plac Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious plac puns

Where's the best place to hide after committing murder?

Behind a badge.


Where's the best place for a horse to grow up?

In a stable environment.

Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.


I went to a place in France last week

It was nice.


She said: "Come to my place on Saturday. There will be nobody home."

So I went to her place and rang the doorbell. There was nobody home.


I couldn't get a place at the local library

...........they were completely booked


what's the best place to drown a hipster?

in the main stream


Where is the best place to hide after killing someone?

Behind a badge..


Where is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of a Google result.


Why is the best place to teach physics on top of a cliff?

Because that's where the students have the most potential


I got second place in a star gazing competition once.

The winner got a telescope, but all I got was a constellation prize.


Came second place in a Fidel Castro lookalike competition.

Close, but no cigar.


What's better than getting second place at the special Olympics?

Not being retarded


What's the best place to find anonymous tips?

A glory hole.


Where is the best place to hide if you are running from the police

Rick astleys house he's never gonna give you up


Not sure if this is the right place for this but it was suggested I cross-post here (from ShittyPoetry). So here's my holiday story, 'Twas The Night Before Fapmas. Enjoy!

'Twas the night before Fapmas, alone in my house

One hand on my penis, the other on the mouse

Her stockings were drawn up to her tight thighs with care

And above her lady bits she had shaved off her hair

The actress was disrobed all bare on her bed

When entered a hung dude about to get head

My hand it was lubed up all warm in my lap

I had just settled in for a long winter's fap

My lips formed a grin like a perverted Mad Hatter

And took to my deed with the goal of a splatter

Away to my penis I started to mash

As the man in the film mounted for a big smash

The sheen on her breasts looked of new fallen snow

With the glean of saliva from a slop given blow

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

But another guy entering the chick by the rear

With his cock he did drive her so lively and quick

I knew in a moment this guy gave mad dick

More rapid than eagles his member it came

And he grunted, and shouted, and called out her name

Now Jenna! Or Sasha! Or Amy! Or Jennifer

On Lisa! Or Eva! Or Sylvia or whoever!

To the top of the car hood! Up against the wall!

Now hump away! Hump away! Hump away all!

As the lube on my member through friction did dry

I reached for the bottle for which to apply

A squeeze and in seconds the fluid did spew

With a new dose of KY it was time for round two

And then, in a twinkling, I heard like a spoof

The chick say I'm cumming though there was zero proof

As I worked on my head and was squirming around

Down her chimney he drove with an exerted sound

He was dressed in birthday suit, from his head to his foot

And his unit had no marks from the place it was put

His bundle of toys had her now on her back

And he looked like a guy about to unload his sack

Her eyes – how they twinkled! Her breasts were so merry!

Her cheeks were like roses, as re-popped her cherry!

Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow

And the beard of his chin tickled her down below

The stump of his pipe she held soft in her teeth

And she wrapped her lips around his hard piece like a wreath

He had a broad face and a little round belly

That shook when he pumped like a bowl full of jelly

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself

A wink of his eye and as he got himself head

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work

And filled all her stockings; I continued to jerk

And laying his load all over her nose

He let out a sigh and triumphantly rose

He sprang to his feet and gave his friend a whistle

And away they flew out like the down of a thistle

All covered in semen the porn star was a sight

Happy Fapmas to all, and to all a good-night


What do you get when you place a Russian leader on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz.


A place got lit on fire

But the firefighters were too late to reach and put it out. Media arrived as well to which one of the firefighter giving report said, "I've got a good news and a bad news, the bad news is, 41 children died in that fire. But the good news is it was an orphanage, so I have no parents to notify"


Did you know that there's a place in the Middle East that's considered the father of the bagpipe?

It's Baghdad


I said, should we go to my place? She said, "Come to my house tomorrow, no ones gonna be home. "

I went to her house. No one was there.


I can't place iron objects next to each other...

I'm allergic to Fe lines.


Where is the best place to find Eskimo Lesbians?

At the Klondike Bar.


Not sure if this is the right place to post, but after the US election results from last night, I need help creating a new dating website. It will help desperate American men and women find love in Canada.

It'll be called ehHarmony


Do you know two places to put water?

Well Dam


What's the best place to propose to a French person?

At the top of a roller coaster so on the way down they say wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


The best place to hide a dead body is page 2 of Google search results

or page 1 of Bing.


Best place to hide something nobody will see?

Page two of Google


A first place winner at the International Pun Contest

A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're identical twins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


Where's the best place for Edward Snowden to hide?

Wallstreet. No one there ever seems to get prosecuted.


What's the best place to study at college?

Under the teacher's desk.


Which of these is out of place in this list? Wife, Blowjob, Meat, Eggs.

Well you can beat your meat, beat your wife, and beat your eggs, but you can't beat a blowjob!


Why can't you have two places to park your boat?

Because that's a paradox!


Best Place to hide..

Where's the best place to hide a body?
Page two of Google.


What's the best place to wait for some kool-aid?

The punchline.


What's the first place Dora explored?

The mexican border.


Is that placebo working for you?

Well, now that you mention it, no.


What are the most funny Plac jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Plac? Well, here are the best Plac dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Plac pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes