Pinocchio Jokes

Following is our collection of disney humor and shalt one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Pinocchio puns for adults, dirty fairytale jokes or clean idol gags for kids.

There is an abundance of liar jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 50 funniest jokes on pinocchio. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any wood witze you can hear about pinocchio.

The Best jokes about Pinocchio

Voldemort:so I just have to lie?

Pinocchio: yep.

Pinocchio and his girlfriend were having problems.

Every time they would have sex, she would complain about splinters. Eventually, Pinocchio went to Gepetto for help.

Gepetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to sand off the splinters before he had sex with his girlfriend.

A week later, Gepetto asked Pinocchio, "So how's it going with your girlfriend?"

"Who needs a girlfriend?," said Pinnochio.

When did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

When his hand caught fire.

Pinocchio has been getting complaints from his girlfriend....

Pinnochio had been getting complaints from his girlfriend. "Every time we make love," she said, "I get splinters. "
So
Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the carpenter, for advice.
"Sandpaper," said the carpenter. "That's what you need. " So
Pinocchio took some sheets of sandpaper and went home. A few weeks later the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. "How are you getting on with the girls now? " he asked. "Who needs girls? " said
Pinocchio."

Do you know what Pinocchio and your dad have in common?

They were both inside a whale.


Jesus Christ goes up to heaven...

He walks up an old man and says "Excuse me but I'm looking for my father.

The old man says "That's funny! I'm looking for my son!"

Jesus says "Well, actually, my father isn't really my father".

The old man says "That's funny! My son isn't really my son!"

Jesus says "My father was a carpenter".

The old man says "That's funny! I'M a carpenter!!!"

Jesus throws his arms around the old man and say "Daaaaaad!"

The old many throws his arms around Jesus and says "Pinocchio!!!!"

Pinocchio is walking down the street...

...and he runs into a wizard, who says, "Hey, Pinocchio, give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy."

"What's the catch?" Pinocchio asks suspiciously.

"No catch," the wizard replies, "Just give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy, no strings attached."

Pinnochio has a big frown on his face...

Pinocchio has a big frown on his face and Gepetto asks him what's wrong. Pinocchio tell him that his girlfriend has stopped having sex with him on account of the splinters she keeps getting. Gepetto thinks about this for a little while and comes up with an idea. He hands Pinocchio a sheet of sandpaper and tells him that he can use it to get rid of splinters.

The next day, Pinocchio walks in with a huge smile on his face.

Gepetto notices and asks "Did your girlfriend like the new, smoother you?"

Pinocchio responds "Who needs a girlfriend?"

It would be so nice if Pinocchio was a girl with boobs.

Wooden tit?

Why didn't Pinocchio make it thru puberty?

He caught on fire.

Why couldn't Pinocchio get a date on craigslist

because everyone wanted "no strings attatched"


Pinocchio goes to the doctor...

and says "Doctor, I have recently started dating a girl. Now, it has been fun so far but she has started to complain about splinters. What can I do."

The doctor considers a moment and says "You should simply get a few different grades of sand paper and every morning apply a few strokes. This should clear up the splinters in no time."

Pinocchio thanks the doctor and heads off. A few months later Pinocchio returns for a regular checkup. During it the doctor asks "So, how have things been with your girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied "Who needs a girlfriend?"

Did you hear about the woman banned from Disney World?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming, "Lie to me, Pinocchio! Lie to me!"

What do Justin Bieber and Pinocchio have in common?

Both want to be real boys

Why is Pinocchio the most requested at the Disney brothel?

Because he lets girls sit on his face while he tells them lies.

Pinocchio boarded a bus in Rome.

The bus was full of priests, except for one seat. Pinocchio took the seat and said" Thank god I'm not a real boy!!"

Pinocchio was going down on his GF, she started yelling lie to me, lie to me.

Pinocchio:" i love you"!

Two different testicles

Doctor: You got two different testicles. One is made of wood and the other one is metal.

Man: * **surprised** *

Doctor: Do you have children?

Man: Yes, two - Pinocchio is 3 and Terminator will be 7 soon.

What do you call an old man with a Pinocchio fetish?

A Geppettophile


How do you know "Pinocchio" was written a long time ago?

He kept making such a big deal out of being wireless.

Did you know Pinocchio has a brother?

His name is Pistachio, every time he lies his nuts grow.

Pinocchio got a new job at a tire store

He keeps telling all the customers "I'm a wheel boy."

How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood?

He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire.

What do Universal Studios and Pinocchio have in common?

They both own a woodpecker

Pinocchio.

What would happen to Pinocchio if he said "my nose is going to grow" he would be telling a lie so his nose would then grow,but because it is growing it would make Pinocchio's statement true which would mean that his nose won't grow or might stop growing, but then again because it will stop growing it would make his statement a lye. So does this mean his nose will grow and then shrink/stop growing for the rest of his life and he would be able to sexually pleasure lots of women(/men) with out even thinking about it? And would his nose go in and out like a needle on a sewing machine or would it vibrate back and forth like crazy?

Do you know the story of how the death of Pinocchio came to be?

He was masturbating and unintentionally set himself ablaze.

PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend...

....who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.

A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

Why isn't Pinocchio in a serious relationship?

Because he wants no strings attached.

Pinocchio lied while going down on her.

She was taken aback.

What did Pinocchio say to his girlfriend

Sit on my face and I'll tell you some lies.

Pinocchio is being interrogated by police

Police Officer: Were you going 60 miles on a 40 mile road?

Pinocchio: Noooooooo

Police Officer: But didn't an officer flag you down?

Pinocchio: Noooooooooooooo

Police Officer: Your car is the red Toyota right?

Pinocchio: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo

Police Officer: Why the long no's?

How did Pinocchio die?

He was masturbating and unintentionally set himself ablaze.

A blonde called tech support and was asked for her password

She replies, "Snoopy Snow White Cinderella Dopey Pinocchio Harry Potter Ariel 8." The tech support guy ask, "Why such a long password?" "I was told it needs to have 7 characters and one number." She replies.

Pinocchio is having issues in bed.

He goes to his doctor, and says his girlfriend is complaining about splinters. The doctor tells him to apply some sandpaper to his junk and see if that helps.

A week later the doc sees Pinocchio skipping down the street and asks how his girlfriend is doing.

"Who needs a girlfriend?"

Pinocchio could easily pass a polygraph.

Too bad his lies are too on the nose.

Hear about the girl who sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Are you gonna lie to me!?"

Pinocchio said, "Yes... no... yes... no... yes... no...!"

Why was Pinocchio a womanizer?

He only got into relationships with no strings attached.

When did Pinocchio realized that he is made from wood?

When his right arm caught on fire...

Only cricket fans will appreciate

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.
As they walk, they come across a sign:
"Beauty contest to find the most beautiful woman in the world.."
"I am entering" said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"
" First Place ," said Snow White


They continue walking and they see a sign:
"Contest to find the strongest man in the world.."
"I'm entering," says Superman.
After half an hour he returns and they ask him,
"How did you make out?""
First Place ," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt it?"


They continue walking when they see a sign:
"Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"
Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes...

"What happened?" they asked.

"Who the f--k is Chris Cairns?" asked Pinocchio.

Why would Pinocchio make a bad criminal?

He wasn't cut out for this.

Geppetto's advice to Pinocchio.

One day Geppetto had a visit from his son and Pinocchio had a troubled look on his face.

"What is wrong my son?" asked Geppetto.

"Well... I found a girlfriend but when we make love she complains about the roughness and the splinters. She says she doesn't want to have sex with me as much anymore." responded Pinocchio.

After thinking for a bit the old man decided that the simple solution is the best and says, "Here, use this sandpaper." while handing him a few sheets.

Pinocchio takes the sandpaper and advice and leaves.

A few days later Geppetto sees Pinocchio in the market buying stacks of sandpaper which triggers Geppetto to approach his son and ask, "So I take it your girl problems solved?"

Pinocchio turns to his father and says, "Girls?!?!? Who needs girls?!?!"

what does pinocchio have for breakfast?

oakmeal

If competitive lumberjacking is a sport...

...then Pinocchio would be a hall-of-famer.

What happened to Pinocchio when he masturbated?

He caught on fire!

What does Pinocchio say when he accidentally tells a lie?

"Oh nose!"

Why did Pinocchio run away from home?

His dad was a Gepettophile.

What's the difference between CNN and Pinocchio?

When Pinocchio lies, his nose gets an erection

When CNN lies, Donald Trump gets an erection

What does Pinocchio look for in a woman?

He's an Ash-man.

My stripper name is Pinocchio

"Let me lie to you some more!"

Pinocchio signed up for Tinder

He wants a relationship with no strings attached.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes