Plane Jokes
178 plane jokes and hilarious plane puns to laugh out loud. Read vehicle jokes about plane that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Whether you're looking for some light-hearted humor to brighten up your day, or an aviation-themed joke to share with your friends, these plane jokes are sure to have you in stitches. From dark jokes about turbulence and coordinates to questions about paper airplanes and Boeing, these plane jokes will have you laughing in no time!
Quick Jump To
- Short Plane Jokes
- Plane One Liners
- Plane Crash Jokes
- Plane Landing Jokes
- Plane Landed Jokes
- Passenger Plane Jokes
- More Plane Jokes
Funniest Plane Short Jokes
Short plane jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plane humour may include short plans jokes also.
- A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico. Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.
- If you buy a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a day… If you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life
- A guy in a plane stood up and shouted, HIJACK! All passengers got scared.
From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back, HI JOHN! - Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life. - Worst Geometry Joke I Know When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?
When it is intercepted by a plane. - Leave a man on a plane and he flies for a day. Throw a man off a plane and he flies for the rest of his life.
- My grandfather killed 30 german planes during World War 2 He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
- I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a screaming baby. Apparently that's not allowed if the baby is yours.
- On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class. On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
- Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians... They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met.
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Plane One Liners
Which plane one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plane? I can suggest the ones about flight and orbit.
- How does a Flat Earther travel the world? on a plane
- science builds planes and skyscrapers but faith brings them together.
- When does a pentagon not have 5 sides? When it's intersected by a plane
- I would never get on a plane with Ben Shapiro He would try to destroy the left wing.
- What do you call a flying nun? A bird? A plane?
Nope, nun of the above - Two wrongs don't make a right... ...but two Wrights made a plane
- What sound does a bouncing plane make? Boeing boeing boeing
- What do you call a plane that flies backwards? A receding airline.
- How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon? Intersect it with a plane.
- When is a pentagon not a pentagon? When it's intercepted by a separate plane.
- I know a guy who survived an 8000-foot fall out of a plane. Until he hit the ground.
- What noise does a plane make when it hits the ground? Boeing
- I spent months inventing a wingless plane sadly the idea never took off.
- 3.14% of People in Planes... ...are πlots.
- How do flat-earthers travel? on a plane...
Plane Crash Jokes
Here is a list of funny plane crash jokes and even better plane crash puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider and Dennis Dugan are in a plane and the plane crashes, who will survive? American comedy films.
- Last night, a two-seat, single engine plane crashed in a Polish cemetery. Polish authorities report that they have recovered five hundred bodies so far and believe thousands more may still be found.
- Plane crashed in graveyard Police recovered 2000 bodies.
- Did you hear about the plane that crashed into the trampoline factory? Witnesses heard a loud Boeing!
- Fun WWI fact: There are more crashed planes down at the bottom of the ocean than- -crashed submarines in the sky.
- I hate jokes about airline crashes They're just plane awful.
- Did you hear about the plane that crashed on the way to the ginger convention? Thankfully there were no souls on board.
- Did anyone else witness that jet crashing into the ocean? It was plane to sea.
- What did the neckbeard say to the crashed plane? M'laysian
- So, there's a plane... So there's a plane. The plane crashes, and every single person dies. However, a man goes home and tells his wife about it. How is this possible?
He wasn't single.
Plane Landing Jokes
Here is a list of funny plane landing jokes and even better plane landing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the Flat Earther who went skydiving? He landed on a plane.
- What did Daddy Plane say to his Son when he refused to land? I don't appreciate your altitude right now,
- Grandmother's in a better place now... Her plane landed in Spain half an hour ago.
- 9/11 jokes are like the planes, They don't land
- A German man is leaving a plane after landing in Poland. The immigration officer asks him
"Occupation?" And the German man replies
"No just visiting" - What do bad jokes have in common with the planes on 9/11? They don't stick the landing.
- I took a photo while my plane was landing and got arrested... Apparently, its in-descent exposure.
- If a plane tries to land but can't deploy its wheels, what sound does it make when it bounces off the ground? Boeing
- Did you hear about the Russian plane that had to land in the middle of a corn crop? Don't worry, that pilot is the best in the field.
- Say what you will about terrorism in Europe At least our planes take off and land at an airport.
Plane Landed Jokes
Here is a list of funny plane landed jokes and even better plane landed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Usain Bolt lands at an airport his plane lands 10 minutes later.
