Pinch Jokes
48 pinch jokes and hilarious pinch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pinch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pinch Short Jokes
Short pinch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pinch humour may include short punch jokes also.
- My wife said "Please don't post that crab joke again, it's not that funny." I said, "It might not be the best joke on there......but it'll do in a pinch."
- How do you make a winter solstice stew? Carefully add just the right amount of darkness, cold, and a pinch of holiday cheer.
- The only thing I can take seriously in the newspapers nowadays is fish and chips... ... and even that I take with a pinch of salt.
- My wife pinches me for not wearing green. Babe, that's assault! Wife: Yeah, but it's just a pinch assault
- Gordon Ramsay screamed at me that I didn't know the first thing about seasoning But I took it with a pinch of sugar
- What's a musician's favorite weapon? C4.
But a knife will do in a pinch, so long as its #. - According to Wikipedia, the open-source online encyclopedia, India is the world's largest producer of spices. But then again, you should always take stats from the internet with a pinch of salt.
- Was holding a crab when it started pinching me My mom told me to let it go. I replied no, this is the least abusive relationship I've ever been in.
- I ran out of toilet paper at Hartsfield/ATL. Then I remembered my mom had told me I could use pages from a book in a pinch. I gotta say...it's really hard to wipe with an e-book.
- MY friends are like second-day socks... They come through in a pinch, but they really stink sometimes.
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Pinch One Liners
Which pinch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pinch? I can suggest the ones about snip and knife.
- My father used to say "Take everything with a pinch of salt" Nice man. Made terrible tea.
- My doctor told me to cut down on sodium. I took his advice with a pinch of salt.
- What did the grape say when it was pinched nothing, it gave a little wine
- Did you hear about the man who stole some bread Yeah he Pinched a Loaf!
- Why did the crab go to jail? For pinching.
- What Did The Jumbo Shrimp Say To The Jumbo Crab? "Looks like you've got me in a pinch."
- I heard a rumour that tequila can be drunk neat. But I took it with a pinch of salt.
- How does an angry Mexican season his food? ...With a pinche salt
- What does the sofa say when his mom pinches him Couch! It hurts!
- Apparently, the house was haunted. I took that information with a pinch of salt.
- Man caught pinching loaf at local supermarket.
- how do you make a fruit farmer scream? pinch his plums
- Here's a pinch to grow an inch When boys get circumcised
- Waiter said they serve the best steak here... But I'd take that with a pinch of salt.
- People tell me I use too many clichés. But I take it with a pinch of salt.
Pinch Salt Jokes
Here is a list of funny pinch salt jokes and even better pinch salt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the skeptic man have high blood pressure? Because he kept taking advice with a pinch of salt!
- I'm a novice cook, so whenever I make something that I say turned out great... Take it with a pinch of salt.
- How did the cynic die? He died of liver failure.
He took everything with a pinch of salt. - Why do Mexicans hate cooking pasta? When they boil the water, they always have to add that *pinche* salt.
Happy Pinch Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about pinch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pins jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pinch pranks.
The secret to a long life
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
A father tells his 10 year old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life".
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186 leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great grandchildren and a 7 foot crater where the crematory used to be.
UPDATE: This blew up. (Pun not intended)
An old cowboy told his grandson...
An old cowboy told his grandson "The secret to a long, healthy life is to put a pinch of gunpowder in your oatmeal every morning." The grandson took this advice to heart, and everyday for the rest of his life put a pinch of gunpowder in his oatmeal every morning. When he died at the age of 132 he left behind 5 children, 12 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, 78 great great grandchildren, and a 50 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
The secret to a long life
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot deep hole where the crematorium used to be.
Bang !
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.
She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103, leaving behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
The secret to a long life…
The secret to a long life...
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
Ol' Jed
Ol' Jed was sitting on his porch when his youngest grandson walked up to him.
"Granpa, how did you get to live so to be so old?"
"What, I'm only 85!" he exclaimed before snorting. "Well, let me tell you something. Every morning I sprinkle just a little gunpowder into my oatmeal. It's good for the heart!"
"Gunpowder!? No way! Are you joshin' with me?"
"Nope! Mark my words. Just a little pinch every morning. You'll see."
Sure enough, Ol' Jed lived another 14 years before leaving behind 7 kids, 10 grand kids, 18 great-grand kids, and a 9 foot hole in the Crematorium wall...
I went on a date with a lovely woman and everything was going smoothly.
She said, "This is the best date I've ever had."
"Me too," I replied.
She said, "Pinch my arm to make sure that it's real."
I pinched it and said, "Yes, that is definitely an arm."
My English teacher had a sore back today.
When someone asked him why, he said, "Well, i was trimming hedges, and I finished the first one, and i felt a little pinch in my back, but i just ignored it. But after the second one, my back just gave out on me."
To which i replied: "So, like the american economy- Fine after the first bush, collapsed after the second."
In a pinch, you can cut the fingers off of rubber gloves and use each of them as a contraceptive.
Just a handy tip.
As the crowded elevator descended,
Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Simpson, and said,
"That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Simpson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
How does an old man prepare for Florence when he's in a pinch?
He grabs his hurry cane and leaves.
You should always keep a girl who likes n**... play on speed dial.
They're good in a pinch.
How do you know a girl is into you?
Just pinch yourself, if you don't wake up, she doesn't.
How do you tell if your wife is faking it?
Just pinch her n**... during c**.... Whatever sound she makes is real!
