Pirate Jokes
155 pirate jokes and hilarious pirate puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about pirate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If there's one group known for their audacious antics, flamboyant phrases, and distinctive dialect, it’s unlikely seafarers: Pirates. Their legendary exploits now serve as a cannon of inspiration for an array of hilarious pirate jokes. Whether you're gearing up for a pirate-themed party, trying to entertain children with funny tales, or simply want to add some old sea-dog charm to your joke repertoire, these pirate zingers hit the spot perfectly.
Our collection of pirate humor will take you on a laughter-filled journey across the seven seas, guaranteeing some hearty guffaws and ahaaarrrs. So put on your tricorn hats, raise your grog, and prepare to unleash the seafaring comedian in you. Shiver me timbers, these jokes are laugh-out-loud funny!
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Funniest Pirate Short Jokes
Short pirate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pirate humour may include short buccaneer jokes also.
- A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh." The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."
Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!" - While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.
- How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music? They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.
- What is something with 8 eyes, 8 leg, and 8 hands? 8 pirates
My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him. - What is a Pirate's favorite letter? The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.
Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind . - When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back
- What's a pirate's favorite letter? A writ of safe passage from his majesty, king Charles II of England.
- What's a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir,
We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ... - What is a pirates favorite letter? The one from the Governor telling him he's been pardoned.
- As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning... Him: What's a pirates favorite letter?
Me: ARRRGH!
Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the "C"!
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Pirate One Liners
Which pirate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pirate? I can suggest the ones about sailor and hacker.
- Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies. Nyetflix.
- You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes? 8 Pirates
- Why can't pirates learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C.
- What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!
- What's a pirates favourite letter? P, because without it they're irate
- What's a pirate's favorite letter? Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C.
- What's a pirate's favorite musical note? The High Cs
- Just watched a pirated movie On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14
- What do you call a communist pirate ship? The USS-ARRR
- What's a pirate's favorite explosive? M80
- What does a pirate say when he puts his peg leg in a freezer? Shiver me timbers!
- What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey
- What do lesbian pirates say? Arrr scissor me timbers
- 'How old arr you?' asked one of the pirate's sailors. The pirate replied, 'Aye matey.'
- What's a pirates favourite letter? (pause for everyone saying aRrrrrrr)
No, it be the C
Pirate Ship Jokes
Here is a list of funny pirate ship jokes and even better pirate ship puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire? Arrr son!
- Pirate Ship Captain: Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals? Crew: I I captain.
- What do you call first aid on a pirate ship? Sea pee yarrrrrrrr!
- What do you call a ship that drives itself? Auto-pirate.
- What happens when a red pirate ship and a brown pirate ship meet on a deserted island? They get marooned
- Why didn't The Black Pearl get cold and drafty on cold winter nights at sea? Because pirate ships have a very high Arrrrrr value.
- Did you hear about the cruise that was rated 3.14 out of 10? It was a pi-rate ship
- Who drives the ship while all the pirates are pillaging? No one, they just turn on auto-pirate
- Why do pirates only have one type of weapon attached to their ship? Because the other weapons are non-canon.
- What did the Pirate say to the plank as it was being installed on the ship? Welcome a Board!
(Inspired by a comment I left on another post, though I'm confident it's been posted many times before)
Bartender Pirate Jokes
Here is a list of funny bartender pirate jokes and even better bartender pirate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A native American, Pirate, and Frenchman walk into a bar. The bartender walks over and says, "Gentlemen, hau, arrrrrrr, oui, today?"
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants Bartender: "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
Pirate: "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!" - A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. When the bartender points it out, the pirate replies "Arrrgh, it's been driving me nuts all day."
- A Pirate, Rabbi, Ninja, and Giraffe walk into a bar together. The bartender looks at all of them and asks out loud, "What is this? A joke?!"
- A pirate walks into a bar The bartender says to him:
"Hey pirate, are you aware there's a steering wheel coming from your zipper?"
The pirate replies:
"AARRGHH matey, it's drivin' me nuts!" - An Irish pirate with a 12 inch wiener walks into a bar and the bartender says "I don't even know how to label you!"
- A skeleton walks into a bar He walks up to the bartender and orders a beer and a mop.
(Credit goes to the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie but just wanted to share)
Pirate Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny pirate day jokes and even better pirate day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why can't pirates wear sunglasses? Because they have no buccaneers!
