Pirat Jokes
124 pirat jokes and hilarious pirat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pirat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pirat Short Jokes
Short pirat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pirat humour may include short shoulder jokes also.
- A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh." The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."
pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!" - While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.
- How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music? They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.
- What is something with 8 eyes, 8 leg, and 8 hands? 8 pirates
My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him. - What is a Pirate's favorite letter? The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.
Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind . - When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back
- What's a pirate's favorite letter? A writ of safe passage from his majesty, king Charles II of England.
- What's a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir,
We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ... - What is a pirates favorite letter? The one from the Governor telling him he's been pardoned.
- As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning... Him: What's a pirates favorite letter?
Me: ARRRGH!
Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the "C"!
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Pirat One Liners
Which pirat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pirat? I can suggest the ones about parrot and pirates wheel.
- Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies. Nyetflix.
- You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes? 8 Pirates
- Why can't pirates learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C.
- What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!
- What's a pirates favourite letter? P, because without it they're irate
- What's a pirate's favorite letter? Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C.
- What's a pirate's favorite musical note? The High Cs
- Just watched a pirated movie On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14
- What do you call a communist pirate ship? The USS-ARRR
- What's a pirate's favorite explosive? M80
- What does a pirate say when he puts his peg leg in a freezer? Shiver me timbers!
- What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey
- What do lesbian pirates say? Arrr scissor me timbers
- 'How old arr you?' asked one of the pirate's sailors. The pirate replied, 'Aye matey.'
- What's a pirates favourite letter? (pause for everyone saying aRrrrrrr)
No, it be the C
Silly & Ridiculous Pirat Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about pirat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pirate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pirat pranks.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants
Bartender: "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
Pirate: "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"
pirate joke
I saw a pirate walking down the street and he had a paper towel on his head so I said "what's with the paper towel." he said "arrgh got a Bounty on me head."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do pirates and pimps both have in common....
...they both say "yo h**..." and plunder the bootie!
Compliments of my gf :)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?
To hide his b**....
So a pirate walks into a bar…
A pirate walks into a bar, and he's got a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender sees him and asks, "Hey, what's that steering wheel doing there?" The pirate says, "Aaarrrr, I don't know, it's driving me nuts."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Pirates life for me...
A first mate says to his captain "sir i have the yearn in me l**..., and we haven't made port in weeks what do i do"
Captain : "I too have this problem , and have a solution!. when ever ye feel the need, place your self in this hole in the barrel, except on Wednesdays never on Wednesdays"
1st.Mate: "that's a great plan sir, but why not Wednesdays is that when we clean it out?"
Captain:"no you slimy dog Wednesdays is your turn in the barrel"
Why can't pirates wear sunglasses?
Because they have no buccaneers!
Happy speak like a pirate day!
Why did the pirate update his Macbook?
His matey told him he needed an iPatch
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pirate jokes I've heard throughout my life
What did the pirate say when the steering wheel was shoved down his pants?
ARGHHHHH your driven me nuts!
Why was the pirate dissatisfied with his blind date?
She had a sunken chest and no b**....
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
They can spend years stuck at sea!
And of course: Why couldn't the teenagers watch the pirate movie?
BECAUSE IT WAS RATED ARRRRRRRRRRR!!!
What's a pirates favorite thing to knit?
Scaaaaaarrves
How do pirates measure rope?
In yarr'ds.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?
A small chest with no b**....
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Another Pirate joke?
Ok, so this three part one which requires a little build up:
Ask, "what a pirate's favorite letter?"
Usually people get the "Rrrr"
Ask, "What's a pirates favorite restaurant?"
Wait for a response: "Harrrdees" or "Arrrbys"
and lastly, ask "What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?"
At this point you should get "the ARrrrrmy" and you reply
"No it's the Navy s**...!"
What does a pirate from Boston say?
Aaahhh.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Man, I wish I had paid for all that music...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
what did the pirate do after his parrot bit off his g**...?
He got a woodpecker.
A pirate goes to the doctor
A doctor walks into his exam room and is greeted with a strange sight: a pirate captain with a ships steering wheel protruding from his waistline. The doctor says "Well, I'm not sure what you came in here for, but I think we should start by addressing the steering wheel down your pants."
The pirate nods fervently, and says "Yarr, it's been drivin' me nuts!"
The Pirate and the alphabet
Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?
Because they spend years at sea.
What did the Pirate say on his 80th Birthday?
I don't know, but I'm sure someone is gonna repost this
What are Pirate clothes made of?
Yarrrrrn.
What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire?
Arrr son!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pirate, land lubber
Yarrrr,
Why be it that land-lubbers are never confident?
For they are always on shore...
What did the pirate name his pet clam?
Michelle
Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?
Because Somalia doesn't have an education system
Why don't pirates drive on mountain roads?
'Scurvy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do pirates call fat w**...?
LAND h**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do pirates love p**... Magazine?
You'd think it's for the b**..., but they really read it for the arrrticles.
What was the pirate boxing champion known for?
His left hook.
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buck an ear
What does all pirate music have in common?
It's all played in the high C's.
What did the pirate say when he walked into the brothel?
arggg! thar she blows
What does a pirate do for entertainment?
Whatever floats his boat.
The pirate missing a hand was looking for a replacement.
I suggested the second hand store
Pirate: The cannons be ready, captain.
Captain: Are.
If pirates say "Arr", What do software pirates say?
.RAR
Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?
Because he was always lost at C!
[ I'm^so^sorry ]
How do pirates know they are pirates?
They think therefore they arrr
How does a pirate greet a sea monster?
What's Kraken?
How did pirates communicate before the internet?
Pier to Pier Networking
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is a pirates favourite letter
It is clearly double D as they are mostly males who can't stand a sunken chest and no b**....
(New original take on old joke)
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
When the bartender points it out, the pirate replies "Arrrgh, it's been driving me nuts all day."
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, sits down and orders a drink.
Bartender serves the pirate his drink, and asks about the paper towel.
The pirate smiles and says, "That be the bounty on me head!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the pirate say to the p**...?
Yo h**....
A pirate captain asks his first mate "Find out what be the Roman numeral for the two"
"Aye aye! " responds the first mate
A pirate named Ronny gets promoted to First Mate.
Ronny is pondering life one day as hes giving the captain a shave.
"I'm not a very good pirate," he says to the captain. "I can't navigate and I don't know how to fight. I don't even sound like a pirate. Is there a reason you chose me as first mate?"
"Aye Ronny," says the captain.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey
(This is an old joke I saw. But haven't seen it here in a while. So I figured some of you might get a small laugh out of this)
Why did the pirate prefer slightly above average students?
Because he always preferred the high C's
Why do pirates play in C flat?
Because they can't play when the C is rough
Why is pirating so addictive?
Once you lose your first hand, you get hooked.
Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
Because they were sitting on the deck.
Pirates never shower before they walk the plank.
They just wash up on shore afterward.
A pirate captain says to his first mate...
Where are my buccaneers?
Aye Cap'n, they're the sides of your buccan' head!
What did the pirate get on his report card?
Seven Cs!
Why did the pirate only use his swords on women?
Because they were cutlasses, not cutlads.
A pirate walks into a bar...
And it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a pirate say when he's urinating in a sea filled with dead men?
R.I.P
Hehehehe im sorry pls don't hurt me
How do pirates spell Thicc?
With seven Cs.
Why can't pirates sing the alphabet?
Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)
What is a pirates least favorite vegetable
Leaks
Pirates may be good at math, but they struggle with the alphabet.
They spend years at c!
Do you know why pirates are called pirates?
Because they arrrrrrrr
All pirates medics were required to be certified in
C. P. ARRRRRR.
A pirate captain says to his 3 crewmates, "Let's learn Roman numerals!"
The first one says, "Aye."
The second one adds, "Aye aye."
The third one finishes, "Aye aye aye."
Why didn't the pirate finish the alphabet?
He got lost at C
What does a pirate say when he sits down on a really cold toilet seat?
Shrivel me timber!
Why don't pirates do very well in school?
They're only used to high C's
There once was a pirate named Bates
Who was learning to rhumba on skates
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
Where do pirates go to play games?
The Arrrrrrr-cade!
Why don't pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because they'll just wash up on shore later.
What causes a pirate to have a heart attack?
Something clogged their arrrrrrteries
A pirate walks into a bar
With a steering wheel on his belt buckle.
Bartender: "Oi pirate! What's with the steery thingy on ye belt?"
Pirate: "Yarr it's driving me nuts!" "Also it's me cake day so please don't be swabbing me in the blue cheese for the bad jokes"
I made an attempt!
Why do pirates love reddit?
Aye, tis the best place to trade stolen content for gold!
How do pirates express their creativity?
Arrrrrrrrrt.
Why did the pirate go on vacation?
He felt like he needed some argh and argh
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do pirates call a p**... on a pier?
LAAAAAAAAAND HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Why did the pirate turn the boat around?
Because his kids kept asking "Arrrrr we there yet?"
How do pirates save lives?
CP Arrrrrr
