Plan Loved Jokes
34 plan loved jokes and hilarious plan loved puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about plan loved that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Plan Loved Short Jokes
Short plan loved jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The plan loved humour may include short plan jokes also.
- There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them He's in love with the shape of u
- I had trouble making friends in college, but then came up with a foolproof plan. I started telling girls I love them. Their first reaction was to say let's just be friends.
- I love sunny side up eggs. But no matter how far in advance I plan to make one... ...I always wind up scrambling at the last minute.
- I suggested that the call centre I work at should use the A-Team theme tune as their hold music and my boss agreed I love it when a plan comes together
- What's worst than being just a procrastinator... Being caught in an infinite loop because of being a procrastinator who loves to plan.
- Sure, I may not be in a relationship, but I am three people's plan B and someone's maybe if we're ever the last two people on Earth.
- At college football games, there's advertisements everywhere. Companies love presenting moments of the game. Though it was ironic seeing Planned Parenthood presenting the "Delivery of the Game."
- KC & The Sunshine Band are sad Blockbuster have closed down. They had plans to do a little dance, make a little love and get Downton out.
- what should you never say to a bossy person planning the f**... of a loved one "who died and put you in charge?"
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Plan Loved One Liners
Which plan loved one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with plan loved? I can suggest the ones about building plan and planned parenthood.
- "I love it when a plan comes ogether" "You missed a 't'"
"No, I'm Hannibal". - aplan Don't you love it when a plan comes together?
Delightful Fun Plan Loved Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about plan loved you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean planning officer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make plan loved pranks.
Women are discussing their s**... life.
- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it's going to be when it's ready.
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.
Their lovers happened to be at the f**... home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a p**... of chili, so he can tear my a**... up just one more time."
Because it wasn't good for Adam to be all by himself, the Lord came down for a visit.
"Adam," the Lord said, "I have a plan to make you a very happy man. I'm going to give you a companion who will fulfill your every need and desire. She will be loving, and beautiful, and faithful. She will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."
Adam was stunned, "That sounds incredible!"
"I'm glad you like the idea, but it doesn't come cheap." The Lord replied. "It will cost you an arm and a leg."
"That's a pretty high price to pay," Adam said. "What can I get for a rib?"
My son is doing a social experiment for school.
He plans on wearing an "I love Liberals" shirt out in public and will be recording the interactions with others. So far he has been cussed at, spit at, slapped, and even threatened. Im afraid what will happen when he actually leaves the house.
Financial Planning like a pro
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. His sickly father told Dan he was going to inherit the business and a fortune but his father's one wish was to see Dan get married and settled before he passed on.
One evening, Dan went to a financial planning seminar, It was given by the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was bright and personable to boot. Dan fell in love at first sight. He told her, "I may look pretty ordinary, but my father will probably die soon and I will inherit the family business and a large fortune. Impressed, the woman asked Dan for his business card, and three weeks later, she became his stepmother.
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.
Their lovers happened to be at the f**... home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a p**... of chili, so he can tear my a**... up just one more time."
Thanks to u/DiscerningPervert for this one
What women say and what they really mean.
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
... without you in it.
DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't fought for a while.
NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
... you cheap slob!
I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.
COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.
I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.
OF COURSE, I LOVE YOU.
... just not in that way.
YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.
A college girl from Wisconsin wants to learn about her heritage...
So she decides to take a month long trip around Germany. Now, as a college student, she's dead broke so she hits on a plan to make some spending cash.
A month later, she's back in Wisconsin and her mother says So Gertrude, how did you like the fatherland?
I loved it , Gertrude gushed. I learned so much about German culture. Once, I had a Frankfurter, a Hamburger and a Berliner all at the same time!
Gosh! , says her mother. You must have been stuffed! Could you even walk after that?!
Not for days , says Gertrude, but it was worth it, the money from the video paid for my food for the whole trip!
My son came out to me yesterday. I'm so disappointed.
I love my son, but this is tearing me up inside. I always thought I would be able to handle something like this, but this really is tough. It impacts so much of our relationship and family time. I mean, I had planned this big family dinner Sunday evening. (I smoked an awesome roast pork, I was so excited.) But I had to cancel it because of his choice. And it IS a choice. I don't know what to do at this point. Seriously, how have any of you handled your child going vegan?
Clever kid.
A couple wants some private time, but their flat is small and they can't guarantee that their young son won't be able to hear them. In the end they come up with a plan- every time they want to make love they tell their son to stand out on the balcony and describe everything he sees (this way they get warning when he's about to come back in). So one evening the kid stands on the balcony and says "It's dark and the stars are out. I can see orion! A lot of the flats have their lights on. There's a man walking his dog, the Johnsons are having s**......"
The couple leap out of bed "what?! How can you tell that the Johnsons are having s**...?"
"I can see little Timmy Johnson standing out on their balcony."
Afternoon s**... when you have kids......
Afternoon s**...
Love what kids come up with...they know so much they are not
given credit for.
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**... with
their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on
the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all
the neighborhood activities...
- "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he
shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into
operation:
- "An ambulance just drove by!"
- "Looks like the Anderson s have company," he called out.
- "Matt's riding a new bike!"
- "Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
- "Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced...
- "The Coopers are having s**...."
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're
having s**...?"
Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a
Popsicle."
Two hunters with a cunning plan
These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a cunning plan.
They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call.
Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.
They called again, the bull answered closer to them.
They called again, the bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, let's get out and get him!"
After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts - "THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!"
The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass, but you better start to brace yourself!"
A Husband working in UK wrote to his wife in India.
Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected
my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.
Your loving husband,
His wife replied
Hey hubby
Thanks for the 100 kisses.
Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of
the monthly rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only,so I gave him other items, I hope
you understand.
5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can
survive the month using this balance.
Shall I plan the same for the next month?
Your
Some of my favorite SFW jokes
Some of my personal favorite ones:
A snail gets mugged by a gang of turtles. When the police show up and ask what happened the snail say " I don't know, it happened so fast..."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver say "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen. ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her "The driver just insulted me!" The man say, "you go right up there and tell him off--I'll hold your monkey for you."
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to co-ordinate their travel schedules...so, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address and without realizing his error he sent the e mail to somewhere in Houston. A widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. Her son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor and couldn't imagine what happened to her until he looked up at the computer screen and read...
TO: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date: January 12, 2008.
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. Your Loving Husband
P.S. Sure is hot down here!!
And finally,
A man goes into the confessional box. He finds on one wall a small bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a box of the finest Cuban cigars. On the seat is the latest copy of p**.... Finally, the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting these days." The priest replies, "Get out. You're on the my side."
The week before senior prom the two young lovers anxiously planned the consummation of their love. Even though they had just met they knew it was right.
Tammy was going to secure the hotel reservation
and set up the alibi so that neither's parents
would know. Jimmy was given the unenviable
task of purchasing condoms. Having no idea
what he was doing he enlisted the help of the
man at the counter who advised him that a
package of 12 would be best.
Prom night began with dinner at Tammy's house.
After Grace was said and the dinner blessed
Jimmy's head remained bowed with his face in
his hands. When the pause became
uncomfortable Tammy leaned in and whispered
"I had no idea that you were so religious" to
which he replied:
"I had no idea your father was a Pharmacist"
[edit] format for mobile
[edit] I thought the post was funny and now I think comments are...
A guy really loved beans...
...so much that he had to stop eating them because they gave him horrible gas. After a couple of months, he went out to eat and decided to cave in just this one time since he'd been doing so well. He ended up eating 3 bowls of beans before his girlfriend called to make dinner plans. He knew he was going to be gassy, but he figured he could work it out. So that night, he goes over to his girlfriend's house. When he gets there, she tells him that she has a surprise for him but wants to blindfold him. She does, and leads him through the house and to the dining room table. She says she'll be right back, and he hears her leave. After just a few seconds, he gets a familiar rumble in his stomach. The urge to f**... is so great, but knowing his girlfriend is not in the room, he leans all the way to one side and lets it rip. Then the smell. He almost gagged himself, it was horrible. He waved his arms trying to dissipate the smell, and it seemed to go away just before his girlfriend came back in. "Ready?" She asked. He nodded, so she took off the blindfold. She yells, "surprise!" All of the other guests just stood there looking horrified.
Husband & Wife Diary Entries
Wife's Diary
Bob has been acting so weird lately. Yesterday, we had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for supper. I'd been shopping with Jenny all day, so I thought he was upset because I was a bit late, but he didn't say anything about it.
Conversation over supper wasn't flowing, so I asked him what was wrong; He said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
Tonight, when he came home from work, he skipped supper altogether, piddled in the garage for two hours, then headed straight for his recliner and sat there quietly staring at the TV. When I asked him about the fire they'd just covered on the news, he said he hadn't followed the story. It had just been on!
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed, but he was distant and distracted. He didn't even kiss me goodnight -- he just fell asleep. I lay there for hours wondering what was wrong. I don't know how to reach him. I don't know what to do.
Husband's Diary:
Boat still won't start. Can't figure it out.
A young couple had been dating for a while but hadn't yet done the deed...
A young couple had been together for several weeks but had not yet had s**.... Alexa, the girl, says to her boyfriend John, "we can have s**... if you can make a good impression on my parents over dinner."
John gets so excited, it being his first time, that he runs straight to the pharmacy to pick up condoms. Because he had never done this before, he consults the pharmacist on which brand he should get. They talk a while about which brands are best for what, given his size, how much s**... he's planning to have, how k**... it will be, etc. Eventually John decides on the Family Pack, figuring it covered all his bases.
John arrives at Alexa's house that night and he, Alexa, and the parents sit down for dinner. Alexa's father asks John if he'd like to say grace. John nervously bows his head and goes on and on thanking the Lord for the dinner, thanking Alexa's parents for their hospitality. He prays for a good ten minutes and, even after he had finished, he keeps his head bowed throughout the entire meal.
As he is getting up to leave, Alexa comes up to him. "That was great honey. I think you made a great impression on my parents. Your grace was lovely, I never knew you were so religious!" To which he replied, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist."
An Illinois man…
…left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
DEAREST WIFE,
JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
YOUR LOVING HUSBAND
P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE
A young man shows up...
...to pick up a girl, Carrie, for their first date. When he rings the doorbell, Carrie's father answers the door and says, "Carrie is still getting ready, but she'll come downstairs in a few minutes. Why don't you come in and tell me what your plans are for this evening?"
The young man replies, "Well, sir, I guess I just figured we'd go to a soda shop or see a movie or something."
To which the father replies, "Well, those are nice ideas, but you know what Carrie really loves? She loves to screw. Why, she'd screw all night if you let her. Why don't you two do that?"
To which the young man delightedly replies, "Well, yes, that sounds like a great idea!"
Just then Carrie comes down the stairs and the couple leaves.
A few minutes later she bursts back into the house, slams the door and yells, "d**... Daddy, it's called the twist!"