Happy speak like a pirate day! - it's international Talk Like A Pirate Day! enjoy a cross-re-post. What's a Pirate's favourite letter?
You'd think it'd be r, but a pirate's first love is the C. - The other day I saw a pirate with a steering wheel on his belt When I asked him about it he said Arrgh, it's drivin' me nuts
- Did you hear about the band of roving pirate toddlers? They spend their days sailing the Hi-C
- Where does a pirate go to do his taxes? H&Rrrrrr block (pirate voice)
I thought of this the other day, not sure if it's an actual joke or not, made me laugh at myself though. - How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger flag on the cheap? He bought it on sail.
- I met a pirate the other day, whose parrot was saying, "Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven!" I said, "Shouldn't that be pieces of eight?"
The pirate replied, "Arrrrr, it's a parroty error." - A pirate is sitting at a bar... In walks in a civil rights activist, a communist, and a dog.
The pirate says, "Well, today's my lucky day! X, Marx, and the Spot!" - How do scientists celebrate Pirate Day? They get their Aaargh-On!
- It's international pirate day... ...but I don't know Somali.
Pirate Hook Jokes
Here is a list of funny pirate hook jokes and even better pirate hook puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is pirating so addictive? Once you lose your first hand, you get hooked.
- Why do pirates like to watch boxing? Because they can all appreciate a strong right hook.
- Why can't pirates use sign language? Because the hook makes everything sound like a question.
- What was the pirate boxing champion known for? His left hook.
- Have you heard that new pirate song? It has a great hook.
- I just started a pirate themed band with my friends, but we're having trouble writing songs for it All we seem to be able to write are the hooks
- How does a pirate win boxing matches even when he has no hands? Using only his left and right hooks
- I once got into a fist fight with a pirate... He had mean right hook.
- I fell in love with a pirate once But in the end it just turned out to be a hook-up.
- A pirate started singing me a song. I didn't really like it until he started swinging his arm around. Then I was caught on the hook.
Pirate Booty Jokes
Here is a list of funny pirate booty jokes and even better pirate booty puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Ghost pirate What did the pirate's ghost say to his girlfriend?
I love your Boo-ty

Playful Pirate Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about pirate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bandit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pirate pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get if you cross a pirate and a p**...?
Arrr Kelly!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What makes a sad pirate?
Sunken chest, hidden b**...
The Secret of the Red Shirt
Once upon a time there was a pirate captain. He ran a very successful ship, and rarely lost any battles. He took a boy under him to teach him the trade.
One day, the lookout shouted, "Marine ship to the starboard, bearing down upon us!". The captain immediately shouted to the boy, "Boy, bring me my red shirt!". The ship was boarded, but the captain rallied the pirates and defeated the marines.
Every time a marine ship attacked them, the captain would give the same order to the boy, "Boy, bring me my red shirt!". And they always won. So, one day the boy asked the captain, "What is the secret of the red shirt?". The captain replied, "The secret is that, if I'm injured in the battle, the crew won't see blood and will not falter." The boy was amazed and grew proud about his captain.
Then one day, the came upon an entire fleet of marine ships. Hundreds upon hundreds of marine ships bore down upon them. The boy came running to the captain with the red shirt. The captain shook his head and said, "Bring me my brown pants."
pirate joke
I saw a pirate walking down the street and he had a paper towel on his head so I said "what's with the paper towel." he said "arrgh got a Bounty on me head."
A Halloween joke for you.
Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're under my buckin hat lady."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do pirates and pimps both have in common....
...they both say "yo h**..." and plunder the bootie!
Compliments of my gf :)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?
To hide his b**....
Hard Times
A pirate was standing on the crow's nest and then he slipped and fell. He fell through the first floor, then he fell through the second floor, then he fell through the third floor and hit the bottom floor of the ship!
The first mate comes up to him and asks "Are ye all right matey?"
The pirate replies, "Arrr, yes... I've been through hardship before!"
Why did the pirate update his Macbook?
His matey told him he needed an iPatch
What's a pirates favorite thing to knit?
Scaaaaaarrves
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?
A small chest with no b**....
What does a pirate from Boston say?
Aaahhh.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Man, I wish I had paid for all that music...
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
what did the pirate do after his parrot bit off his g**...?
He got a woodpecker.
The Pirate and the alphabet
Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?
Because they spend years at sea.
Why is French person a better team player than a pirate?
The pirate says, "Aye, aye!"
The French says, "Oui, oui!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't the gay pirate have a parrot?
Because he preferred a c**...-er-two!
This is my first original pirate-themed joke. I have more on the way. Love it? Hate it? Let me know!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pirate, land lubber
Yarrrr,
Why be it that land-lubbers are never confident?
For they are always on shore...
What did the pirate name his pet clam?
Michelle
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....
So I was like na, more like pirate and b**....
What kind of music does a pirate like?
Arrr'n'B
Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?
Because Somalia doesn't have an education system
Why don't pirates drive on mountain roads?
'Scurvy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Pirate's Life
A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:
"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"
" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".
"What about the eye-patch?".
"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".
"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"
"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buck an ear
What does all pirate music have in common?
It's all played in the high C's.
A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing
The pirate thinks and replies, "my spine!"
"Why?" says his wife, a little surprised
"Because it's holding me back!"
Pirate: The cannons be ready, captain.
Captain: Are.
If pirates say "Arr", What do software pirates say?
.RAR
Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?
Because he was always lost at C!
[ I'm^so^sorry ]
How does a pirate greet a sea monster?
What's Kraken?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten
As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.
"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher
'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior
"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages
BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."
"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"
BB looks at her as if she's an idiot
"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"
How did pirates communicate before the internet?
Pier to Pier Networking
How much citrus does it take to kill a pirate?
None.
What direction did the pirate go to get his bread??
Yeast!!
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, sits down and orders a drink.
Bartender serves the pirate his drink, and asks about the paper towel.
The pirate smiles and says, "That be the bounty on me head!"
Why did the Asian pilot get arrested at the airport?
TSA thought he said he was going to "pirate" the plane.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the gay Pirate?
He took it up the arrrrs
A pirate captain asks his first mate "Find out what be the Roman numeral for the two"
"Aye aye! " responds the first mate
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey
(This is an old joke I saw. But haven't seen it here in a while. So I figured some of you might get a small laugh out of this)
Why did the pirate prefer slightly above average students?
Because he always preferred the high C's
Did you hear about the pirate themed phone Apple have been designing?
They're gonna call it the ayePhone
Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
Because they were sitting on the deck.
Pirates never shower before they walk the plank.
They just wash up on shore afterward.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My brother did one like that after a long string of pirate jokes.
"What's a pirate's favourite crime?"
"Arrrrson," I said, chuckling at my cleverness.
"You idiot," he replied, "it's obviously Piracy."
What is the average grade of a pirate in college?
High C's
What did the pirate get on his report card?
Seven Cs!
Why did the pirate only use his swords on women?
Because they were cutlasses, not cutlads.
To err is human...
To arr is pirate
A pirate walks into a bar...
And it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
How do pirates spell Thicc?
With seven Cs.
What does the white supremacist pirate say?
Well I'm not gonna repeat it but it ends with a hard Arrrr!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get when you cross a pervert with a pirate?
AAARRRRRR Kelly
Why can't pirates sing the alphabet?
Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)
What makes a pirate a pirate?
They just arrr
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a pirate that likes golden showers?
ARRRRRRRRR Kelly
Pirates may be good at math, but they struggle with the alphabet.
They spend years at c!
What do you call a pirate with 2 arms, 2 legs and 2 eyes?
A beginner
All pirates medics were required to be certified in
C. P. ARRRRRR.
Why didn't the pirate finish the alphabet?
He got lost at C
How do you make a pirate angry?
By taking away the P.
My six year old's current favorite joke:
Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: Interrupting pirate.
Me: Interrupting pira...
Him: Arrrrrrgggh!!!
My new and 100% original (and truly terrible) COVID pirate joke...
How did the pirates manage to avoid the pandemic?
They cove-hid.
What does a Japanese pirate say?
Nothing, he's too busy frying the prane.
Why don't pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because they'll just wash up on shore later.
A pirate walks into a bar
With a steering wheel on his belt buckle.
Bartender: "Oi pirate! What's with the steery thingy on ye belt?"
Pirate: "Yarr it's driving me nuts!" "Also it's me cake day so please don't be swabbing me in the blue cheese for the bad jokes"
I made an attempt!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call 2 pirates that like each other?
a pirate ship
i know it s**... but i literally made this on the spot like a couple mins ago and thought to share it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do pirates call a p**... on a pier?
LAAAAAAAAAND HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
How do pirates save lives?
CP Arrrrrr
How do pirates relieve themselves of scurvy?
Vitamin Sea

