The Best 85 Plane Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Plane jokes. There are some plane altitude jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these plane plane crash puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Plane Jokes and Puns

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
 

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

How does a Flat Earther travel the world?

on a plane

Ben Shapiro dies in a plane crash. Wanna know why it crashes?

LEFT WING DESTROYED

I went skydiving today.

The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?

jokes about plane

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...

After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."


I was on a plane and the air hostess said, "Want some headphones?"

I said, "Blimey. How'd you guess that my name is Phones?"

So a kid gets on a plane for the first time

and he is really excited about it. He is sitting inside the plane mid-flight when he finds out the plane's a Boeing. So he starts saying "Boeing.. Boeing.. Boeing.."

After a while when he doesn't stop the passengers start getting irritated, and the hostess comes along and tells the boy "Be Silent". So the boy starts "Oeing.. Oeing.. Oeing.. "

Plane joke, So a kid gets on a plane for the first time

Irish and Muslim on a plane

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.

Paddy ordered a whiskey.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"

Paddy handed his drink back and said

"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

As airplanes about to crash...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

A man was on a plane...

A man was on a plane when a stewardess approached him and said "Would you like some headphones?" To which the man replied "Yes I would, but how did you know my name was Phones?"

*

A British man goes on holiday in Australia...

After getting off the plane in Sydney, the man waits to go through Australian customs.

"Do you have anything to declare?" asks the Australian customs officer.

"No" replies the British man.

"Do you have a criminal record?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that was still a requirement."

You can explore plane boeing reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean plane airbus dad jokes. There are also plane puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


If Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider and Dennis Dugan are in a plane and the plane crashes, who will survive?

American comedy films.

When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?

When it's intersected by a plane

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.

Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"

Getting on a plane . . .

. . . I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to LA, and send one to Miami."

She told me, "We can't do that!"

I told her, "Well you did it last week!"

A bearded guy

A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."

Plane joke, A bearded guy

So I'm making a TV series about a plane hijacking..

We've just shot the pilot.

I thought of this joke this morning in the shower

A professional baseball team is at the airport flying home after a huge victory, and the team manager decides to splurge by buying first class tickets for everyone. Excited to fly in luxury, everyone boards the plane. The team quickly realizes, though, that they failed to reserve enough seats. Nobody is quite sure what to do, but eventually a rookie on the team stands up and shouts "put me in coach!"

Henry Winkler on a plane

Henry Winkler is a passenger on a plane and the flight attendant asks him, "Would you like some headphones?"

He replies, "Yes, that would be very nice, but it's pronounced 'Fonz'."


I got arrested at the airport last week.

Appearently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding the plane.

Why did Harrison Ford Crash his plane?

because he was flying solo and went look no hans...

Worst Geometry Joke I Know

When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?

When it is intercepted by a plane.

A plane was going down....

A plane was going down and the captain said to the passengers "I'm sorry everyone we are going to crash in a few minutes" The passengers looked at each other in fear. One woman got out of her seat and yelled "Before I die I want a man to make me feel like a real woman!" a man a few rows back got out of his seat and said "I will!" she smiled and ran up to him. He then took his shirt off and said "Here, iron this"

Stewardess

Yes, Sir?

I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.

Captain, shut up and land the plane.

I know a guy who survived an 8000-foot fall out of a plane.

Until he hit the ground.

Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians...

They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met.

Plane joke, Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians...

How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon?

Intersect it with a plane.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

A woman has a heart attack in a plane.

The stewardess asks "Is there a doctor on board?".

A person comes forward and announces "I'm a vegan."


Why do you never see a pregnant plane?

They always go to the hanger.

A Man Has a Heart Attack on a Plane...

Stewardess: Is **anybody** here a doctor?!

Man: (Raising Hand) I'm a vegan.

Two pilots are landing a plane.

Two pilots are preparing to land and they're coming in hot. The wheels touch the tarmac and before you know it they're off the other end. 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. Glass and bags go everywhere.

When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!"

The co-pilot says" Yeah, but wasn't it wide!

Do not fap on a plane..

Unless you enjoy hijacking

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a screaming baby.

Apparently that's not allowed if the baby is yours.


Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.



Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Did you know there are more planes in the ocean..

Than submarines in the sky?

I was on this plane once...

Captain sets for take off and we are 35000 feet in the air, the captain then sets his mic down but forgets to turn it off.

The captain turns to the co-pilot and says "all I could use right now is a blow job and a cup of coffee".

The stewardess starts running from the back of the plane to tell the captain he still has his mic on.

A guy in the back of the plane screams out "hey hun, don't forget the coffee!".

When is a pentagon not a pentagon?

When it's intercepted by a separate plane.

I was getting off an airplane, when I passed a little boy who was waving and saying "Bye, plane!"...

"No, this isn't a biplane." I said, as the kid's dad immediately gave me a condescending look.

I went on, "You can't tell its sexual preference based just on how it looks."

What sound does a bouncing plane make?

Boeing boeing boeing

An asian asks for help at an airport...

Asian: "why is my plane late? It said it would be here at 6:30."

Airplane help guy: "fluctuations."

Asian: "fluck you americans too."

A mathematician is afraid of flying

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

A kinky passenger grinningly exposed himself to a stewardess as he boarded the plane.

"I'm sorry," said the woman, "but you'll have to show me your ticket, not your stub."

Two wrongs don't make a right...

...but two Wrights made a plane

I thought opening a door for a woman was polite

But she just screamed and flew out of the plane

A guy in a plane stood up and shouted, HIJACK!

All passengers got scared.

From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back, HI JOHN!

A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.

The whole event was pretty terrible.

It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.

On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.

A man walks into a bar, and sees King Kong having a drink...

Now, the man loves all of Kong's films, so he decides to walk up to him. He says, "wow! King Kong! I'm such a big fan. Sorry to bother you, but do you have time for a photo? "

King Kong suddenly looks up, checks his watch.

He turns to the man and says "sorry, I've a plane to catch".

Leave a man on a plane and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane and he flies for the rest of his life.

How do flat-earthers travel?

on a plane...

I spent months inventing a wingless plane

sadly the idea never took off.

To all the people who stand up as soon as the plane has landed...

You must suffer from premature evacuation.

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

What noise does a plane make when it hits the ground?

Boeing

I got taken off a plane in handcuffs today.

All I did was greet my friend Jack.

I was on a plane recently and the stewardess said that in the event of an accident i had to stick my head between my legs.

I couldn't help thinking,

'if i could do that i wouldn't be flying to Thailand in the first place.'

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....

Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!

Then silence.

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!

A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don't you come here and see ours?

Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest

And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.

"Did you see the plane crash?" asked the EMTs.

"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.

"None of them survived?"

"Well, the president said he did, but you know what a liar he is."

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.

The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.

Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."

A blonde joke

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

It's only kamikaze if it came from the Kamikaze region in Japan...

Otherwise it's just plane suicide.

A gentleman is preparing to board a plane when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.

Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope starts a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, Excuse me, but would you know a four letter word ending in 'u-n-t' that refers to a woman?

Oh my god! the man thought. I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word. The gentleman thinks for quite a while, then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, I think the word you're looking for is 'Aunt'.

Oh, of course! the Pope exclaims. Do you have an eraser?

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

Trump and his family are traveling in a plane.

Trump decides to drop a 100 dollar note from the plane. His wife asks what he is doing. His reply is I want to make an American happy

His wife replies back Why don't you drop ten 10 dollar notes and make ten Americans happy?

Their daughter gives a suggestion Why don't you drop hundred 1 dollar notes and make hundred Americans happy?

The pilot overhears their conversation and gives his own suggestion on the matter.

Why don't you three drop yourselves from the plane and make all Americans happy?

Welcome to Australia!

A British national travelling to Australia on holiday is stopped at customs after getting off the plane. There, the customs agent asks him, "business or pleasure?"

"Pleasure," he replies.

"Anything to declare?"

"Does jet lag count?" the Brit asks with a cheesy smile. The Aussie customs agent looks up, drearily, unamused.

"Do you have a criminal history?"

Suddenly, the British man becomes concerned, and looks around nervously.

"What's wrong?" the customs agent asks.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the brit replies. "No, I don't. I didn't realise we still needed one of those"

So, a Mormon and an Irishman are on a plane

They were seated next to each other on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

A Chinese man and a Jewish man are sitting next to each other on a plane.

Suddenly, the Jewish man slaps the Chinese man across the face.

"What was that for?" asks the Chinese man..

"For Pearl Harbor" says the Jewish man.

"That was Japanese. I'm Chinese," the Chinese man says.

"Chinese, Japanese" what's the difference?

Few minutes later, the Chinese man slaps the Jewish man.

"What was that for?" asks the Jew.

"It's for the Titanic."

"The Titanic? That was an iceberg..."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?" says the Chinese man.

I have 100% solid proof that masks don't work!

My wife went on a business trip and on the plane they made her wear a mask -- and now she has chlamydia!

I would never get on a plane with Ben Shapiro

He would try to destroy the left wing.

I have 100% legit proof that masks don't do shit!

My wife went on a trip to her sister's.
On the plane they made her wear a mask.
Didn't do shit - she got chlamydia anyway!

Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail.

They find three parachutes.

Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, The world needs a great person like me!

Joe Biden grabs a parachute and says, I need to help make choices for our world , so he jumps off the plane. 

At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. 

The Pope says to the boy, take the last parachute, I am too old and I'm going to die soon one day.  

Actually there are two left. Donald Trump took my backpack.

What do you call a plane that flies backwards?

A receding airline.

A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico.

Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are on a a plan when the plane's engines fail and it starts to go down.

The pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps from the plane. The remaining passengers see that there is only one chute left, and quickly do the math.

The Englishman stands up, straightens his tie, says "God save the Queen!" and jumps from the plane.

The Frenchman, not wanting to be seen as less noble than the Englishman, says "Vive la France!" and jumps to his death.

The Ukrainian stands up, straightens his vyshyvanka, says "Slava Ukraini!" and throws the Russian out.

People often rank a person's attractiveness out of ten, but what is considered a ten in some states would be considered differently elsewhere.

For example an NY10 is typically tall and athletic but a DC10 is very plane.

9/11 jokes aren't funny

They're just too plane

I feel the most at peace when I sleep in the nude

The rest of the passengers on the plane felt different

Was on a plane having a snooze and the guy in the seat next to me RUDELY wakes me up and says "We're about to land, I think you're supposed to put the window shutter back up"

That's the last time I agree to having him as my co-pilot.

This war in Ukraine has me on edge. Yesterday I thought I heard a Russian plane fly over my house.

It was just an Illyushin

I wanted to learn how to fly a plane...

But I realised I was in the wrong class when the professor said this will be a crash course in flight!




(Sorry if it's a bit dad joke-ish I tried to write my own joke but chances are it's been told before)

What do you call an LGBTQ+ plane.

A biplane.

(This is not meant to be offensive)

A group of engineering teachers walk onto a plane..

..the teachers were on their way to an engineering confrence. The pilot came on the intercom and welcomed the teachers on board. He then said, "Teachers, we have word that your students completed all the math and physics that went into building this plane."

In a hurry, all the teachers rushed out of their seats and got off the plane. One teacher remained. When they asked him why he didn't rush off the plane with the others, he simply said, "If I know my students, this plane isn't going nowhere."

a joke I made.. How do pilots like their food

They like it plane

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the plane intercom jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working plane air plane piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes