JokoJokes

Pirate Jokes

168 pirate jokes and hilarious pirate puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about pirate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

If there's one group known for their audacious antics, flamboyant phrases, and distinctive dialect, it’s unlikely seafarers: Pirates. Their legendary exploits now serve as a cannon of inspiration for an array of hilarious pirate jokes. Whether you're gearing up for a pirate-themed party, trying to entertain children with funny tales, or simply want to add some old sea-dog charm to your joke repertoire, these pirate zingers hit the spot perfectly.

Our collection of pirate humor will take you on a laughter-filled journey across the seven seas, guaranteeing some hearty guffaws and ahaaarrrs. So put on your tricorn hats, raise your grog, and prepare to unleash the seafaring comedian in you. Shiver me timbers, these jokes are laugh-out-loud funny!

Funniest Pirate Short Jokes

Short pirate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pirate humour may include short buccaneer jokes also.

  1. A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh." The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."
    Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"
  2. While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.
  3. How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music? They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.
  4. What is something with 8 eyes, 8 leg, and 8 hands? 8 pirates
    My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.
  5. What is a Pirate's favorite letter? The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.
    Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .
  6. When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back
  7. What's a pirate's favorite letter? A writ of safe passage from his majesty, king Charles II of England.
  8. What's a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir,
    We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...
  9. What is a pirates favorite letter? The one from the Governor telling him he's been pardoned.
  10. As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning... Him: What's a pirates favorite letter?
    Me: ARRRGH!
    Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the "C"!

Share These Pirate Jokes With Friends




Pirate One Liners

Which pirate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pirate? I can suggest the ones about sailor and hacker.

  1. Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies. Nyetflix.
  2. You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes? 8 Pirates
  3. Why can't pirates learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C.
  4. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!
  5. What's a pirates favourite letter? P, because without it they're irate
  6. What's a pirate's favorite letter? Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C.
  7. What's a pirate's favorite musical note? The High Cs
  8. Just watched a pirated movie On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14
  9. 3.14% of all sailors are Pi-rates! (Have a great pi-day)
  10. What do you call a communist pirate ship? The USS-ARRR
  11. How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced? A buccaneer :D
  12. What's a pirate's favorite explosive? M80
  13. What does a pirate say when he puts his peg leg in a freezer? Shiver me timbers!
  14. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey
    Credit to my sister
  15. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? 'Aye matey"

Pirate Ship Jokes

Here is a list of funny pirate ship jokes and even better pirate ship puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you name an American, Communist Pirate Ship? The U.S.S. ARRRGH
  • What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire? Arrr son!
  • Pirate Ship Captain: Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals? Crew: I I captain.
  • What do you call first aid on a pirate ship? Sea pee yarrrrrrrr!
  • What has 7 eyes and 7 legs? A ship with 7 pirates
  • What do you call a ship that drives itself? Auto-pirate.
  • What happens when a red pirate ship and a brown pirate ship meet on a deserted island? They get marooned
  • What did the proud pirate dad say after seeing his son torch an enemy ship? Arr, son.
  • A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel down the front of his pants. The bartender says, "Hey mate, what's with the wheel?" The pirate responds, "Arg, it's driving me nuts!"
  • Why didn't The Black Pearl get cold and drafty on cold winter nights at sea? Because pirate ships have a very high Arrrrrr value.

Bartender Pirate Jokes

Here is a list of funny bartender pirate jokes and even better bartender pirate puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A native American, Pirate, and Frenchman walk into a bar. The bartender walks over and says, "Gentlemen, hau, arrrrrrr, oui, today?"
  • A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants Bartender: "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
    Pirate: "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"
  • A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, buddy, doesn't that bother you?"
    The pirate says, "Yar, it's drivin' me nuts."
  • A pirate walks in a bar... A pirate walks in a bar with a paper towel on his head, the bartender says "whats with that" the Pirate says "ARR!! I have Bounty on me head"
  • A pirate wearing a paper towel on his head walks into a bar. The bartender asks What's with the paper towel? The pirate says Arrr matey, I have a bounty on me head!
  • A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck between his legs. Bartender: What's with the steering wheel?
    Pirate: Arr, it's drivin' me nuts!
  • A pirate walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey pirate, what's with the paper towel on your head?"
    The pirate replies, "Arrr, I got a bounty on me head."
  • A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender sees this and asks him why.
    The pirate replies, "Arr, I've got a bounty on me head!"
  • A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says "You know you got a steering wheel in your pants"
    The pirate says "Aye, and it's drivin' me nuts!"
  • A pirate walks into his favorite bar with a roll of paper towels on his head The bartender says " What's with the paper towels Skipper? "
    The pirate says " Arr, there be a bounty on me head "
Pirate joke, A pirate walks into his favorite bar with a roll of paper towels on his head

