The Best 61 Plain Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Plain jokes. There are some plain sugary jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these plain bagel puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Plain Jokes and Puns

Ever since I became a pilot, I can only eat one type of bagel.

Plain.

A cowboy is riding across the plain one day,

when he sees an Indian chief laying on the ground with his ear pressed firmly to the earth. Never having seen this before, the cowboy says "Hey chief whatcha doin there." The chief in broken english says "Ugg, buffalo come." The cowboy says "That's amazing chief, how can you tell?" The Chief reply's "Ear sticky."

I prefer loose leaf paper over plain white paper...

...the plain white stuff is too unruly.

Plain joke, I prefer loose leaf paper over plain white paper...

I went to an ASDA Cafe for lunch

Yesterday i was shopping in ASDA and decide to have lunch in the Cafe, i ordered a plain burger and chips.

when i got to the counter to pay the woman said,

"A plain burger, that's a bit boring isn't it? are you sure you don't want anything on it?"

to which i replied,

"Oh go on then! i'll have £5 each way..."

50,000 battered women a year...

And I still eat mine plain!


A young bride and groom to be

A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me" she asked the rather elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day.

Mr T and I were thinking about scaling a glass wall.

We were looking at the standard equipment and the fancy equipment too. I selected the most basic suction device for my ascent, and suggested Mr T do likewise.

He looked at me and said, "I ain't using no plain sucker!"

Plain joke, Mr T and I were thinking about scaling a glass wall.

My local Greek restaurant just started serving tacos and burritos....

I tried it earlier today and it turns out it's plain old Greecey Mexican food.

I go to the Jim every morning

Are you thin? Are you overweight? Are you fighting the battle of the bulge? Do you have a sedentary lifestyle? Are you plain lazy? Do you have someone or the other always telling you to go to the gym?

Here's something for you...

"Instead of calling my bathroom the John, I call it the Jim.
That way it sounds a lot better when I tell people I go to the Jim first thing every morning :-)"

car trouble

Wife: There's trouble with the car. I think it has water in the carburettor.

Husband: Water in the carburettor? That's plain daft.

Wife: I'm telling you the car has water in the carburettor.

Husband: Don't be silly, You don't even know what a carburettor is. how would you know there is water in the carburettor? "

Wife: darling, I figured there would be some water in the carburetor if the car is in the swimming pool."

This one got my coworkers

The stewardess on my flight asked me what snack I would like.
I told her "The plain chips would be fine.
She says "They are all plane chips, sir."

You can explore plain simple reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean plain serengeti dad jokes. There are also plain puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


50,000 battered women in America every year..

and I've been eating mine plain this whole time.

When I was your age...

When I was your age, before the Internet, there was none of this e-bola. We just had plain bola. And you know what? We were thankful.

An aviation enthusiast enters a bar.

He asks, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender laughs and says, "Sorry, we only have plain chips."

A boy and his father are playing catch

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.

"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."

Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."

The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter.)

Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.

The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I"?

40% of women in the world are battered...

And I've been eating mine plain this whole time.

Plain joke, 40% of women in the world are battered...

Today I learned that 48% of women in the U.S. are battered...

and to think I've been eating mine plain for all these years.

TIL that 1 in 3 Women are Battered.

...And to think I have been eating them plain all this time.

Women are like numbers ...

* Some are Rational, but infinitely more are Irrational.

* The Real ones might be Proper or Improper, but only the Imaginary ones are ever Pure.

* Some are Natural, the rest are Negative, or just not there.

* Some are Prime, but those are hard to find.

* Every other one is just plain Odd.


There are 4 million battered women in the US.

But I like mine plain.

What type of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel

why were the people in the twin towers so upset?

They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain

Terrorists now have a brand new state of the art weapon that can be hidden in plain sight

The Galaxy Note 7

Dumb Nirvana Joke

I was gonna tell a Dumb Nirvana joke About a girl I knew named Polly that lived On a Plain. Her favorite drink was Pennyroyal tea with crackers and Mexican Seafood, she had a sliver in her finger and once had an Aneurysm at School but Nevermind that.

I love to build things...

I love hammering, I love sawing, and I love sanding.

But drilling is just plain boring.

What's the difference between a man in plain clothes riding a unicycle and a man in a tuxedo riding a bike?

Attire

I suffer from a mental condition where I am unconciously forced to ask for food in the wrong sequence, and sometimes I just plain ask for things that aren't on the menu, anyway...

It's a this order disorder disorder disorder.

Why did 9/11 happen?

Because someone ordered a pepperoni pizza but got plain instead.

What's a pilot's favorite kind of bagel?

Plain

Apparently people don't like pictures of a Boeing 737

Maybe it's just too plain

Medical Term

A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to. When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

How did the heckawii indians get their name?

They split off from a larger tribe and fallowed a river, they walked for weeks and months until finally coming to a great plain, the Indian chief looked at the medicine man and said "where the heck are we?"

What's a pilot's favorite kind of yogurt?

Plain.

A man walks into a convenience store

and he asks the clerk, do you have any helicopter flavored chips? The clerk responds, no, we just have plain.

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring.

As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.

"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"

With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,
"One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."

I matched with this guy on Tinder. He said he wasn't like your average single Pringle – he was like a Dorito, edgy and spicy.

I hooked up with him. He definitely wasn't plain round.

Quaker home defense

one night john had come home for the day, exhausted from being plain and keeping thoughts to himself and went straight to bed. During the night someone broke in and this roused him from his sleep. leaping into action john grabbed his musket and charged downstairs. upon meeting the robber he leveled his musket and yelled

"friend I don't mean to alarm you but you're standing between me and where I want to shoot"

What's an airline pilots favourite crisp flavour?

Plain

What is a daleks favourite breakfast

Eggs, plain

The best pizza I ever had was just a plain dough base

Nothing topped that.

Alcohol Free Beer

Is a lot like going down on your sister.
 
It tastes the same but it's just plain wrong.

A young zebra escapes from the zoo and meets a stallion in a nearby valley

The stallion was fascinated and asked the zebra "where do you come from and what do you do?" the zebra replied "I come from Africa and I just chill with my friends on the plain"
Then the zebra asked the stallion "what are you and what do you do?" and the stallion replied "I'm a stallion, get your pyjamas off and i'll show you"

A small, plain looking guy is sitting by himself in a bar.

All evening girls walk up to his table, talk to him for a bit and then they both head out the door and come back 30 minutes later.
Another guy, getting no action at all, beckons over the bartender and asks if he knows what the guy's secret is.
"Beats me" says the bartender. "All he does is sit there licking his eyebrows."

I told my doctor that I was unable to do all the things around the house that I used to do.

The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but found nothing wrong with me. When the examination was completed, I said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me" "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just very lazy." "Okay," I said , "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

A friend calls his engineer friend

A friend calls his engineer friend. What are you doing? He asks. The engineer answers "I'm in the middle of the project hydro thermal behavior of porcelain glass and metals under a controlled high-pressured environment". I am not sure I understand, can you explain it in plain language?. And the engineer answers "I'm washing the dishes and my wife is watching me"

Helicopter flavored potato chips?

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

Poaching defenseless, innocent wild animals is just plain wrong

They're much better roasted.

Animals getting frisky

A father and son are standing on a hill looking out over a plain. Seeing a pair of animals getting intimate, the son turns to his father and says "Dad, why is that buffalo getting on top of another boy buffalo? Is it gay?"

The father turns to the son to admonish him.

"You shouldn't be judgemental of another person or animal for the sexuality!"

While he says this, the same buffalo mounts a female.

"Anyway, it's bison."

What do you call jokes about 9/11 and why are they generally not funny?

Too plain jokes

Wanted: One Night Stand

I'm moving soon and my room is really empty and lonely. I have a bed in my room and I am looking for one night stand. I prefer black, but a darker brown will do. I would also like it to be unique, not some plain night stand you would pick up from Walmart.

Woman goes to a doctor with a tampon lodged inside her...

Doctor: So how did this happen?

Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!

Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?

Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear

One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...

...no strings attached!

If liberals are libtards...

Doesn't that make republicans just plain ole retards?

I keep hearing about all these battered women...

All these years I've been eating them plain.

The Tea Party

Mom went shopping, leaving Dad in charge of their daughter. Suzie was about 18 months old and loved playing with her new tea set. Dad was engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea' (really just plain water).

He praised her good 'cooking,' so she brought him more. After several cups of 'tea,' and much praise, Mom came home.

"Honey, watch this," said Dad and had her wait in the living room as Suzie brought him another cup of tea.

"Isn't she just the cutest?"

Mom waited until he had polished off yet another cup of 'tea' before asking, "Did you ever think that the only place a baby can get water is the toilet?!"

What kind of biscuits fly?

The plain ones

I walked into the store and asked "do you have any helicopter flavoured chips?"

The cashier says "no , we just have plain".

What type of bagles can fly?

Plain bagles

[sciency] two men walked walked into a bar, one ordered plain H2O and the other said 'H2O too please'

Needless to say, the Second one died

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.

Before Elon Musk got into electric cars...

... he was plain old Lon Musk

Climate change is causing people to move into hilly and mountainous regions

According to one expert on YouTube it is plain unsettling.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the plain ordinary jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working plain hazelnut piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes