Pirate Jokes

Funniest Pirate Short Jokes

Short pirate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pirate humour may include short buccaneer jokes also.

1. A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh." The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."
   Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"
2. While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.
3. How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music? They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.
4. What is something with 8 eyes, 8 leg, and 8 hands? 8 pirates
   My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.
5. What is a Pirate's favorite letter? The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.
   Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .
6. When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back
7. What's a pirate's favorite letter? A writ of safe passage from his majesty, king Charles II of England.
8. What's a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir,
   We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...
9. What is a pirates favorite letter? The one from the Governor telling him he's been pardoned.
10. As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning... Him: What's a pirates favorite letter?
    Me: ARRRGH!
    Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the "C"!

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Pirate One Liners

Which pirate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pirate? I can suggest the ones about sailor and hacker.

1. Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies. Nyetflix.
2. You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes? 8 Pirates
3. Why can't pirates learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C.
4. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!
5. What's a pirates favourite letter? P, because without it they're irate
6. What's a pirate's favorite letter? Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C.
7. What's a pirate's favorite musical note? The High Cs
8. Just watched a pirated movie On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14
9. What do you call a communist pirate ship? The USS-ARRR
10. What's a pirate's favorite explosive? M80
11. What does a pirate say when he puts his peg leg in a freezer? Shiver me timbers!
12. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey
    
13. What do lesbian pirates say? Arrr scissor me timbers
14. 'How old arr you?' asked one of the pirate's sailors. The pirate replied, 'Aye matey.'
15. What's a pirates favourite letter? (pause for everyone saying aRrrrrrr)
    No, it be the C

Pirate Ship Jokes

Here is a list of funny pirate ship jokes and even better pirate ship puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire? Arrr son!
• Pirate Ship Captain: Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals? Crew: I I captain.
• What do you call first aid on a pirate ship? Sea pee yarrrrrrrr!
• What do you call a ship that drives itself? Auto-pirate.
• What happens when a red pirate ship and a brown pirate ship meet on a deserted island? They get marooned
• Why didn't The Black Pearl get cold and drafty on cold winter nights at sea? Because pirate ships have a very high Arrrrrr value.
• Did you hear about the cruise that was rated 3.14 out of 10? It was a pi-rate ship
• Who drives the ship while all the pirates are pillaging? No one, they just turn on auto-pirate
• Why do pirates only have one type of weapon attached to their ship? Because the other weapons are non-canon.
• What did the Pirate say to the plank as it was being installed on the ship? Welcome a Board!
  (Inspired by a comment I left on another post, though I'm confident it's been posted many times before)

Bartender Pirate Jokes

Here is a list of funny bartender pirate jokes and even better bartender pirate puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A native American, Pirate, and Frenchman walk into a bar. The bartender walks over and says, "Gentlemen, hau, arrrrrrr, oui, today?"
• A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants Bartender: "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
  Pirate: "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"
• A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. When the bartender points it out, the pirate replies "Arrrgh, it's been driving me nuts all day."
• A Pirate, Rabbi, Ninja, and Giraffe walk into a bar together. The bartender looks at all of them and asks out loud, "What is this? A joke?!"
• A pirate walks into a bar The bartender says to him:
  "Hey pirate, are you aware there's a steering wheel coming from your zipper?"
  The pirate replies:
  "AARRGHH matey, it's drivin' me nuts!"
• An Irish pirate with a 12 inch wiener walks into a bar and the bartender says "I don't even know how to label you!"
• A skeleton walks into a bar He walks up to the bartender and orders a beer and a mop.
  (Credit goes to the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie but just wanted to share)

Pirate Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny pirate day jokes and even better pirate day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why can't pirates wear sunglasses? Because they have no buccaneers!
  Happy speak like a pirate day!
• it's international Talk Like A Pirate Day! enjoy a cross-re-post. What's a Pirate's favourite letter?
  You'd think it'd be r, but a pirate's first love is the C.
• The other day I saw a pirate with a steering wheel on his belt When I asked him about it he said Arrgh, it's drivin' me nuts
• Did you hear about the band of roving pirate toddlers? They spend their days sailing the Hi-C
• Where does a pirate go to do his taxes? H&Rrrrrr block (pirate voice)
  I thought of this the other day, not sure if it's an actual joke or not, made me laugh at myself though.
• How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger flag on the cheap? He bought it on sail.
• I met a pirate the other day, whose parrot was saying, "Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven!" I said, "Shouldn't that be pieces of eight?"
  The pirate replied, "Arrrrr, it's a parroty error."
• A pirate is sitting at a bar... In walks in a civil rights activist, a communist, and a dog.
  The pirate says, "Well, today's my lucky day! X, Marx, and the Spot!"
• How do scientists celebrate Pirate Day? They get their Aaargh-On!
• It's international pirate day... ...but I don't know Somali.

Pirate Hook Jokes

Here is a list of funny pirate hook jokes and even better pirate hook puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why is pirating so addictive? Once you lose your first hand, you get hooked.
• Why do pirates like to watch boxing? Because they can all appreciate a strong right hook.
• Why can't pirates use sign language? Because the hook makes everything sound like a question.
• What was the pirate boxing champion known for? His left hook.
• Have you heard that new pirate song? It has a great hook.
• I just started a pirate themed band with my friends, but we're having trouble writing songs for it All we seem to be able to write are the hooks
• How does a pirate win boxing matches even when he has no hands? Using only his left and right hooks
• I once got into a fist fight with a pirate... He had mean right hook.
• I fell in love with a pirate once But in the end it just turned out to be a hook-up.
• A pirate started singing me a song. I didn't really like it until he started swinging his arm around. Then I was caught on the hook.

Pirate Booty Jokes

Here is a list of funny pirate booty jokes and even better pirate booty puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Ghost pirate What did the pirate's ghost say to his girlfriend?
  I love your Boo-ty

Playful Pirate Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about pirate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bandit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pirate pranks.