Laughable Pit Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
Dogs are the best. I have a lab.
It's a m**... lab. But I guard it with pit bulls.
I love how Pit Bull announces himself at the beginning of every song
giving us time to change the song.
I heard the kid who fell into the gorilla pit was actually trying to get the jewelry his mother dropped.
He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back.
An Scotsman accidentally dropped a penny into an open sewage pit
The pit was full of e**..., and after a few moments of thinking the Scotsman concluded:
"It's not worth it. I will never dive in for a penny!"
Then he checked his pockets for some change, picked two pounds and throw it to the pit:
"Now it's better" he said and jumped into the sewage.
a joke translated from turkish
Once upon a time there was a pit in a village, people used to wound themselves from falling into the pit. 3 elders of the village unite to a find a solution to this pit.
First one says that we should place an ambulance next to the pit, that way people will get to the hospital faster
Second one says that we should build a hospital next to the pit that way it will be even faster
Before the third one could talk Chad jumps in and says "y'all are idiots why don't we fill this pit up and dig one up next to the hospital.
Poor Ajmal.
After playtime, Ms Wilson asks some of her kindergarten kids what they did during playtime.
"What did you do at playtime Tom?"
"I played in the sandpit" said Tom.
"Very good, if you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie!"
Tom spelled sand and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Sally?"
"I played in the sandpit with Tom" said Sally.
"That's nice, if you can spell pit, I'll give you a cookie!"
Sally spelled pit and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Ajmal?"
"I tried to play in the sandpit, but Sally and Tom threw rocks at me!" said Ajmal.
"That sounds like blatant racial discrimination, If you can spell blatant racial discrimination I'll give you a cookie!".
did you hear about the Ethiopian who fell into the crocodile pit?
he ate 6 crocs before they could pull him out.
What's the difference between a gorrila pit and Mordor?
One does not simply walk into Mordor
A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...
Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."
While playing blackjack at my local casino, the pit boss came up to me and asked what the count was.
I replied "he's a purple Muppet with pointy teeth, but that's not important right now."
Have you heard the one about the untouched coal pit?
Never mined.
You can explore pit rott reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pit enclosure dad jokes. There are also pit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A Monkey passes away at a zoo, and they have no other Monkey's in the zoo
A desperate man is hired to dress in a Monkey Suit, after a few days he somehow falls into the lion pit. Suddenly he is yelling for help, the Lion approaches him and says, "Shut up or you're gonna get us both fired!"
Did you hear about the Ethiopian man that fell into an alligator pit?
They say he ate 7 alligators before they could drag him out of there.
A snail decides he wants to be a racer...
So he employs a pit crew, a coach, and a designer. The designer paints a big 'S' on the side of his vehicle which the snail highly approves of.
He tries out at a local track, and starts overtaking all the other amateurs much faster than anyone else.
The coach stares and says 'Look at that S-Car-Go!"
What animal has four legs and one arm?
A pit bull on a playground.
What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?
A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.
Two drums and a cymbal fall into a bottomless pit.
Wait for it..
.. wait for it..
After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room.
Since he didn't want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, "The world's strongest weight lifter," and left it under his glass.
When he returned from making his pit stop, the glass was empty. Under it was a new napkin with a note that said
"Thanks for the treat!" It was signed, "The world's fastest runner."
I nearly fell into a really deep pit. I informed the police about it.
They said they would look into it.
What do you get if you throw a piano down a coal pit?
A flat miner
A police officer was answering questions of a reporter at an accident site.
Officer: "I want your news report to mention that how useful a helmet can be. This person fell in a 30ft pit while riding a bike at 100mph, still there not a single scratch on his face because he was wearing a helmet."
Report: "Wow! That's just miraculous. Can we get an interview with that person?"
Officer: "Well, I'm afraid, not. We haven't found the rest of the body yet."
I've never actually seen two women s**...
But I bet you it sounds like an arm pit f**... contest
Trump, Putin, and Kim Jong Un are walking through the jungle
They all trip and fall into a pit of quicksand. A sign next to the pit reads, "the more you lie, the faster you sink." Kim Jong Un is up to his neck, and Putin is at his waist. Trump appears to be perfectly calm and not sinking at all. Putin asks how this is possible. Trump replies, "I'll be alright. I'm standing on Sean Spicer."
Did you hear about the sumo match happening at the prison tomorrow?
They're going to bring in professional sumo wrestlers and pit them against the fattest inmates but honestly I don't even know if the pros outweigh the cons.
What dog breed is the funniest?
Pit bulls, they leave everyone in stitches.
Disclaimer: I am a pit owner, and I still found this funny. Please don't inundate me with pro-pitty rebuttals, I already know.
If I ever become a serial killer I am going to dispose of my victim's bodies by throwing them into a bottomless pit
It's a floorless plan.
A monkey at a zoo passes away, and no monkeys are left to replace it
A desperate man is hired to dress in a Monkey Suit, he is pretending to be a monkey, and after a few days he somehow falls into the lion pit. Suddenly he is yelling and screaming for help, the Lion approaches him and the man prepares for the end. The lion opens its mouth and says, "Shut up or you're gonna get us both fired!"
What do you call Raggedy Ann lying face down in a gravel pit?
A dirty cotton rock s**....
Why doesn't Angelina Jolie like peaches?
Because of the "Pit"
What's the difference between a poodle h**... your leg and a pit bull h**... your leg?
You let the pit bull finish.
What's meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?
The guy that gave it to him.
What is the difference between a hockey mom & a pit bull?
Pit bulls are intelligent and loving.
What do you get when you cross a Dachshund with a Pit Bull?
A Wiener-Pit, just like your mom.
How do you catch an elephant?
You dig a pit, fill it with ash, and surround it with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, you sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole.
3 men went to a theme park
and walked up to a ride that said "magic slide". The 1st man read the sign and went down the slide yelling "gold!" Landed in a pit of gold. 2nd man read the sign, went down the slide yelling "silver!" Landed in a p**... of silver. The 3rd man didn't bother reading the sign and just went down the slide yelling "wee!" Landed in a p**... of wee.
what do you get if you cross a poodle with a pit bull?
not much of a watchdog, but it's a vicious gossip.
What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull and a computer?
A lot of bytes.
Ever been to a Canadian mosh pit?
"Oh sorry eh! Oh! Sorry! Sorry, eh? Sorry? So sorry! Oh! Oh no.... Sorry, eh?"
What do you call a bunch of Jews in a concert?
A Moshe Pit
What do you call a mean person who fell in a pit created by a volcano?
Ashhole.
What do a stuffed olive and Angelina Jolie have in common?
they've both had a pit in them
What's a BBQ pit master's least favorite massage?
A dry rub.
My 9 year old nephew told me he wished he could be like Batman.
So I killed my brother & his wife & tossed my my nephew into a pit filled with bats.
Pit.
Not funny, I know, but it's deep.
What's the difference between a social worker and a pit bull?
At least you can get some of your baby back from a pit bull.
Little Minnie was digging a pit in her house's backward ...
... Curious, her neighboring lady asked her what she was doing.
"My parrot died yesterday. I'm preparing to bury him."
"Ohhh, that's so sad. But why such a big grave for a little parrot?"
"Coz he's in your cat's stomach."
A cowboy peers down the pit of an outhouse...
He sees an Indian standing at the bottom.
He asks, "How long have you been down there?"
The Indian replies: "Many moons."
Two men are in the woods hunting
one falls into a pit. His friend calls 911 on his cell phone. He tells the operator, "My friend fell into a pit. I think he might be dead!" The operator tells him, "Ok sir. Please remain calm. First, make sure he's dead." There's a pause, followed by a gun shot. Then the man comes back on the line and says, "Okay. Now what?"
Haydn and Mozart killed a guy.
Haydn is dragging the body while Mozart is looking for a hiding spot.He found an old pit to put the body and scream "Hey Haydn here!"
Someone tried to sue me over my bottomless pit
But there weren't any grounds
What do thrifty Illuminati members like to put their pickled vegetables in?
Free Mason jars. :D
\[\[ Stupidest joke I ever came up with, today at work in the Dish Pit. \]\]
I tried to build a bottomless pit,
But there was a floor in my plan.
Why was the peach late to work?
He had to make a pit stop on the way there.
I told the cashier at McDonald's that there's some cute girls here.
I asked her if she could get them out of the ball pit for me.
---------------------------------------------------
What do you call a small nail hole?
A Brad Pit.
A dad joke
What do you call the pit that a pirate buries his treasure in?
A b**... hole
What is the pit in Mortal Kombat 2 made out of?
Kahn-crete.
Helen Keller fell into a pit...
She screamed and screamed until her hands bled.
An appeals court has upheld a ban on pit bulls
Another victory in the war on terrier
I'm opening a bakery
I'll call it The Bread Pit
What do you call a snake pit in an Egyptian barber shop?
A hairy asp hole.
A race car driver ran into a post when getting out of the pit.
He ended up in pole position.
Fruity Traffic
What did the berry say to the slow driving pit fruit?
Come on man-go
Are you a gorilla pit?
Cause I want to drop my kids in you.
TIL that a recently discovered diamond pit in Argentina is so large, that the value of diamonds is expected to drop tenfold in the next four years
April Fools
I fell asleep at the Cincinnati zoo and fell into the Gorilla pit...
Harambe caught me slippin'
You are so hairy...
That If I threw you in a Gorilla pit, the zookeepers wouldn't know which one to shoot.
What is the difference between a chihuahua h**... your leg and a pit bull h**... your leg?
The pit bull gets to finish.
What do you bury a Jewish metalhead in?
A Moshe pit!
What did Dr. Evil say when he fell in the rancor pit?
Throw me a frickin bone here.
What has 4 legs, 5 arms, and is wiggling its tail?
A very happy pit bull.
All the adults judged me because I jumped into the ball pit at the children's activity centre...
It's like they'd never seen a n**... man before
What do you call a burnt out fire pit in a commercial?
Ash seen on TV.
(Sorry)
High with my boyfriend and thought of this gem.
What do you call a pit bull with no eyes?
Lucky
Hey girl, are you a gorilla pit?
Cause I'd love to drop a kid in you
What's more dangerous than a pit bull with AIDS?
The guy who gave his AIDS.
After missing that catch, Brady should be given a tour of the pit of misery.
Dilly dilly!
Disaster at the Los Angeles zoo today
when the snake pit was accidentally filled in. The zoo keeper said "it's terrible terrible news, now the snakes don't even have a pit to hiss in.
The acceptance speeches at this year's Acadamy Awards are expected to be very long and very, very political...
... better double down on TRUMPets in the orchestra pit.
What does 2 letter E's, a mole and a pit have to do with eachother
I don't know, but hole-e mole-e is that a combo
For those of you who try to build a pool by digging a pit in the ground, what liquid should you add instead of chlorine?
Holey water.
What is the word to describe a hole in the pit of your stomach?
Gutted
What animal has 5 legs?
A pit bull coming back from the playground.
If I ever open a bakery....
I will call it "The Bread Pit"
A man fell in a pit in the grocery store
He was there to buy (w)hole milk.
