The Best 78 Pirates Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Pirates jokes. There are some pirates eyepatches jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pirates pirate day puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Pirates Jokes and Puns

While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.

They were pirates of the car I be in.

Why can't pirates play poker?

because someone is always standing on the deck.

What has 12 hands, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?

12 pirates.

What do pirates and pimps both have in common....

...they both say "yo ho" and plunder the bootie!

Compliments of my gf :)

jokes about pirates

What is a male pirates biggest fear?

A sunken chest with no booty.

How much do pirates pay for earrings?

Somewhere around a buck an ear.

As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning...

Him: What's a pirates favorite letter?
Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the "C"!

Pirates joke, As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning...

How much do pirates charge for piercings?

A buck an ear.

Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at sea.

What do Asian pirates do?

They fry pranes!

What do asians call people that fly planes?


You can explore pirates timbers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pirates pirate knock knock dad jokes. There are also pirates puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C.

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because Somalia doesn't have an education system

Why don't pirates drive on mountain roads?


What is a group of gay pirates favorite pastime?

Pegging each other's booty

What do you call Japanese people that fly planes?


Pirates joke, What do you call Japanese people that fly planes?

What's a pirates favourite letter?

P, because without it they're irate

If pirates say "Arr", What do software pirates say?


Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh

How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Pier to Pier Networking

What a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

What's a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet service has been disconnected due to terms of service violations and excessive downloading. Please return modem and accessories to your nearest Comcast location.



3.14% of all sailors are

Pi-rates! (Have a great pi-day)

What's a pirate's favourite...

What's a pirate's favourite architectural feature?

An *arrr*ch.

What's a pirate's favourite place to play?

A p*arrr*k.

What's a pirate's favourite thing to do to women?


I never understood why society romanticises pirates.

What has 7 eyes and 7 legs?

A ship with 7 pirates

Pie rates of the Caribbean joke

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

Pirates joke, Pie rates of the Caribbean joke

Why are pirates such good singers?

Because they hit the high C's.

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

My friend couldn't see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie because of an eye injury...

his Depp perception isn't too good now

What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no booty.

The first joke I invented all on my own (age ~5-6)

Why don't pirates like playing cards?

There's always someone walking across the deck.

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because they were sitting on the deck.

You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes?

8 Pirates

What do lesbian pirates say?

Arrr scissor me timbers

Pirates never shower before they walk the plank.

They just wash up on shore afterward.

Why are pirates so bad at playing cards?

Because they are always standing on the deck

How do pirates spell Thicc?

With seven Cs.

What has 8 eyes and 8 legs ?

8 pirates

Why can't pirates sing the alphabet?

Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)

Where do pirates get their hooks?

At the second-hand store!

What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?

8 pirates

My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.

Pirates may be good at math, but they struggle with the alphabet.

They spend years at c!

All pirates medics were required to be certified in


Why didn't the pirates bathe before walking the plank?

They figured they'd wash up on shore later.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Me: What's a pirates favorite letter?

Unwitting person just living their life: R?

Me: R's what you'd think but it's the C they love!

My new and 100% original (and truly terrible) COVID pirate joke...

How did the pirates manage to avoid the pandemic?

They cove-hid.

Why don't pirates shower before they walk the plank?

Because they'll just wash up on shore later.

What do lesbian pirates say while having sex?

Scissor me timbers

I, for one, think it'd be hilarious if there were female pirates.


What do you call 2 pirates that like each other?

a pirate ship

i know it sucks but i literally made this on the spot like a couple mins ago and thought to share it

Why don't pirates know the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

What's a pirates favorite element on the periodic table?

Gold. What the hell would they need argon for?

Apple have come up with a new revolutionary eye patch for pirates.

It's called the iEye patch.

(I'm sorry)

Why don't pirates travel on mountain roads?


A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago

A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.

The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!

The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.

When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them

In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back

What do pirates call a prostitute on a pier?


Apple started their own clothing line for pirates...

Their best seller so far is the iPatch.

Why do pirates wear underwear?

To hide their booty.

How do pirates save lives?

CP Arrrrrr

What's a pirates favourite letter?

(pause for everyone saying aRrrrrrr)

No, it be the C

How do pirates relieve themselves of scurvy?

Vitamin Sea

How much does it cost for pirates to get their ears pierced?

About a Buccaneer

Why do pirates like to watch boxing?

Because they can all appreciate a strong right hook.

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

You would think they have a hard time with R, but it's actually because they always get lost at C

Are pirates ass men or tit men

Ass men. It's all about the quality of the booty, not the size of the chest.

Came up with this a few months ago and keep forgetting to post it.

Why do pirates always carry a bar of soap?

So just in case they go overboard they can wash up on shore!


What is a pirates favorite letter?

The one from the Governor telling him he's been pardoned.

Whats a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet

None. Historians believe pirates were illiterate.

Why do pirates take such a long time learning the alphabet ?

Because they spent years at C!

Somali Pirates Can't Find Hidden Treasure Buried in 2007

A bunch of Somali pirates lost their hidden treasure. They last saw their hidden treasure in 2007. They tried everything, bloodhounds, radar, metal detectors, sonar. But they couldn't find their treasure.

One day, one of the pirates had a suggestion.

"Captain, we should break R Kelly out of prison".

The Captain said "This is the dumbest idea I've ever heard, but go ahead. why?"

"Captain, if anybody can find 15 year old booty, it's this guy!".

What is a pirates favorite letter?

You think it be 'R', but a pirates first love will always be the 'C'!

Novice pirates are always bad singers.

They can never hit the high seas.

Why don't pirates like Sunny Delight?

They prefer the high sea.

How do pirates stay in shape?

They plank.

While driving down the road, two robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.

They were pirates of the car I be in.

What's a pirates favorite letter?

- R?

- No! The C be his first love

Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid.

If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pirates pirate birthday puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pirates pirate christmas piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes