Piss Jokes

What are some Piss jokes?

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USER: cabbage

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USER: boiled cabbage

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USER: 1 boiled cabbage

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USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages

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USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!

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USER:ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIf

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A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news.

I'm sorry Mary, but Keith died at the brewery today'.

'Oh my god!' replied Mary, 'What happened?!'

'He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout' said the worker, sadly.

'That's terrible! Was it a quick death at least?' asked Mary.

'I'm afraid not,' the worker replied, 'He got out twice to take a piss'.

Two drunk men walked in to a brothels m (NSFW)

Two piss-drunk men visited a brothel. The madam takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice.

After finishing their act, on their way back.........
1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noise or made a move. Upon this, the 2nd drunk says: Mine was worse....... I think she was a witch!!!

1st drunk: Why would you say that???

2nd drunk: Well i gave her a little love bite on her bum.....She farted in my face and flew out of the window!

If you think female squirt isn't piss…

Then Urine for a big surprise

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potato

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boiled potato

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1 boiled potato

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50fuckingboiledpotatoes

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50FUCKINGboiledpotatoes

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IwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAss,IfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately

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NowIamSeriouslyGettingPissedOffIwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAssIfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately

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Choose a new password :

potato

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boiled potato

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1 boiled potato

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50fuckingboiledpotatoes

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50FUCKINGboiledpotatoes

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IwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAss,IfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately

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NowIamSeriouslyGettingPissedOffIwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAssIfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately

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A specimen, you ask?

So Mrs. O'Reilly, a dear old lady, hadn't been feeling too well lately, and she tells her husband, he tells her to give it a couple of days and if she still doesn't feel better, he'd take her to the doctor. A couple days pass, and dear old Mrs. O'Reilly isn't feeling any better so they make the trip to the hospital. The doctor gave Mrs. O'Reilly a full physical, checking anything that could be wrong but to no prevail, so he told her that he would need a specimen to be sure of what was making the old lady ill. Mrs. O'Reilly said okay and that she would return at her next appointment with the specimen. During the ride home, the car was silent between Mrs. O'Reilly and her husband until he finally asked what was wrong, she replied that the doctor would need a specimen, but she hadn't an idea what it was, her husband shrugged and said he hadn't the slightest, they agreed that Mrs. O'Reilly would ask their nice neighbor Ms. Thomas if she knew what it was when they got home. When they arrived, the husband went inside and Mrs. O'Reilly went over to Ms. Thomas' home. Mrs. O'Reilly returned about a half hour later, all beaten up, hair askew and winded, her husband asked her what happened, she replied "i knocked on the door, was let in and asked Ms. thomas is she knew what a specimen was, she replied, 'piss in a bottle' to which i retorted 'shit in a hat!' and the fight was on!"

What do you call an angry psychologist?

A thera-pissed.

What do you call it when a guy gives his mother a golden shower?

An Oedipiss.

Women these days are too sensitive

My friend said she was having twins and all I said was 'Well hey, that's great, at least you've finally got two kids with the same father.' then she stormed off all pissy.

Women, amiright?

What do you call an angry nut?

A pissed-stachio

Why do the toilets at the border only have pissoirs?

Because they are duty free.

What do you call a drunk humanitarian?

A philanthroPISSED.

Hamlet has to pee [Hamleak]

Quick little blurb I wrote in class:
To pee, or not to pee, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention.
Or to take arm against a see of urine and by opposing relive it.
To go-to pee,
No more; and by a leak we say to end the headache and the thousand visceral shocks that urine is heir to: 'tis a consummation devoutly to be piss'd.

What do you call an angry cashew?

A pissed-achio.

What do you call an angry psychiatrist?

Therapissed.

Woke up 4 times to pee last night

And each time only a little came out, my night of sleep was piss-poor

An american was invited to a conference in France as a speaker.

He was not speaking French at all but being a smart guy and wanting to impress the audience he learns by heart his entire speech in French.

When his moment come, he goes on the stage and realizes he completely forgot the introduction. So he looks around the room and notices the toilets in the back and ... Eureka! That's it: "Ladies and Gentlemen".

After the speech and the applause, follows the cocktail, he meets a French colleague and asks him how was it. The French guy says:

It was fantastic; your French is really good but you know ... in France we never start a speech with "Toilettes et Pissoirs".

What do you call an angry Russian?

Pissdov

I never understood why soldiers hate digging latrines.

It's not a piss-poor assignment.

How can you be filthy rich and piss-poor at same time?

Dehydration.

I found out R. Kelly had sex with that girl because she reminded him of his mother

He has an Oedipiss complex.

Did you hear about the pissed-off cartographer tasked with redrawing the map of Canada's largest territory?

He was halving Nunavut.

Why did the condom go flying through the air?

... It got pissedoff.

What starts with "P", ends with "P" and has "P" in it?

A piss-cup!

What happens when Bill Gates gets mad?

He gets philanthro-pissed

Girl: You have a small organ.

Guy: No one told me I'd be playing the Sistine Chapel!


^^Credit ^^to ^^/u/pissclamato

Wet Astronaut

The astronaut thought he was taking a pee but it turned out to be a piss-up.

What do you call an Anglican who has a fetish for golden showers?

An E-**piss**-copalian!

I missed the toilet today.

My aim is a little pissguided.

Friend at the pub says: if they ever make a film on Oscar Pistorius, it shouldn't be called 'Bladerunner', it should be called....

Taking the Pisstorius.

RIP Urethra Franklin...

I am taking the piss...calm down

What do you call a redneck peacock?

A pissdick.

I don't like pistachios

They are always pissed-at-chyou

Two dicks walk into a bar

They're just the regular pissheads

What do you call an angry counselor?

Thera-*pissed*

My doctor made me do a urine test for fun.

It was a piss-take.

what kind of cereal tastes like urine and human hair?

Pisstachios

question of the day...

Why do we "take" a piss/dump? What happened to giving?

Why was the man always pissy when he got home from work?

Because he was a urologist.

Which nut is the angriest?

The pissed-ashio.

Why was a guy arrested for peeing on Indian land?

He was on a Nipissing reserve.

What's yellow and tastes of meat

pisstrami

Do you know what the problem with toilets is?

They're a pisstake.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Someone ddosed his pissbag.

What do you call a pissed-off Founding Father?

A Cranky-Doodle-Dandy!

And if the ant is in urine....

It's a piss-ant.

I told my friend how my life's dream is to pee on a homeless person.

My friend told me that this is a piss-poor decision.

What do you it when an octopus pees?

Octopiss

I failed the first quarter of a class in middle school, so I made a fake report card.

I did this every quarter that year. I forgot that they mail home the end-of-year cards, and my mom got it before I could intercept with my fake. She was PISSEDβ€”at the school for their error. The teacher also retired that year and had already thrown out his records, so they had to take my mother's proof (the fake ones I made throughout the year) and correct the mistake. I've never told her the truth.

An old farmer decides he's tired of his simple farm food and goes into town to eat at a fancy restaurant. He peers at the menu, doing his best to decipher the elaborate calligraphy the choices are printed in.

He finally settles on a choice, and says to the waiter: I'll just have some of these here Pissoles . Waiter leans over discreetly and says: Sir, that first letter isn't a P, it's an R . The old man announces in a loud voice: Oh, ok then, I'll just have some of these here Rsoles!

How to make Piss jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Piss to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Piss? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Piss pick up lines to share with friends.

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