Pitcher Only Jokes
76 pitcher only jokes and hilarious pitcher only puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pitcher only that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Pitcher Only Short Jokes
Short pitcher only jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pitcher only humour may include short pitcher jokes also.
- What did the waitress say to the man who wouldn't stop staring at her while she refilled his glass? Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!
- They told me to imagine a guy holding a jug full of water. But I just couldn't pitcher it.
- Jesus requested a pitcher of water so that he might turn it into wine Peter said "Lord, why can't you buy a round like everyone else?"
- I hate having to keep going to the kitchen to fill my glass of water. Take a pitcher it will last longer
- Some people say that baseball is a boring sport, I just tell them that with a good pitcher... Things can get out of hand pretty quickly.
- So a baseball rolls into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "You must be here for a pitcher!"
[Edit] I'm pretty sure I made this joke up y'all! - A boy was at a lemonade stand. He was deciding between a glass or a full pitcher. He told the seller he was really thirsty, to which they replied, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer".
- A man walks into a bar, orders a glass of beer, and stares at the bartender for a long time making her uncomfortable. The bartender says, Why don't you take a pitcher? It'll last longer.
- I told my boyfriend that he might not want to go swimming after drinking a pitcher of beer.. ...because he might not swim very well.
His response: "Babe, beer doesn't make you black" - For the first time, an mlb Umpire came out as gay He's not a pitcher or a catcher, he just likes to watch.
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Pitcher Only One Liners
Which pitcher only one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pitcher only? I can suggest the ones about baseball pitcher and baseball pitching.
- Don't stare at a glass of water Take a pitcher it'll last longer
- I just found out the kool-aid man plays on a baseball team. He's the pitcher.
- What do you say if someone won't stop describing a jug? Okay, I get the pitcher
- What sport does the kool-aid man play? Baseball; he's a pitcher.
- Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire? He threw his arm out.
- What do you call a baseball player that holds water? A pitcher.
- Just found out I've been using my Britta pitcher wrong for the last 2 months #nofilter
- What position does Kool-aid Man play in baseball? Relief Pitcher :^)
- Know how to get a lot of head? Give Michael J. Fox a pitcher of beer
- Why aren't hippies good pitchers? Because they're always high and outside.
- Where did the baseball keep its lemonade? In the pitcher!
- Why does the pitcher always lose at video games? He's always throwing
- The Atlanta quarterback should become a baseball pitcher... He's great at throwing.
- Where does Yankees pitcher Luis Cessa swim? In the Cessa pool.
- Where does a pitcher drink his tea? In his cup.
Pitcher Only Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about pitcher only you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hitter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pitcher only pranks.
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat: "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. "Strike One!" he yelled.
Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air.
When it came down he missed again. "Strike Two!" he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together.
He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it.
He missed. "Strike Three!"
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
s**... back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a b**...?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"
At a bar
"Bartender, gimme a pint. It's been a long day."
"Take a pitcher, mate, it'll last longer."
A man walks into a bar....
...sits down, orders a beer, and begins to gaze longingly at the barmaid. The barmaid hands him the beer, returns the stare and says...
"Take a pitcher, it'll last longer."
Allergies
One day a guy decided to go to his favorite bar and grab a few drinks.
Upon walking in the door he sees a man who looks like he's about to get completely hammered as he's surrounded by several pitchers, so he says, "That's of drinks"
The man replies, "I had an allergic reaction."
Curious the first guy says, "What're you allergic to?"
"Life."
I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!
So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"
My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.
So a kid is standing in the middle of a field with a baseball and a bat...
He tosses the ball up to hit it. He swings, misses, and yells "Strike ONE!"
Tosses it up a second time. Swings. Misses. "Strike TWO!"
On the third time he tosses it up, he swings, and yet again, misses. "Strike THREE!"
"Wow," he said. "I didn't know I was such a good pitcher!"
Did you hear about the Major League Baseball umpire who came out as gay?
Apparently he's not a pitcher or a catcher, he just likes to watch.
Some guy ordered a glass of coke.
I told him to take a pitcher, it'll last longer.
So, a bird flies in front of a pitcher and gets hit by a baseball. What do the umpires rule it?
Fowl ball
A group of blondes walk into a bar
They immediately start to set up what looks like a big celebration; they order numerous pitchers of beer, then push tables together, one of them even hangs a big banner over it. As they're celebrating, the bartender notices that the banner says **"51 DAYS!"**
Curious, he walks over to the celebrating group, and notices something even odder; a children's jigsaw puzzle with about 20 pieces at most, completed and sitting in a beautiful frame. He taps one of the blondes on the shoulder.
"Excuse me," he says, "But what is the big celebration for?"
With a big grin on her face, she points down at the puzzle.