Pirate Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny pirate day jokes and even better pirate day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. When the bartender points it out, the pirate replies "Arrrgh, it's been driving me nuts all day."
  • Why can't pirates wear sunglasses? Because they have no buccaneers!
    Happy speak like a pirate day!
  • it's international Talk Like A Pirate Day! enjoy a cross-re-post. What's a Pirate's favourite letter?
    You'd think it'd be r, but a pirate's first love is the C.
  • Why do pirates have trouble learning the alphabet? Because they spend years at Sea!
  • The other day I saw a pirate with a steering wheel on his belt When I asked him about it he said Arrgh, it's drivin' me nuts
  • Did you hear about the band of roving pirate toddlers? They spend their days sailing the Hi-C
  • How do pirates know they're pirates? They think, therefore they AAAARRR.
    My dad just told me that and I laughed. So dumb but it's Talk Like A Pirate Day.
  • What does a pirate do after a long days work? What does a pirate do after a long days work?
    He has some Arr and Arr!
  • Where does a pirate go to do his taxes? H&Rrrrrr block (pirate voice)
    I thought of this the other day, not sure if it's an actual joke or not, made me laugh at myself though.
  • How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger flag on the cheap? He bought it on sail.

Pirate Hook Jokes

Here is a list of funny pirate hook jokes and even better pirate hook puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is pirating so addictive? Once you lose your first hand, you get hooked.
  • Why do pirates like to watch boxing? Because they can all appreciate a strong right hook.
  • Where do pirates get their hooks? At the second-hand store!
  • Where do pirates buy their hook hands from? From a second hand shop.
  • Why can't pirates use sign language? Because the hook makes everything sound like a question.
  • What was the pirate boxing champion known for? His left hook.
  • Have you heard that new pirate song? It has a great hook.
  • I just started a pirate themed band with my friends, but we're having trouble writing songs for it All we seem to be able to write are the hooks
  • Where did the pirate get his hook? From a second hand store.
  • What's the best part of a pirate song? The hook.

Pirate Booty Jokes

Here is a list of funny pirate booty jokes and even better pirate booty puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Ghost pirate What did the pirate's ghost say to his girlfriend?
    I love your Boo-ty
  • Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally.... So I was like na, more like pirate and b**....
  • Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate? A small chest with no b**....
  • What is a pirate's worst nightmare? A sunken chest and no b**....
  • Are pirates a**... men or t**... men a**... men. It's all about the quality of the b**..., not the size of the chest.
    Came up with this a few months ago and keep forgetting to post it.
  • What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date? A sunken chest and no b**....
  • What's a pirate's greatest fear on the first date? A sunken chest with no b**....
  • What is a necrophiliac pirate's favorite hobby? Diggin' for b**....
  • What's a necrophilic pirate's favorite activity? Digging for b**....
  • What is a group of gay pirates favorite pastime? p**... each other's b**...
Pirate joke, What is a group of gay pirates favorite pastime?

Playful Pirate Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about pirate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bandit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pirate pranks.

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a p**...?

Arrr Kelly!

So a pirate has been on a ship for 6 months...

but there are no women on the ship and being male,he had some...urges, so he asked the captain " arr its been 6 months since we've had a lass on the ship and some of the others are getting urges. what can we do about them??" and the captain responds" go down to the front of the ship and there will be a barrel, stick your privates in there and go at it." so he did as he was told and when he was done he came back. he told the captain " captain! that was great! how many times can i use it????" and the captain turned to him and said " every day except thursday." and the pirate asked " why?" the captain responded " aye, because thats your turn to be in the barrel."

A pirate walks into a bar...

...with a ships wheel on his c**.... One of the patrons says "Hey, you knw you got a ships wheel on your c**..., right?" To which the pirate replies "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts!"

pirate joke

I saw a pirate walking down the street and he had a paper towel on his head so I said "what's with the paper towel." he said "arrgh got a Bounty on me head."

A Halloween joke for you.

Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're under my buckin hat lady."

A Sea Captain looks through his telescope

and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt".
"But why, Captain?" the Mate says.
"If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed".
The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks out again, this time seeing a fleet of Pirate Ships gaining on them. He turns to the first mate again:
"Arrr Matey, fetch me me brown pants".

What does a pirate from Boston say?

Aaahhh.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Man, I wish I had paid for all that music...

A pirate goes to a doctor...

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"
(sorry if repost, haven't seen it on this sub)

A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head.

He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty r**....
The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"
"Arrrrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"

what did the pirate do after his parrot bit off his g**...?

He got a woodpecker.

The Pirate and the alphabet

Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?
Because they spend years at sea.

How much do pirates charge for piercings?

A buck an ear.

Why didn't the gay pirate have a parrot?

Because he preferred a c**...-er-two!
This is my first original pirate-themed joke. I have more on the way. Love it? Hate it? Let me know!

Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at sea.

What did the pirate name his pet clam?

Michelle

A pirate goes to the doctor

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

What kind of music does a pirate like?

Arrr'n'B

Why don't pirates drive on mountain roads?

'Scurvy

A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his c**.... The bartender looks at the steering wheel and asks, "Doesn't that bother you?" The pirate responds, "Yar it's driving me nuts."

A Pirate's Life

A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:
"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"
" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".
"What about the eye-patch?".
"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".
"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"
"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?

A buccaneer.

A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing

The pirate thinks and replies, "my spine!"
"Why?" says his wife, a little surprised
"Because it's holding me back!"

Pirate: The cannons be ready, captain.

Captain: Are.

If pirates say "Arr", What do software pirates say?

.RAR

A pirate walks into a bar

with a steering wheel stuffed in his pants. The bartender looks at him and asks, "Why is there a steering wheel sticking out your pants?" The pirate replies, "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"

Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?

Because he was always lost at C!
[ I'm^so^sorry ]

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh

How does a pirate greet a sea monster?

What's Kraken?

Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.
"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher
'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior
"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages
BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."
"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"
BB looks at her as if she's an idiot
"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"

How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Pier to Pier Networking

How much citrus does it take to kill a pirate?

None.

What's a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear sir,
Your internet service has been disconnected due to terms of service violations and excessive downloading. Please return modem and accessories to your nearest Comcast location.
Sincerely,
Comcast

What direction did the pirate go to get his bread??

Yeast!!

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, sits down and orders a drink.

Bartender serves the pirate his drink, and asks about the paper towel.
The pirate smiles and says, "That be the bounty on me head!"

Why are pirates such good singers?

Because they hit the high C's.

Did you hear about the gay Pirate?

He took it up the arrrrs

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of the front of his pants.

The bartender looks up and says "Hey Pirate, you've a got a steering wheel coming out of the front of your pants!"
The pirate says "Argh, it's driving me nuts."

A pirate captain asks his first mate "Find out what be the Roman numeral for the two"

"Aye aye! " responds the first mate

On Halloween, a little boy dressed as a pirate.

He went up to a house and rang the doorbell. A man answered and said, "Well I'll be, a pirate! But where are your buccaneers?
The little boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

Did you hear about the pirate themed phone Apple have been designing?

They're gonna call it the ayePhone

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants

The barkeep says, "you've got a steering wheel in your pants."
The pirate: "Aaarg! And it's driving me nuts!"
Edit * my dad may or may not have told me this joke..

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because they were sitting on the deck.

Pirates never shower before they walk the plank.

They just wash up on shore afterward.

My brother did one like that after a long string of pirate jokes.

"What's a pirate's favourite crime?"
"Arrrrson," I said, chuckling at my cleverness.
"You idiot," he replied, "it's obviously Piracy."

What is the average grade of a pirate in college?

High C's

A pirate walks into a bar...

And it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.

What does the white supremacist pirate say?

Well I'm not gonna repeat it but it ends with a hard Arrrr!

What do you get when you cross a pervert with a pirate?

AAARRRRRR Kelly

‌‌A p‌‌irate g‌‌oes t‌‌o t‌‌he d‌‌octor a‌‌nd s‌‌ay, "‌‌I h‌‌ave m‌‌oles o‌‌n m‌‌e b‌‌ack a‌‌aarrrghh"

The d‌‌octor: "It's o‌‌k, t‌‌hey're b‌‌enign"
Pirate: "‌‌Count a‌‌gain, I‌‌ t‌‌hink t‌‌here b‌‌e t‌‌en!"

Why didn't the pirates bathe before walking the plank?

They figured they'd wash up on shore later.

Why didn't the pirate finish the alphabet?

He got lost at C

How do you make a pirate angry?

By taking away the P.

My six year old's current favorite joke:

Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: Interrupting pirate.
Me: Interrupting pira...
Him: Arrrrrrgggh!!!

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants

The bartender says Hey pirate, why do you have a steering wheel in your pants? Isn't that annoying? The pirate says Arrr, it drives me nuts.

Why don't pirates shower before they walk the plank?

Because they'll just wash up on shore later.

What do you call 2 pirates that like each other?

a pirate ship
i know it s**... but i literally made this on the spot like a couple mins ago and thought to share it

Why don't pirates know the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

What's a pirates favorite element on the periodic table?

Gold. What the h**... would they need argon for?

What do pirates call a p**... on a pier?

LAAAAAAAAAND HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

How do pirates save lives?

CP Arrrrrr

What's a pirates favourite letter?

(pause for everyone saying aRrrrrrr)
No, it be the C

A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel tucked partially under his hat. The bartender says to him, "Oi, what's that?" The pirate responds, "Aargggh, I've got a bounty on me head."

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

You would think they have a hard time with R, but it's actually because they always get lost at C

Pirate joke, Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

jokes about pirate