Pirate Hook Jokes
88 pirate hook jokes and hilarious pirate hook puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pirate hook that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Pirate Hook Short Jokes
Short pirate hook jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pirate hook humour may include short captain hook jokes also.
- Why can't pirates use sign language? Because the hook makes everything sound like a question.
- I just started a pirate themed band with my friends, but we're having trouble writing songs for it All we seem to be able to write are the hooks
- How does a pirate win boxing matches even when he has no hands? Using only his left and right hooks
- A pirate started singing me a song. I didn't really like it until he started swinging his arm around. Then I was caught on the hook.
- My grandpa told me this one Where do pirates get there hooks from...
The second hand store - TIL: Captain Hook ran an entire pirate ship. He did it single handedly too.
He was a bit out of breath afterwards though. - Have you heard about the new pirate movie? All the producers have Hook Noses
#racistdadjoke - Why do pirates never quit their jobs? Because once they lose a hand they get hooked.
- How much will a pirate's hook and a whale tooth peg cost you? An arm and a leg.
- (JOKE) "A PIRATE RETIRED"vanndukeandsammy sammy:now that captain hook has retired, to make money, to fishermen at sea he rent himself out as a human fishing pole....(werms extra fee).
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Pirate Hook One Liners
Which pirate hook one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pirate hook? I can suggest the ones about fishing hook and pirate ship.
- Why is pirating so addictive? Once you lose your first hand, you get hooked.
- Why do pirates like to watch boxing? Because they can all appreciate a strong right hook.
- Where do pirates get their hooks? At the second-hand store!
- Where do pirates buy their hook hands from? From a second hand shop.
- What was the pirate boxing champion known for? His left hook.
- Have you heard that new pirate song? It has a great hook.
- Where did the pirate get his hook? From a second hand store.
- What's the best part of a pirate song? The hook.
- Why do Pirates always win boxing matches? They have a killer hook.
- I once got into a fist fight with a pirate... He had mean right hook.
- I fell in love with a pirate once But in the end it just turned out to be a hook-up.
- Why is it so hard to stop being a pirate? You lose one hand and then you're hooked.
- How does a pirate open an essay? With a hook.
- I saw a pirate finally purchase Adobe Photoshop. He handed the cashier a hook and a peg.
- What did the Pirate say to the Writer? Arrgh I'm hooked.
Pirate Hook Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about pirate hook you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pirate eye patch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pirate hook pranks.
A young boy was walking along the docks one day admiring the ships, when a man walked up behind him and said, “Thinking of becoming a sailor?” “Yes, I am!” replied the boy. “Well,” the man said, “I have sailed many years and have had many adventures.” The boy looked the man up and down, and saw that he had an eye patch, a peg leg, and a hook. “I would love to hear of your adventures,” said the boy. “Well,” the man said, “I was sailing around the Cape of Good Hope when I encountered pirates. They boarded my boat and I fought them 'til there was only one left. But before he got away he cut off my leg!” “That sounds terrible!” exclaimed the boy. “Aye lad, it was, but I got over it and continued sailing the seas.” “How did you get the hook?” inquired the boy. “I was once again sailing around the Cape of Good Hope on my way home when I encountered the same pirate with a whole new crew. They boarded me again and I fought down to the last man, only this time as he got away, he cut of my hand!” “That is awful!” the boy once again exclaimed. “Aye lad, but again I got over it and continued sailing the seas.” “Tell me how you got the eye patch! Was it the pirates again?” “No lad, this time I was just out finishing one day, I heard the cry of a gull, and when I looked up it sh*t in me eye!” “Pardon me sir, but I didn’t know you could lose an eye from gull sh*t.” “Well lad, 'twas the first day with the hook!!!”
Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand.
That pirate is now known as Captain Hook
Q: How do pirates make their money?
A: By hook or by crook!
A pirate walks into a bar one day...
...And he sees his old captain sitting down having a drink. So he goes up to say hello and catch up, but he notices that his old captain looks a little different. So he goes over to talk to him. "Captain," he says, "I haven't seen you in years. It's good to see you, but man, you look a little different. I notice that you have a wooden leg! What happened?"
"Gyarr," says the captain, "You be correct. Ya see during a fearsome storm, a huge wave hit me boat, and my leg got trapped under a chain, and ripped it off, so I had to get this here peg leg."
"Wow" says the pirate. "That's terrible. But what happened to your hand? You have a hook now!"
"Gyarr," says the captian, "You be correct. Ya see I was captured by the enemy one day, and they were forcin me to walk the plank, but I turned back and tried to escape, and they cut me hand off, and I had to get this here hook."
Wincing, the pirate says "Christ! Now what happened to your eye? You have a glass eye now."
"Gyarr," says the captain, "You be correct. Well, as I was sailing the sea one day, I happened to look up, and a seagull pooped right in my eye."
Confused, the pirate responds "Well, captain, that sounds bad, but that wouldn't make you lose your eye."
"True," pines the captain, "But it was the first day with me hook."
A pirate at the local bar discusses his past.
A s**... meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The s**... notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The s**... asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the s**.... "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the s**.... "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
Why should you never buy h**... from a pirate?
Because you'll get hooked on drugs!
A pirate walks into a bar...
A pirate walks into a bar and sits. He is dressed as a stereotypical pirate, with a hook hand, peg leg, eyepatch, and a parrot on his shoulder. As the bartender prepares his drink, he asks, "What happened to your hand?" The pirate replies, "I was sparring with me crew and one cut off me hand." Bartender: "What about your leg?" Pirate: "We were boarding an enemy ship and o**... went and cut off me leg." Bartender: "And the eyepatch?" Pirate: "Well, Polly pooped in me eye." The bartender exclaims, "That doesn't make you lose an eye!" The pirate sighs and says, "It was me first day with the hook."
Pirate walks into a bar
As a bartender was cleaning up for the evening as a pirate walked into his bar. This was the most stereo typical pirate the bartender had ever seen. He had an eye-patch over one eye, a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, a hook for a hand, and spoke with the usual pirate accent. The only thing that set this pirate apart from all the other pirates the bartender had seen was the GIANT wood steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants.
The Pirate approached the bar and shouted "ARR...Barkeep! Give me a whiskey!"
The bartender said: "Sure pirate, but first, you have to tell me, what's with the giant steering wheel shoved down the front of your pants?"
The Pirate replied: "ARR, I don't know! But it's driving me NUTS!"
A pirate walks into a bar. He sits down to reveal he has a sheath on his hook hand.
He turns to the man sitting next to him and says, "Arr, I be bettin you I can eat me own hook." The man, thinking this is just some crazy pirate man, takes the bet. The pirate then removes to sheath from his hook to reveal that it's made entirely of chocolate. The pirate eats the hook and says "Arr, I guess you should have
*never judged a hook by its cover*."
Then, as he's leaving the bar, the pirate gets hit by a bus, so you could say *it's better to be safe than scurvy*.
Why did the pirate's rap song become such a hit?
The bass was pegged, his hook was just right, and it made all the girls shake they b**....
A man made several banned films wearing an eyepatch, a hook and a wooden leg
They were pirated!
a pirate walks in to a bar...
and he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a missing eye. The bartender asks him how he lost his leg, so the pirate says he lost it fending off a shark. Then the bartender asks how he lost his hand, the pirate said he lost it in a great battle. Then the bartender asks how he lost his eye, the pirate says a seagul pooped in his eye and he wasnt used to the hand yet.
What has a hook for a hand and is always hard at work?
A gay pirate.
Pirates used to wear eye patches because they had hooks for hands
s**...
A s**... meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The s**... notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the s**... asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off".
"Wow!" said the s**.... "What about the hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off."
"Incredible!" remarked the s**.... "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked.
"Well..." said the pirate, "That was my first day with the hook."
The Pirate
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well, ok, but what about that hook? "What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.
My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them S*#t in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird S*%t."
"It was my first day with the hook."
What would you call o**... bin Laden if he became a pirate?
Sandy Hook.
A pirate come back from sea...
He stops at the barber for a trim on his beard. The barber is aghast at the sight of the pirate.
Barber : What happened to you??? When you left you were fine but now look at you!!
Pirate: Whaddaya mean to say?
Barber: You got a wooden leg now, when you left you had both legs...
Pirate: Oh this? We were in a ship to ship battle and a cannonball got my leg, but the doc gave me this peg and I'm just fine.
Barber: But you have a hook hand now, when you left you had both hands!
Pirate:Oh that? We were fighting natives on an island and one cut off my hand, but the doc fixed me up with this hook and I'm fine.
Barber: But your eye! You had both when you left.
Pirate: That...Well it was a beautiful day with not a cloud in the sky. I saw a gull overhead and as I looked at, it crapped in my eye.
Barber: You can't lose your eye from that!
Pirate : See I hadn't gotten used to the hook yet...
A Pirate walked into a bar
A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink.
The bartender asked, "Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?"
"I feel fine, why do you ask?," said the pirate.
"Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!"
"Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonball came right through the ship and took out me leg."
The bartender looked down at the pirate's hand, "But your hand, it's a hook! How did that happen?"
"Arrr well I was in a sword fight and he got me left hand, but I feel okay now."
"Okay, but how about your eye? You have an eye patch on it!"
"Arrr well just a few days ago I was looking up and a seagull pooped right in me eye."
The bartender, slightly confused asked, "How did that put out your eye?"
The pirate raised his arm, "It was the first day with the hook..."
The pirate and the sailor
A sailor walks into a bar and sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand and an eye patch. His curiosity leads him to approach the pirate and ask, "Why do you have a peg leg?"
"I was washed overboard and a shark bit me leg off." the pirate responds.
"Okay," says the sailor, "but what about your hook hand?"
"Me first mate tried to kill me with his sword but only got me hand instead."
"Okay," says the sailor, "but what about your eye patch?"
"I was walking along the beach and a seagull pooped on me eye." the pirate explains.
"A seagull pooped your eye out?" the sailor asks incredulously.
"No," the pirate explains, "it was the first day with me hook."
A pirate captain was telling his first mate how he got his injuries
First he points to his peg leg. "You see," he says, "I got thrown overboard in a terrible storm an' a great white shark bit off me leg before I could climb back up."
"That's amazing," the first mate replies, "and what happened to your hand?"
"We was boarding a ship to take its plunder an' I dueled the ship's captain. I bested him but not before he took me hand clean off. So I got a hook to replace it."
The first mate was only more impressed, "So what's the story behind the eyepatch?"
"A seagull pooped in me eye."
"That's all? You lost your eye because a seagull pooped in it?"
"Well, it was me first day with the hook."
What's A Pirate's Favorite thing too do?
Hook up
A Pirate's Life
A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:
"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"
" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".
"What about the eye-patch?".
"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".
"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"
"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".
A pirate walks into a bar...
A pirate with a peg leg, hook hand, eyepatch, and a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar. The bartender asks how he got the peg leg.
"Well", says the pirate, "I fell into the sea and had to fight off a shark, but he ate me leg."
"What about the hook hand?" Pirate: "Me vessel got boarded by some scallywags and I lost me hand in the fight."
"Well, how about the eyepatch?"
"Ol' Polly here pooped in me eye!"
The bartender was confused and asked how that could possibly make him lose his eye. The pirate responds: "First day with the hook."
What is Blackbeard and Captain Hooks favorite workout routine?
Pirates.
A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch...
He sits down, and after a few drinks someone asks him what happened to your leg?
Aye, a shark, he says. He bit it clean off!
Then someone asks him what happened to your hand?
Aye, a crocodile, he says. Bit it clean off!
Finally, someone asks him what happened to your eye?
Aye, a seagull, he replies.
A seagull? Someone says.
Yes, says the pirate. Pooped in my eye, he did. First day with my hook hand,
Why aren't pirates generally good drivers?
Well between the eye patch, hook hand, and peg leg, it's a miracle they can even get behind the wheel!
An old pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch walks into a bar
The bartender says:
Whoa, that's quite a get up you got there! Tell me how you got that peg leg.
The pirate explains:
Yarr! Ah lost me leg in a mighty battle with the toyal navy!
The bartender asks:
Wow, how about the hand?
Pirate:
'twas me old nemesis Racham the Red cut it off afore I scewerd 'im like a sow at a buffet!
Bartender:
Wow, that's quite a story! How'd you end up with the eye patch?
Pirate:
Seagull s**... in me eye...
Bartender:
A seagull s**... in your eye? Really? How bad could that be?
Pirate:
Arr... 'twas the first day with me new hook...
An old pirate walks into a bar...
He had the whole package: pegleg, hook for hand and an eyepatch.
He gets some stares from the other guests as he takes his seat by the bar.
Eventually one of the guests dares to ask: "how did you lose your leg?"
"Arr I only fell overboard one time in me whole pirate career and that's when a shark bit me leg off." The pirate replies.
The guest keeps asking on and learns that he lost his hand in a swordfight.
And ofcourse finally he asks the pirate how he lost his eye.
To wich the pirate replies: "A seagull s**... in it."
Unsurprisingly this answer was met with a blank stare and ackward silence.
"Arr well" said the pirate eventually, "It was the same day I just got the hook..."
I broke my finger the other day
On the other hand there's a hook... I'm also a pirate.
What do you call a pirates claw that's been dropped on the beach?
A Sandy Hook.
A boy walks up to a pirate
A boy walks up to a pirate and curious about his missing leg, arm, and eye, asks about them.
"Why are your arm and leg missing?" the boy asks.
"Well, I was attacked by a gator while burying me treasure. Now I got me a wooden peg and hook for me hand"
"Then what happened to your eye?"
"s**... seagull pooped in it."
"A bird p**... in your eye made it fall right out?" The boy asks, surprised.
"No, lad. That was the first day I had my hook!"
Let me introduce you my friends, right hook and left hook.
Things on the pirate ship had become a little oversaturated.
Why do alot of Pirates wear eyepatches?
They had hook hands.
In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook's right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..
Come together, right now... over Smee.
In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook's right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...
Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee
At Pirate boot camp
BOATSWAIN: "That concludes orientation. Any questions?"
