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Pity Jokes

49 pity jokes and hilarious pity puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pity that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Pity laughs and jokes can be a powerful tool to help get you out of a pity party. Find out why it's important to be able to laugh at yourself, learn why Harold rags are a mercy joke, and discover the different ways you can use humor to get out of a funk.

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Funniest Pity Short Jokes

Short pity jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pity humour may include short shame jokes also.

  1. Two Irishmen are walking down the street looking for a job. One sees a sign that says, "Tree fellers wanted." He turns to his companion and says, "Aye, 'tis a pity dere's only the two of us!"
  2. What did Mr. T say when he saw a fat lady at the bar? I don't hate this bar, but I pity the stool.
  3. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.
    [Please take pity on me i am very unfunny :(]
  4. "Our battle plans look wonderful on the map" said the General... "It's a pity the enemy doesn't follow them."
  5. He said he would kiss me or die in the attempt. Well?
    He has no life-insurance, and I pitied his poor old mother.

    Source: 1913 Newspaper
  6. My lucky day! I didn't have enough money for the Honda, but the dealership took pity on me and gave me an old Fiesta. I couldn't afford an Accord, but I was accorded a Ford.
  7. I pity the poor insomniac dyslexic agnostic He sits up all night wondering if there is a dog.
  8. "Pity about your boys coming in fourth in the world Cup!" joked Trump to Theresa May. "Yeah..." she replied. "Pity about your boys coming second in Vietnam. Oh, you weren't there, were you?"
  9. What's the difference between you and a calendar? A calendar has dates.
    (\*cries in self pity\*)
  10. Quiz show I was on a quiz show once and they asked me to come up with a 5-letter palindrome that starts with K.
    It's a pity, I was stumped but if I had answered correctly I'd have won a new kayak.

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Pity One Liners

Which pity one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pity? I can suggest the ones about sadness and misery.

  1. What does Mr. T say when he sees a fat lady at a bar? I pity the stool!
  2. What did Mr. T say when he saw a fat woman sitting at the bar? "I pity the stool."
  3. Threw a surprise pity party No one bothered to show up.
  4. I Pity the Dyslexic Agnostic For he stays up at night wondering if there really is a Dog.
  5. Mr. T set to open a new Vietnamese noodle shop... To be called "I pity the Pho"
  6. What do you call an innocent girl that pities the fool? Virgini-T
  7. Mr. T opened a Vietnamese restaurant. I pity the pho.
  8. Why does Mr. T drive a Tesla? Because he pities the fuel.
  9. What did Mr. T say after eating an omelet? "I pity the fowl!"
  10. What animal pities the fool with short arms? Mr. T-Rex
  11. What does Mr. T say when he walks into a buffet? I pity the full!
  12. A woman is like a suitcase: both hard to carry and a pity to throw away.
  13. What Do You Say To Someone Who Pities A Fool? Pityfool...im sorry.not really.
  14. Pity the poor egg. He only gets laid once in his life, and even then it's by his mother.
  15. Uranus is my favorite planet It's a pity we don't probe it more.

Pity joke, Uranus is my favorite planet

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about pity can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of pity puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Silly Pity Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about pity you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean mercy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make pity prank.

Finally, a blonde joke I haven't heard before…

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!

**

A blond Joke I've only heard once before.

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
"Because I'm the Goalie!"

A disheveled man is busking on the side of the street in London with a sign that says Falklands War Veteran

A well-dressed man notices this and feels bad, having himself been a veteran of the British Army. He pities the busker and tells him, It must be a pity to serve your country and then come home to this. I served in the army, in fact, so I know what it's like. Maybe this will help you out. He then gives the man a rather large stack of cash.
The busker is overjoyed, and as the well-dressed man walks away, he tells him, ¡Muchas gracias, señor!

Pedro was driving down a street when...

Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"

Irishman looking for a parking place

p**... was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
p**... looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.''It's all right,'' says the husband. ''We share everything.''

A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. ''I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal,'' he insists.''She'll eat,'' the husband assures him. ''We share everything.''Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, ''Why aren't you eating?''The wife snaps, ''Because I'm waiting for the teeth!''

It's my cake day so here is my cake joke...

A man walks into a bakery with a salmon under his arm and says do you have fish cakes? The man behind the counter replies, No .
That's a pity, it's his birthday

Praying for a parking space..

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I'll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.
Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination.
The woman looked up to heaven and said, Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.

p**... was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
p**... looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

A man goes to the bar and sees a dirty old man outside, fishing in the ditch with a stick and a string.

Feeling pity for the invalid, he invites him into the bar and buys him a drink. The man is grateful and repeatedly thanks him.
"You were fishing outside, have you caught anything?" he asks the old man jokingly.
He replies, smiling. "Yes! You are the seventh today!"

A blind man is sitting on a park bench.

A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks, "Who wrote this?!!"

Of all the vegetables I s**... for food...

... I seem to pity onions the most.

Cain, son of Adam, had a s**... load of responsibilities.

Aside from being a farmer Cain was supposed to m**... his brother and do a whole slew of other s**... so that future generations could learn from his mistakes. The lord felt pity for Cain's workload and assigned another human to shoulder some of the load. He called him co-cain. Co-cain helped him get s**... done.

A doctor was visiting a patient

She asked him 'doctor am I going to die?'
Out of pity the doctor told her the truth, 'we are all dying slowly, some just faster than others.'
The patient said, 'how fast am I dying.'
The doctor leaned over and said 'you are the usain bolt of dying.'

A man is trying to avoid being conscripted.

He runs from his house as soldiers come for him. As he heads down the street, he sees a nun. He runs up to her and says "please sister, let me hide under your dress, I don't want to die in the war".
The nun takes pity on him and lets him hide under her dress. The soldiers pass them by. As he emerges, the man blushes and says to the nun "pardon my saying sister, but you have a lovely pair of legs."
The nun smiles and replies "if you looked a little higher, you would've seen a lovely pair of b**.... I don't want to die in the war either."

A hundred year old man goes to the doctor for a checkup

The doctor: "How are you?"
The man: "Very good! I have a new girlfriend!"
Doctor chuckles....
The man: "She is twenty years old!"
Doctor: "... but you know, every s**... activity could mean death!"
The man: "What can I say, would be a pity if she died..."

Blonde PE Teacher

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher at a school.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!

Sad drowning death at the Guinness brewery.

Poor Shaumus fell in a large, deep vat of beer.
It was a real pity too.
He was able to get out twice to p**..., but could not make it out the third time.

A friend of mine got rushed to hospital because he put a toy pony up his b**...

Personally, I pity the foal.
In case you're worried about him - don't, he's in a stable condition

My local public swimming pool had a big sign on the wall.

It said: Welcome To Our OOL. Notice there no 'P' in it? Let's keep it that way.
I always thought it was a pity that they never had a sign that said Welcome To Our L …

A man walks out of a restaurant alone on Valentine's day

A man walks out of a restaurant alone on Valentine's day. He just got dumped by his girlfriend some minutes before. A baker takes pity on him and gives him a slice of cake - entirely free.
That man is like me. He's lonely, but at least he got some cake!

Pity joke, Quiz show

jokes about pity

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these pity jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.