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Pipe Jokes

141 pipe jokes and hilarious pipe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pipe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the best pipe jokes! From hose pipe to exhaust pipe, burst pipe to water pipe, from the plumber to the flint, these joke about pipes will have you laughing out loud! Check out these plumbing puns and smoke-filled stories about drain pipes, gas pipes and more for a good giggle.

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Funniest Pipe Short Jokes

Short pipe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pipe humour may include short tube jokes also.

  1. Why did Gollum leave the room every time Sam and Frodo lit their pipes? He couldn't stand being around such filthy habitses.
  2. My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.
  3. What happened to the Irishman who tried to blow up a school bus? He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
  4. I like my women like I like my drain pipes. Covered in a thin layer of PVC and attached to a wall.
  5. What happened to the man who tried to blow up a bus? What happened to the man who tried to blow up a bus? He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.
  6. What's the difference between a pipe fitter and a chemical engineer? They way they pronounce unionized.
  7. Woke up. There was a group of indians protesting outside my house Must be all the pipe I am laying.
  8. In a philosophy class... Professor: Sometimes an idiot's question is too hard for even 10 geniuses to answer.
    One student pipes up: No wonder I fail my tests.
  9. Do you know that old fable about how your tongue will stick to an iron pipe if it's too cold? It's twuu.
  10. Before ordering takeout, the Indian guy made himself some piping hot tea, but spilled it on himself. He got chai knees.

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Pipe One Liners

Which pipe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pipe? I can suggest the ones about pong and pile.

  1. Last night I had a dream where I was a tail pipe on a car I woke up exhausted.
  2. What's a pothead's favorite musical instrument? bag pipes
  3. The pipes that my plumber installed are leaking... Clearly, he didn't give a flux.
  4. I went out in a thunderstorm carrying a metal pipe What happened next shocked me
  5. Why do skateboarders make lousy plumbers? Because they only use half pipes.
  6. Why did the Hipster order piping hot soup? He wanted to eat it before it was cool.
  7. i always wanted to be a plumber but then i realized that was just a pipe dream
  8. Why don't the plumbers ever get wealthy? Because all they have are pipe dreams.
  9. Why did the Piranha Plant start coughing? Because Mario went down the wrong pipe!
  10. I've always wanted to be a plumber... but my friends all say it's just a pipe dream.
  11. Why did princess peach choke? Mario came down the wrong pipe
  12. I can stop any pipe from leaking Just by giving it a tap
  13. What did the boss say to the plumber after he broke the pipe? water you doing?
  14. Did you hear about the mechanic who dreamed of being a plumber? It was all a pipe dream.
  15. You see my neighbour worships exhaust pipes He's a Catholic converter

Plumber Pipe Jokes

Here is a list of funny plumber pipe jokes and even better plumber pipe puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When I lived on the street, I always wanted to become a plumber, get a home, and run a business... But that was just a pipe dream.
  • I always wanted to be a plumber when I grew up but in the end it was just a pipe dream.
  • A plumber had to attend to the house of a gender fluid person. Apparently "handling her pipes" wasn't the best course of action.
  • What did one plumber say to the other plumber? Pipe down.
  • Ever hear about the busy plumber's wife? Turns out she had to clean her own pipes.
  • I always knew I wanted to be a plumber but alas, twas but a pipe dream
  • When plumbers sleep do they have pipe dreams?
  • The plumber told me a hole boring story about pipes.
  • Plumbers are a lot like h**...... They'll unclog your pipes, but it's gonna cost ya.

Exhaust Pipe Jokes

Here is a list of funny exhaust pipe jokes and even better exhaust pipe puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the blonde give up on trying to blow up a car? She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe
  • Did you hear about the Irish man who tried to blow up a bus? He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.
  • How does a tail pipe feel after a long car ride? exhausted.
  • How do you spot a jewish bus? The exhaust pipe is bound inwards
  • Did you hear about the t**... who was sent to blow up a car? Well, he burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
  • Did you hear about the Trump t**... who tried to blow up a car? He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe.
  • A mate of mine once had s**... with the exhaust pipe on the back of his lorry. He found out a week later he was HGV positive.
  • Hear about the blonde t**... who tried to blow up a bus Burned her lips on the exhaust pipe
  • A Polish t**... was sent to blow up a car. He failed. He burnt his mouth on the exhaust pipe.
  • The news reports of a Polish t**... who tried to blow up a bus... Poor guy...burned his lips on the exhaust pipe...
Pipe joke, The news reports of a Polish t**... who tried to blow up a bus...

Pipe Dream Jokes

Here is a list of funny pipe dream jokes and even better pipe dream puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A rehabilitated crack addict says to his doctor: "I'm going to stay clean this time" The doctor replied: "I'm afraid that's just a pipe dream"
  • I plan to run power out to my barn. I'd like to have plumbing as well but that may just be a pipe dream.
  • I once met a recovering crack addict He couldn't stay clean for more than a day. His quest for sobriety was a pipe dream.
  • The EPA says they'll have Flint's water crisis fixed by 2019 but it's just a pipe dream.
  • I don't think its feasible to have 100% renewable energy It's just a Pipe dream.
  • What do you call Mario's desire to travel quickly? A pipe dream.
  • Did you hear about Elon Musk's idea to dig tunnels under L.A.? I thought it was a pipe dream
  • As I slept I dreamt my failing plumbing company took off, but it was just another pipe dream :(
  • Have you heard about the hyperloop? Its just a pipe-dream...
  • I just woke up from a dream I just woke up from a dream
    About buying this amazing b**... I can't afford in real life
    I guess you could say it's a pipe dream

Crack Pipe Jokes

Here is a list of funny crack pipe jokes and even better crack pipe puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Whitney Houston's last hit was ... off a crack pipe.
  • Whats 7 inches long and didn't get blown on Valentine's Day? Whitney Houston's crack pipe
  • What's 7 inches long and hasn't been s**... in over 2 years? Whitney Houston's crack pipe.
  • My dad dropped his m**... pipe. Now he has a crack pipe.
  • What's 3 inches long and hasn't been s**... in nearly 3 years? Amy Winehouse's crack pipe.
  • What's six inches long and isn't getting s**... this Friday night? Whitney Houston's crack pipe.
  • Was reading about the inventor of MadLibs this morning... Apparently when he died, he was was seventy-s**... years crack pipe.
  • What is 6" long and not getting s**... this Valentine's day? Whitney Houston's crack pipe

Hose Pipe Jokes

Here is a list of funny hose pipe jokes and even better hose pipe puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When buying a race car bed... Always upgrade the tail pipe to a Fleshlight so when you hookup your hose, you only die a little.
Pipe joke, When buying a race car bed...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about pipe can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of pipe puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Silly Pipe Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about pipe you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean pane jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make pipe prank.

A cylinder is going up the stairs.

It's stopped by an angry man.
"You're stairing at me?"
"Can you not?"
"Step aside!"
"Pipe it down!"
"Let me up!"

Have you heard about the pipe that makes small talk as you smoke it?

It's quite the conversation piece.

Stalin and Roosevelt were arguing over whose bodyguards were more loyal...

...and ordered them to jump out of the window on the fifteenth floor. Roosevelt's bodyguard flatly refused to jump, saying "I'm thinking about the future of my family." Stalin's bodyguard, however, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. Roosevelt was taken aback.
"Tell me, why did your man do that?" he asked.
Stalin lit his pipe and replied:
"He was thinking about the future of his family, too."

In Vermont an old man is sitting in his rocking chair on his porch, quietly smoking a pipe.

A tourist who is staying at a nearby B&B passes by every day for a week, and whenever he passes, the man is just sitting there in his rocking chair quietly smoking his pipe.
One day the tourist cannot refrain from asking the old man: "Say, have you been sitting here all your life, doing nothing but smoking your pipe?"
Says the old man: "Not yet!"

I got fired from my job as a jihadist.

I got fired from my job as a jihadist. They told me to blow up a bus, and I burnt my lips on the exaust pipe.

What does Scrooge McDuck smoke?

A quack pipe.

Why did the french guy not help his friend fix a pipe?

He said he would assister.

A new version of clue is coming out this year

It's called Flint River Clue. The only weapon is a lead pipe.

Four students are having a problem with their car...

Four students are having a problem with their car and are forced to stop on the side of the road.
"The ignition is damaged" says the electrical engineer.
"The fuel pipe is clogged" says the chemist.
"Engines is damaged" says the engineer.
"Lets just get out of the car and get in again" says the computer scientist.

At a choral concert...

...you may see a choir director with a pitch pipe or a tuning fork, but you'll rarely see one with a pitch fork.

All I do all day is roll massive joints and deal with huge quantities of dope.

Being a pipe inspector s**....

p**... are like internet connections

Having a big pipe is great, but it doesn't do you much good if you don't have any uptime.

What do you call a sad m**... pipe?

Miserabowl!

Why do they make different kind of piping for electrical wiring?

Because regular Pipe Conduit

Guy walks into a bar, sits, and orders a beer from the bartender

As he is sipping his beverage, he looks down and sees a gorilla sitting at the other end.
He asks the bartender, *"What's with the gorilla?"*
The bartender says, *"Oh, that's Mable. She does a trick. Want to see it?"*
*"Sure"*
So the bartender whistles and Mable comes lumbering down the length of the bar.
The bartender pulls out a heavy steel pipe and hits the gorilla in the side of its head. The gorilla drops to its knees and starts giving the bartender a b**....
*"Wow!"*, says the guy.
The bartender says, *"Pretty amazing, huh? You want to try?"*
The guys says, *"Yeah, sure! Just don't hit me so hard."*

A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,

"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer c**... there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

What's the difference between a length of pipe and a pale Dutchman?

One's a hollow cylinder, and the other's a sallow Hollander.

I am having a leak at the u**..., and the guy next to me says: My god! It's like a stove pipe!

— Yeah! I answer, it's big, eh?
— No! It's dirty!

A man was walking down the street with a long pipe on his shoulder when somebody came up to him and said 'Excuse me, are you a Pole Vaulter?'

He replied, 'No I'm German, but how did you know my name?'.

Dad there is something my boyfriend told me, that I didn't understand. He said that "I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

"Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his d**..., I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe."

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

HANDICAPPED PARKING AT HOME DEPOT

Why do we need 24 handicapped parking spaces at Home Depot? Could we just talk about this? If a guy can spackle his bathroom, lay pipe and put up gutters, don't you think you can walk the extra 30 feet to the parking lot?

Two English men and an Irish man are in a bar.

The first English man says "I think my wife is cheating on me with an electrician, I found a pair of pliers under our bed."
The second English man says "My wife is cheating on me with a plumber, I found a pipe under our bed."
The Irish man looks at both English men and says "Well my wife is cheating on me with a horse. Last night I found a jokey under our bed."

America is in a steep decline. Recent polls show 84% of Americans have used w**...

I usually dump out the pipe after i use it.

I bought a book about how to deal with a blocked pipe

The instructions were clear

Stalin loses his pipe...

...he tells the KGB chairman to find Stalin's pipe.
Three days later, Stalin finds his pipe under a sofa. He calls the chairman to tell him that he can call off the search.
Upon telling him the news, the chairman said: "But that's impossible! Three people have already confessed to stealing the pipe!"

A New Car

A rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together. The day after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The minister explained that he had just gone to the car wash because in his religion it is customary to welcome a new member with the rite of baptism. The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi cutting the end off the exhaust pipe

What do you call a family that gives a pipe o**... to the church?

o**... donors.

What is piper perri's favorite place to eat?

Five guys

What's the difference between a life pro-tip and a pro-life tip?

One tells you to keep the kid, the other is instructions for building a pipe bomb.

In an Italian restaurant, if you saved any amount of pipe shaped pasta, you could take it home.

Each penne saved was a penne earned.

Talk Like A Pirate Day

"Okay, we know we said we'd come back stronger than ever this year, and we admit that 4th place in the division is not where we wanted to be. But it IS a better-than-.500 record, so there's that, and we have some good prospects in the pipe for 2019."

I pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender says...

**Bartender:** Uh (pointing down), you know you have a ship's wheel hanging from your t**...?
**Pirate:** Aye! (nodding his head while removing his pipe), and it's driving me nuts.

The Doctor & The Plumber

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

I think it's pretty clear the pipe bombs were made by Democrats.

They didn't work.

I like my women like a like my w**...

Well trimmed and ready for the pipe

What happened to the Pollack that tried to blow up a car?

He burnt his lips on the tail pipe

Satchmo: "My trumpet is very handy. It tells me what time it is." Sanborn: "Seriously?" Satchmo launches into a jazzy riff.

Immediately, the occupant of the apartment next door bangs on the wall and hollers, "Hey, pipe down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"

Three men are chatting when the first says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber.

"I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe."
"I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician," says the second. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A box of fuses."
"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the third man.
The others stare, shocked and bewildered.
"How can you tell?" they ask.
"Because," replies the third man, "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A jockey."

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a civil engineer are discussing the nature of God

"God is an electrical engineer" says the EE. "Look at the nervous system! It's all electrical impulses."
"Nonsense," says the ME. "God's a mechanical engineer. Look at the muscles and bones. That's mechnical engineering."
The civil engineer demurs.
"God is a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipe through the middle of a recreational area?"

Can you beat my top 3 Polish jokes?

>What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A new last name
>Did you hear about the Polish carpool?
They meet at work in the morning
>Did you heal about the Polish t**... that tried to blow up the bus?
He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe

Stalin loses his favorite pipe

Couple of days later, Beria calls Stalin.
"Have you found your pipe?" asks Beria.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I found it this morning under the sofa," says Stalin.
"This is impossible," says Beria, "three people have already confessed."

The stormy seafarer

One stormy evening, a seafarer was thrown overboard whilst passing through the strait of Dover. As luck would have it, the ocean currents pulled him unconscious to the English coastline, where he was found and revived by a man adorned in a cape, deerstalker hat and smoking a pipe.
When coming to and looking up, bleary eyed at the great, chalky White cliffs before him. The man exclaimed "What on earth is that wonderful rock formation", and his saviour replied "why, it's sedimentary my dear flotsam".

Why are pipefitters successful?

They know how to get their s**... together.

A man and a woman are talking in the office.

The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."

Pipe joke, A man and a woman are talking in the office.

jokes about pipe

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these pipe jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.