Plague Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Only 1300's kids will get this..

The Black Plague

About 4,000 years ago:

God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!

Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*

God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!

A teacher asks her class to come up with a sentence...

...that contains the word "contagious."

Amy stands up and says "Last week my mummy had the flu. It was contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Then Becky stands up and says "a long time ago the Bubonic Plague affected a lot of Europe and because it was very contagious a lot of people died." "Very good," says the teacher. "One more?"

Little Johnny then stands up and says "my next door neighbour recently started painting his house with a two-inch brush. My Daddy says it'll take the contagious."

Only 1300's kids will get this...

bubonic plague

Played Plague inc and chose to infect by food only

I couldn't reach africa

Ebola Plague

The CDC has confirmed that the recent Ebola outbreak is now the second disease in history to be known as the "black death".

Did you hear the one about the plague?

Barely anyone has gotten it in the past 600 years.

What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?

"Aw *hail* naw!"

I played plague inc and choose to upgrade infect by food

Now i can't infect africa

Bubonic plague inflames your lymph nodes.

But pneumonic plague helps you to remember things

It's stupid when people say God hates homosexuals

If he did, wouldn't he devise some plague to wipe them out?

How did the ghost's family die?

They Caught the Boo-bonic plague.

Am I going to Rio?

No. I'd avoid it like the plague.

I told my friend i couldn't hang out because i have the bubonic plague

He just said "aw rats" and walked off

A plague doctor tips his mask...

Malady.

You guys know about the black plague?

Which disease do hobbits fear the most?

The Bilbonic plague.

What are the funniest plague jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Plague? Well, here are the best Plague puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Plague pick up lines to share with friends.

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