ME: (raises rubber hook hand) "Why do they call it trimming the mainsail? Why not mast abating?"
Unfortunate pirate
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. Ye gads, matey, says Morty. What happened to ya?
Sol says, Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.
And yer hand? asks Morty.
When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.
OK, but what's with the eye patch?
I was standin' on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.
But ya don't go blind from no seagull p**....
True, says Sol. But it was me first day with the hook.
So a pirate walks into a bar and sits down next to a man.
The man says, How did you get your peg leg?
The pirate says, A cannon blew me leg straight off.
The man asks, How did you get your hook?
The pirate says, I lost it in a sword fight.
The man asks, How did you get your eye patch?
The pirate says, I was looking at the clouds and a seagull pooped in my eye.
The man says, You lost your eye because of p**...?
The pirate says, Nay, it was my first day with the hook.
A sailor walks into a bar
The barkeep asks, "How did you end up with that peg leg?"
And the pirate replies, "A cannon ball blasted out the deck and took me leg with it."
"Why do you have that hook?"
"Arrrgh! We was looting a ship and lost me hand in a sword fight."
"And the eye patch?"
"I looked up at a seagull and blimey, the scalliwag crapped right in me eye."
"You lost your eye from bird p**...?"
"It was me first day with the hook."
Pirate pick-up lines
I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest.
Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.
See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.
Nice p**... deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin'?
Avast, me pretty! Strike your p**... and prepare to be boarded.
I've hidden b**... all over the Caribbean — but never have I seen one like yours!
That's NOT my parrot talking, Sweetie!
That's a lovely pair of 8-pounders you have there.
My peg-leg's ribbed for your pleasure.
Why not climb my main mast and I'll visit your crow's nest.
A pirate at sea has a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch.
One of his companions ask how he lost his leg. He answers, "A cannonball." Then his companion asks how he lost his hand. He answers, "A sword." When the companion asks how he lost his eye, the man says, "A spray of the sea."
It was his first day with the hook.
It was a man's first day on a pirate ship.
He noticed the captain had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye.
The man was curious so he asked the captain how he lost his leg.
The captain responded, Arrrrr, a shark bit me leg off.
The man asked how he lost his hand. Arrrr, I lost me hand in a sword fight.
Finally, the man asked the captain while he wears a patch over his eye. The captain said, Arrrr, a seagull pooped in me eye, and it was me first day with a hook.
The anthropology student and the pirate.
An anthropology student was interviewing a retired pirate.
The student said: You have a wooden leg, a hook in place of a hand, and a patch over what I assume is an empty eye socket! How did all this happen?
The pirate replied:
I lost the leg to a canon call
I lost the hand in a sword fight
And I lost the eye because a seagull s**... in it
The student was skeptical:
A little seagull s**... shouldn't have cost you an eye!
The pirate said:
It was the first day with the hook...
The Captain's Drink
Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer stars and stripes, ya flag waving boy scout!"
America turns to Crunch, "Why's he suddenly "irate"?
Crunch says, "Well, that's what happens when you take the P out of a pirate"
A propper pirate walks into a bar, wearing his pirate hat, eye patch, old guns by his hip, of course also a hook and all these kind of things. The barmaid asks him:
What the h**... happened to you?! Why do you have a hook?! He replies: „Ah well its just one of these war stories, you know.. lost my hand in a fight.
„Wow! And how did you get the eye patch? sais she.
„Oh, that is because seagull s**... into my eye there once.
The barmaid responds: „What?! But nobody loses his eyesight from this?!
„Yes that is true.. answers the pirate, „..but at that point I only had the hook since 3 days.
A propper pirate walks into a bar, wearing his pirate hat, eye patch, old guns by his hip, of course also a hook and all these kind of things. The barmaid asks him:
What the h**... happened to you?! Why do you have a hook?! He replies: „Ah well its just one of these war stories, you know.. lost my hand in a fight.
„Wow! And how did you get the eye patch? sais she.
„Oh, that is because seagull s**... into my eye there once.
The barmaid responds: „What?! But nobody loses his eyesight from this?!
„Yes that is true.. answers the pirate, „..but at that point I only had the hook since 3 days.
Guy meets a Pirate in a bar.
He is missing an arm, a leg, and an eye. I mean stereotypical pirate.
Guy asks, "I got to know, how did you lose the leg?"
Pirate says, "arg, I was hunting a big-ol whale and a rope snatched 'round me leg and tore it clean off."
Guy says, "Wow, so- so how did you lose the arm."
Pirate answers, "I was fighting the queens finest and a cutlass lopped off me arm."
Guy says, "crazy... now what about the eye?"
Pirate says, "A bird sh*t in me eye."
Guy bewildered goes, "wo-wait... a BIRD? Sh*t in your eye?"
"First day with me hook."