"We're celebrating our success! See that puzzle? It said "2-4 Years" on the box, but we did it way quicker than that, only 51 days!"
Joke from the rabbi of one of the synagogues I went to.
A professional baseball player was very religious. So religious, in fact, that every time he stepped up to the plate he would cross himself.
During a particular game, he was facing a particularly impatient pitcher. The batter stepped out to cross himself, and the pitcher yelled out, "Hey! Why don't you just let God watch the game for once!?"
Why don't black pitchers throw three strikeout in a row?
Because they don't believe in the k**...
Why are pitchers the funniest people on the baseball team?
They always put a spin in things
Why is it good news that Aroldis Chapman moved to the Yankees?
Because pitchers don't hit in the American League!
Did you hear about the water thief-turned-photographer?
Apparently he was a great pitcher-taker.
(Credit goes to my husband.)
what do you call a DJ who's playing baseball
a pitcher
I hate pitchers
...They always throw games
Why was h**... a good pitcher?
He throws gas
Did you hear the Marlins are no longer serving beer at the stadium?
They ran out of pitchers.
Why did they stop serving beer at Miami Marlins games?
They didn't have enough pitchers.
The Cure for Hiccups
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he has anything to cure hiccups. The pharmacist says he does! So the pharmacist pulls out a glass and a pitcher of water. Then he starts filling the glass. He poured very slowly, and as the last little bit entered the cup, he let out a very loud scream. Then the pharmacist threw the water from the cup onto this guy's face. When the guy asked him why he did that the pharmacist asked if he still had hiccups. The man replied, "no, but my wife in the car does!"
Strike 1 !
People always ask me about my brother who plays in the MLB but they never ask me about two of my other brothers who are both gay . which is sad . They only care about the pitcher but not the catchers.
What do Chinese Dogs and baseball pitchers have in common?
Whenever that have a bad day they balk a lot
A boy stands in his yard with a baseball and bat...
He proudly proclaims "I'm the greatest batter in the world!" He proceeds to toss the ball in the air swings with all his might. He misses and falls to the ground. "Strike one". He tosses the ball again, keeping his eye on it and swings. The ball hits the found with a thud, "strike two". He tosses the ball once again and takes a home run swing, but the ball lands in the grass at his toes, "strike 3". He runs around the yard cheering with hands in the air, "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"
A baseball pitcher is walking home...
after a long and exhausting game. Suddenly, bright lights appear in the sky directly above him, and a beautiful angel descends from above, wearing an umpire's mask and a catcher's mitt.
The pitcher looks up, gapes and thinks, "Heavens! She's so pretty."
Without skipping a beat, his shoulders slump back, his grin shines out of his mouth, he winks and says, "Hey baby. Wanna play some catch? Looking up at you makes me want to throw up."
At a job interview, I sat down at at the table and in front of me was a pitcher of water and an empty cup. I poured too much and the cup started to overflow.
"Nervous?" The interviewer asked me.
"No," I responded, "I always give 110%"
I dropped my phone in a pitcher of beer this weekend...
Now it only drunk dials and does last call.
She was already feeling very annoyed that night
The skimpy uniform the bar owner made them all wear was bad enough. It helped with tips, she guessed, and as a newly single mom she had to do whatever she could to pay the bills.
But the men! She could feel their oozing gazes following her as she buzzed around the room carrying drinks and clearing tables.
The last straw was when one table kept ordering single drinks, one at a time, making her come back over and over again. Finally frustrated, she blurted out
"Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!"
An Englishman, a Scot and a Welshman walk into a bar.
They order a pint of beer each. As they are served a fly lands in their glass.
The English man pushes the pitcher away in disgust.
The Scot removes the fly with a finger and drinks the beer.
The Welsh guy picks up the fly, holds it above the pitcher and shouts : spit it out.
The runner on 2nd base politely asked the pitcher if he could just walk over to third.
The pitcher balked at the idea.
What do baseball pitchers and TSA agents have in common?
Fireworks go off in the sky if they do their job incorrectly.
Why did the man get a bruised face while attempting to grab the pitcher in the kitchen?
It threw a 105mph fastball.
I thought my favorite pitcher got three strikeouts
Turns out k**... is just his political affiliation.
The pitcher who held the record for walking batters had a reputation as a tough guy.
Because it took a lot of b**....
Scotsman at a Yankees game
So a Scotsman goes on vacation to NYC, and decides to take in a Yankees home game, as he didn't understand baseball and wanted to learn more.
So he settles into his seat and the game starts. In the top of the second inning, he sees the pitcher walk the batter.
The Scotsman, not understanding, stands up, shouting "RUN, MAN! RUN!!"
The man sitting in front of him turns around and says, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four b**...."
The Scotsman thinks about this for a moment, and then shouts "WALK WITH PRIDE, MAN! WALK WITH PRIDE!"