The Best 63 Place Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Place jokes. There are some place olie jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these place dirty places puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Place Jokes and Puns
I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.
Always walkin around like they rent the place.
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
(
So my girlfriend got a new tattoo......
Of a seashell located on her inner thigh, and the best part is if you place your ear next to it you can smell the ocean.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. She just holds it in place, while the world revolves around her. * Beverly Hills ninja edit... rotates to revolves
My Local Pizza Place Just Folded
Now they serve Calzones.
Where's the best place for a horse to grow up?
In a stable environment.
Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.
Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.
Oh the irony.
I'm starting to get self-conscious about my body odour...
On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.
Pedro was driving down a street when...
Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
Had a house party last night
...and there's always one left over! Laid on the floor in the corner, still that drunk? He couldn't even stand! Asked him where he lived, then dragged him down the driveway to my car, his legs all over the place, picked him up, threw him inside, & took him home. Dragged him up to his house & knocked on his front door, "I've brought your son home."
His mother replied, "Where is his wheel chair?"
You can explore place meet reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean place lodge dad jokes. There are also place puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A Mexican man was visiting America.
He wanted to go to a genuine American baseball game so that when he went home, he could tell his family all about it, but when he got there the game was sold out, so he climbed to the top of the flag pole to get a good look.
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands, and all the players, stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"
Where do suicide bombers go after they die
All over the place
Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital?
In the ICU.
A bank is a place that will lend you money
if you can prove that you don't need it.
These Bowling Green Massacre jokes are too soon
Out of respect, we should at least wait until it takes place.
Why does the government use microwaves to spy on you?
Because it's the one place you can't put tin foil.
I took an epileptic girl to a rave
I jokingly told her, "I hear this place has rave reviews", but she just rolled her eyes at me.
A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar
Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."
The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."
Where's the best place to hide after committing murder?
Behind a badge.
I keep getting hit by the same bike, at the same time and place, day after day...
It's a vicious cycle.
In the original 'Good Will Hunting' script, there is a surprise gay sex scene between the two straight leads. It was purposely put there as a test to see if studios actually read the script. Harvey Weinstein was the only producer who mentioned the scene
Weinstein said that the sex scene usually takes place before he approves a movie
Cops turned up at my place last night
"I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a car..."
I said "Yes but she has a great personality."
Why does Kevin Spacey never get 1st place in races?
Because he likes to come in a little behind.
What did microsoft say to the attractive girl in the room?
Can I crash at your place tonight?
I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...
In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.
What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless?
2nd place in a presidential election.
I'm reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who needs some help!
His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.
When he came back he handed her some diet pills.
Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Can you help him?
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
He has two in his boat when the police approach him.
The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.
"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."
So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.
"Call who back?"
I went to a restaurant.
It was full; no place to sit...
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else...
Six couples ran away
**INFINITY WAR SPOILERS**
Ok now that all the nerds are gone, there's a party going on at my place this Saturday. hmu if you're interested.
I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold.
I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, I'm so sorry
... but you can't count Missouri twice.
I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..
...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.
I was in a long McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.
Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.
The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.
Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.
Don't honk your horn at old people.
I entered my Chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and I won first place!
My dog came in third.
To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....
How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
A British man was talking to his friend about his views on Brexit...
"These bloody immigrants come over here. They're up to no good, right? I hate these bloody immigrants. They need to go back to where they came from."
His friend replies with "But why do you hate them so much?"
The British man replies, "I'll tell you why I hate them, I'll tell you why. It's because they're not even trying to be British. That's why. They don't even TRY to be British. They come here, and bring their own bloody culture. They bring their own food, spit their own bloody languages, try to take over the whole bloody place."
His friend replies with "Well, that sounds British to me"
Common English Mistakes
Common English Mistakes
-mixing up there, their, and they're
-using the wrong too, to, or two
-putting commas in the wrong place
-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches
-using apostrophes for plurals
Change for a $15 bill
An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.
He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.
He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"
The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"
Just went to a BBQ place..
Me: I'll have 6 ribs please
Waiter: We only serve those in quantities of 3, 5, 7, or 13.
Turns out it was prime rib.
How many boomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they'll all resist change even if it makes the world a brighter place.
How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one.All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves aroudn him.
A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.
By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.
After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm sorry, pal. I put all five shots in the wall."
"I'm sorry, too," replied the other, "because I put all of mine into your target."
Why's a graveyard the safest place in quarantine?
Everybody's 6 feet away
Where is the worst place to hide if you are having a game of hide and seek in a hospital ?
The ICU
This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
I encountered a milf at a bar last night
although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy
we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time
then, she asked me flirtatiously
"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet".
She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys
opens her door
turn on the light
and she yells towards upstairs
"Mom, are you still awakeοΌ
A man with 12 kids was trying to rent a house. However, no landowner would allow him to rent their house due to the number of children he had. Frustrated, the man told his wife to visit her father's tombstone and bring all but their youngest child with her.
He then visited a property and told the landowner that he would like to rent the place.
"Is this your only child?" asked the landowner.
"No, I have 12 children" replied the man.
"Then where are the other 11 kids?"
"In the cemetery with my wife," he calmly replied.
Did you hear about the house the lesbians built?
Not a stud in the place, it's all tongue 'n' groove
How do you keep Texans and their politics in Texas?
Place a "Welcome to California" sign on every road leading out of Texas. They'll turn right around.
*Edit*: Hey, hey, hey. If you don't like the joke, downvote ME. Leave my commenters alone!
A girl walks up to her mother and asks, "Mommy, why am I named Clover?"
"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."
Then, her other daughter walks up. "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?"
"Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."
Finally, her son walks up to her. "Those names make sense, but why am I named *Cakeday?"*
His mother sighs. "Your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."
My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body...
I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.
A Soviet Jew applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.
As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.
I see that you want to move to Israel? asks the KGB interrogator. The Jewish man nods.
Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?
Yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?
Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?
Yeah, I can't complain.
So, Jew, why do you want to move to Israel?
Because There I can complain!
Not Earth!
God was looking for a place to take a vacation.
An angel suggested, "How about Earth?"
God said; "Are you kidding? I hooked up with a Jewish girl there 2000 years ago, and they STILL haven't stopped talking about it!"
A guy calls the RV place where he bought his travel trailer to ask what he needs to do to winterize it.
The guy says, bring it on over and I'll summarize it for you.
The owner of the trailer says, no, I need it WINTERβ¦β¦never mind! I'll figure it out myself!
Two condoms are walking through town one night looking for a decent bar for a drinking session
As they walk past a gay bar one turns to the other and says
"How about this place, we can get proper shit-faced"
Where is a pirate's favorite place to eat?
Arrrby's
Big Feet
A lady goes into a bar and sees a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He has the biggest feet she's ever seen. The woman asks the cowboy if what they say about men with big feet is true. The cowboy replies, "Sure is, why don't you come back to my place and let me prove it?" The woman is curious, so she spends the night with him. When she sees him the next day, she hands the cowboy a $100 bill.
"I'm flattered," he says, blushing. "Nobody has ever paid me for my prowess before." "Well, don't be," the woman replies. "Take this money and go buy yourself some boots that fit!"
A big bar chain opened a bar on Mount Everest.
Naturally a lot of people were really excited to be able to have a few drinks in the highest place in the world.
There was a lot of buzz and excitement about this new bar but when it came to opening day. The opening ceremony was poor, the drinks tasted bad and the service was terrible.
Everyone was bitterly disappointed that the bar did meet their expectations.
A lesson was learnt that day by the owners of the Everest Bar.
Don't set the bar so high.
Why is the deep south US the safest place to relocate during the zombie apocalypse?
Toothless zombies can't bite.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the place put jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working place plac piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.