The Best 81 Pirate Jokes

Argh, matey! Check out these hilarious pirate jokes that are sure to make you laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Pirate Jokes and Puns

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants

Bartender: "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"

Pirate: "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"

A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh."

The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."

Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

A pirate walks into a bar...

...with a ships wheel on his crotch. One of the patrons says "Hey, you knw you got a ships wheel on your crotch, right?" To which the pirate replies "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts!"

jokes about pirate

pirate joke

I saw a pirate walking down the street and he had a paper towel on his head so I said "what's with the paper towel." he said "arrgh got a Bounty on me head."


A Halloween joke for you.

Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're under my buckin hat lady."

Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?

A small chest with no booty.

Pirate joke, Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?

How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced?

A buccaneer :D

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye Matey!

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Man, I wish I had paid for all that music...

A pirate goes to a doctor...

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.

"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."

The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

(sorry if repost, haven't seen it on this sub)

You can explore pirate island reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pirate ocean dad jokes. There are also pirate puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head.

He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum.

The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"

"Arrrrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"

what did the pirate do after his parrot bit off his genitals?

He got a woodpecker.

The Pirate and the alphabet

Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?

Because they spend years at sea.

How much do pirates charge for piercings?

A buck an ear.

Why didn't the gay pirate have a parrot?

Because he preferred a cock-er-two!

This is my first original pirate-themed joke. I have more on the way. Love it? Hate it? Let me know!

Pirate joke, Why didn't the gay pirate have a parrot?

Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at sea.

What did the pirate name his pet clam?

Michelle

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

'Aye matey"


A pirate goes to the doctor

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....

So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.

What kind of music does a pirate like?

Arrr'n'B

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C.

Why don't pirates drive on mountain roads?

'Scurvy

A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender looks at the steering wheel and asks, "Doesn't that bother you?" The pirate responds, "Yar it's driving me nuts."

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?

A buccaneer.

Pirate joke, How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?

What's a pirates favourite letter?

P, because without it they're irate

A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing

The pirate thinks and replies, "my spine!"

"Why?" says his wife, a little surprised

"Because it's holding me back!"

Pirate: The cannons be ready, captain.

Captain: Are.


If pirates say "Arr", What do software pirates say?

.RAR

Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?

Because he was always lost at C!

[ I'm^so^sorry ]

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh

How does a pirate greet a sea monster?

What's Kraken?

Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.

"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher

'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior

"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages

BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."

"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"

BB looks at her as if she's an idiot

"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"


A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.

The bartender asks, "Hey, buddy, doesn't that bother you?"

The pirate says, "Yar, it's drivin' me nuts."

How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Pier to Pier Networking

How much citrus does it take to kill a pirate?

None.

What's a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet service has been disconnected due to terms of service violations and excessive downloading. Please return modem and accessories to your nearest Comcast location.

Sincerely,

Comcast

What direction did the pirate go to get his bread??

Yeast!!

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, sits down and orders a drink.

Bartender serves the pirate his drink, and asks about the paper towel.

The pirate smiles and says, "That be the bounty on me head!"

Why are pirates such good singers?

Because they hit the high C's.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of the front of his pants.

The bartender looks up and says "Hey Pirate, you've a got a steering wheel coming out of the front of your pants!"

The pirate says "Argh, it's driving me nuts."

A pirate captain asks his first mate "Find out what be the Roman numeral for the two"

"Aye aye! " responds the first mate

On Halloween, a little boy dressed as a pirate.

He went up to a house and rang the doorbell. A man answered and said, "Well I'll be, a pirate! But where are your buccaneers?
The little boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no booty.

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because they were sitting on the deck.

What do you call a communist pirate ship?

The USS-ARRR

Pirates never shower before they walk the plank.

They just wash up on shore afterward.

My brother did one like that after a long string of pirate jokes.

"What's a pirate's favourite crime?"

"Arrrrson," I said, chuckling at my cleverness.

"You idiot," he replied, "it's obviously Piracy."

A pirate walks into a bar...

And it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.

What does the white supremacist pirate say?

Well I'm not gonna repeat it but it ends with a hard Arrrr!

β€Œβ€ŒA pβ€Œβ€Œirate gβ€Œβ€Œoes tβ€Œβ€Œo tβ€Œβ€Œhe dβ€Œβ€Œoctor aβ€Œβ€Œnd sβ€Œβ€Œay, "β€Œβ€ŒI hβ€Œβ€Œave mβ€Œβ€Œoles oβ€Œβ€Œn mβ€Œβ€Œe bβ€Œβ€Œack aβ€Œβ€Œaarrrghh"

The dβ€Œβ€Œoctor: "It's oβ€Œβ€Œk, tβ€Œβ€Œhey're bβ€Œβ€Œenign"

Pirate: "β€Œβ€ŒCount aβ€Œβ€Œgain, Iβ€Œβ€Œ tβ€Œβ€Œhink tβ€Œβ€Œhere bβ€Œβ€Œe tβ€Œβ€Œen!"

Why didn't the pirate finish the alphabet?

He got lost at C

How do you make a pirate angry?

By taking away the P.

My six year old's current favorite joke:

Him: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Him: Interrupting pirate.

Me: Interrupting pira...

Him: Arrrrrrgggh!!!

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants

The bartender says Hey pirate, why do you have a steering wheel in your pants? Isn't that annoying? The pirate says Arrr, it drives me nuts.

What does a pirate say when he puts his peg leg in a freezer?

Shiver me timbers!

Why don't pirates shower before they walk the plank?

Because they'll just wash up on shore later.

A Native American, Pirate, and Frenchman walk into a bar.

The bartender walks over and says, "Gentlemen, hau, arrrrrrr, oui, today?"

What do you name an American, Communist Pirate Ship?

The U.S.S. ARRRGH

What do you call 2 pirates that like each other?

a pirate ship


i know it sucks but i literally made this on the spot like a couple mins ago and thought to share it

Why don't pirates know the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

What's a pirates favorite element on the periodic table?

Gold. What the hell would they need argon for?

What do pirates call a prostitute on a pier?

LAAAAAAAAAND HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye matey

Credit to my sister

How do pirates save lives?

CP Arrrrrr

What's a pirates favourite letter?

(pause for everyone saying aRrrrrrr)

No, it be the C

A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel tucked partially under his hat. The bartender says to him, "Oi, what's that?" The pirate responds, "Aargggh, I've got a bounty on me head."

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

You would think they have a hard time with R, but it's actually because they always get lost at C

Why was it only $2 for the pirate to get both his ears pierced?

He got the buccaneer special

Are pirates ass men or tit men

Ass men. It's all about the quality of the booty, not the size of the chest.

Came up with this a few months ago and keep forgetting to post it.

Why do pirates always carry a bar of soap?

So just in case they go overboard they can wash up on shore!

Arrrrgh

What is a pirates favorite letter?

The one from the Governor telling him he's been pardoned.

why cant pirates sing the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at "C"....

The pirate comes up onto the deck

The pirate comes up onto the deck and finds the captain.

"The cannons be ready, Sire!" announced the pirate.

The captain replies, "Are".

This joke was brought to you by the grammar police.

'How old arr you?' asked one of the pirate's sailors.

The pirate replied, 'Aye matey.'

Why do pirates take such a long time learning the alphabet ?

Because they spent years at C!

What's a pirates favourite plant?

An arrrrrrtichoke!

What do pirates do when they get sick of your physics questions?

They make you walk the Planck.

I pirated an ethics textbook.

I'll find out if I did the right thing soon enough.

What kind of pirate pees on you?

Rrrrrrrr Kelly

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pirate sword jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pirate parrot piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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