The Best 35 Piss Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Piss jokes. There are some piss bet jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these piss piss your pants puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Piss Jokes and Puns

I found a new way to piss off grammar nazis

Well, sort've.

Friend: "You're a lot like Socrates"

Me: "Because I'm the wisest man around?"

Friend: "No, because you piss everyone off"

Boy with Phenomenal Memory

A host enters the circus and announces:

"Now a boy with a phenomenal memory will enter the arena."

A boy enters the stage, drinks a bucket of water and leaves.

The audience begins to scream and express their displeasure.

Then again the host comes out and says: "And now a boy with a phenomenal memory will piss on everyone who sits in the second row."

Everyone sitting in the second row jump up and start to run away.

Host: "Hiding is useless! The boy has a PHENOMENAL MEMORY!"

How do you piss off a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from.

how do you piss lady gaga off?

poke her face

I think i pissed off the voices in my head.

They are giving me the silent treatment.

My wife asked me if I'd ever pissed in the shower. I said 'Yes but both times were an accident.

My Wife responded 'What!? How can you piss in the shower by accident? Twice!?'

And I said 'Well these things happen when you're taking a shit'.

Guy walks into a bar and bets the owner $500 that he can stand on one end and piss without getting any on the bar.

The owner takes the bet because the bar is about fifty feet long. So the guy whips it out and sure enough he only pisses about 4 feet all over the bar. The owner laughs as he collects his money and cleans up the bar.

He asks the guy who pissed why he seems so happy.
The guy says: You see that table in back? I bet the 5 guys there 10 grand that you would let me piss on the bar and laugh and clean it up.

A sailor and a marine walk into a bathroom at a bar

They both do their business, the sailor goes to wash his hands -- the marine heads to the door. The sailor sees this and says "You know, in the NAVY they taught us to wash our hands after we use the bathroom". The marine looks back at him and says "Oh yeah? Well, in the marines they taught us not to piss on our hands"

Old men and their bathroom problems (Long)

Three men are sitting around the table at their nursing home talking about bathroom issues because of age. The first guy says.

"At 6 every morning I try and shit. But I am so constipated it takes an hour." The second man speaks up.

"Every morning at 7 I try and piss. But it is slow and just drips out." The 3rd man says.

"I have you both beat. Every Morning at 6 I take a huge crap. must be a pound of turns there. Then at 7 I piss heavy. must be a gallon of piss." The other two men look confused.

"Why is that bad."

"I dont get out of bed until 9."

I was taking the piss out of a bloke with a ridiculous wig on today.

He had the last laugh though. Sentenced me to 6 months.

You can explore piss bathroom reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean piss potty dad jokes. There are also piss puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I named my enlarged prostate Gandalf

Because every time I try to go it shouts "YOU SHALL NOT PISS!"


Why was the washing machine laughing?

Because it was taking the piss outa your pants..

A pissed drunk man stumbles onto the bus on his way home...

When he finally hobbles his way to the last empty seat, he turns to see a posh stiff lady seated with her frilly pink French poodle.

He turns his head shakily and slurs, "Where'dh ye get tha' pig?"

The lady huffs and retorts, "Ugh! Why, I'll have you know Mr. Squiggles is **not** a pig! He is a purebred French poodle!"

The man squints his eyes and is silent for a second. Then turns back to the lady and slurs once more:

"I wath thuh Frensh poothle."

What's the difference between an Aussie and an arsehole?

An arsehole can't go out for a night on the piss and make an Aussie of itself

It was recently announced that on July 20th, Jeff Bezos and his brother will launch into space on one of his Blue Origin spacecraft

If nothing else, now they will know what it's like to piss in a bottle

Why do you never want to scare a magician?

Because he'll piss your pants.

In the next few months, Jeff Bezos plans to go into space. There he will be forced to stay inside a small metal room and piss in a tube.

I guess he is just trying to relate to his employees.

What do you call a magician that's taking a piss?

A wizard

A joke in Arabic

Let's hope this translation works.
A guy who was wasted went to take a piss in an ally next to a barrel, passed out fell in the barrel pants down, ass in the air.
A guy who was super high passed by and saw the ass .. picked a stick and shoved it up the drunk's asshole, the drunk screams.
*No wonder why people are becoming so spoiled this ass works fine and they throw it in the trash*

New job wants a urine sample everyday

they're taking the piss

Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to piss.

"Billy, we don't say piss. We say urinate. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Miss Drake."

"Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."

"Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a ten."

Everyone in my family is bad at holding in their piss.

Sadly, it runs in our jeans.

Did you hear the inventor of spell check died?

May he rust in piss.

What's 30' long and smells like piss?

>!The line dance at the senior home!<

A boy needed to piss

A young boy tells his mother, "Mom! I need to piss!"

The mother didn't like her boy's use of language and responded, "Don't say that. Say you want to sing instead."

The next day the boy is visiting a family party along with his grandma, when the boy's mom and dad go to dance he tells his grandma, "Grandma! i need to sing!"

The grandma responds, "Well sing into one of grandmas ears dear!"

I was desperate for a piss at the pool....

I was at the swimming pool last week, and you know when you're absolutely bursting for a piss but the toilets are way over there?

I thought: "weeelllll..... everyone else does it..."

So I decided just to let one slip out in the pool.

The lifeguard must have spotted me though. He shouted at me so loud I nearly fell off the diving board.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl taking a piss?

Silent p.

I saw a sign that made me piss myself today, it said:

Toilets closed

Three automobile managers at the urinal

The first goes to the sink and dries his hands with so many paper towels that not even the smallest droplet remains. "At Opel, we learn to be extremely thorough," he says.

The second uses only one towel for this and remarks: "At BMW, we also learn to be extremely efficient."

The third walks past the sink and says, "At Daimler, we don't piss all over our hands!"

Did you hear the guy that invented spell check died?

May he rust in piss

City Sex

Joe Ed and Jim Bob met up with a city gal who was lookin for a good time. She ask if they wanted to have sex. Both said they did. She gave each of them a condom and told them to put it on their shaft and keep it on or she'd get pregnant. Both boys agreed and proceeded to have sex with her. Next day Jim Bob said Joe Ed, I really don't care if she does get pregnant, let's take these things off and have a good piss.

During a water shortage, the government encouraged us to piss in the shower to save the water from flushing

I now have to shower 3-4 times a day and it's not clear to me how this is helping with the water shortage…

Whenever I take a piss, I feel like a basketball player

Cuz I'm always dribbling

Two Irishmen are stranded in the middle of the ocean

A bottle bobs up to their boat. One of the Irishmen opens the bottle and a genie comes out.

Thank you for freeing me! , says the Genie. In honour of your deed, I shall grant you one wish.

Before the first Irishman can get a word out, the second says Turn the whole ocean into Guinness!

The ocean turns a glistening black and the genie disappears. The first Irishman hits the second over the head and says,

Way to go, ya bleedin' idiot! Now we have to piss in the boat!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the piss trou jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working piss piss take piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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