Pink Eye Jokes

18 pink eye jokes and hilarious pink eye puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pink eye that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Pink Eye Short Jokes

Short pink eye jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pink eye humour may include short eye related jokes also.

  1. What should you do when you meet a beautiful woman with sparkling eyes, wet lips, pink cheeks, shivering body.... Keep going! She has flu symptoms!
  2. Did anyone see Bob Costas' double pink eye while watching the Olympics? I heard he got it from Putin.
  3. When does brown and white make pink? When the brown eye mixes with the white eye, you get pink eye!

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Pink Eye One Liners

Which pink eye one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pink eye? I can suggest the ones about eye popping and eye sore.

  1. What do you get when you cross a blue eye and a brown eye? Pink eye
  2. How Do You Get Pink Eye? Scrub Your Brown Eye
  3. What color eyes do you get when you mix brown eyes with green eyes? Pink eyes

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Pink Eye Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about pink eye you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean private eye jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pink eye pranks.

The man came home early from work to find his wife lying n**... on the bed, crying her eyes out.

What's wrong? he asked.
I've got nothing to wear to the dance tomorrow night, she
Oh come on now! You've plenty of clothes, and with that
he went over to the wardrobe. See here, there's the nice
pink dress, the pale blue skirt, the yellow cocktail dress, hi
there Tom, the green silk gown…

A p**... drunk man stumbles onto the bus on his way home...

When he finally hobbles his way to the last empty seat, he turns to see a posh stiff lady seated with her frilly pink French poodle.
He turns his head shakily and slurs, "Where'dh ye get tha' pig?"
The lady huffs and retorts, "Ugh! Why, I'll have you know Mr. Squiggles is **not** a pig! He is a purebred French poodle!"
The man squints his eyes and is silent for a second. Then turns back to the lady and slurs once more:
"I wath thuh Frensh poothle."

Three supermodels are on a plane that's going down over the Atlantic Ocean

While they're putting on their life preservers, they start talking about what they're going to wear.
The white woman says I'm going to wear my hot pink bikini, because when they rescue us they'll easily be able to see it and hot pink really accentuates my features.
The Hispanic woman says I'm going to wear my bright yellow bikini because it really brings out my eyes and it's much more visible than hot pink is so I'll be rescued first.
The black woman says I'm going to go n**...
Perplexed, the other two ask why.
She answers because in a plane c**... the first thing they look for is the little black box!

Suit sales.

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.
Guess what, sir? the clerk said. I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!
Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?! the manager asked.
That's the one!
That's great! the manager cried, I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?
Oh, the clerk replied, after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me.

A portrait painter is on his death bed when he asks his son to come close..

He says "Son, I'm dying. So listen closely." He sneezes on the boy's face. "I have a skin rash, dry cough, pink eye, diarrhea, headache, koplik's spots, sensitivity to light, sore t**..., and/or swollen lymph nodes." Then he coughs on the boy's mouth. "So I want you to make sure that your brother gets m'brushes." As he says this he spits in the boy's eye. "Make sure your sister gets m'paintings." He convulses, spilling his bed pan over the boy's chest, before speaking his last words, "I want you to get m'easels."

A farmer was selling his peaches door to door.

He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"
He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from his eye.
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"
The farmer said, "Yes," and another tear came from the other eye.
Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"
He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying.
She asked , "Why on earth are you crying?"
Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get s**... out of my peaches."


The following are all signs that you are a drunk. They include, but are not limited to...
- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
- Your job interferes with your drinking.
- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
- You sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive fifth food group.
- Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not!
- You consider that having two hands and only one mouth is a drinking problem.
- You can normally focus better with one eye closed.
- The parking lot seems to have moved since you entered the bar.
- You fall off the floor sometimes.
- Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
- Mosquitoes stumble about after attacking you.
- At weekly AA meetings, you forget your own name.
- Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
- The whole bar greets you when you come in.
- You don't recognise your wife unless you see her through the bottom of your glass.
- That d**... pink elephant followed you home again!

The Pink Gorilla

An married couple are out driving home through the country one night when their car breaks down. There was a farm house nearby, so they decided to see if they could find some help. While the husband was talking to the farmer, the wife asked if she could use the man's restroom. The farmer said "Sure thing. Up the stairs, third door on the right. But whatever you do, do NOT touch the big pink gorilla through the door at the end of the hall."
The woman agreed that she wouldn't touch the gorilla and headed up the stairs. After she had finished her business, she started towards the stairs, but her curiosity got the best of her. She quietly went through the door at the end of the hall and found herself face to face with an enormous pink gorilla in a cage, fast asleep. She figured it couldn't hurt to poke him just once, so she slowly reached into the cage and touched his shoulder. Immediately, the gorilla's eyes snapped open, he ripped the door off of his cage, and began to chase the woman. She ran down the stairs, past her husband and the farmer, and out the front door. As she ran through the field outside, she stumbled and fell, and the gorilla closed in. He loomed over her and she watched, horrified, as he reached an enormous hand towards her and said
"Tag, you're it!"

Jenna, Jessica and ariana die.
They all go to heaven and GOD says, "You can do whatever you want, just don't step on a pink cloud".
The first day, Jenna goes out and comes back with a ugly guy.
Jessica and Ariana ask, "what happen?".
Jenna says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
The next day, Jessica goes out, she comes back with a ugly guy.
Jenna and Ariana ask, "what happen?".
Jessica says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
The following day Araina goes out and comes back with a HOTT guy, blue eyes, thin and tall.
Jenna and jessica ask, "What happen?"
The guy says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".