there must be life. And Holmes said, Watson, you idiot, it means someone stole our tent.
The planet earth can't possibly be flat.
If it was cats would have pushed everything not nailed down off the edge.
Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolates
So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.
The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"
The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"
The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!"
The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?"
The Pope is flabbergasted, "What does chocolate have to do with anything?"
The alien says, "Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?"
A very very Very old joke :)
Two aliens are sitting in their spaceship looking at the earth.
One of them has been researching whether an invasion would be viable. He reports back to his commander "the humans have somehow managed to harness the power of the atom to create some of the most powerful weapons I've ever seen".
The commander says "maybe it would be unwise for us to invade this planet then"
The researcher replied "I wouldn't worry too much, although they have the power, they don't have the intelligence to use them properly, they've got them pointing at themselves."
Did you know that all the planets in the solar system are named after a god,
Except earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.