- After a plane lands, a man asks the flight attendant. "Is it chilly outside?"
"No sir, I'm afraid we are in Buenos Aires." - A Belgian pilot... A Belgian pilot is landing his plane,
Pilot: wow, what a short runway!
Copilot: yea, but it's sooo wide though! - Chuck Norris' plane was hijacked by terrorists and landed at a foreign country for ransom The demand was to pay $5,000,000 within 24 hours, otherwise Chuck Norris would behead the terrorists.
- TIL that with five minutes of training, anyone can be taught to land a plane. Once.
- Why a Netherlander pilot can't never land his plane? The Flying Dutchman can never make port.
- I used to tell jokes about the planes that crashed on 9/11 But they would never land.
- A pilot was coming in for a landing in France... Right as the plane was about to touch down, the pilot aborted the landing. I guess he had to much Toulouse
- Ahmad, Bilal and Hamza, the flight attendants, helped the passengers out of the plane. 10 minutes later, the plane landed.
- How can you tell when the poms have landed? Because the plane is still whining
Passenger Plane Jokes
Here is a list of funny passenger plane jokes and even better passenger plane puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the stewardess say when the vulture tried to board the plane with two dead raccoons? "Sorry, only one carrion per passenger."
- When I went to the toilet, I left the door open so I could keep watching the movie. The other passengers on the plane were slightly irritated.
- I want to die in my sleep peacefully like my uncle did. Not screaming hysterically like the passengers in the plane he was flying.
- A vulture boards a plane... ...carrying with him two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, "I'm sorry, but we only allow each passenger one carrion."
- Two friends were travelling through plane.. A guy in a plane stood up & shouted: HIJACK!
All passengers got scared
From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back Hi John - Why did the crew of a Southwest flight turn off the No Smoking sign? They figured that if the plane is smoking, the passengers might as well, too.
- A passenger flying the Dutch Airline KLM asked the Captain : "Captain, what do you think is hard, flying a plane or ruling a country?"
"Well that question's so easy I'll let my copilot answer it!" - Firm landings... Pilot: "Daang, I really planted that one!"
Passenger: "Oh, yaa?"
Pilot: "Yah! I bet another plane will grow there!" - A Jihadist enters a building with 500 passengers and a plane.
- How do you know the passengers of the missing plane are alive? A new season of lost is out now!
Hilarious Fun Plane Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about plane you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean train jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plane pranks.
A m**... was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the m**... if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.
They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.
They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....
After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"
Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
Ben Shapiro dies in a plane c**.... Wanna know why it crashes?
LEFT WING DESTROYED
I went skydiving today.
The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?
A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be t**... and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
A Frenchman, a Mexican, and an American are on a plane...
The pilot informs them that they lost an engine and must drop some weight. The frenchman throws a bottle of wine out the window, "we have way too much of this in my country." The Mexican throws out his drugs, "we have way too many of these in my country." The American quickly tosses the Mexican out.
Plane Ride
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."
Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
So people are loading into an airplane
And the pilot of this airplane is blind. At the end of the take off s**... is a huge lake. All the people on the plane are relaxing reading books and talking to each other as the airplane starts to roll down the s**.... A few people see that they are heading towards a lake but they assume the pilot knows what he's doing. The airplane is going dangerously close to the lake and the plane is still not taking off, at this point people are starting panic. The plane is still not taking off and it's way too close to the lake. At this point everyone on the plane is screaming and yelling because the plane is about to plunge into the lake at the end of the s**.... The plane is about 10 feet away from the lake then it lifts off the ground and takes off. The passengers calm down slowly and return to reading and talking . In the front of the plane the pilot laughs to himself and mumbles "one of these days the passengers won't scream and we'll all die."
How do you milk a sheep?
Sell headphone for $549.
So a kid gets on a plane for the first time
and he is really excited about it. He is sitting inside the plane mid-flight when he finds out the plane's a Boeing. So he starts saying "Boeing.. Boeing.. Boeing.."
After a while when he doesn't stop the passengers start getting irritated, and the hostess comes along and tells the boy "Be Silent". So the boy starts "Oeing.. Oeing.. Oeing.. "
Irish and Muslim on a plane
A Muslim was sitting next to p**... on a plane.
p**... ordered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips!"
p**... handed his drink back and said
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"
This used to be my Dad's favorite joke. "The End of the World"
The world is ending by nuclear warfare and there are three men riding on a plane to a fallout shelter where they would be safe and ride out the devastation. The three men are: the president, the pope, and a young hippie.
Suddenly, as they are nearing their destination, the plane malfunctions and is going down quickly. The three passengers look at each other, then realize: there are only two parachutes.
The President hastily grabs a bag and before jumping out of the hatch says," I am God's gift to you all! I rule the United States! I am the leader this world will need! I am the SMARTEST man on this planet!"
Realizing they don't have much time the pope quickly says to the hippie, "My son, you have many more years to live than I, it would only be right for you to seize this opportunity and fulfill-"
The hippie begins laughing, startling the pope into silence, and says, "Don't worry Father, the smartest man on the planet just jumped out of the plane with my backpack on!"
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Italian are all on a plane.
All three are heading to China for 2 months for a business trip. The Frenchman and the Englishman start talking about the night before:
Englishman: "I'll have you know I made love to my wife 3 times and this morning she told me she adored me"
Frenchman: "Ha ha! That is very good my friend, however, I believe I have you beat; last night I made love to my wife 6 times and this morning she told me should would never love anyone else!"
The Englishman congratulates the Frenchman and then they look over at the Italian who hasn't said anything the whole flight.
Englishman: "How many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
Italian: "Once"
Frenchman: "Once? What did she say in the morning?"
Italian: "Don't stop"
I have a kid in africa
which I feed, clothe and school for less than a dollar a day, which is really cheap.
Ofcourse the plane ticket to send him there was quite expensive, but now it's really working out.
(stolen from the awesome Jeselnik)
As airplanes about to c**......
As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
A man was on a plane...
A man was on a plane when a stewardess approached him and said "Would you like some headphones?" To which the man replied "Yes I would, but how did you know my name was Phones?"
*
A British man goes on holiday in Australia...
After getting off the plane in Sydney, the man waits to go through Australian customs.
"Do you have anything to declare?" asks the Australian customs officer.
"No" replies the British man.
"Do you have a criminal record?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know that was still a requirement."
Three men and a parachute
So, a norwegian, a danish and a swedish person are on a private flight. Suddenly, the pilot turns on the speaker and says:
"The plane is malfunctioning and is going to c**.... There's three parachutes, and I'm going to take one. You're going to have to figure out who doesn't get one".
He then proceeds to jump out of the plane.
The three men panic, but the norwegian tells the others to calm down and then says to the swedish person: "Here. You take one, we'll figure out who gets the last one." And the swedish jumps.
The norwegian then turns to the danish person and says: "Let's grab the chutes and get out of this thing."
The danish says, very confused:" But you just gave the second to last parachute to that swedish guy? There's only one left now."
To which the norwegian replies: "Relax man, I gave him my backpack."
George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...
and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane c**... early this morning.
Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.
Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"
Getting on a plane . . .
. . . I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to LA, and send one to Miami."
She told me, "We can't do that!"
I told her, "Well you did it last week!"
A bearded guy
A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."
So I'm making a TV series about a plane h**.....
We've just shot the pilot.
I thought of this joke this morning in the shower
A professional baseball team is at the airport flying home after a huge victory, and the team manager decides to splurge by buying first class tickets for everyone. Excited to fly in luxury, everyone boards the plane. The team quickly realizes, though, that they failed to reserve enough seats. Nobody is quite sure what to do, but eventually a rookie on the team stands up and shouts "put me in coach!"
Henry Winkler on a plane
Henry Winkler is a passenger on a plane and the flight attendant asks him, "Would you like some headphones?"
He replies, "Yes, that would be very nice, but it's pronounced 'Fonz'."
Literary position.
Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.
"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"
"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."
"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."
I got arrested at the airport last week.
Appearently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding the plane.
Why did Harrison Ford c**... his plane?
because he was flying solo and went look no hans...
Fox News has determined the cause of the recent plane c**....
It was the left wing.
A plane was going down....
A plane was going down and the captain said to the passengers "I'm sorry everyone we are going to c**... in a few minutes" The passengers looked at each other in fear. One woman got out of her seat and yelled "Before I die I want a man to make me feel like a real woman!" a man a few rows back got out of his seat and said "I will!" she smiled and ran up to him. He then took his shirt off and said "Here, iron this"
A plane just landed...
Little Kid: "Were almost home now they just have to park the plane."
His Dad: "Better hope they dont forget to put the parking brake on so we dont go back up."
I heard this on my plane ride and the Dad's family looked like they wanted to spit on him for his magnificent Dad joke.
Stewardess
Yes, Sir?
I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.
Captain, shut up and land the plane.
If you were arrested for m**... on a plane...
....they would have to charge you with hi-jacking
I'm using Internet Explorer to post this, so it might be a bit delayed...
But there's a plane heading towards the twin towers right now.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Do you have any helicopter flavored chips?"
The Bartender says "No, we only have plane"
A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.
A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.
A woman has a heart attack in a plane.
The stewardess asks "Is there a doctor on board?".
A person comes forward and announces "I'm a vegan."
Why do you never see a pregnant plane?
They always go to the hanger.
A Man Has a Heart Attack on a Plane...
Stewardess: Is **anybody** here a doctor?!
Man: (Raising Hand) I'm a vegan.
So... a German is getting ready to enter in a plane to Poland.
"Occupation?" - The officer asks.
"Occupation? No! I'm here to visit!"
Two pilots are landing a plane.
Two pilots are preparing to land and they're coming in hot. The wheels touch the tarmac and before you know it they're off the other end. 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. Glass and bags go everywhere.
When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
The co-pilot says" Yeah, but wasn't it wide!
Do not fap on a plane..
Unless you enjoy h**...
Did you know there are more planes in the ocean..
Than submarines in the sky?
I was on this plane once...
Captain sets for take off and we are 35000 feet in the air, the captain then sets his mic down but forgets to turn it off.
The captain turns to the co-pilot and says "all I could use right now is a b**... and a cup of coffee".
The stewardess starts running from the back of the plane to tell the captain he still has his mic on.
A guy in the back of the plane screams out "hey hun, don't forget the coffee!".
I'm on a plane and I see my friend Jack.
Instinctively I say, "Hi Jack!"
Still don't understand why I was detained.
A rabbi and a priest...
take a group of kids on a spiritual trip to the Holy Land. During the flight, the pilot announces,
" The plane is going down, we only have two parachutes. I'm taking one. You guys figure out who gets the other one"
The priest says, " We should give it to one of the kids."
The rabbi grabs the c**... and says, " I have a life to live! F*c**... the kids! "
The priest thinks, and says,
"Do you think we have time?? "
I was getting off an airplane, when I passed a little boy who was waving and saying "Bye, plane!"...
"No, this isn't a biplane." I said, as the kid's dad immediately gave me a condescending look.
I went on, "You can't tell its s**... preference based just on how it looks."
An asian asks for help at an airport...
Asian: "why is my plane late? It said it would be here at 6:30."
Airplane help guy: "fluctuations."
Asian: "fluck you americans too."
Why did the soviet plane c**...?
It was stalin
A mathematician is afraid of flying
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."
A k**... passenger grinningly exposed himself to a stewardess as he boarded the plane.
"I'm sorry," said the woman, "but you'll have to show me your ticket, not your stub."
A plane is about to c**...
A female passenger gets up and frantically announces, "if I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "here iron this."
Flight back home
Guy was boarding a plane to go back home from a business trip.
As he was boarding another passenger asks him: "our flight looks full what do you think they will do??"
The Asian man flying back home says "beats me"
I thought opening a door for a woman was polite
But she just screamed and flew out of the plane
I got kicked off a plane today.
All I did was greet my friend Jack whom I haven't seen in years.
A man tried smuggling sausage and v**... out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.
The whole event was pretty terrible.
It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.
Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?
As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
A man walks into a bar, and sees King Kong having a drink...
Now, the man loves all of Kong's films, so he decides to walk up to him. He says, "wow! King Kong! I'm such a big fan. Sorry to bother you, but do you have time for a photo? "
King Kong suddenly looks up, checks his watch.
He turns to the man and says "sorry, I've a plane to catch".
On the plane
A businessman travels on the plane, first class. He tries to start a conversation with beautiful stewardess:
-What's your name?
-Angela Benz, sir.
-That is a beautiful name! Is there any connection with Mercedes Benz?
-Yes, sir. A very close one.
-How close?
-Same price.
To all the people who stand up as soon as the plane has landed...
You must suffer from p**... evacuation.
The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -
The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.
S. W.
I got taken off a plane in handcuffs today.
All I did was greet my friend Jack.
I called a s**... hotline in saudi arabia
they got excited and asked me if i could fly a plane
I was on a plane recently and the stewardess said that in the event of an accident i had to stick my head between my legs.
I couldn't help thinking,
'if i could do that i wouldn't be flying to Thailand in the first place.'
