The Best 78 Pirates Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Pirates jokes. There are some pirates timbers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pirates pirate knock knock puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Pirates Jokes and Puns

While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.

They were pirates of the car I be in.

Why can't pirates play poker?

because someone is always standing on the deck.

What has 12 hands, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?

12 pirates.

Pirates joke, What has 12 hands, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?

What do pirates and pimps both have in common....

...they both say "yo ho" and plunder the bootie!

Compliments of my gf :)

What is a male pirates biggest fear?

A sunken chest with no booty.

How much do pirates pay for earrings?

Somewhere around a buck an ear.

Pirate jokes I've heard throughout my life

What did the pirate say when the steering wheel was shoved down his pants?
ARGHHHHH your driven me nuts!
Why was the pirate dissatisfied with his blind date?
She had a sunken chest and no booty.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
They can spend years stuck at sea!
And of course: Why couldn't the teenagers watch the pirate movie?

Pirates joke, Pirate jokes I've heard throughout my life

What's a pirates favorite thing to knit?


My favourite pirate joke

You need to tell it to someone like this:

A: What's a pirates favourite letter?
B: Arrrrrrrrr

A: Correct, what's a pirate's favourite class in school?
B: Arrrritmatic, Arrrrrrt, Arrrrrchitecture (any will do)

A: You're right! What kind of sweaters to pirates wear?
B: Arrrrrgyle!

(They'll be feeling good and playing along by now)

A: What's a pirate's favourite type of crime?
B: Arrrrrrson!

A: No. Piracy you f***ing idiot.

What do internet pirates have on their legs?


Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

They're stuck at C for years

You can explore pirates booty reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pirates eyepatches dad jokes. There are also pirates puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning...

Him: What's a pirates favorite letter?
Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the "C"!

How much do pirates charge for piercings?

A buck an ear.

Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at sea.

What do Asian pirates do?

They fry pranes!

What do asians call people that fly planes?


Pirates joke, What do asians call people that fly planes?

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C.

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because Somalia doesn't have an education system

Why don't pirates drive on mountain roads?


What do pirates call fat whores?


Liars tend not make eye contact,

which is why I don't trust pirates half the time.

Why do pirates love Playboy Magazine?

You'd think it's for the booty, but they really read it for the arrrticles.

If my friends and I torrent in Jamaica

Does that make us Pirates of the Caribbean?

It's the final day of the annual pirate convention, and the debate over the site of next years convention begins...

One pirate says, "how about ARRRbys!", many pirates nod in agreement.

Another pirate says, "how about ARRRkansas", even more pirates are pleased at that suggestion.

A third pirate says, "how about Boston!", a confused murmur spreads across the room, "stay with me here" says the pirate, "so we can pARRRk ARRRR cARRR in the hARRRRvard yARRRd!"

What is a group of gay pirates favorite pastime?

Pegging each other's booty

What do you call Japanese people that fly planes?


What's a pirates favourite letter?

P, because without it they're irate

What do you call a group of medical professionals who navigate around the Horn of Africa without being accosted by pirates?

Doctors without boarders.

If pirates say "Arr", What do software pirates say?


Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh

How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Pier to Pier Networking

What a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

What is a pirates favourite letter

It is clearly double D as they are mostly males who can't stand a sunken chest and no booty.

(New original take on old joke)

What's a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet service has been disconnected due to terms of service violations and excessive downloading. Please return modem and accessories to your nearest Comcast location.



3.14% of all sailors are

Pi-rates! (Have a great pi-day)

What's a pirate's favourite...

What's a pirate's favourite architectural feature?

An *arrr*ch.

What's a pirate's favourite place to play?

A p*arrr*k.

What's a pirate's favourite thing to do to women?


I never understood why society romanticises pirates.

What has 7 eyes and 7 legs?

A ship with 7 pirates

Pie rates of the Caribbean joke

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

Why are pirates such good singers?

Because they hit the high C's.

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

My friend couldn't see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie because of an eye injury...

his Depp perception isn't too good now

Why do pirates play in C flat?

Because they can't play when the C is rough

What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no booty.

The first joke I invented all on my own (age ~5-6)

Why don't pirates like playing cards?

There's always someone walking across the deck.

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because they were sitting on the deck.

You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes?

8 Pirates

What do lesbian pirates say?

Arrr scissor me timbers

Pirates never shower before they walk the plank.

They just wash up on shore afterward.

What do you call a group of pirates?


Why do pirates have such good core strength?


Why are pirates so bad at playing cards?

Because they are always standing on the deck

How do pirates spell Thicc?

With seven Cs.

What type of music do pirates listen to?

Any type they want since they don't have to pay for it

What has 8 eyes and 8 legs ?

8 pirates

Why can't pirates sing the alphabet?

Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)

What is a pirates least favorite vegetable


Where do pirates get their hooks?

At the second-hand store!

What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?

8 pirates

My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.

Pirates may be good at math, but they struggle with the alphabet.

They spend years at c!

Do you know why pirates are called pirates?

Because they arrrrrrrr

All pirates medics were required to be certified in


Why didn't the pirates bathe before walking the plank?

They figured they'd wash up on shore later.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Me: What's a pirates favorite letter?

Unwitting person just living their life: R?

Me: R's what you'd think but it's the C they love!

My new and 100% original (and truly terrible) COVID pirate joke...

How did the pirates manage to avoid the pandemic?

They cove-hid.

Why don't pirates shower before they walk the plank?

Because they'll just wash up on shore later.

What do lesbian pirates say while having sex?

Scissor me timbers

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

They get lost at C

Why do pirates love reddit?

Aye, tis the best place to trade stolen content for gold!

I, for one, think it'd be hilarious if there were female pirates.


What do you call 2 pirates that like each other?

a pirate ship

i know it sucks but i literally made this on the spot like a couple mins ago and thought to share it

Why don't pirates know the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

How do pirates express their creativity?


What's a pirates favourite type of egg?


What's a pirates favorite element on the periodic table?

Gold. What the hell would they need argon for?

What's a pirates favorite letter?

In best pirate voice me hart will always belong to the CCCCcccc!!!

Apple have come up with a new revolutionary eye patch for pirates.

It's called the iEye patch.

(I'm sorry)

Get me my Red Shirt"!

A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.

The captain was asked, Why do you need a red shirt?

The Captain replies, So that when I bleed, you guys don't notice and aren's discouraged. They fight off the pirates eventually.

The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells, Get me my brown pants!

How much do pirates pay for corn?

A buccaneer.

Nah, just kidding... they just steal it.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pirates pirate christmas jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pirates pirate day piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes