pirate Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious pirate puns

A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh."

The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."

Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"

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What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

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Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....

So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.

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Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C.

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Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?

A small chest with no booty.

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A pirate goes to a doctor...

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.

"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."

The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

(sorry if repost, haven't seen it on this sub)

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What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye Matey!

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"Bite me, asshole"

"Bite me, asshole" - grammatically correct and scathing
"Bite me asshole" - kinky pirate

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Why didn't the gay pirate have a parrot?

Because he preferred a cock-er-two!

This is my first original pirate-themed joke. I have more on the way. Love it? Hate it? Let me know!

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What is a pirate's favorite element in the periodic table?

Gold. Why the fuck would a pirate need Argon?

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What's a pirates favourite letter?

P, because without it they're irate

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A grammar nazi pirate is sailing his ship getting ready to attack an enemy ship...

when one of his men comes up to him and hollers:

*"The cannons be ready, Captain!"*

The Captain looks at him and says:

*"Arrrrrrrrrre"*

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A guy gets horny during his first week on a pirate ship...

So he goes up to the captain and asks "What do you guys use when you get horny?"

 

The captain says: "There's a barrel over there with a hole in it; we use that".

 
Guy: "Great when can I use it?"

 
Captain: "You can use it any day of the week, except Tuesday".

 
Guy: "Why not Tuesday?"

 
The captain grinned and said: "Cause that's your day in the barrel."

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What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no booty.

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Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.

"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher

'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior

"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages

BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."

"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"

BB looks at her as if she's an idiot

"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"

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Just saw a pirated movie

On a scale of 1-10, I'd give a 3.14

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Talk Like A Pirate Day

How the fuck am I supposed to learn Somali?

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What do you call a communist pirate ship?

The USS-ARRR

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How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced?

A buccaneer :D

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What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Ay matey.

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A pirate goes to the doctor

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

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What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

'Aye matey"

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Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?

Because he was always lost at C!



[ I'm^so^sorry ]

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A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing

The pirate thinks and replies, "my spine!"

"Why?" says his wife, a little surprised

"Because it's holding me back!"

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Pirate: The cannons be ready, captain.

Captain: Are.

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How does a pirate greet a sea monster?

What's Kraken?

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A pirate walks into the doctors office with a steering wheel on his penis

The Doctor asks "Sir, doesn't that hurt?"
and the Pirate replies "Aye, it be driving me nuts!"

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Pirates never shower before they walk the plank.

They just wash up on shore afterward.

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How much citrus does it take to kill a pirate?

None.

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If pirates say "Arr", What do software pirates say?

.RAR

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A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender looks at the steering wheel and asks, "Doesn't that bother you?" The pirate responds, "Yar it's driving me nuts."

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A pirate walks into a bar...

...with a ships wheel on his crotch. One of the patrons says "Hey, you knw you got a ships wheel on your crotch, right?" To which the pirate replies "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts!"

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What's a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet service has been disconnected due to terms of service violations and excessive downloading. Please return modem and accessories to your nearest Comcast location.

Sincerely,

Comcast

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How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?

A buccaneer.

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A pirate talks with his captain...

'Captain, how did you get your peg leg?'

'Yarrr... Me ship sank. I was rescued, but not before a great white took me leg.'

'What about your hook hand?'

'Me ship was boarded. I repelled the bastards, but not before I lost me hand.'

'And what about your eye patch?'

'Yarrr... a bird shit in me eye.'

'I don't understand.... How did that cause you to lose an eye???'

'It was me first day with the hook!'

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What are the most funny Pirate jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Pirate? Well, here are the best Pirate dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Pirate pick up lines to share with friends.

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